Tag Archives: Mary

Mary-Married

23 Feb

When I talked to my Mom on the phone this week, she was telling me Del Minor (Mary’s mom) died at the beginning of the month.  Shaun (Mary’s gossipy sister-in-law) was being all shady when my mom asked when the funeral was going to be.  Obviously, Del was a central figure in our town and my mom knew her and thus wanted to pay her respects.  But after asking Shaun a couple of times and being told noncommittal answers my parents saw in the news that the funeral had taken place—2 days prior.  So I guess our family was blacklisted, which is shitty, though they probably could have looked in the news or talked to someone else about the date and time if they had really wanted to go.  But oh well.

 

So that night, I looked online to read the obituary.  And there it was—they listed the survivors.  And they listed them as couples.  There was several of Mary’s older siblings, then Tom (Mary’s brother) and his wife Shaun.  Then last in oldest to youngest order:  Mary Minor and this new name- Sandra __________.  At first I thought it was some kind of typo—they put one of Del’s sibs next to her youngest child’s name accidentally.  Because the Mary I know would never have her private life broadcast.  Especially if the town of Dayton was to see it.  Plus, how in the world would she even be with anyone?!

 

But I looked up the gal’s name online—and sure enough, there was not only a marriage announcement of Mary and this gal-but a picture!  I still would have doubted t, just because it was so out of character for Mary.  I mean, this is the person, who when I realized I was gay at the tender age of 18, she took my in the bathroom at work, with the fan on, and asked that I not tell her secret.  No regard for what I must have been feeling, how shell-shocked I might be–just ‘don’t tell anyone that she’s gay.’  But they blog supplemented the announcement with a picture.  So I knew without a doubt it was the same Mary I knew (past tense intentional).  Also, this Tahoe wedding happened in 2013? So I’m way behind the scene.  Which is good, because thinking about Mary and the cabin-mansion makes me feel icky inside and makes me have nightmares.  I had even asked my mom not to share the gossip she gleaned from Shaun or the community, because I don’t want to think about that part of my life.  And I guess that was necessary because even though Mary saw Shaun as an enemy when I knew her, Shaun must have gotten the picture that we are not on good terms, so she stopped sharing any information with my mom–she didn’t know.  And as much as I don’t like to think about those dark times, and dark characters, part of me wished I would have known—just for curiosity’s sake.

 

Obviously, a lot has changed.  The Mary I knew was an absolute PILL because she was such a closet-case.  Like, Kim and her were together for 6 years or something when they moved together to Dayton, and Mary was so secretive that she wouldn’t wear their ring on her left hand.  And when they moved neighborhoods, they did it at night—to escape prying eyes.  She never acknowledged who Kim was—even though it was fairly obvious.

 

Also Mary was a MESS when I went back in 2009.  Her and Kim were pretty over.  Mary played the part of the Godfather.  Cold and calculating and in control of the people around her and the information exchanged.  She was cheating with the hairdresser.  She invited me there, gave me my job back, then scapegoated me–I suspect because I knew too much and I was not an adequate replacement for her dead niece Brenna.  She was such an awful person at that time that I questioned if she had ever been a good influence in my life.  Had she always had sketchy ethics and I had been too naive to see it?  All I knew is that I was disillusioned and never wanted to have her in my life again.  When she subscribed to my Facebook page (really stupid because FB notifies you) I blocked her.  Just so she doesn’t exsist anywhere in my life.  And I would be horrified if I ran into her (which is highly plausible in a small town) when visiting my parents.  So with all those feelings, and my insider knowledge at least of that time in her life, it’s hard to imagine she’s OK enough now to attract a new girlfriend—let alone someone who wants to marry her.

 

And the fact the marriage was posted online and done in Tahoe was completely different from the Mary I knew.  I come back to it, jst because it astounds me.  I guess she’s grown as a person, so that’s good for her.  I can’t help but wonder if she’s alright now, or just the same shit-head with a new wife to treat badly and make disappear.  Mary has a way of dominating and being Godfather that makes other disappear.  She controls those in her inner circle, hides things from those outside, and annihilates those she deems enemies–however small their perceived infraction.  I say perceived, because Mary herself knows a few of those people were only defending themselves against her attacks–they didn’t do anything to warrant her wrath.  I have to wonder-Would we have animosity or see 2009 as a bad scene for both of us?  Water under the bridge or enemies forever?  I really don’t know, but her seemingly new outlook on life makes me wonder.

 

Also, does Kim know?  Is she coherent enough to?  Do Mary and her talk or hate one another?  And what does Mary see their relationship as?  A mistake?  Or does she see that she choked the life out of Kim, squashed her spirit until nothing but alcoholic coping and emptiness were left?  Kim probably had a genetic predisposition, and Mary fostered those drinking ways, but in the end, I think the seclusion and control are what really did Kim in.  And nows she’s just a shell of who she used to be.  I feel sorry about that, yet I don’t talk to her either, because there’s just nothing there.

 

I had so many questions!  And the whole thing gave me just icky feelings of remembrance.  One thing you can count on Dayton for is gossip.  I’ll hear eventually.

My last Day of Veterinary Assisting

24 Feb

Hopefully my last day ever.  I guess hopefully.  I would like to move forward and not have to go back to it only out of desperation.  But I guess I don’t know what the future holds.  My anticipated last day of my life in the veterinary field was. . .  Anticlimactic.  Which perfectly sums up the 19 years I spent working in the field, honestly.  I didn’t want a fuss.  I didn’t make a big deal during my last 2 weeks of work.  Didn’t tell any clients I was leaving–I didn’t want to be THAT person.  This was my decision and I didn’t want people to feel obligated to say things they didn’t genuinely think to say on their own accord.  But I wanted???  Something.  At least a goodbye or a good job or–I don’t know, not a big party or drama or phoniness–but. . .  Something.

I honestly don’t know how I feel about my last day, former life, veterinary assisting.  When I was giving my heart headresignation I thought I would feel excited.  I’m not, really.  I put pictures up on Facebook, thinking it would make me feel nostalgic.  But it actually made me feel kind of icky.  I didn’t have very many pictures of me working, or even work at all from the last 19 years.  I always had the mentality that there was not even 2 minutes for pictures at work, because I had to BE working every second I was there.  So that was disappointing.  Posting the pictures also made me feel–icky.  There were a lot of Mary, and being reminded of her cheating, horribleness, mid-life crises, and the way she treated me hurt.  The pictures just reminded me of burned bridges, thankless jobs, and made my whole 19 years seem more negative than positive.  Which I hope is not the case–but I guess almost half of those years WERE more negative then positive.  And I thought I would feel relief today.  But really, I felt nothing.  I wasn’t sad/happy, bitter/sentimental, nervous/excited.  Just blank.

I knew they wouldn’t do anything nice for me.  So I made my own nice last day and sent myself flowers.  When I to me from me last day everordered the bouquet I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t feel TERRIBLE that nobody got me a card or a gift or said last goodbyes (I knew they wouldn’t).  So I sent myself flowers, clearly labeled to me, from me.  It wasn’t a sneaky–ohhh I’ll send myself flowers and play it off like someone else sent them.  I was OK with me doing something special for me.  And maybe I wanted to shame them (just a little) for neglecting such an important, mile-stone day.  Except when the flowers actually arrived at work, I guess I lost my nerve and got a little embarrassed about it.  Suddenly I felt like a lame-ass sending myself roses on Valentine’s Day or something.  So when my coworker guessed they were from Cool I just said they were.  Lame.

But I’m glad I did send the flowers, because sure enough, in the morning, there was no card, no cake, no gift. cat face Certainly no balloons wishing me well or thanking me for my service, or congratulating me on a job well done or on my future endeavors.  None of that.  My boss mentioned my last day, just an acknowledgement (which IS better than the nothing I got from EVERYbody else at work), a couple times throughout the day, but never made a big deal, indicated she’d/they’d miss me, or said anything thoughtful about it.  But that’s veterinary for you.

AuroaThere’s such a high turnover rate, such a high burn-out rate, that when people come and go it’s just business as usual to the hospital and those still working there.  Veterinary staff are truly just bodies–fairly easy to replace.  So vets expect people to leave–they quickly turn to finding the next person, covering the shifts–logistics.  It’s just the practical thing I guess.  It’s been much the same everywhere I’ve worked–and for everyone leaving.  There was not only no fuss, but hardly a mention, when I wrapped up my seasonal horse position, moved from Missouri, finished the summer at emergency, or went across the state from Seattle.  And there wasn’t any during my last morning ever as an assistant.

Nor at lunch.  But at 3PM(?) when the flowers came, my boss said, “I’ve had something in my car for you.”  And luckyI’m a suspicious person so I wondered if she HAD specially picked something just for me for this day, or if it was random groceries that happened to be in the car or a gift from someone else still in there, or a gift intended for someone else.  But who knows?  Maybe she HAD specifically gotten something with me in mind and HAD already intended on presenting it at the end of the day.  And it was champagne.  Which she had no idea I can’t drink.  They don’t know enough about my life to realize I’ve given up alcohol completely.  There was no card either.  Which made me more suspicious it just happened to be in there already and when flowers came she felt guilty for being jerks and neglecting my important occasion.  But maybe she brought it just for me and just didn’t put a card–or mention it until my flowers arrived.  I guess I’ll never know, and it doesn’t matter anyway.

1st day of work everWe had to stay late.  And it was snowing a lot all day.  Everyone was eager to leave.  And without pomp & circumstance, they did.  No goodbyes or final words, just leaving like a normal day–like every other normal day.  To them, tomorrow’s just another day and someone else will be there instead of me–no big deal.  I just remembered I had instructions from Cool to walk out that door the last time of being a tech, and take a deep breath.  Let go of the old and embrace my new direction.  I forgot.  I also hurried to my car and started scraping snow off my windows to get ready for a slick and snowy commute home.  I guess veterinary medicine is a part of me too.  It was just another day leaving work.

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Too Young to Die

17 Mar

Apparently cheerleading gave me a lot of negative feelings. I regularly have nightmares involving HeatherLaurel's pics 844, ring leader of the bitchy girls, also my other former catty teammates, and my mom who tried to instill rules and truly coach it as a sport.

If I were suspicious I would say it’s Heather’s way of haunting me from the grave and getting the last word in.  As a practical person, I guess it’s just unresolved issues.  But how to resolve them when the person involved is no longer with us?

Also, speaking of high school and people no longer with us–I found out this week that my prom date died.  I met him through Mary (you remember her, no doubt), my first boss.  She set me up to go to MY prom with her nephew who lived in the Reno area.  But he asked me to his prom, called me, and we went on several movie Laurel's pics 616and food dates that year.

Both proms were fun, but then I never heard from him again.  Just suddenly too, so I never knew what happened.  But I had a lot of other things going on (realizing I was gay, for one) so I didn’t think about him too much.

So the Minor family gossip told my mom who told me the news.  Which wasn’t detailed at all.  Drugs.  Don’t know exactly how.  Didn’t find out where.  It made me sad.  It seems so avoidable, and he was too young to go.  What a waste.  Drugs are horrible.  It also made me insanely curious–nobody knows what occurred -how does that happen?  I hope to hear of more details just to feel a little more settled about it.

Theodore-George-Minor__mug shot 1-26-13Teddy’s dad said he doesn’t care.  Which is definitely the Minor family way of dealing with things–acting hard-hearted and going into denial   It’s frustrating, because of COURSE a father cares if his son dies.  Even if they didn’t have a good relationship in life.  Even if the son is on drugs or acting like a monster.  Especially when the only other sibling died at 17 years old.

It was a strange thing to find out.  And both deaths of people I sort of knew at one point (at least saw frequently) made me feel bad.  I can’t call myself close to either Heather (I DIDN’T like when she was alive) or Teddy (who I guess ditched me) but they are still young lives lost.  And I wonder what goes on in the region, because that isn’t the first or even the second person I’ve known in Northern Nevada to die too young. . .

Hospital Policies

13 Jan

I have a lot of bad things to say about Mary Minor.  But I have to say her hospital policies were surgerysome of my favorite and probably THE most successful I’ve worked with.  And recently, I have been missing them, and fairly dismayed/frustrated/disgruntled that my current job doesn’t operate that way.  Because it would make things a lot easier–and better.

Despite being a total hard-ass with high expectations, things went well and I felt appreciated even though I (and everyone else) was under constant scrutiny to perform at the top-most levels of medicine.  Now that I’ve worked at several other places I try to recall how this was made possible.  Because apparently it’s a tall order.

Laurel's pics 135I think a lot of Mary’s work success (the first time I worked for her) was keeping staffing issues objective.  Mary did not give special treatment to anyone or only chastise non-friends at work.  Even though her best friend since high school was her receptionist and her wife was her tech–those 2 didn’t receive any benefit or scorn that the rest of us employees didn’t.  Side-note:  [And this only goes for the first time I worked for her–when I came back, she was unable to separate the personal from the professional, which caused much of our ugly breakdown.  Mainly her problem that I knew too much about her (dirty-dirty) personal, home-life, so she set out to destroy me.]

Everywhere else I worked ran into strife because the boss would favor an employee:  I’m looking at you, Jennifer, Dana (to a lessor extent), Heather, Brandon, and Kris.  And when the boss favors one employee, that person ends up with the best possible work schedule, and never gets in trouble–not like the rest of the workers.  So of course co-workers notice and get disgruntled with both the favored employee and the boss. . .

The high standard of medicine came before the scheduling.  Mary made it a top goal to provide Laurel's pics 265better then adequate care for every patient she had.  And we were busy.  But if we could not handle something at the highest level–we either took more time so we could, or said no and referred (in the case of no money, non-clients).  Mary understood that YOU (the business, the owner, the vet) train your clients.  The vet hospital requires certain things and you will establish a base of clients willing to follow those rules and guidelines.  Everyone who doesn’t fit your business-model will go elsewhere.  And even though we routinely told people no, we still had a huge following in the community.  And they were (mostly) the good kind of clients.  You shape your clientele  and your client make-up is what you’re willing to put up with as a business owner.

Other places where I have been employed would forget that the busier and more overwhelmed you are, the lower the standards are for each individual patient.  They would let the schedule dictate the standard of care, by squeezing in more and more.  So instead of having time to groom surgeries before releasing them, taking vitals on every animal that walks through the door, having a vet check the animal prior to giving a refill, etc. . . you just saw each animal as fast as you could, cutting corners to get on to the next in a timely fashion.  Which is increasingly slip-shod.

Bigger then that, Mary held the highest standards while keeping productive employees happy because she was all about teamwork.  She really emphasized that success of the practice was Laurel's pics 261dependent upon how the staff worked together.  She was fond of saying that we set each other up for success.  We had a triple check system.  I was never the only one getting yelled at.  If something went wrong–it was everybody’s fault.  Because in a team environment everybody (doctor included) should constantly be checking that things are getting done appropriately.  Also, we celebrated as a team.  Of course Mary had an ego like any vet and attributed most of the success to herself, as team captain, and key member of the operation, but she also understood she couldn’t have accomplished as much as she did all by herself.  If we had a record dollar day, everybody was congratulated for hustling a$$, everyone was commended for keeping up, everyone was given kudos by everyone.  And we did things as a work group.  When I went to college, Mary took the staff to Chinese lunch to see me off.  When the crazy short-staffed summer was over, she bought wine.  So you had motivation to work harder for your team.

At Noah’s Ark, we weren’t a team so much as a family.  The difference is in Mary’s work team, we IMG000had a clear goal and wanted to perform well to accomplish that goal.  At Noah’s Ark it was more of a camaraderie  and when that was impossible, tolerance to black sheep of the family.  A little less successful, but still more togetherness then most.  And we had a group Christmas party and went to the Gentle Doctors Benefit as a group.  So our employers made sure we had some fun together, not just the daily grind.

Most other vet hospitals have been fractured.  Everyone was out for themselves, and no talk of team or family or otherwise was mentioned.  I find this mentality most surprising the smaller the staff.  But a small group (forced to spend time together at work only) is different from teams or families.  In Washington, we did nothing for any holiday, and when we did (once), it was held over our heads as “our holiday bonus.”  At emergency, every hated everyone else and once your shift was over, people RAN out of there.  Not nice environments to have to spend time.  It makes it more of a grind, and I think affects general work and productivity.

surpriseSo despite Mary’s many (and accumulating) short-falls, she really did run her business most effectively, from the high standard of patient care, congeniality toward clients, speed of practice, staffing, and success in general.  She’s a (homophobic, lying, cheating, manipulative, selfish, on and on) $hit head, but she knows the story when it comes to running a vet hospital .  Even with our personal problems, I have to give her that.

Creepy

1 Jan

Really–I have nothing to hide.  But all the same, it’s super-creepy that someone Googled my full name today and came across my blog.  Especially since that (unknown) person had to go to page 4 of the search results to link to this blog.

Now I’m wondering who it could be.  My parents?  Mary, who I blocked on Fecebook for subscribing to my account?  Someone from work?  Someone from my hometown?  I suppose it could have been any number of people.  And what do I care?

I guess now I just wonder who cares enough to search for my name and give 13 views. . .  I sort of wonder how my full name and blog were tied together in the first place.  This day and age, I’m not surprised it happened, but I don’t remember using my name on here.  I tried to stick to my pseudonym.  And of course, I haven’t given aliases to anyone else in my life.  That will probably come back to bite me in the ass. . .

Oh well, what can you do?  It’s too late to try to make the entire blog anonymous.  People will just have to deal.  And I’ll just enjoy the increasing blog counts.

Nothing Cool About This

28 Nov

You just have to weed out the toxic.  I better practice what I preach so I wrote an angry letter to one of the strongest influences in my life:

Guess who subscribed to my updates without messaging me or friend requesting me??? Mary. Guess she didn’t realize Facebook gives me an e-mail alerting me of Facebook stalkers. I think it’s gross that she was curious about what I was doing without wanting to make a connection with me. I just blocked her, b/c I do not need toxic people in my life.

And on that same note: Did you delete my happy birthday message from your wall? And disregard my last message? I can only do so much to reach out to you and overlook so much, before you begin bringing me down. I want you in my life–but not if you bring me more sadness and negativity then positive influence.

I am only speaking so freely b/c I am tipsy, but obviously it needs saying. Honestly, just delete me all-together if you’re not actually my friend. I am tired of drama. I am tired of getting my hopes up that you are solid and that you are back in my life. B/c you meant a great deal to me in the past, I have given you more chances then most. I hope you come around, but am tired of dealing if you haven’t. If you can’t be in my life for real–responding to contact and telling me what’s going on with you–then don’t be in it at all. It hurts too much. Either be in my life–or don’t contact me again. I’ll probably regret this, but I’m sending. . .

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Pathetic Stalking

22 Nov

I’m checking my e-mail this morning, and what name from my past do I see?  I got some Facebook confirmation that Mary Minor has subscribed to my public updates!!!  What in the world?  So this confirms a couple of things.

1:  She must be really fucking stupid to subscribe to my Facebook, because, hello–it TELLS me.

2:  I really, really thought about writing her a little message saying I was on to her games, and didn’t want her in any part of my life.  I simply couldn’t find a place to send a Facebook message on her profile, and didn’t want to get the e-mails involved, so took care of the situation by simply blocking her.  Now it’s like we don’t exsist to each other on Facebook–which is probably for the best.

2.5:  I’m not certain what her intentions were.  Probably just curiosity, but maybe she feels bad?  Nah, she’s too cold-hearted.  She was probably just scoping out what I’m up to so she can talk trash and try to ruin things.

3:  She is thinking about me, lonely enough to be Facebook-stalking me, and pathetic enough to get caught at it.

———————–EDIT—————

Has this been more then 2 years ago?!  I just read this again, and was reminded just how lame this whole drama is was.  I’m sure she’s all-over this blog (eat your heart out) so here’s a little message from me to you, Mary:  You fucking selfish a$$hole, I did not deserve any of that–you’ll get yours.  I hope you’re as lonely and unhappy as you deserve to be.  If I sound angry, it’s because I am.  Your betrayals made me lose (more) trust in people and a large degree of my loyalty.

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