Tag Archives: holiday

Broken Heart [Anti-Valentine Part 9]

14 Feb

This may be the only annual post I’ve completed every year since I began blogging.  THAT’S how important I feel it is to spread the message the Valentine’s Day is nothing positive.

2007:  https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/my-opinion-of-valentines-day-posted-2-14-07/

2008:  https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/where-is-the-love-posted-2-13-08/

2009:  https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/valentines-dread/

2010:  https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2011/02/10/nix-the-red-pink-and-save-some-green/

2011:  https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2011/01/19/blood-diamonds-and-valentines-day/

2012:  https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2010/02/06/valentines-day-part-4-gender-roles/

2013:  https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/shove-it-down-your-throat/

It’s all hype and phoniness, and contrived to SELL merch.  This year, I’ll be focusing more in the feelings of inadequacy and loneliness the “holiday” can foster.  Sure, I’ve mentioned it before, but I never talked of adult and teen depression and the very real consequences of these emotions:  Divorce and suicide.

blacks birds

Valentine’s Day is a day of those who have it and those who don’t.  “It,” being commercialized, overt, expressions of love.  This is not to be confused with actual love, friendly-love, or compassion.  Those are all very real, and intangible feelings that can’t be bought or paraded around for the admiration and envy of others.  And though they’re different then the passionate type of love flaunted on Valentine’s Day, I’d argue they’re even more important.  And substantial.

For those who feel left out of the Valentine’s commotion, life can feel pretty empty.  And just try to get away from all the hearts, flowers, and gifts that day.  The advertising and parading is ubiquitous.  And teens are imprisoned at school, can’t find an escape.  People who are already having relationship woes find them exacerbated by the great expectations of February 14th.  A product of failed expectations can be a ruined family unit.  Teens with low self-esteem or who are still testing relationship waters and don’t have that ONE special person–can get down.

Also written by someone else, but very pertinent to MY point:

Some students left school with armloads of gifts, while many others sat empty-handed. Some girls sent flowers to each other, and I knew more than one who sent flowers to herself. I remember seeing girls cry in the restroom after their boyfriends failed to send them a gift, and I remember watching boys cruelly snicker as they watched an unpopular girl react with joy as she received a flower supposedly from one of their buddies, but which was really just a mean hoax.

Facts from other internet sources (take the validity as you will):

-Forty percent of people have negative feelings towards Valentine’s Day.

-A recent poll found that one in ten young adults admitted to feeling lonely, insecure, depressed, or unwanted on Valentine’s Day. And that’s just the ones that admitted it.

-divorce internet search/lawyers increase around this day

-Research suggests that 75 percent of suicide attempts are attributable to relationship problems.

-Last year, the Missouri Suicide Crisis hotline had extra staff on duty because they expected approximately 50 percent more calls on Valentine’s Day.

Laurel's pics 189It breaks MY heart that our commercialistic society whole-heartedly endorses a holiday that’s so hurtful to so many people in order to sell a few teddy bears.  It’s hard to feel good about a holiday that leaves so many adults left feeling lonely and disappointed.  A day that leaves students feeling miserable about themselves, and drives them to take drastic measures.  

I like the idea of GALentines day or PALintines day a lot better.  I fine those all-inclusive and based on making Leslie Knopeeveryone feel good.  Much better than just thrusting “love” in everybody else’s faces to feel superior and special.  And to the detriment of those that don’t.

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Disingenuine (a non-poem)

24 Dec

I have used that title for a blog post before (in 2007?) but I think it’s appropriate today.  I read that poem, and though it’s total Douch-baggery to say, I think it’s good.  It still conveys my emotions about the time, and that person really well.  This one is not a poem, but a scenario.  One that made me feel disappointed and. . .  bad.  Not angry, but bad (for lack of better word).  Also, bare with me, because I’m really tired, so quality on this isn’t going to be outstanding.

Work.  Yes, that again.  These trouble never really go away, do they?  I suppose until I finish my education and AZ gatormove on with my life, they never will.  I was asked to work 2 additional hours today, which I did.  And I went in early to do processor chem.  While I was doing all the washing, chemicals, and horribleness that is processor chem, my boss comes near me and says, “I left something from the clinic in your shoe.”  That was it.  No “Merry Christmas!”, no “I hope you have a happy holiday!”, no “We thought we would do something nice for all your hard work.”  The whole thing felt forced to me.  An obligation.  I got the feeling my boss saw a Christmas tid-bit as some sort of job that HAD to be done, and that she wasn’t terribly excited about–maybe even–what’s the word–not quite put-out or stressed, but something that was an effort and that she didn’t really want to do or love doing.

The gift doesn’t really matter–this post isn’t about the fact I was down-graded, no doubt because I’ve left Forster-my x-mas 11Fridays.  It was the SPIRIT of the gift-giving I had a problem with.  I almost gave it back, but thought that would create drama, which isn’t my goal.  Getting the gift, made me feel icky, no happy or joyful or appreciative.  And that just isn’t the point, is it?  I felt like I had caused. . .  Hardship–that’s not quite right either.  I told you I’m tired.  I felt like if they didn’t have the right intentions behind the gift, then they shouldn’t have given it at all.

I had given everyone at work personalized, home-made, thoughtful gifts the last 2 years.  Because that’s who I normally am as a person.  I’m actually very thoughtful and thankful–this has just sapped all of that out of me. birch trees on Mars-upright All the baggage at work has made me more standoffish–and who could blame me?  The way they have treated me. . .  But this Christmas, because I did not feel the same good will and cheerful intent, I didn’t get any of them anything.  And not out of meanness, or drama, but becuase I didn’t feel it.  You should ony do nice things if your heart is actually in the right place.  I don’t wish them ill-will, but I’m fairly indifferent now, due to the past.  I think they should have done the same, if they didn’t really want to give me anything.  After all, employment is a contract.  I work, they pay me, we don’t OWE each other any more then that–certainly not Christmas cheer or presents.

I’m not going to whatever dinner they’re planning (in the same, “I have to do this” sort of spirit) in the near Walking about-July 2012 014future.  It was announced as if it was inconveniance, but had to be done.  It was made clear spouses were NOT invited.  And no one ASKED, just informed me to pick a date that would work.  So I have no intention of partaking in that for several reasons:  1.)  It is also disingenuine.  2.)  I do not like, and do not want to spend time with anyone at work–it’s bad enough I have to deal with them AT work.  Life is too short to hang out with people out of obligation and phoniness.  3.)  I do not like going places without Cool.  4.)  I do not like going places.  Or leaving my jammies. Especially if no paycheck or grades are involved and especially, especially since it’s at night and cold outside.  5.)  I’m afraid alcohol would be involved, and I do not want to deal with that scene at all.  I’m not sure how I’m going to get out of going (maybe the idea will fizzle out all-together anyway) without looking bitchy or creating drama, but there is 0% I’m showing up to anything like that.

It’s too bad that all this negativity is occuring around and because of Christmas.  That’s not really what the season is all about.  I’m going to try to forget how sad I am about this deterioration the whole thing, and have a genuinly good time with people who truly love me for who I am–my family:  Cool and the kitties, with a call to my parents in there somewhere.  Maybe I’ll donate the gift card to someone who really needs it, because I have all these bad feelings associated with it now.


I Just Wanted to Write

21 Dec

I don’t have anything in particular to share–nothing to say.  It just sounded like a cool idea to write tonight.

I’m getting more excited for new years then Christmas.  Honestly, I don’t love how capitalism has taken over chicago zoo lightsChristmas, and I have never really loved the uber-tradtional family-centered holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I’VE never had huge family gatherings.  I had to work most of the time on those holidays.  I have been unable to travel to my loved ones the majority of those times.  So it seems somewhat of a let-down.  Not because I don’t make the most out of those holidays, and not because I am particularly disappointed.  It just doesn’t meet the hype, or fall into expectations.

But New Years–I can get on board with that.  And not for drinking/party/social reasons.  I’ve only gone OUT on spikeone New Years Eve/New Years.  And I found that very empty and unworthwhile.  I like the time for reflection and new beginnings.  New Years is a day for assessment and goals.  A day to take it easy and work on myself.  I’m excited for that this year.

But Christmas will be fun.  We’re eating crepes with my Aunt tomorrow (in an effot to take Holiday-Lights-Display-in-a-Garden-JSC3782alcohol out of the equation) then making tid-bits to snack on.  Oh, and hopefully, finding/buying Rusty an oil cap.  We 4×4 around town today, getting lost on the way to sledding.  And Rusty was a trooper, but smelled really hot after such intense driving.  So I thought I would give a drink of oil before heading home.  But because I was in gloves, I dropped the stupid cap somewhere in the hood.  And we couldn’t find it in there because it was getting dark.  Then on the communt home, I heard a clunk, and am pretty sure the dumb cap must have dropped out on the road.

I’m fretting about that.  Will I be able to find the cap?  Will the cap work in between something important withinimages the hood?  Are auto stores open on Sunday?  Does the cap come in a specific size, and will it be easy to obtain?  If I can’t get the cap tomorrow will I be OK to drive to work and home on Monday?  Then of course what happens when everything stops for the Osborne Family Lights (c) disneyholiday and I still don’t have a cap?  On and on–endless worrying.

But the holidays.  Back to those.  It will be nice to have Cool and I both home simultaneously.  That was a weird scene.  We live off a side-street and some flatwheel with x-mas music and a live Santa waving from a-top of a lit float just drove by as if a parade was going on.  And now it’s all dark and quiet again out there.  I have no idea. . .


A Day Late: My Thanks

29 Nov

I had a sort of bad day yesterday:

-I was awake the night before fretting over this stupid, “small” paper that’s due Monday.

-I spent the majority of the day formatting my sources.

-Cool was being a turkey–as she does every time I get a full day off.

-When we went to make our Indian Tacos, I discovered we were short on flour.

-We suddenly had the kitchen of a crack-whore.  Just bare.

But at night, before going to sleep Cool and I did an exercise of everything we’re thankful for.  Here’s mine:

-First and foremost, I’m thankful about my new Friday schedule.  It’s just one day, but it changes my whole attitude and outlook.  I’m way less worried, annoyed, stressed, tired, and frustrated.  I had been dreading Fridays all week, for a long time and it was really bringing me down.  I feel SO much better now!

-Rusty.  I am very thankful to have a dependable car that I don’t have to pour a lot of money into or worry about. Rusty I’m thankful for the 4×4 so I can get to work and school as needed, the AAA so I don’t have to worry about a breakdown or be stuck when bad thigs happen.  And mostly–the remote start.  I LOVE that I don’t have to go on that cold, dark (dangerous) street and scrape my windows or sit in a freezing car.

-My family being in one state.  I’m so glad Goose can finally live with us.  And I’m also glad that it improved my relationship with my parents.  Things with them are going very well, and it feels great.  I’m also glad Choco-Luv is healthy and happy and gets along so well with Cool.  It feels good to have my own little family.

parasailing 001

-Netflix.  It saves a lot of money to be able to stream shows and movies.  And commercial-free.  Saves money in not paying for satellite, not buying DVDs, and not going out for entertainment.

-I’m also thankful for the electric throw blankets, electric blanket, goose-down comforter, and infrared light in the bathroom.  It makes life a lot easier not to be constantly cold.  Everything seems better when you’re a cozy recovering from sxtemperature.  AND those things don’t ramp up the utility bill too much.

-My new clogging shoes.  I had so much fun with the whole talent show experience.  And having the shoes makes me excited and hopeful.

-Obviously, I’m thankful for Marble and the internet.  I would be a lot less happy if I were without those!  And Spotify music which makes everything I want to listen to available so easily and free.

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Fireworks in my Living Room

5 Jul

Cool's Canada Pics 024In preparation for Forster Friday, I went to bed early on one of my favorite holidays–Independence Day.  At 10:15 PM, 3 hours after I’d been asleep I hear fireworks very loud and can SEE blue flashes in the bedroom, which is opposite any window in the apartment.  It sounded like the firecracker were SUPER-close.  I jumped out of bed and ran out to the living room to investigate.  Neighbors were leaning against my car Rusty and setting off their own fireworks on the sidewalk and maybe the middle of the street directly next to my car!  Cool said before I woke up they had their three year old holding a roman candle in the vicinity of my car, and the kid kept pointing the explosive TOWARD Rusty!  After much coaxing they convinced the kid to point the explosive toward the sky. . .

Cool's Canada Pics 028

Never mind fireworks are illegal in much of the state, and in our entire county for the last 28 years, these people were idiots.Cool's Canada Pics 029  Next to the sidewalk is a lot of weeds and underbrush, which leads down the treed riverbank and into the river.  On the other side of the road, aside from my CAR is rows and rows of apartment buildings, and out back of those is various landscaping:  Bushes, trees, and grass.  We are talking a lot of tinder, especially given the 90 degree weather of the past week.  I guess they not only didn’t care about fire-safety, or have common sense with children, but they must have wanted to pay the $516 fine for getting caught with fireworks in the city.

Cool's Canada Pics 034I stepped out on the balcony and shouted down, “Can you go a little further away from my car?!”  And was met with blank stares and no motion.  They didn’t feel awkward being caught propped up against my car, or by the fact I had caught them setting off illegal fireworks directly NEXT to my car (the only car parked street-side other than theirs).  Slowly, they said, “This car?”  And I was like, “Umm, yeah.”  And they meandered 2 feet in front of my car and continued on with their private display.

I was tired and really wanted to be functional for horrible Friday, which I anticipated would be very busy due to the work Cool's Canada Pics 044holiday on the 4th, but their noise and colors–and my worry continued on.  When their shannegans continued for a half hour, I tried to call the number the newspaper gave to report illegal fireworks.  And alas, it wasn’t a good number.  Thanks for nothing.  Luckily, fireworks are expensive so their private show only lasted 45 min at the most, then they just stood in the street watching the city fireworks display clearly visible from downtown.  Jerks.

What is the matter with people???????  So, in the interest of common sense and safety just a smattering of news bites and statistics regarding private citizens with explosives a.k.a. fireworks.

-The National Fire Protection Association (NFPA), coordinator of the Alliance to Stop Consumer Fireworks is marking the upcoming Fourth of July holiday by releasing its annual fireworks report (1).

-Emergency crews and police were busy Thursday with continuous fire calls throughout the day, stemming from fireworks celebrations during the Fourth of July (2).

-An estimated 17,800 reported fires were started by fireworks and 9,600 fireworks-related injuries were treated in U.S. hospital emergency rooms in 2011. On a typical Fourth of July, there are more fires than on any other day of the year, with fireworks accounting for two out of five of those fires, more than any other cause of fires (1).

Cool's Canada Pics 053

-The report outlines specific statistics regarding the use of consumer fireworks related to fire danger, including:

  • In 2011, fireworks caused an estimated 17,800 reported fires, including 1,200 structure fires, 400 vehicle fires, and 16,300 outside and other fires.
  • These fires resulted in an estimated 40 civilian injuries and $32 million in direct property damage, with no reported fire deaths.
  • Sparklers, fountains and novelties alone accounted for 34 percent of the emergency room fireworks injuries in 2011.

fireworks 3

The report showed that the risk of fireworks injury was highest for children ages 5-19 and adults 25-44, with one-quarter (26 percent) of the victims of fireworks injuries in 2011 under age 15. Children have the highest relative risk of injury; there are no adult age groups with comparable risk (1).fireworks 6

-in Seattle, someone setting off illegal fireworks inadvertently set a boat storage facility on fire, causing more than $1 million in damage (4).

– It was one year ago that firefighters were called to Autumn Place apartments for a fire that engulfed one of the buildings.  Months later Blue Springs firefighters determined fireworks caused that blaze.  Now a woman who lost everything is reminding people to be careful this holiday (3).

1.)  http://www.nfpa.org/press-room/news-releases/2013/use-of-consumer-fireworks-dramatically-increases-risk-of-fire-and-injury

2.)  http://5newsonline.com/2013/07/04/fireworks-cause-several-small-fires/

3.)  http://fox4kc.com/2013/07/04/fireworks-warning-one-year-after-apartment-fire/

4.)  http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/07/fireworks-mishaps/66861/

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3 Apr

That’s Easter + fertility.  What’s not to love?  I know you knew that all the Easter symbolism:  Colored eggs, flowers, baby animals have nothing to do with Jesus or the resurrection, right?  Those were Pagan symbols of fertility.  Red-colored eggs.  Flowers?  Baby animals.  I’m a woman and I love Jesus.  I like both messages and all symbols of the day, so I celebrate both, and it’s one of my favorite holidays.  Add seafood the day before and it’s almost perfect.  Except no costumes.  I think there ought to be costumes involved.  Maybe next year I’ll dress as a. . .  Umm, I have a while to think about this.  Anyway, this post is a little late, by-the-way because of the afore-mentioned studying.  You’ll still love it.

easter egg color replacement
We had pseudo-egg hunt.  I hid the Cadbury eggs in obvious places indoors for Cool to find.  Then, when she was slow (so slow!) to find them, I ate some and lost count of how many I had hid and how many we found/ate.  It’s the hunt that will go on and on.

PS-I am not ashamed to admit that I will go ahead and eat the foil wrap that melt-ies on to the chocolate.


Then, to keep the celebration aligned with my goals (and impending exam) we made mach-mosas.  Yes m-a-c-h because though they don’t have champagne, they still disappear quickly.  They were composed of:  Various (non-alcohol) ciders from the Grocery Outlet.  Apple, peach, pear, and obviously not mixed all together but in different drinks throughout the day.  The key–ginger beer.  Not beer at all, but in the sense of root-beer made with ginger.  And +/- juice depending on taste.  Then to get fancy, we added slices of lime.  We bought lemons too, but didn’t use them.  Anyway, they were delicious, and I could still study afterward.

duck cake-Susie

And to add to the festivities we made fauxomlets.  Not faux in the sense of vegan or anything crazy, but faux because I don’t really know how to cook an egg.  My way of cooking eggs is dumping the liquid egg whites [side-note:  We keep these on hand for baking purposes, when some sort of recipe calls for an egg or 2.  They expire slower than actual eggs, which we NEVER eat alone] Anyway, I dump the liquid into the pan, stirring  then packing at the end when it seems to cook too fast.  I guess you could call it a scramble–mangle might be more appropriate.  So it’s faux because it wasn’t the nice omelet egg encasing you’re supposed to have.  I just mixed my mangle with everything I would put inside the omelet *read–>everything (red, jalapeno, and chili peppers, black beans, olives, cheese, sour cream)* in a bowl.  Stir-fry style.

Deb Wong 1

So that was the day.  And now I have to study some more flash cards for my other class.  When will this semester be over?  Everything is going down at once!

So despite crazy-studying we made the best of one of our favorite holidays.


4 Mar

I have all of these unfinished draft posts that I feel obligated to finish and publish before I write new things.  And I guess because I started them in a passionate moment, but waited to finish them to make them better–now I’m not feeling them so much.  And it’s a cycle–write when I’m passionate, but save it to improve upon, and make each post wait it’s turn until I finish the oldest draft a post that.  But then, I hardly post at all, because editing feels like WORK.  And I just want to write about what I want to at that moment.  So this post is all about how I’m just jotting a quick note of what I’m feeling NOW–unedited, and out of turn.  Deal.  That’s how I roll now.

Anyhow, I got an e-mail though a prof at school detailing all the March events going on at school andeaster eggs in this city.  And it made me so excited!  I never realized it before, but I love March.  Yeah, the weather is this weird in-between of some teasingly sunny days, but still cold temperature and the occasional (hateful) skiff of snow.  It’s mostly wet and yicky, with too short days, and a dreaded time change that makes everyone wake up even earlier than they are already.  I’m not.  I’m going to make 5 AM my new rising time, because doing 3 AM is insane.  And work is a jerkelstilskin, taking my early morning cleaning and preparation entirely for granted.  No more.  OK, I’m still going to go in at insane-o-clock, but for my own stress levels, not those thankless mofos.

wonderBut March is also LGBT diversity and remembrance  Women’s month and International Women’s Day, and the point where Easter, which is secretive celebrating of femininity, is nearing.  Reading all of those events just made me happy.  And made me want to celebrate accordingly.

But first, before any fun-times are had I have to prepare for the speech & hearing sciences exam and take Rusty to the mechanic.  *sigh*  But than it’s all about paying homage to the gays, the gals, and minorities-Yay!  All right–here I go.  I’m going to post this in the moment of passion without even reading over it one time–mistakes be damned!