Tag Archives: introspection

The Big Day [UU AuD Interview Part III]

18 Mar

Here is my post about interview day:

Friday

-I popped up at 5:30AM and went to run pretty soon after.  I knew I was early, but wanted a chance to drink some water and energy well before interview time so I wouldn’t have to visit the bathroom so much.  It was cold, and if I was not on day 422 in a row, I would have skipped it.  Maybe even then, but I wanted to mention it in my interview, so I forced myself outside into the 31F parking lot to get it done.  It was miserable as expected.  See, even people who follow through on exercise don’t always like it and don’t want to do it.  I just did it to continue what I’d started-I’m no superhero.

UU interview 028

-We left 2 hours early because we didn’t know what Friday morning traffic would be like, and I wasn’t entirely certain we knew how to get directly from point A to point B–since those directions were so convoluted.  BUT traffic was actually very light.  And we found the building fairly easily, making us more then an hour early.  So we just waited in the car, and I finally went in about 10:45AM (check in was 11-11:15AM).

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-We started with lunch–which in interview clothes is awkward.  And a gal walked in late because she had a class or another interview or something.  The director said help get “my-name” situated to one of the grad students.  Did I hear that correctly?  My name is not very common.  But when I looked at the labeled lunch boxes, sure enough there was my name.  But I hadn’t gotten a good look at the gal so I turned around and tried to see her name tag, but she caught me looking.  And not wanting to be a total creeper, I rolled my chair over and confirmed her name.  Sure enough we have the same unique name!  It would be really cool to be in a class of 12 with another one of me!  NEAT!

-I’m so glad I went with comfortable clothes/shoes.  After a presentation and a sandwich lunch, they drove us to the main campus and gave us a walking tour:  The Student Union with fast-food (Jamba Juice!), a game area with bowling, billiards, air hockey, student store.  It’s all pretty standard now, 11025817_10205962097469966_142382685826090158_nand the kind of thing both UNR and Mizzou were building while I was there–and the kind that opened right after I left in both cases.  They have a fancy rec-center, which is the same story as well. Constructure during my tenure, but I never got to enjoy it before leaving. We also toured our building on the main campus.  They have two research labs, which means possible funding opportunities and resume-building.  It also sounds like the school makes every effort to place the AuD students in departmental work positions–which is a MUST for me ($$$-wise).  We are on the 12th and 13th floors and the view is outstanding!!!!!!!  We can see the cityscape, foothills, and right into the stadium where they had the Opening Ceremony of the 2002 Olympics.  I wish I had brought my camera. . .  My feet were killing, but would have been much worse in any other interview shoes.  My FitBit says we walked 4.39 miles for the entire day minus 1 for my mile = about 3 miles (taking off some for dinner).  Can you believe my FitBit auto-updates from 10 hours away!!!  Anyway, and you know how campuses are all concrete hills and stairs. . .

-Next, I had my individual interview.  I was nervous (of course) but not as much as in the past.  I had prepare–somewhat–for certain questions (none that they asked me as it turns out).  These interviews were set up a lot more low-key then the vet school interviews I’d had.  Instead of sitting at a long table with 4-6 people looking intimidating, these were in rooms at a desk with just one person.  No one asked me any tricky or technical questions as they had in the vet school interviews, so that was good.  First, I had the clinic person ask me questions then, the academic-oriented gal asked me questions.  I’ll try to remember the questions (I think I forgot a few):

* = interviewer talking

! = my response

[my internal thoughts/notes]

yin yang

clinic:

*How do you learn best?

!I learn best by doing something.  With someone watching to make sure I’m doing it properly.  Then doing it alone, and having someone check my work.  Then being trusted enough to work independently.

*Talk about a recent time you learned something that way?

!long pause.  [under pressure I could not think of anything.  Though I paused and looked like I was thinking, what was actually going on in my brain was–come up with something good and impressive relating to audiology or accomplishment you want them to know about!  Uh oh you’ve been quiet for a long time.  Say anything!  Panic!!!] *It doesn’t have to pertain to audiology. !I clean corporate, and that’s how I was trained.  *chuckle.  !My boss showed me what to do, then the next day I did it and he checked me.  Then he said you did this or that wrong or remember to do this.  *Laugh [thinking I was kidding, which I was not.  Even cleaning requires some memory.]  !Then I felt competent.

*Do you work well in a team?

!I prefer to work alone, especially if it is for a grade–I like to earn my own grades.  [WHY did I say interactive hearing anatomy 2this?!  I should have told of a success while working in a team to brag and show cooperation, but I wasn’t expecting the question.]  !But I understand collaboration is important and different perspectives can make the project even better.

*give an example of a time you successfully worked as a team

!pause.  [trying to think of anything tangible and applicable, but mostly just panicking again.] Veterinary hospitals are based on teamwork.  There is a hierarchy, but in order to do the job successfully, statuses have to be thrown out the window.  Even though my job was monitoring anesthetic, doing blood draws, and technical things, I picked up the back-line to relieve the receptionist.  Or carried bags of dog food to the front. . .  Or gloved up and held a spleen [first organ I could think of, which may or may not be accurate.] out of the way during surgery.  *Laughing–because all of us hold the spleen out of the way.

*When did someone’s response take you by surprise (something to that affect)?

!Long pause.  [Again the question caught me off gaurd and was nothing I had prepared for.  I could only think of one story, and though I knew it wasn’t a good interview story, my mind got stuck on it and went blank for anything else. . .]  !We didn’t go over our exams in class, and I want to know why my answers are wrong for the future.  It’s stuff I will need to eventually know.  So I scheduled a meeting with the professor, and apparently it wasn’t a great time for a meeting because instead of seeing me as enthusiastic or consciousness she treated me badly.  I was shocked and I guess mostly disappointed.  I wasn’t a point chisler, I just wanted to make sure I knew the material because I would need to use it for my future.  *surprised such a thing would happen:  What did you do?  !Well, I pressed on and finished the meeting, but I never went back for subsequent tests.  *What did you do instead?  !I just went to a different professor.

*Give an example of flexibility

!pause.  [I am not super-flexible, and I partially came to audiology because it is calm and rote and schedules are given greater respect.]  There is no such thing as a schedule in veterinary medicine.  We Auroasaw walk-ins or when someone called with an emergency, or more likely something they had stared at for two weeks, we got them in.  Eyes have to come in that day because they go bad in a hurry, and abscesses have to be seen immediately.  I probably didn’t get a full lunch the whole time I worked at vet hospitals.  You see appointments, or get the hospitalized animals taken care of to alleviate the afternoon.  I am willing to do what needs to be done.  But I went to audiology partially because there are no ear emergencies. . .

*Why did you leave vet med?

!hesitating.  [I tried to think of some euphemism or temperate way to tell why.  I knew I shouldn’t sound negative and I knew I should try to just say what drew me to audiology.  Again the question caught me off guard and I had not prepared a good answer which made me very nervous.]  !It started to feel thankless.  There is this mentality that veterinary practice is out to swindle people and vets are last wk Frb 2014 001only in it for the money.  Which is not true at all–vets are the lowest paid medical professional and you work with animals because you love it.  We were under-paid and working hard, so it was difficult when none of that was acknowledged.  Audiology won’t have the same financial problems (something to that affect) *skeptical look [clarification:]  People either can’t or don’t want to afford things.  At least in Audiology, if people can’t or won’t afford things it’s not euthanasia.  Also, when your coworkers are all working so hard and so many hours, it can become a grind.  Negative.  I want to be in audiology because generally after people are fitted they are happy and thankful.  It’s rewarding.

*what’s your contribution to aud.

!As I mention throughout my application, Aural Rehab is very important to me.  I think it is the next big thing in audiology and central.  Also, my dad has hearing aids and I see that aural rehab can be better, and I want to be that person one day.  [only good answer to any of the clinic questions.]

–>  I left the clinic portion of the interview feeling like I didn’t do a good job.  I wish I would have anticipated and prepared for some of those questions, because with some forethought I could have answered them MUCH better.  It was too long to produce my answers, I was too negative, I talked about veterinary too much, and I didn’t emphasize audiology enough.  But hopefully something positive was conveyed.

Fall finals 125

academic:

-there’s my Tiger!  She said.  I said “Mizzou!”  [The academic portion was already going much better, and my nervousness subsided a little.]  Then the gal told me she had to call her sisters after reading myGDB tiger by the tail application, because their dad (maybe someone else) graduated from M.U.’s animal science program, then moved to Illinois/Indiana/Iowa (some I-state) and worked for Campbells for a long time.  She also mentioned that she liked or worked with [I was in a nervous state b/c the interview scenario, OK] one of my letter of rec writers.

*How are you at math?

! In my pre-vet course work I took physics 1, physics 2, Biochem, genetics, and enough chemistry to get the minor because I wanted that to be on my transcript for life!  Math doesn’t come as easily to me as writing, but even though it’s not an innate ability, I know to ask for help early if I need it.  [I’m pretty sure I also worked in a mention of tutorng my peers, but I don’t remember exactly what I said.]

*what motivates you?

!I thought about a word that word would describe me, and it is diligence.  I am intrinsically motivated to be the best version of myself.  I regularly compete with myself to be the best I can be.  As an example, I read and typed outlines of all my Riverpoint classes prior to each semester to familiarize with the material and have a backbone for notes.  And in my personal life I have run 422 days in a row–I was in the Econolodge parking lot in 31F this morning completing the mile 1st thing in the morning.  [I HAD to find a way to get that in there!]

*Give an example of how you are dependable

[umm this is only my BEST quality!  Though it’s hard to put an example to this trait without looking phony.]  !My advisor knew she could depend on me to tutor students that needed extra help.  And when no one was around in the summer and she had to do recruitment activities she knew I would be available to do a presentation.

*what area in the scope of practice interests you?

Right now, I’m interested in Aural Rehab, but that could be in every area of the scope of practice. better view of nerves *That’s how I feel too!  Aural Rehab is central and it usually takes time to convince students of that.  You are ahead of the curve.

*Can you balance academics with work?

!chuckle.  [this is also my LIFE, so of course!]  I have always paid my own living expenses and tuition costs, so ever since I went to college I have also had to work.  I am getting very good at balancing school and work.

–>  The academic part of the interview went so well, that I could feel the professor liked me.  When she asked and I answered, I could tell I was IN with her, and she wasn’t critical at all, or even listening super-intently because I could tell I had passed muster with her already.  Finally, on academics (my traditional weak point in pre-vet/interviews) I was a shoo-in.  That was a (different and) nice feeling.  My 4.0 GPA and hard-science experience was finally counting for something and that felt great!

SLC 16

-The group interview was actually a question panel with the program director.  We do have to pay for 9 credits our 4th externship year.  You find your own externship–if you want it to be paid.  And they can be anywhere–Colorado!  I asked what the procedure was if you have a hard time on externship, and she said she would try to straighten things out, but as a last resort you’d be pulled out and find a new one.  But it’s never happened.  I think the last question, which I asked because the forums talk about bad internships a LOT, put me in a negative light with the head of the department.  She may see me as a troublemaker since I asked. . .

SLC 35

-Then we got a tour of our clinic area.  It’s neat because you immediately observe clinic in the first semester, then go in there as you learn things in lecture, are in full-time 2nd semester-3rd to 4th year.  Then you get 3 outside placements which is unique to the school and obviously super beneficial.  This all before the mandatory externship.  Oh, and they use all 7 makes of hearing aids so you have all that experience that not many people have.  And finally wrote an on-the-fly essay and completed a short personality test before the day was over.  I left around 4:15PM (5.5 hours after I walked in).  Mostly I was thirsty!  They had planned the day very tightly, but not really included bathroom opportunities.  So I only had 2 cups of water while I was there, making my total half of what it should have been by the time.  I was fatigued and headachy. . .

So that’s the interview and that’s the main event we had come for.  Overall, I was really excited about the program a facilities, and thought with the exception of the clinic interview (which wasn’t a disaster, but could have been better) I made a good impression.

Tighten It Up

28 May

pre-essay–what does an AuD do?

-work independently to dx hearing loss and pathologies, and communication impediments, as well as ascertain quality of life, participation restrictions, and underlying mental/social issues.

-fit appropriate amplification, utilizing a patient-specific model and the best (and affordable) technology.

-provide education/counseling/rehab to patients to ensure reasonable expectations and appropriate benefit.

-follow-up with communication strategies, replaced parts, hearing checks, maint, and updates to hearing/patient situation and technology.

-work with all ages, in many different settings as a confident professional.

-keep apprised of the most recent technology in an ever-changing/evolving field and work to maint & improve current techniques.

Intro:

-Show don’t tell the quality time with my dad wasn’t because shopping was fun (it sucked), but b/c we are close.

-Make explicit that Dad HAD hearing aids, but turned them down because they were a nuisance or didn’t wear them at all because they didn’t provide enough benefit.

-maybe use this area to say I didn’t give much thought to the hearing at the time, because I was busy being dedicated to vet medicine.  I was using my internal skills of _____ to help the helpless–animals.

My traits are:

–>I just realized this application does not cover extracurriculars/honors/awards so if I want the committee to know about it I must state it in my essay, sad and hard<–

organized, meticulous, detail-oriented, driven, dedicated, practical, honest, determined, loyal, independent, sensitive, tough, hard-working, ethical, a love of learning and patience for teaching.

-I can say independent for working autonomously in audiology with confidence–but knowing when to ask for help or refer.

-meticulous/organized in that I will pick and follow through with the right audiometric tests, and amplification fitting procedures tailored to each patient’s needs.

-ethical/loyal/determined/dedicated/driven to follow through with rehab and make sure communication is functional.

-learning/teaching as evidenced by my experience teaching clogging to all ages, and also tutoring my peers in speech & hearing science coursework, audiometry in particular.  This will help in educating P about hearing loss & pathologies as well as instructing them how to use their amplification.

-next, talk about why this repeated incident sparked my career interest later, after a segway through the more well-known (to children) field of vet medicine.

After veterinary medicine did not work out for me, I thought back to my shopping trips with my father, and how there was a need there I could possibly help fill.  My dad did have hearing aids but turned them down because they were a nuisance or didn’t wear them at all because they didn’t provide enough benefit.  And I could still be helping those without a voice speak for themselves–my motivation for pursuing vet medicine.  I realized by pursing audiology I could not only make amplification available, but provide more adequate follow-up rehabilitation then my dad had access to.

Vet Traits that work for AuD:

non-verbal communication, attention to detail, problem solving, think outside the box, work under financial constraints, being in a medical setting, professionalism, looking at the whole patient picture, collecting a thorough case history, paying attention to stated and unstated facts, science background, chemistry for inner ear/brain, physics for middle ear and speech science and amplification, performing diagnostic tests, autonomy, calm clients, diverse clients

-non-verbal = humane/efficient/eliminate injury w/animal; ascertain info, glean feelings, notice uncertainty, counsel ppl

-detail = use unstated facts to problem solve (ascertain correct dx sometimes w/o confirmation tests); get well-rounded idea of patient as a whole what their problem is and what needs they have.

-problem solve/think outside the box = both coming up w/most efficient way to confirm suspicions, deviating from normal procedure to assist w/specific situational problem.

-work under $ = ppl can’t/won’t always pay for gold standard txmt in animals; insurance won’t always cover every possible solution to the patient’s hearing/communication issues.  In both, you have to come up with the next best alternative, or change management/underlying behaviors.

-medical = communicating with owners/family, acting in a professional manner, communication w/other professionals, the pace/schedule, etc. . .

-how specific classes have been helpful to this new career option.

-autonomy = vet hospitals don’t take a bunch of time to train, or hand-hold for daily tasks, this serves well in audiometry where professionals work independently.

-both professions are able to build a rapport w/P & families over time, instead of immediately referring to the next specialist–both do O dx, tx, follow-up.

-both careers req professional to put agitated clients at ease

-diversity = both see patients from all walks of life/ages/temperaments/income levels

transition back to my preparation for AuD:

-screenings, aural rehab, writing about vaccines, A&P of ear, amplification, S&HS with it’s acoustics, pathologies, audiometric procedures, observing a hearing dispenser & the gaps I could fill in, seeing “Sound & Fury” documentary, looking at pictures of hearing aids & cochlear implants, reading AAA journal articles,

State intended research/career:

-tie it in to the school’s offerings

-emphasize the rehab to tie in my dad

Maico audm

OK, next blend this advise with my 1st draft

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You Know How I Never Do Anything the Easy Way?

27 May

Well, this time maybe I’ll read the signs ahead of time and try things an easier way.  Maybe it’s not my initial plan.  Maybe it won’t be my optimal timeline.  And maybe things won’t end up as perfectly as I imagined.

Welcom to CO sunflowerBut big changes are afoot.  Since I looked into Colorado’s cost of living I’ve been in a state of shock and panic.  We are already financially behind by thousands of dollars a year out.  And I see no easy way to remedy that.  Old me would buckle down, push harder and make it happen anyway.  Because I have an ability to dedicate myself and persevere.  But then I stopped for a second and thought–what’s the rush?  There’s no reason we have to struggle around to make Colorado happen NOW.  Why not wait and do it properly?  After all, I was supposed to LOVE Seattle, but my financial situation precluded that and now I hate the thought of living there.

So without making any decisions either way Cool and I just opened our minds and broadened our search (I’m proud of us!).  We looked at the school locations, housing costs, job pay and prospects, then I looked into the AuD programs.

Breck sky

Here’s what I like about CO:  What don’t I like about it would be easier (distance from HERE and cost of housing).  I love most everything else.  It’s in the state we want to eventually live in.  I love that the AuD program has educational and clinical internships in addition to the externship.  Bears are a super-cool mascot (hey, it’s not right, but this stuff matters to me).  I have been studying this program and application process for over a year and am comfortable with it.  Again, it’s in Colorado.

 

import 6-17-10 085Seattle:  We’ve been down that road, and even though Cool (and her mom) would be in heaven (Cool thinks, she forgets about being poor and the crummy frat-house situation that necessitates) I would HATE it.  Again.

Oregon:  Very close move, but just as expensive housing as CO–so we might as well still go to CO.

parasailing 056Idaho:  Also really close move (and beautiful area and cool mascot), but despite cheap housing paultry amount of low-paying jobs.  Cool didn’t love that.  And which we knew about Idaho already.  Also a less than optimal situation where AuD students go from Pocatello 3.5 hours away to Boise after the 2nd year of school.  That’s two moves, another apartment to find, and another job to secure.  Even with the cheapest tuition of the bunch, and best grants/loans–that’s pretty rough.

CA:  expensive.  Obviously.

twisty

TX:  No.  Even though I like Austin, Cool vetoes crazy-Texas.

 

 

AZ:  Cool hates the politics and I would prefer not to be kidnapped.

 

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KS:  We looked as far east as Kansas.  And it’s a real possibility.  For a day we had decided upon it.  KS is cheap housing–AND I know the Kansas City area well.  Because it’s by the city there are a lot of jobs that pay decently.  We would have vet care (Noah’s Ark) and I could even still donate my eggs til I’m 35!!!  Drawbacks–Can you say 22.5 hour drive with cats?  Moving sucks no matter the distance, but this really started to sound sucky, and I said I would never make that drive again.  Plus, we’re over-shooting our eventual goal of CO by 8 hours.  And I would be a little sad inside to have to join my alma mater’s rival school and become *gasp* a Jayhawk.  Oh, and no WICHE deal means paying spendy out-of-state tuition.  Again.

Arches Natl Park

UT:  Utah is only a 10 hour drive from HERE.  That’s one long day or two really easy ones.  It’s also in close proximity to Colorado (4-8 hours), WY, ID, and NV (8 easy hours from my parents and storage unit).  The housing is the same or cheaper then here, and jobs were widely available and require NO commute.  Salt Lake City is maybe the only place that housing, school, AND jobs were within the same place.  The weather is similar to Nevada, and requires no 4×4, sowe wouldn’t have to worry about selling the HHR and buying a 4×4 while we’re planning everything else.  There is still the recreation of CO (well almost as good).  There is the added bonus of many professional sports teams.  Oh, and randomly I guess Salt Lake City is a gay mecca?  Not that we’re social butterflies, but it would be nice not to be murdered.  . .  I’m having a difficult time finding out much about my program, and think I’ll have to *shudder* make a phone call.  But it appears to have a class size between 5-8.  Oh and a really lame mascot–the Swoops?  To mean a falcon.  Which I wonder why they just didn’t go with falcons, because that’s much cooler than a shape.  I saw feathers on the logo and suspected P.C. rebranding, then looked into it and saw UU used to be the Utes.  Which is awesome, but only for the home school–you can’t have rival teams shouting “kill the Utes” and other such slander.  And their color is red–which I hate and I think goes back to some redskins slur.  But the mascot isn’t super-important.  Right?  That’s what I’m trying to convince myself.  I need to find out more about my specific program and the application procedure, that’s what’s important now.Roy-Utah

So I think for financial reasons I’m going to be applying to University of Utah.  Which means I have to start over in my program research, but also means we can stress out MUCH less about the move.  And you know what?  Thinking of other options and perhaps finding a better one didn’t hurt at all.  As a matter of fact, I’m more excited, because I’m not about to have a nervous breakdown about money and logistics–just that phone call. . .

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Transformation Begins to Sound Redundant (last official installment)

30 Dec

I really like the New Year’s season.  I enjoy reflecting and improving–hence all the starry-eyed, introspective blog posts.  There’s just 2 transformative posts left, but one was what are my goals.  I have my last year’s accountability posts, and next year’s new goals.  So those will be another series all their own.  

The aspirations all start to blend together.  And that’s boring for you, but practical for me.  You shouldn’t have TOO much change to contend with or you set yourself up for failure.  Anyway, so here’s the last official post of the Transformation Series:

Day 5: How do my goals and priorities need to change?

The social needs to be elevated a little.  If for no other reason, then my own mental health.  Following through with the thinking of others, volunteering, will make me feel like I contribute something substancial.  Adjusting my attitude and actions in small ways, which will help me FEEL better.  Living with gratitude ought to help the social along.  Physical needs to be less talk/dreams and more action.  And I can do that with a series of SMALL actions, so as not to overwhelm myself.  I need to maintain the mental.  Discipline.

I hope “Transformation” made you think.  Maybe inspired someone.  At least, it inspired me to be a better person.

Transformation: A Drop in the Bucket

29 Dec

How have my thoughts, words and actions contributed to the world?

solar systemNot as much as I would like.  I feel that as a part-time student, part-time employee, my time is stretched thin, and I’m not quite a giver to society.  Just selfishly trying to get by and survive.

I want to do more.  split planets

I would like to actually volunteer.  Which entails, getting a project, finding the time, then doing the legwork, and supersprayer celestial bodiesfinally showing up consistantly.

red saturnI am working toward a career where my efforts MATTER.

So, it’s a small post, but maybe the biggest requirements of any of them.  In 2014, I want to be a giving person and help others.

 

Transformation Proclamation: Behaviors

28 Dec

How do my actions need to change?

I’m a big beliver in the triangle:  Mental, physical, and social.  Most people have a strong side and a weak side.  I don’t feel like I excel in any particular area, but my short side is certainly social.  I’ve never been very great with people-skills.

Facial vein

Mental:

I need to remain driven in school.  Keep up (and ahead) on reading.  Review notes immediately after class, and make & study flashcards.  No change, but it was difficult to establish those habits, so I mention them because I fear letting them slip.  I talked about my real mental issues in yesterday’s ME post.  I need to worry less.  I need to control my stress, by letting go of control.  Work is always going to suck.  Cool will be Cool.  Spokompton and I will never quite see eye to eye.  Things won’t always ever be in their proper place.  I need to become more OK with that.  Stress and anxiety is making me too fatigued.  It’s counterproductive, and I need to stop the cycle.

Laurel's pics 057

Physical:

I have to buckle down and make the hard changes.  Once, I start, maintaining will be easier.  And fixing this, just may help the anxiety, stress, and fatigue that plagues me.

-Try out treadmilling in the morning to see how I like it.  Give it an earnist effort for a length of time.

-Really add produce to every meal.  Now that I’m not buying alcohol, I can afford it.

-Combine studying with walking.

-Just do 10 minutes.  Anyone, even I, can find 10 min in a day to devote to some sort of exercise.

Sierra Exif JPEG

Social:

I don’t want this to matter to my goals, because this really falls last in my priorities.  And it’s my worst.  Social has never been my strong suit, but neglecting it makes my life harder–if not just because other people become awful toward me.  At work, especially, I have pulled back from those people.  They have introduced much stress in my life, routinely make me feel bad, unwanted, and inexperienced, and generally make me oscillate between frustrated and hopeless.  As such, I don’t leave myself vulnerable to them.  I have pretty much shut-off at work.  But that makes it worse for me too, because then they perceive ME as bitchy, cold, and hostile.  So by trying to protect myself, I actually bring resentment and aggression toward me.  It’s a conundrum.  One I don’t know if I even want to fix.  It’s a lot of work.  Maybe I’ll visualize a better way to get through the work day, then just trying to go there and accomplish my job.  Maybe I’ll just bide my time.  We’ll see.  But that’s the thing.  I WISH work could see that I am an ethical, caring, fun, responsible, funny, smart, motivated, loyal, compassionate, sensitive, thoughtful person.  Instead, they see me as amount of hours worked, number of tasks I relieve them of (never enough), and a moody-nusence–I feel very undervalued at my job.

A little bit of a bleak way to end it.  Except I guess that just shows me how important this transformation of myself is to my future.  I am not happy HERE, but that will just help me move on.  And up.  And this provides a good practice area for the real deal.

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Transformation: Part 3 All About ME

27 Dec

Day 5: How have a treated myself? That is, my body, mind & spirit.

It’s a funny thing.  My feelings and my actions are a little out of alignment, I suppose.  I love myself.  I probably like myself too much.  Though I can be hard on myself, often I’m not hard enough.  But when asked specifically about my body, mind, and spirit–I don’t really have great answers.  That’s a problem, and I would like to begin addressing it more.

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I think my spirit is one of the best things about me.  In a churchy way, my bond with God is unwavering.  In a more genral sense, I feel I am introspective and in touch with me.  I often look inward trying to understand, and always aim to improve things.  And my sense of festivity is always strong.  I love getting into things and do it with whole-heart.  Which makes everything better.  When I get into something, I’m ALL in.

Mind

I feed my mind.  Lack of learning isn’t really a problem.  I learn formally in school, encounter practical skills constantly at work, stimulate my mind by reading, and even watch things (documentaries) that engage my mind.  The real trouble is stress/worry/anxiety/determination/discipline.  In those areas, I am unsympathetic thesaruswith myself, and relentlessly persist in berating myself.  It’s a hard habit to break.  But I know I need to.  It doesn’t work out well for me, or for those around me.  And instead of being productive, this renders me. . .  A mess.

What I would like to do, is keep the discipline that leads to work ethic and accomplishment, but release myself from such strict rules that it makes me crazy.  I plan to try a new worry/plan/stress tactic.  Instead of indulging in it all day and all night–I will allow myself exactly 30 min a day.  In that 30 minutes, I can worry, stress out, plan ahead, dwell on things, and formulate plans.  Outside of that–I may not think along those lines.  I tried it yesterday regarding work–it went very well.  I slept better, got up more cheery, and was easier to get along with AT work.  Maybe this is my solution.

Body

Somehow, I don’t treat my physical self very well.  I eat garbage–and too much of it.  Am sedentary.  I overindulge.  Mostly, I’m lazy about grooming.  I rarely fix up my hair or makeup and just about never wear my contacts anymore.  Some would say these behaviors are telling about my inner feelings–the way you treat yourself reflects how you FEEL about yourself.  But I feel OK.  So I want to really step it up in this area and concentrate on my physical self a little.  Not in a superficial beauty/diet industry way, but in a genuine I care richard simmonsabout my overall health way.  Because I do.

It’s so, so, so hard.  But like everything, break an overwhelming task into smaller, more managable steps.  I can wear my contacts at least once a week.  Drink 4 glasses of water before 7:30AM.  Add in produce to my diet, because it’s easier then trying to SUBTRACT things.  And do exercise in my living room while I study or while I de-stress by watching TV.   I don’t have to change everything, just add some good behaviors in.

I think that’s all for today’s transformation.  See you tomorrow!

 

A Day Late: My Thanks

29 Nov

I had a sort of bad day yesterday:

-I was awake the night before fretting over this stupid, “small” paper that’s due Monday.

-I spent the majority of the day formatting my sources.

-Cool was being a turkey–as she does every time I get a full day off.

-When we went to make our Indian Tacos, I discovered we were short on flour.

-We suddenly had the kitchen of a crack-whore.  Just bare.

But at night, before going to sleep Cool and I did an exercise of everything we’re thankful for.  Here’s mine:

-First and foremost, I’m thankful about my new Friday schedule.  It’s just one day, but it changes my whole attitude and outlook.  I’m way less worried, annoyed, stressed, tired, and frustrated.  I had been dreading Fridays all week, for a long time and it was really bringing me down.  I feel SO much better now!

-Rusty.  I am very thankful to have a dependable car that I don’t have to pour a lot of money into or worry about. Rusty I’m thankful for the 4×4 so I can get to work and school as needed, the AAA so I don’t have to worry about a breakdown or be stuck when bad thigs happen.  And mostly–the remote start.  I LOVE that I don’t have to go on that cold, dark (dangerous) street and scrape my windows or sit in a freezing car.

-My family being in one state.  I’m so glad Goose can finally live with us.  And I’m also glad that it improved my relationship with my parents.  Things with them are going very well, and it feels great.  I’m also glad Choco-Luv is healthy and happy and gets along so well with Cool.  It feels good to have my own little family.

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-Netflix.  It saves a lot of money to be able to stream shows and movies.  And commercial-free.  Saves money in not paying for satellite, not buying DVDs, and not going out for entertainment.

-I’m also thankful for the electric throw blankets, electric blanket, goose-down comforter, and infrared light in the bathroom.  It makes life a lot easier not to be constantly cold.  Everything seems better when you’re a cozy recovering from sxtemperature.  AND those things don’t ramp up the utility bill too much.

-My new clogging shoes.  I had so much fun with the whole talent show experience.  And having the shoes makes me excited and hopeful.

-Obviously, I’m thankful for Marble and the internet.  I would be a lot less happy if I were without those!  And Spotify music which makes everything I want to listen to available so easily and free.

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Dead Giveaway

13 May

I guess this turned into a sort of rambling post.  But in the interest in establishing routines, I’m going to publish it.  I also cleaned for an hour (after being at work for 11 hours) and ran a mile on the treadmill–just because it was raining outside.  So here’s my effort to write.  Tomorrow will be higher quality work, but today is about making habits:

It’s a creepy feeling to receive e-mails from someone when you don’t think THAT person actually sent the message. It’s truly weird when the sender has been deceased for 10 months. . .

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In other news, my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd (I was in Multi-Aged Group or MAG) grade teacher died last week. I’m sad I didn’t reach out to her more on Facebook, and I guess the word is disappointed I didn’t realize she was critically ill.

It’s also strange to think that I am now old enough that teachers and such are old enough to DIE. I mean, without an accident or some other incident that takes them too young. I’m old enough where people that impacted my life are getting old enough to go somewhat naturally.

Thirdly, Sloppy’s ashes and the necklace that contains part of her came back today. Family Pet Memorial does such quality work and is so compassionate! I felt really good about their turn-around, and did not hardly expect such a heavy discount for being an employee at one of the referring vet hospitals. But I was very, very thankful for it, as everything pet-related is adding up so quickly even with very substantial discounting from all sides. I appreciate all of it, and need to get on some thank you notes for sure.

I had empathy (sometimes) for people who couldn’t pay, (when they acted responsibly and weren’t over their heads, or actually couldn’t pay and it wasn’t just a priority issue) but this unexpected event has strengthened it.  I honestly, don’t know what real people do. . . I can see why people might get sticker-shock, have buyer’s remorse, or have to make tough decisions.  Kind of.  I do think good people work it out most times.  But it definitely can be hard.  Maybe I’m still undecided about this issue–it’s a case-by-case thing.

Lastly, I am very excited to reclaim my Goose without fear of eviction.  Though nervous about all of the logistics.

Pintrest a.k.a The Devil

24 Jun

The mother of time-suckers.

I knew better then to sign up.  But I have, and now it’s ALL over.  This sort of categorization is right up my OCD alley.  Once I begin, I can’t stop searching for new pins and organizing them onto the appropriate boards.  But they look so good!

Besides the time-warp aspect, I am finding really awesome ideas and plans for the loft I want in the future.  And I’m not quite sure it if makes me excited about my future, or just makes things look bleak b/c probability of these pins becoming reality seems small right now.  I guess I’ll take the former for mental health reasons.  Also, I’m pinning/dreaming for some sort of reception or house-warming party.  And a procuring a lot of quotes–which I have always loved.

I have intentionally avoided:  Food, DYI, crafts, art, and animals because I know that is a Pandora’s box.  I would never leave that vortex once I entered. . .

But looking at all those quotes and seeing all those buff bods made me go run 3 miles (more on this in a coming post) yesterday afternoon.  Normally unheard of on a Saturday when I’m very tired from work–so I guess it’s not ALL bad.  Except, by focusing on the Pintrest silliness, which is just shopping without spending, money–it is taking time away from more important activities.  Reading and outlining anatomy, studing anatomy vocab flashcards, reviewing the organelles, writing my anatomy paper on ALS, practicing dysphagia recipes, writing blogs, reading for enjoyment (while I still can), running or at least doing the Wii, cleaning–pretty much EVERYthing else.

Maybe I will set a time-limit for myself to keep time-wasting to a minimum.  Yes, that’s what I will do!  Tomorrow 😛