Tag Archives: mad

I’m Sick. And Grumpy.

20 Aug

Last night I started feeling worse and worse.  Normally when I feel something coming on I go to bed super-early.  But I will have to work til midnight really soon and my body is already going to be shocked.  As such, I HAD to stick it out until 9:30PM.  I felt so bad that I turned off my alarm clock (I never sleep to the alarm, but I’d be too nervous if I didn’t set it–just in case) for cleaning the vet hospital in the morning.  I try to go there every other day and had gone Monday, so was set to do it today.  But I had called Monday to make Rusty an appointment–and of course Wednesday was the first they could get me in.  And they were very explicit that I should drop off at 7:30AM.  So with the (impending) sickness, I didn’t think I should get up at 3-4AM, drop off the car, and be unable to nap.  If I get in bed after 5:20AM, I CANNOT sleep no matter how hard I try.  Anyway, so I decided I would clean work Wednesday night and still get it done on the every other day.

I slept fitfully because my body is trying to get sick and out of guilt for not cleaning–even though it’s a flexible schedule and I just have to make sure and go 3x/wk.  But I felt bad anyhow.  In the morning (the cats woke us up at 5:30AM, so I didn’t get tons of sleep), we went to drop Rusty off.  And–he had written that I called on Monday, but neglected to put me on the schedule for today.  So skipping work and dropping off was unnecessary because he put me on the very bottom of their full schedule.  Annoying.  And I felt icky so I almost said something about it.

At the track, I had intended to run a record 400m today.  I thought maybe if I warmed up slowly it could still be done.  Because I’m not completely sick, I can just tell it’s coming on.  But there is still time for preventative sleep/warmth/Zicam/vitamins/fluids.  But as soon as I started jogging I instantly felt TERRIBLE.  Everything ached, I felt tired, my muscles were stiff.  It was unpleasant.  I changed my mind about any speed work and just did a slow 2 miles practicing switching long strides and quick strides.  

When I got back to the apartment complex, the trashy-trashy, white-trash trashy lesboz that park next to us were over the line half in our spot.  So I had to squeeze in very tightly.  And when I opened the door, I was confronted with their barf-covered passenger door.  Who pukes on their car??!  Disgusting.  Cool wrote a note, but the tone was annoyed.  And I am all about feeling annoyed, but hesitated to give it to them, because, trashy people have no boundaries and who knows how they might retaliate.  But Cool put it on their barf-mobile anyway.  Fast-forward:  Next time I went to the car, theirs was gone, and the note was crumpled beside Cool’s car. . .

Rewind:  I went home and Cool made a wonderful huckleberry waffle breakfast.  I was feeling so crummy that the impossible occured and I actually was able to nap for 30 min.  But it wasn’t enough and I still felt like crud.  I get, for lack of better word, annoying sickness.  There’s no outward signs, but I feel feverish and fatigued.  Standing in the kitchen to make a frozen drink for Labor Dave about did me in, and I felt really crummy.  So I look a-OK, but feel ick-scum.  If it does come full-on (it hasn’t yet) I’ll get a fever and a head-cold.  Not cool times for public or for sitting in class.

Anyway, I didn’t get a call until 1:30PM asking permissions and pricing.  So I should have gone to work, and Rusty will not be finished today.  Which is super-annoying, because now Cool goes to work and I’ll have to clean at 3-4AM tomorrow–sacrificing more sleep when I’m (getting) sick.

That’s all.  I’ll work on my graph blogs today since standing up seems too much.  That reminds me, there are just 5 days til school starts and I have a HUGE list of things to do before then.  I’m mentally going insane, but my body won’t cooperate–it’s going to be a low productivity day when I need to kick it into high gear >:-[

Restraint

20 Dec

And not the animal kind–though I should take a lesson from it.

forest fire 2I almost got myself fired yesterday.  And at the time, I wasn’t sad about it.  At all.  Every fiber of my being had to conjure the financial ruin (and burned bridges) walking off the job would create.  I knew if I opened my mouth to respond–a lot of frustration and hostility would boil over.  I was so, so, so, so, so close to looking at my boss and saying regretful forest fire 4things, then leaving right then and there.  Just to show her I would.  Because I was upset that nothing ever changes, and my employers don’t care about the issues so important or problematic to me.  So many problems remain that it’s difficult to address one without bringing up 12 other infractions.  So at the time it just seemed easier to cut ties.

forest fire 5And certainly I would regret that decision.  I DO need this job–and I’m good at it.  It’s my best work skill, they are willing to work with my school schedule, and I need the money.  And my boss MUST realize her life is a lot easier with me in it–though she’d never give me the satisfaction of telling me so.  I am dedicated and show up every Saturday, I am fast enough to work busy Mondays and Fridays.  I do all of the cleaning of the hospital.  I am somehow the only one that knows how to change the processor chem, and if I do say so myself, take the best films.  I know how to set up the I131 room, and am willing to come in on Sundays to forest fire 6check the kitties in there.  I have NEVER called in sick–even when I am.  I have come in between 4:45 AM and never later then 6:55 AM to clean up from the day before, set up for that day, and house-keep–and then worked the rest of my 9 hour day.  I am not just a body.  And replacing me would not be that easy.  My quitting wouldn’t be great for either me or my boss.  But at the time, both of us were so angry that we were willing to terminate the relationship.

forest fire 8But then after getting so heated with my boss, I could calmly restrain a fractious cat.  I thought to myself what the difference was.  How could I slow my adrenaline and ignore angry growls, and cat-aggression, but get all riled up when it’s a person confronting me?  My big conclusion was that cats only think of self-preservation–their behavior is not about me.  But is that really so different from people?

Cats bring out the teeth and claw because:

1-They’re scared.

As humans, we’re tough, but we’re also scared a lot of the time.  We each get afraid of various things, and that colors our behaviors.  Just like cats, when threatened we can lash out.  We will try to control our own environment and destiny sometimes at the expense of others.

2-They’re uncomfortable or don’t feel well.

When you’re cold, have a headache, hurt somewhere–it’s really difficult to have patience.  And just the overall psyche suffers, and may cause an unfortunate episode with another person.

3-They don’t like the way I am poking at them or interacting with them.

Kitty says, stop touching me like that or I don’t like how you’re holding me (or that you are).  In the same way people will tell you.  Make an undesirable face, use a beligerant expression, employ negative body language, have a “tone” in your voice, or say bad things–we are sensitive to these cues.  And if the interaction isn’t pleasant we’re going to get our hackles up and respond defensively or aggressively to it.  Yay language!

4-They wanted to be doing something else (napping).

People can become irate, too, just because they’d rather be elsewhere.  It has nothing to do with the person they’re dealing with–that person just gets the brunt of it.  Work, appointments, traffic–people don’t wanna be there, so accordingly, the temper is going to be shorter.

5-They are tired and/or hungry.

Exactly like when the kitties would rather be settling in for a warm nap instead of at the vet, people are edgy when they’re tired.  See my last post on the importance of sleep.  And hunger?  If you’ve ever seen an NPO cat prior to surgery, you know it’s crabby.  Hunger can make a cat or person do crazy things.

6-They are mad at their owner for bringing them in, or at another cat/animal.

The cat scratches the techs and doctors, because they are displacing aggression.  If a person feels anger toward someone–a client, a superior, a certain employee, the husband–but for whatever reason can’t address the issues with THAT person.  Well, the frustration is going to come out somewhere.  Every spouse in the world knows this story.

7-Or they’re just little jerks.

Probably the rarest form of fractious cat–just a nasty personality.  And some people are just a$$holes.

komodo 4

So looking at that list, let’s start with me:

1 I was scared.  Scared that I would again and constantly feel overwhelming stress/annoyance like the previous day.  Scared of killing something or doing irreparable harm to a patient.

2 I also didn’t feel well.  I had a sore throat and general malaise.  Plus I was regretting my breakfast cookies, because my blood sugar felt a little lower than is comfortable.

3 I didn’t like the way my boss was interacting with me.  After not getting “after” anyone the day before (for transgressions I feel are blatant and obvious,) and without telling me anything good about the work of the prior day–she was then getting into my face.  About something that wasn’t wrong.  If she had checked she would know this.

4 I wanted to be anywhere else but a 4th day at work–3 of them 10+ hours.  I have to fix my car that won’t lock and get a bungee cord for the door that won’t shut.  I need to read and outline my textbooks before the semester starts.  And when I work full days and Cool works full nights I never see her.  So I wanted to be home with her.  I want to read for pleasure while I still have time. . .

5  I was tired.  Cool woke me up at 2:30 AM that morning and I never did go back to sleep.  And this was after waking up at 4 AM (then working 10 hour days) the 2 previous days.  And obviously I get really grumpy when I’m exhausted.

6  I was mad at the receptionist who can’t say no or schedule appropriately–or check in a true drop-off appointment.  I was angry that same receptionist (that creates the stress) gets stressed and pushes HER work onto me when I’m already overwhelmed with my own work.  I was also mad that the tech I worked with the previous day was slow, doing exactly 25% of every task and leaving me with the rest.

fangtooth

Now lets look at my boss:

1 I suspect she was scared I would poison our new good tech against her by being disgruntled.  She may also have been scared about losing patients during anesthetics.  Thirdly, she might have feared clients would be unhappy.

2  My boss complained of a headache early in the morning, so I know she probably wasn’t feeling the best.

3  She did not like my tone of voice, didn’t like that I didn’t automatically submit to her, hates that I seem to lack gratitude to her for being employed, and especially didn’t like my comments of wanting a to quit if things at work didn’t improve.

4  Of course, my boss would rather be doing something else.  Even people who love their job don’t want to be there all the time.

5  I can’t know if my boss was tired, though I assume so since she had also been working the previous insane day, and Wednesday was also her third, long day in a row.  And I know she was hungry, because her stomach growled all morning.

6  And it’s impossible to know who else my boss might have a problem with at the time.  Frustration at other staff members?  The business partner?  Her husband?  All possible.

So the score?  6 out of 7 (I like to think) for me and 4 to 6 out of 7 for her.  So we shouldn’t have interacted at all–that’s what those numbers tell me.

Anatomy 14

Lesson:  It is possible to bypass emotion and fight or flight responses.  And I need to do this when dealing with people, not just when restraining the fractious buddies.

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Junior Nation Hater! [posted 2-20-09]

17 Jan

It doesn’t even start out with the wreck.  Earnhardt Jr. was dumb even before that.  He missed his pit, not once but probably three times!  Really?!  You can’t see the flag bearing your number. . .  3 different times???  Aside from that, Junior’s pit crew preceded working on the car even though Junior had not parked between the lines of his pit box.  Tell me—NONE of them could see the officials waving at him to back the car up?  They were motioning for Junior to reverse so as to get in his proper area—denoted by yellow lines.  So NASCAR black flagged Junior and made him sit in his (proper) pit box for a couple of laps.  Rightfully so, since the poor driver in front of Junior was blocked off from HIS pit box.  At any rate, Junior (who is hardly ever sanctioned by NASCAR) was none too pleased with the discipline.  That is why the next events unfolded.

Vickers (a lapped car) was near the front of the pack.  Junior (also lapped) was a little ways behind him.  Junior gets out of line and goes low in an attempt to pass Vickers.  To do this he had to cross the double yellow—you can NOT advance your position by crossing under the double yellow!  This is clearly stated in the rules.  Also the line used to be just a single yellow, but Daytona took the time to paint a whole other line just to make the rule crystal clear.  Oh I know—maybe Junior is color blind and can’t see yellow???  Wait he could still see lines, right?  Besides these were 2 lapped cars, and we still had some 100 laps of racing to go.  So it was a stupid time for Junior to make such a move.  Vickers dove down to the bottom to block the pass.  This was heavy-handed considering the circumstances, but perfectly legal.  The proper thing for Junior to do (and what the rules call for) is to blend back into the line of the racing pack.  Instead of blending, Junior had a temper tantrum and hit Vickers rear end on his way back into line.  Accident or frustration, Junior made the contact.  Vickers ricocheted up the track and through the main pack of cars.

To my chagrin, Junior Nation defended his actions!  They are foolish!!!  As someone else put it, “Junior could step out of his car, shoot Vickers in the head, and you people [Junior Nation] would STILL blame Vickers!”  It’s not even that I don’t like Dale Earnhardt Jr.  I think he’s probably nice, definitely great at selling merchandise, and he sure fills out those Wranglers nicely.  It just infuriates me that some people think he does no wrong!

I dare any Junior fan to come up with a legitimate reason for cheering that dude on—besides his father.  The guy can’t help who his father is, but his racing heritage afforded him every opportunity (and dollar) to succeed—and he hasn’t.  The guy drove for a company bearing his name, for pete’s sake!  Junior just doesn’t have the record!

Junior has no Championship—the mark of an excellent driver.  Sure, there are exceptions like Mark Martin, who is an awesome driver, but hasn’t won the cup.  He’s still considered a good driver because he has 35 wins under his belt.  Junior’s stats aren’t even good!   In trying to defend Junior to me, one of the Junior Nation members told me Junior has had 18 wins.  Are you kidding me with that???  In 10 years of racing, with all his money and notoriety—only 18?  Sir, that is no bragging right!  Carl Edwards, who has only been racing for about 4 seasons, already had 16 wins!  He has also come very close to winning the Championship.  My guy, Jimmy Johnson, has 40 wins in 7 seasons!  Tony Stewart has 33 wins, and even loser Bobby Labonte (aka wreck magnet) has 21 wins.  Let’s not even talk about Jeff Gordon who has 81 wins in the last 14 years—and that’s with 2 entirely winless seasons!

Junior Nation—you are impractical and deluded!!!  Quit defending the (wrong) actions of Junior.  More importantly, quit treating ME like an idiot because I call him on his flaws.