Tag Archives: hate

Valentine’s Series #13(?!): Restaurants are Decidedly Not Romantic (that day)

13 Feb

Before we get to the meat (pun!) of my Valentine’s topic–will somebody please help me?  I used to edit and edit (I know!  Can you believe it?  I know you couldn’t tell) each post as a draft.  And now I’m not sure how I can start writing, leave, come back–however many times, then publish it later.  Help!

My topic this year is a favorite Valentine’s activity–dining out–and how it’s actually horrible because of this contrived day.

Restaurants are fun.  You can try new and exciting food, eat something you don’t know how to make, avoid grocery shopping, spend time chatting with your loved one rather than minding the stove.  AND the cleaning is up to someone else.  All good things.  Yet, dining out on Valentine’s Day isn’t.  good.

Why?

Everyone else had the same idea.  And that sucks.  According to ideas-time.com, “53 percent of couples planning to celebrate the holiday with dinner this year will be doing so in a restaurant” (1).  It requires planning and a competitive spirit to capture seats at a restaurant on V-Day.  Sometimes the thinking ahead has to be months and months ahead.  Often, you have to settle for something, whether it be the time you get to eat, or worse, the place itself.  “Valentine’s Day is the busiest day of the year for reservation-taking restaurants,” reports OpenTable.com (1).

As such, there can be no spontaneity because restaurants are booked.  And what is more romantic than being spontaneous?  Sometimes the stars just align and you end up somewhere, and it captures the perfect moment or creates the best memory.  Valentine’s on the contrary has to be PLANNED.  There is no room for error here.  As a matter of fact, you better get that reservation on the books early, because “25% of people eat out (making it the 2nd most popular day at restaurants after Mother’s Day)” (4)!

If you get into the dinner at all, the parking will suck.  It may or not be at a time that you and your date like.  The time may or may not work nicely with any other events or activities planned that evening.  Maybe you don’t get to see a movie, star-gaze, or have a moment at the park.  The point is–the restaurant is the WHOLE thing.  And already it’s kind of a bummer. . .

And there WILL be waiting.  “An increased number of tables means more orders for waiters to manage, which spells trouble even for veteran teams,” popsugar/food.com asserts (5).  If you’re lucky enough to be seated right away, you’ll still end up waiting for the drinks, the food, or the check (at least one of those things-if not all three).  A reasonable explanation for the waiting problem:

Instead of the typical two special orders he [your chef] might get an entire night, he’ll get no less than 50 on Valentine’s Day, whether it’s requests for sauce on the side or a steak well-done instead of medium rare. “We always try to make guests happy, but it does affect the flow,” says Symon. Considering that the kitchen crew is seeing 50 tickets for two people at one time instead of the usual 25 for four, it’s no wonder the kitchen’s a veritable pressure cooker (1).

The quiet, romantic little place will be crowded and loud.  And was that anybody’s idea of romance?  I mean, there will be no whispering of sweet nothings and no privacy.  You and your date will be just another one of the many, many love-birds taking over the place.  NOT special.  Your favorite restaurant will also be different than usual.  But WHY?!, you ask, and popsugar/food.com explains:

You won’t get a true taste for what the restaurant has to offer. With a high demand for reservations, many restaurants choose to serve a prix-fixe menu in lieu of the establishment’s greatest hits. Not because it makes for a better meal, but because a prix-fixe menu reduces cost and complication. The problem: it can be unfamiliar to both the cooks and wait staff, inviting more opportunity for mistakes (5).

I read a survey of restaurant owners and how they feel about Valentine’s Day:  “Many restaurateurs including Carter say overcrowded dining rooms combined with overpriced prix fixe menus can lead to a high-pressure experience for both restaurants and diners” (3).  Your favorite entrée may not be included on the prix-fix menu–or worse, not cooked as well as usual.  And that’s the WORST.  So the reason you came to this location in the first place is ruined!  With Valentine’s Day hype and numbers, comes your restaurant staff in survival mode.

The restaurant will be crowded with people who have made these reservations waaay ahead of time, on a romantic day of expectations.  They have dressed up, and even have to forego other plans because of weird reservation times or a late seating.  Therefore, those lovey couples want to savor the moment.  It’s a circular problem, the menu is prix fixe, service slow, and bill expensive because everyone is crammed in on one day, and the people are over-staying and being high-maintenance.  Causing the prices to have to be increased for the restaurant to be profitable.  As grubstreet.com writes:

One part of the equation is that diners tend to linger longer than they might on typical nights, making it difficult to turn tables quickly. “You don’t want to rush people out,” Hough says. “You want people to enjoy their experiences.” He says that Il Buco handles about 200 diners on a typical Saturday, but on Valentine’s Day, the restaurant will only see 150. “But,” he adds, “you make that up with the prix fixe.” (7).

The menu will probably be pared down and both your wait-staff and the cooks will be run, run running to try to accommodate a larger than usual set of diners.  And the composition of this crowd?  Couples.  With high expectations and reservations.  Who might not have been to a restaurant in a long time, and may not be familiar with this particular restaurant.  For some, this might be the one time they eat out in the year.  AKA–they will struggle.  They don’t know how to order quickly, what the new dining trends are, or they may have tons of questions.  And that contributes to more snags:  “Too many rookies at any one restaurant can disrupt the flow and feel of a place” (3).

Eating out on Valentine’s Day will be expensive!  Maybe even more than usual.  Ideas-time.com says “the average bill on V-Day will be $142.11” (1)! It’s like this:  Either the restaurant is diabolical and knows you’re in a tricky spot and HAVE to have that romantic dinner out on this sexist day of spending so they hold you hostage (reason 2 coming up after this).  As LAmag.com’s article agrees,

“Restaurants are a challenging business. You have to fight for every butt in a seat, for every cover, for every dollar. But then you have a day when there’s a captive audience. They’re obligated to go out and to do something more extravagant than they would normally would. So—and this is the sort of sinister part—the idea was always, ‘Let’s give them something more extravagant and bind them by making it the only choice.’ I mean it makes business sense right?” (6). 

OR the restaurant is simply economical (with much the same expensive result).  You’re going to pay for any fancy, romantic menu items.  A restaurantier interviewed for grubstreet.com speaks of the dilemma facing owners on V-Day:

The problem is that it’s tough to force people into a menu full of special foods while also pricing it accordingly: “You can never mark up truffles what you’d need it to cost,” Bissell points out. “People would say, ‘I’m not gonna pay that much for a black rock from the ground, no matter how much I love it.” But he also points out you can’t put together a Valentine’s menu and not offer something like truffles, so he has to face up to the reduced profitability: “I absorb some of that.” (7). 

So the pricing isn’t entirely due to greed.  Here is another contributing factor to higher prices on Valentine’s–the tables themselves.  Think of a restaurant.  Most of the seating is booths.  Or the bar.  On such a couple’s-centric day–neither are getting utilized as they normally would.  Ideastime.com breaks it down:

The reservation list is packed with “two tops,” industry-speak for tables of two. As a result, the tables for four or more — usually the most lucrative on any other day — go empty. So, for many restaurants, the heat is on to pack in and turn over as many two tops as possible to make up for the loss. “Basically what’s going through the manager’s mind — besides taking care of the guests — is, ‘How am I going to maximize seating?  They need customers to eat quickly, spend a lot, or both. Trouble is, this is also the time of the year when customers are feeling poor (1).

You are going to pay for the overcrowding of small tables, and lack of filled booths.  You are going to be charged for the restaurant’s trouble.

My main point = if you eat out on Valentine’s Day you are probably going to leave disappointed.  FoodWolf.com sums it up nicely:

The diner that books a holiday reservation—regardless of whether or not they are aware of it—have an elevated expectations that are nearly impossible to obtain.  More than anything, the diner imagines, the dining experience on this night should elevate this special moment.  It’s not wrong for diners to expect a great experience. But a restaurant—even the best ones—can not be all things to all people (2).

So there it is, folks.  How Valentine’s Day manages to ruin even a seemingly joyous, wonderful experience-eating out.   My solution, forgo Valentine’s Day, and go to a restaurant any other day of the year to truly celebrate your love.  It’ll be TONS better of an experience!

 

 

 

1st link (1):

Why Restaurants and Valentine’s Day Don’t Mix

2nd article (2):

 

http://www.foodwoolf.com/2010/02/service-restaurant-recommendation-valentines-day.html

3rd link (3):

 

http://www.pennlive.com/food/index.ssf/2018/01/oreo_subscription_box_amazon.html

link 4 (4):

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-pruett/valentines-day-dining-by-the-numbers_b_9178768.html

link 5 (5):

https://www.popsugar.com/food/Why-You-Shouldnt-Eat-Out-Valentine-Day-39904265

link 6 (6):

 

http://www.lamag.com/digestblog/the-truth-behind-why-restaurants-suck-on-valentines-day/

link 7 (7):

http://www.grubstreet.com/2015/02/surprising-economics-of-valentines-day.html

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Trump Terror

11 Nov

I was actually happy when Trump got the Republican nomination.  I thought Jeb Bush, with his family-backing, and Texas oil money, and far-right support was more of a threat.  I highly doubted anyone would take Donald Trump seriously.  I mean, all he had going for him was money and trash-talk!  I felt voting for him was akin to voting for a Kardashian.  They’re in the same camp–you know their names from the stupid stuff they say and do on television, but you don’look to them for any serious leadership.

And I knew if nobody took Trump seriously (because HOW could they!!!) that whatever democrat was running would be a shoe-in.  I wasn’t sad to see it was Hillary.  I had actually voted for her over Obama in the primary that first time around when she ran.  I knew her face, thought she worked really hard as Secretary of State, and yeah–I wanted a woman in the White House.

But I thought women’s rights were farther ahead than they actually are.  I really think if Hillary were a man, things would have played out differently.  It would have been an EQUAL assessment of two candidates.  Not just a singular attack on one and blind-spot toward the other.  They would have dug into her dirty laundry–sure–that’s part of the political game these days.  And believe me, they ALL have their share of dirty laundry.  The political machine is so caught up in money now, that ALL candidates that make it to a certain lever most certainly made back room deals to get funded.  They all owe somebody.  Every politician has to water down a certain policy they care about, because a special interest group contributed to their campaign.

That makes them all lairs.  They all manipulate.  Every politician is shady.  I expect it.

But they would have used the bad stuff to equal disadvantage, apples-to-apples.  They didn’t.  When people called Hillary a liar, I was like–yeah.  Of course.  But what I didn’t expect was to people to hold that against Hillary in a militant way, when they didn’t hold the male politician to the same standard.  I would challenge that every accusation, every piece of dirty laundry found on Hillary was used against her in a more drastic way then it is used against any man that has run or held office.  People were a LOT harsher on Clinton then they’ve been on most males in politics.

The patriarchal double-standard reared it’s ugly head.

Even so, I didn’t think the country would go for Donald Trump.  How could they?  He is a caricature.  He’s all fluff and propaganda, and realty TV!  He has no political experience, no solid policy ideas, only hateful sound-bites.  His business dealings were murky.  The guy claimed bankruptcy and didn’t pay taxes.  He wavered on issues, and lost all three debates.  His supporters were the trashiest, most backward, belligerents in the country.  He got caught candidly admitting his penchant for sexual abuse.  Americans would not get behind any of that.  We might like to see the train wreck on TV, but we expect more decorum and have higher standards for our president.

The leader of our country–the leader of the world.

I was in absolute shock when we didn’t.

This week was difficult.  I felt suddenly scared and alone.  I knew every person from my small town voted republican.  I felt since Trump is against many of the minority groups I belong to (women-in social standing, impoverished, gays) that my Utah work managers were also.  My hometown was also.  My Facebook friends were also.  My parents were also.  I was suddenly marginalized.  Cowering at the fringes.

And my groups are actually dominant groups OF the marginalized groups.  The illegals, people of color, transsexuals, Muslims–all have it way worse.  If I felt scared and alone, how must THEY feel???

I saw many Trump supporters come across my Facebook feed.  And they shut-down dissent by telling anyone liberal or sorry about the win to “get over it.”  They discounted their opinions, silencing their views.  I try not to make waves on Facebook.  Or at work.  I know I am more progressive then my small-town peers.  I understand I have lived in more states, have more education, watch documentaries and learn about issues.  I’m a moderate, but a progressive one.  That sets me apart from most loud political views.  I get that people that just don’t know, don’t necessarily hate, but they are ignorant.  I can let some things go.  And I am usually quiet.  I scroll past the politics that are opposite to my views, the hate-memes, and ignorance.  Because these people are family.  Or they are my past.  I grew up and went through every year of schooling from kindergarten to senior year with some of these people–it’s just not worth it.

But when people started hassling Cool on her Facebook page, I stopped to think.  She was upset and posted why.  People wrote long diatribes, personally attacking her.  People told her to shut up about it.  People said to “move on.”  And in a society that just accepted what Trump stands for, and voted him in the highest office–I decided we could no longer afford apathy.

A lot of the reason he got voted in was because people didn’t like either candidate so they didn’t vote.  A whole, big section of youth, and moderates, and democrats just didn’t vote.  Which left privileged people to make our decisions.  People whose lives look nothing like mine.  People who don’t have the same problems and worries as me (or other marginalized groups).  It made me think a lot of that Holocaust quote, which I will not directly quote (because I’m too lazy to go search for it, and I already have more tabs open then I like) so I will sum the sentiment up:  They took the criminals, and I was not a criminal so I didn’t say anything.  They took the gypsies, and I was not a gypsy so I didn’t say anything.  They took the Jews and I was not a Jew so I didn’t say anything.  So when they came for me–there was nobody to speak for me.

We always have to remember how the Holocaust started so nothing even remotely similar can repeat itself.  It’s not just about some tyrant stealing power–it’s the apathy and silence from the real majority that allows that to happen.

And Cool and I spent a very large part of the year watching WWII (and everything around the periphery of that) shows, interviews, and documentaries.  I know what apathy can lead to, I know how things got started in Germany back then.  So I felt motivated to stand up where I could in my own life.  I made a new policy that I would not be silenced by the privileged few.  I would not stand down as a woman.  I will not hide as a gay.  I will not let my poverty minimize my power.  And I wouldn’t stand by and say nothing when others were hassled–not anymore.  I will act with integrity and stand for what I believe in.  Even if it causes confrontation.  I will deliberately show my ethics and speak my morals.  I have to counter the negativity and hate that was just sanctioned by a vocal majority by stopping the silence and apathy.  First in my own life, then maybe even on a larger scale.

Here’s what I wrote to Cool (and her frenemies on Facebook):

hypocracy

 

And I wrote to her (and those frenemies of hers):

“Words of wisdom: I will not be shut-down or silenced. I will continue to voice my ethics and let my values guide my actions. Hate has no place here. Don’t let societal pressures make you falter. Speak your mind. Speak your truth.”

Because right now it’s super-important for all those just marginalized by the ignorants and the haters to have a voice.  Remind people we’re here and we’re just as valid.  And we have dreams, hopes, and rights.  We deserve an equal chance.  We deserve respect.  That dissent is not unpatriotic.  To speak out for injustice is as American as you can get.  It’s what this country was built on.

I also got brave and wrote from my heart on my own Facebook page.  Knowing I was outnumbered by right-wingers.  Knowing there was hate for my groups just under the surface.

“I try to keep politics off my page. Nobody really wants to hear it–you’re not changing anyone’s mind. And I don’t identify with either party. I think with all the money, and lobbyists, and Super-PACS all candidates that make it that far have to be corrupt just to be in the game. But I am in shock and dismay.

For me, this 2016 election result is not about red or blue, winning or losing, it’s about standing for my values, and modeling my ethics. I will not be shut-down and I will not falter in defending my morals for fear of antagonism. It’s not about, “move on, get over it.” Trump’s values do not align with mine. And friends/family I hope I know you well enough that Trump’s quotes/feelings are not in your heart either.
This is a country of immigrants, mentally ill, minorities, women, gays, impoverished, of “other.” Big-Money shouldn’t have the largest and last say in all matters. As a proud American I recognize how fortunate I am to be born here and at the status that I hold. But that’s all it was–luck, completely out of my control. I will raise my voice to defend the little people– outsiders like myself–because that’s the kind of person I am.
If you can’t respect that, if you are ignorant to the sentiment of this message–mostly I feel sorry for you. And a little afraid. For myself, for the others like me, for this great country, and for you. God bless, and may the universe be kind to you and yours.”
I was disappointed I only got 3 likes and one comment–none of those from family.  So the fears and isolation are real.  Those people on my Facebook WOULD turn against me.  I have to watch my mouth and watch my back.
But I will not be silenced.  I will not go down without a fight.
I took my new personal-policy of not being silenced to my job yesterday.  Crissy bought us ice cream.  She got 4 different flavors of candy bars.  Derick the Douche loves Reese’s PB cups best, so she specifically got ice cream in that flavor for him.  He claimed it before he saw it.  The rest of us decided which flavors we wanted.  Derick then saw the ice cream, and saw his flavor was smaller then the rest.  He said he wanted oreo instead (it was the biggest).  But an Indian gal had already picked that one out.  White, male, privileged, dominant Derick the Douche wanted it, and pushed for it.  She conceded.  I spoke up–“No Siama already chose that one.”  And I like PB, and didn’t particularly care which ice cream flavor I ate (I love ALL ice cream!) so I told him to take the Twix one I had picked.  He pouted and tried to take hers anyway.  I put my foot down.  Which, I never would have done before.  He’s always that way.  It was none of my business.  But under my new policy, I was not going to stand by and let him bully a minority and take the (perceived) better ice cream away from her.
I used my policy a second time in the same night.  A chronically slow, co-worker, who is always late, always lagging on his buckets, and actually disallowed to do basic tasks because he messes up, ruffled my feathers.  I always do the document imaging at work.  My co-workers don’t like to.  Everyone is supposed to do it.  We even have it assigned to a certain color.  But I do the lions share-no matter what color I am assigned.  Night after night.  Because I am a hard worker.  I’m motivated.  And it needs to be done.  I’ll do the scanning–ALL of the scanning.  Night after night, month after month, year after year-I do the majority of the scanning.  To the point, they don’t even know HOW, some of them, including the boy in this story.
For once, Crissy (who is just a sub and usually doesn’t work) was helping with the scanning.  She got stuck and didn’t know what had gone wrong, and this kid (Josh) was near so went over to help her.  But since he never scans, didn’t know how.  And they all just KNOW that I’m the scanning bitch at work.  In an accusatory tone, he called my name–like ‘YOU fucked this up, now come over and fix your mistake so Crissy can finish our work.’  That’s what his tone and body language said.  And he’s used that tone on me before.  Usually I let it go to keep the peace.  Even though it’s a totally inappropriate tone for work, and completely condescending.  I usually let it go.  Even though it makes me mad and makes me feel ‘less than’ I let it go.
But last night I called him out on it.  I said, “Are you asking for my help or accusing me of something?”  And he still looked agitated and a little hostile toward me so I continued, “You don’t need to use that accusatory tone on anyone at work–especially when you’re asking for their help.”  Turns out, I had not messed anything up.  But even if I had–so what?  And um–scanning is not MY job.  They are supposed to be doing their share and they never do–so don’t come accusing me of anything regarding scanning!  Anyway, Crissy had pressed something wrong, and it was no big deal, I simply showed her how to fix it, and we went on with work.  But my defense had made the kid mad.  He was storming around, slamming his stuff, and had a shitty demeanor for the rest of our shift.
But I wasn’t silenced.
And that felt good.  In a week where shock and horror ruled.  So I will continue on, living ethically, not hiding behind fear or apathy.  I will act with morality, defend those without a voice, and stand up for my beliefs–because they’re just as valid as Trumps, and those who voted for him.

Valentine’s Day Year #10 [Sex Edition]

13 Feb

I think this topic may be my most consistent post.  Happy decade of annual posts to me!  TEN years in a row I have managed to address the ills of this “holiday.”  That’s exciting, and even though I’m very tired and short of time, here’s me making it happen.

I try each year to convey why Valentine’s Day is fake and ultimately negative.  See my “Valentine’s” Tag for prior topics which include feminism, environment, and capitalism among other things.  I really do hate this “holiday” and hope I won’t have to be inundated with it at work Saturday.  Hair salons are the WORST on Valentine’s day, followed by schools, but I imagine the YMCA will not be able to ignore the day, and I’m dreading that.  This year I will focus on. . .  Sex.  The inevitable conclusion of the day.  How could I have just remembered to write about THIS?!  

-the holiday emphasizes the man wining/dining and spoiling women with gifts. This emphasizes women as receivers, and passive. It also is a little prostitution-positive = You give me (women) valuable things and I’ll have sex with you (men)!

strange to see Bunny Ranch on my Facebook wall
-more prescriptions are written for Viagra around Valentine’s Day than any other time of year.  Which should tell you everyone is gearing up for the final moment.

– See more at: http://www.redhot.org/news/national-condom-day/#sthash.uRJgwOua.dpuf

Kidron's NV pics 069
-the condom industry sales increase by 20-30% around this day (it’s also national condom day–no joke)

So we can ascertain that all the Valentine’s hype DOES in fact lead to this logical conclusion:  Sex.  And as we know there are a lot of consequences of sex, and contemplating and preventing those issues is notoriously not our strong point as humans.  Here is some information about some of those–which do play a part on February 14th.

Amazing_Electron_Microscope_Photos_Mosquito_Head-1mdCU
-In their study, Grimley and her colleagues focused on 224 men — all with STD symptoms — who sought treatment in a Birmingham STD clinic. The average age was 26. In face-to-face, private interviews, each was asked the same set of questions. Among them:

How often have you used a condom in the past month?
How long have you been using condoms?
Do you have any intention of starting condom use?
Why do you use condoms?
Do you wear condoms for STD prevention or to protect your partner from pregnancy and disease?
Why don’t you use condoms?
And the results:

80% reported that most people their age did not use condoms consistently. They also said that 61% of people their age had gonorrhea.
81% acknowledged sexual contact with two or more partners during the preceding six months.
45% reported sexual relationships that overlapped.
65% said they had been diagnosed with one or more STDs in the past.
Of those men with one main sexual partner, two-thirds were not motivated to use condoms.
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/news/20040126/many-men-dont-use-condoms?page=2

http://www.companiesandmarkets.com/MarketInsight/Consumer-Goods/Global-Condom-Industry/NI8052

610

STDs are not only a social ill, but they are financially costly to everyone:

-CDC’s new [2/13/13] estimates show that there are about 20 million new infections
in the United States each year, costing the American healthcare system
nearly $16 billion in direct medical costs alone.
America’s youth shoulder a substantial burden of these infections.
CDC estimates that half of all new STIs in the country occur among
young men and women. In addition, CDC published an overall estimate of the number of prevalent STIs in the nation. Prevalence is the total number of new and existing infections at a given time. CDC’s new data suggest that there are more than 110 million total STIs among men and women across the nation.
-STIs place a significant economic strain on the U.S. healthcare system. CDC conservatively estimates that the lifetime cost of treating eight of the most common STIs contracted in just one year is $15.6 billion.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats/sti-estimates-fact-sheet-feb-2013.pdf

Is it any accident that National Adoption Month is 9 months after Valentine’s Day? Only speculation, here. . .

So that’s really icky.  Also, let’s not forget HIV/AIDS is an ever-present threat on the scene and any holiday that emphasizes that we must copulate threatens to make this scare even bigger than it already is.  How about a day in which caution is practiced?!

33621_456830357625_596627625_5259997_1855811_n
-at-home pregnancy tests also see a spike in sales in March (early at home pregnancy test month–for reals!).  It’s the highest sales month all year, as a matter-of-fact.
-Consumers spend more than $15 million on pregnancy and infertility test kits during the second, third and fourth weeks of March, with the third week of March ranking number one in sales.
http://www.nielsen.com/content/dam/nielsen/en_us/documents/pdf/Press%20Releases/2008/Feb/Nielsen%20U.S.%20Consumers%20Sweet%20on%20Chocolate%20for%20Valentine%E2%80%99s%20Day.pdf

Another obvious conclusion to romantic nights are the pregnancies that stem from them.  Many of them unplanned, unaffordable, or at worst–unwanted.
-Currently, about half (51%) of the 6.6 million pregnancies in the United States each year (3.4 million) are unintended.  In 2008, there were 54 unintended pregnancies for every 1,000 women aged 15–44. In other words, about 5% of reproductive-age women have an unintended pregnancy each year.[6]
• By age 45, more than half of all American women will have experienced an unintended pregnancy, and three in 10 will have had an abortion.[7].
• The U.S. unintended pregnancy rate is significantly higher than the rate in many other developed countries.[8]  In 2008, two-thirds (65%) of the 1.7 million births resulting from unintended pregnancies were paid for by public insurance programs, primarily Medicaid. In comparison, 48% of births overall and 36% of births resulting from intended pregnancies were funded by these programs.[13]
• In 14 states and the District of Columbia, at least 70% of births resulting from unintended pregnancies were paid for by public programs. Mississippi was the state with the highest proportion (83%), and the District of Columbia’s proportion was 90%.[13]
• Total public expenditures for births resulting from unintended pregnancies nationwide were estimated to be $12.5 billion in 2008. Of that, $7.3 billion were federal expenditures and $5.2 billion were state expenditures.[13]
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-Unintended-Pregnancy-US.html

crabby

So though I did much cut & pasting this year (I apologize) because of my work schedule and residual tiredness, I’m sticking with my opinion, Valentine’s day is full of bad side-affects, among them STDs and pregnancy along with all the fallout that goes along with those two things.  Please reconsider supporting such a day.  And if you must celebrate, and have sex, remember to be responsible and take so many precautions.

“Myspace Alicia”

13 Oct

I’m going through the 2014 albums while I study to write my end-of-the-year music blogs.  I know!  I haven’t posted 2013’s yet–but I’m still working on it.  Anyway, I got to Imogen Heap, and it reminds me very much of Douche.

the usual

It has been forever since I’ve written about Douche–mostly b/c I hate to think of that creep.  Also, because I finally accepted some people are sociopaths–no matter how well you thought you knew them.  Imogen Heap actually reminds me of Myspace Alicia, some 19 year old girl Douche attached to.  Imogen was this girl’s favorite and I know that because I used to scour her Myspace profile trying to understand.

At the time, I didn’t get that people played games.  I was naive that an older person (Douche) would hook a 19 year old just to show off how “cute” of a gal could be secured.  I didn’t get that Douche was maybe trying to make me–the world–envious.  At the time, I only looked and looked trying to see what the 2 could possibly have in common. . .

I hate Douche-still do, I’ll never stop.  I didn’t deserve that treatment, and didn’t understand where it was coming from at that time.  I had no idea you could be close to someone for 3 years but not know them at all.  I didn’t know there were sociopaths that adapted their personality to what they thought you wanted–did want–in order to manipulate.  And I didn’t know the extent people could play games after a break-up.  BUT knowing Douche did teach me lessons:  Don’t date someone b/c you feel shallow for not being attracted to them, if something seems too good to be true-it probably is, not everyone is going to be honest with you, not everyone has your best interests at heart, some people are just not meant to be understood, sometimes you have to let people (or the memory of who they were supposed to be) go.

I wonder if Myspace Alicia felt the same way in the end that I did–that it was a fake and a trick.  I hope Douche got (and is still getting) all the bad karma that is deserved.  Though I have no idea where that crazy is or what that evil is up to currently–thank goodness…

I like the new album even if it takes me back to that chapter of my life a little.

Chely Wright–Another Inspiration

2 Mar

Her documentary really hit home with me.  The internal homophobia, shutting off those feelings, shame, hiding, the fear.  It resonated with me.

The evasive answers to probing questions about the love life. Keeping busy to distract.  Trying to be the best, most ethical person to make up for it.  Rejecting strongly other gay people or masculine women, because feelings of being perceived as guilty by association.  Trying to date men–and not actually feeling anything legit.  Despite trying to.  Detaching and pushing loved ones away, creating distance in relationships, because you have a secret.

Feeling like a coward.  Lying.  To others and myself.  And feeling horrible about it–just ill.

I still fight those feelings.  Which is why this blog isn’t connected to my Facebook.  I want people from my childhood the way they knew me then.  And Chely’s sister is right [she was funny.  I liked her].  Coming out (repeatedly) hurts.  Everyone’s reaction is not going to be what you want.  Which is why I never really formally come out.  I want people to know ME.  And see I’m a good person–not form some perception based on just 1 aspect of who I am.  And you have to be willing to be rejected.  I’m not.  I don’t want to be “forgiven” for something I was born with and can’t fight.  And I don’t want to be hated for it.  I would rather be the sneaky gay who establishes connections under the radar, then after things are cemented–show that the one fact about me–really changes nothing.  I still have fear.  Based from internal homophobia.

rainbow 4 (2)

I’m very thankful for celebrities that come out, because with each one GAY becomes more common, and as such, more accepted.  It’s important for all LGBT (and questioning) youth, especially the ones getting bullied and contemplating suicide.  Sexuality IS everyone’s business for those kids, and all fearful people everywhere who need a role model.

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My Negative Blog

18 Jun

Before I get to the real topic at hand–I’m going to stop to acknowledge a milestone:  My first hater-comment on this blog.  So it wasn’t SUPER bad, and maybe I’m just oversensitive, but the manner in which it was typed was not in a friendly tone, that’s for sure.

I’ve had disgruntled responses on other blogs I’ve commented on.  But I know I’ve really made it in the blogging world now that someone took the time to say something marginally nasty on one of my posts.  It means someone is LOOKING at what I write.  And let me tell you–it’s been an extremely slow process (and an on-going one) to find any kind of audience at all.  Until very recently, only my mate read some posts–and only then when I begged her to do so.  So having an opposing opinion is actually good–even if the person is sort of a lame-ass for being rude.  My hater criticized my laziness and said I shouldn’t complain about researching topics.  Both valid points.

BUT I feel OK about it, because I have never, ever purported my blog to be an academically-sound, completely factual professional domain.  I have always maintained that what I write about are MY uncensored, and possibly unsubstantiated opinions.  I wouldn’t turn this in for any class assignment or try to get paid for my blogging efforts, but I write for ME. And if it happens to entertain my readers or reach out to someone–awesome.  If you’re looking for research and valid facts–go elsewhere on the internet, you won’t find it here–not consistently anyway. MY choice if I want to invest the time to do research for you or not.  Hello–as much as I love to write–I have other priorities in life.  Thanks to those of you who keep reading and keep “liking.”

Now on to a related topic:  I guess some people can feel disappointed or angry or whatever–then just get over it.  I’m not certain how some people can just let it roll off their back and forget about it when they’re slighted.  I don’t know how they do it–or it it’s even possible.  I’m suspicious someone they know is getting an ear-full.  Maybe they don’t release annoyance so that I know about it, but I’m pretty sure it comes out somewhere. . .  How could you just get over things?

Obviously, I’m not opaque when it comes to my feelings.  My face and manner pretty much convey my thoughts.  Which is sometimes bad, but not ALL bad.  I figure it’s a pain when I am obviously disgruntled. Especially, when people know that they are the cause of my bad mood–and they don’t care or want to deal.  But on the same token–you know what’s going on with me.  I’m never mysterious to figure out.

But I really do try not to openly SAY a lot about it when I’m pissed.  I don’t love a direct confrontation.  So even though you can TELL if I’m upset, it’s not like I’m going to yell or cry about it.  Except on my blog.  That’s the place where all anger/frustration/disappointment is talked about then subsequently released.  Which is exactly like one of my favorite singers, Brandi Carlile.

Carlile has received rave reviews for her lyrics. “You can tell the songs that are mine lyrically because I tend to write from a place of discontentment,” she told Star Polish. “I write about things I’m puzzled about or I’m worried about or the things that upset me because that’s how I communicate with myself.”

Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/brandi-carlile#ixzz1tzwqwUHE

And I feel that exact same way!

Un-Do It

11 Jun

I always think of Douche when I hear Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood.  This might be because these were on heavy rotation at the peak of our break-up drama.  More likely, these artists remind me of what an effing loser Douche is, and how I’m WAAAAAAY better off without her, because the singers often rant about their terrible-exes.

Carrie Underwood’s lyrics perfectly describe my feelings about Douche. Some people are glad for every experience they have–good and bad–because they learn and grow from them. Those people feel that without those bad experiences that helped shape them, they wouldn’t be who and where they are today. Screw that.  I wish I had never met Douche.  I hope she is reading this right now.

I regret, regret, REGRET every feeling sorry enough for her to give her a chance in the first place.  And even sorrier that I was very dependable/dedicated–>read dumb<–and stayed around.  Miserable.  For 2 years.  And went through games for 2-ish more post break-up.  BAD-times.  The only thing Douche taught me is that some people are avert your eyes if you hate swearing fucking sociopaths to be avoided at all costs.  And not to be so dedicated–to anyone.  I will be happy if I never see that b!t(h again–for the rest of my life.

The only problem with cutting someone completely out of your life is you know longer know where they are to better avoid them.  But I’m pretty certain I’ll never run into Douche. . .  And it is far more important to never interact with her in any capacity ever again.  As such, I have her blocked on Facebook, so I don’t have to look at her ugly face or fatness, or hear her dumb commentary on mutual friend’s pages.  And so she can’t try to interact with me or spy on me either.

But–just this morning (this post was written one or two weeks ago), she commented on a mutual friend’s page!  She had changed her facebook account name or gotten a sketchy second account.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it to see MY page–b/c I had blocked her.  So I had to go through the trouble of blocking her second Facebook account-Lame.  Then I wondered if she had already seen anything of mine.  And it made me paranoid and agitated that I hadn’t searched around to make sure she wasn’t in multiple places.  Lurking pet accounts, anyone?  But it’s taken care of for now.

Though the joke is probably on me because Douche is more then likely reading my blog RIGHT now.  Wouldn’t that just be the way?  Anyway, I don’t want that mofo anywhere near me.  Rant over.