They said the end is coming/Everyone’s up to something/I find myself running home to your sweet nothings/Outside, they’re push and shoving/You’re in the kitchen humming/All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing/On the way home/I wrote a poem/You say, “What a mind”/This happens all the time…/…To you, I can admit that I’m just too soft for all of it…/…You’re in the kitchen humming (you’re in the kitchen humming)/… All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
This one is going to be a double. To me, I think of Taylor comparing her mom to her dad in these songs.
2 more posts to follow
Sweet Nothing
They said the end is coming/Everyone’s up to something/I find myself running home to your sweet nothings/Outside, they’re push and shoving/You’re in the kitchen humming/All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing/On the way home/I wrote a poem/You say, “What a mind”/This happens all the time…/…To you, I can admit that I’m just too soft for all of it…/…You’re in the kitchen humming (you’re in the kitchen humming)/… All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
Taylor is excited to share her life with Andrea. Her mom cheers on Taylor’s career, without pressuring her or joining in the fray. She supports Taylor’s personal choices (including sexuality), and provides unconditional love.
High Infidelity
Lock broken, slur spoken/Wound open, game token/I didn’t know you were keeping count/Rain soaking, blind hoping/You said I was freeloading/I didn’t know you were keeping count/High infidelity/Put on your records and regret me/I bent the truth too far tonight/I was dancing around, dancing around it/High infidelity/Put on your headphones and burn my city/Your picket fence is sharp as knives…/…Storm coming, good husband/Bad omen/Dragged my feet right down the aisle/At the house lonely, good money/I’d pay if you’d just know me/Seemed like the right thing at the time…/…I didn’t know you were keeping count/But oh, you were keeping count
Her dad, on the other hand, rifles through Taylor’s personal belongings, plays emotional games, and speaks slurs (against her sexuality?). Using his own success as an example, he pushes Taylor to hit all the heteronormative milestones, and threatens if she doesn’t hide “unpleasant” aspects of herself she will lose her career. Bringing up his own sacrifices for her, accusing her of being entitled and ungrateful, Taylor’s father keeps score on their relationship.
Next time we’ll talk about these parental vibes separately with their songs.
I notice everything you do or don’t do/You’re so much older and wiser, and I…/…If it’s all in my head, tell me now/Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow/I know my love should be celebrated/But you tolerate it…/…Where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?/I made you my temple, my mural, my sky/Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life/Drawing hearts in the byline/Always taking up too much space or time/You assume I’m fine, but what would you do if I/I break free and leave us in ruins?/Took this dagger in me and removed it?/Gain the weight of you then lose it
[I didn’t cite this bc it’s some homophobic church doubling-down on their intolerance, and though I think they have a point about the definition of terms, I didn’t want to give them any more traffic].
When you are young, they assume you know nothing…/…But I knew you/Playing hide-and-seek and/Giving me your weekends, I/I knew you…/…’Cause I knew you/Steppin’ on the last train/Marked me like a bloodstain, I/I knew you/Tried to change the ending/Peter losing Wendy, I/I knew you/Leavin’ like a father/Running like water, I/And when you are young, they assume you know nothing/But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss/I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs/The smell of smoke would hang around this long/’Cause I knew everything when I was young/I knew I’d curse you for the longest time/Chasin’ shadows in the grocery line/I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired/And you’d be standin’ in my front porch light/And I knew you’d come back to me
Kit10phish is a 39yo lesbian. As a child she seldom attended church, but went 2-3 times with her parents to unknown (to her) denominations as well as the only local church, a Baptist institution. She went 2-3 times to the LDS church with a friend as a condition of Saturday sleepovers, and was amazed that none of the origin stories were similar to what she had been taught previously. In formal church Kit10phish was never present for any sermons regarding homosexuality. Despite lack of physical attendance at church, partially due to the rural setting, Kit10phish’s parents conveyed the family was Christian and passed along Bible stories, songs, and lessons of religion. Her parents, believed homosexuality was unnatural and believed in the “hate the sin, love the sinner” rhetoric. When Ellen Degeneres came out Kit10phish was no longer able to watch that sitcom, because her parents found it too “in your face” and were disgusted. Kit10phish knew at that point being gay was frowned upon and something to stay far away from.
Kit10phish did not have very much representation of LGBT people, real or in media in the 90s and early 2000s, so she never knew it was an option. She wasn’t very interested in the boys at school, believing they were the wrong type of boy, and that she was just a late bloomer. Through her job, Kit10phish met lesbians and started questioning her own feelings. Kit10phish came out to herself one month before her 19th birthday, but it was upsetting, not freeing. She was depressed and angry about being gay, sad that life would be more difficult and she would have to forgo the milestones that she/everyone expected. There was a lot of fear and anxiety and Kit10phish knew she had to hide it from her parents, school friends, and her small community.
Kit10phish moved, in part, to go somewhere more accepting. She was out to dorm-mates and coworkers, but not her (conservative) classmates in college. After 5 years Kit10phish came out to her parents. They immediately asked if she had AIDS (they believed AIDS was a punishment for homosexuality) and if her sexuality was their fault. Her dad’s memories of being (same sex) sexually abused in the Navy came up and he was diagnosed with PTSD. Kit10phish wasn’t ready to discuss, let alone educate her parents about homosexuality, but it just so happened her dad’s childhood best friend from the same small town, was gay and happily married to a man. Kit10phish’s parents could ask all their questions to this gay couple, and glean some empathy and understanding of queer life. They found acceptance after a decade or so.
The split between innate sexuality and institutionalized religious homophobia was difficult for Kit10phish to navigate. The words of the Bible seemed insurmountably damning, yet Kit10phish knew her lesbianism was from God as it was a fixed, and unchangeable aspect of her. Feminist teachings actually helped her the most in rectifying the conflict between sexuality and religion. History and the artifacts saved and passed down are from the most powerful voices (wealthy, white, cis, males) and words of minorities are not esteemed, saved, passed down in the same way. Thus, the portions of the Bible that survived and were translated (from white men’s perspectives) are the words that made the cut. Kit10phish came to see the power and capitalistic business structures of the institution as separate from the loving teachings of religion. Kit10phish sees “faith” as a sales tactic and does not condone violence for religious supremecy. She considers herself agnostic, and thinks humans aren’t meant to know, but is open to concrete evidence of all religions and spiritualities.
An aside:
Kit10phish is still cagey about who she comes out to, and even now sometimes struggles with internalized homophobia. Though she stopped actively closeting and hiding who she was at 23 years old, she never felt any pride in lesbianism–it was an impediment to overcome. It wasn’t until literally 20 years after coming out to herself that she was actually happy about not being trapped in a heteronormative box. Before she was sad a wedding would be “weird” and “untraditional” with two women so she couldn’t have a “real” wedding. Now she regards marriage as an antiquated tradition rooted in power and ownership and rejects the sentiment behind nearly all the traditions. Not to mention the predatorily capitalistic “wedding industry” with it’s focus on spending instead of love. Instead of lamenting the lost straight milestones, Kit10phish was eventually glad about not being pressured to marry a man before 25, have children before 30, and live such a prescribed life. She is free to make her own choices on her own timeline.
I know this song is probably about Kelsea, herself. But I found a lot of compelling call-backs to Taylor’s lyrics and life. I think lyrics can have a surface-level meaning, and a deeper, more hidden secondary interpretation. Given Kelsea’s lyrics and videos I also think Kelsea and Taylor were together in some capacity, so Kelsea might have written this song with Taylor in mind.
Hey homecoming queen
Before I get into my research I will tell a story about my high school’s homecoming queen:
My Senior year the school voted Stephanie (name changed to the most common female name in my school for privacy) as our Homecoming Queen. Stephanie had been on cheerleading all 4 years of high school, but she wasn’t the “typical” popular girl represented in movies. I hadn’t thought of her as the most popular girl in school either, though she hung out in the most popular group of girls in my high school. As a matter of fact when her and her sister moved to our small, rural town in seventh grade, everyone made fun of Stephanie (her sister was a grade below so I’m not sure what her experience had been). Stephanie was in my peripheral friend group in middle school and sat with us in English class. She seemed well-intentioned and considerate, but I never knew her very well, because she also seemed uncomfortable and shy. My small class had known each other since kindergarten so anyone new was an anomaly and outsider just because they had already missed so much. I’m sure she felt that. Also, the boys were dicks.
In high school everything changed for her. Stephanie was kind and unproblematic, so she was easy to like. We carpooled to cheerleading practice all summer, and our birthdays are only two days apart so we had that in common. She came to my sixteenth birthday party and was nice to everyone, but we were never the type of friends that told each other secrets or anything like that. I don’t think she got very close with too many people…
Though she was thin, she preferred to base stunts, showing her strength by lifting other girls high in the air. She was determined and practiced hard–she was not in cheerleading just to look cute or gain popularity-though she did both of those things too. Stephanie (and her sister) were the type of pretty that stood out in our year books. They were beautiful and probably could have even modeled if they had wanted to (and had the financial backing to do so). But Stephanie was not just gorgeous, at practice Stephanie was always strong and tough, and I think she had to be resilient outside of practice too. Stephanie’s parents were divorced but lived together for financial reasons. Once her dad came to cheerleading practice drunk and the vice principal had to tell him to leave. The sisters were devastated and embarrassed, but we never heard details or saw anything like that again. You would never know there were family issues or poverty or anything aside from that one small peek into their world. The sisters excelled at academics and participated in cheer, and were well-liked and never let on anything was wrong. Stephanie dated the star kicker on the football team long-term, and they both just seemed nice. I think she leaned on him for support and they were together a lot. Her mom asked him to buy her cigarettes because he was a bit older.
When Stephanie was crowned homecoming queen I was happy for her. I was glad a genuinely kindhearted person won the coveted title. And just to end this little story, based off of Facebook, I think her and her sister both have happy lives. Stephanie joined the Coast Guard (I told you she was gritty and fit!) for a bit and is now married and has at least one child. Her sister got married and looked very happy and may have children as well (IDK I deleted sketchy Facebook so now I don’t know anything about anybody anymore). To sum up, homecoming queens are pretty and popular, but I think they also have to be smart, involved in school, and personable. And they have problems just like the rest of us.
Taylor Swift was never a homecoming queen:
Taylor never got to experience many high school milestones because she was working on her career. Yet, Taylor’s career epitomizes what it is to be the homecoming queen. She is beautiful and popular. Also, Taylor’s celebrity is crafted on the every-girl image. She portrays herself as one of us, and has actually reached out to fans on a “personal” level. Taylor is smart and a role model. She told us in several songs about having the crown during her career.
Adjacent but related:
Part of me feels sorry that Taylor had to miss milestones that mark an (American) teenager’s life. The other part remembers her career has been so exciting, acclimatory, and lucrative that it’s difficult to quite see her as a tragic figure.
Anyway, I can see why Kelsea, an underclassman to Taylor in age and career, might see Taylor as emblematic of a homecoming queen.
Why do you lie/When somebody’s mean?
Common word or intentional call-back to Taylor’s song, Mean?
We know Taylor is afraid of criticism, and is fretful about her public image:
Taylor and Kelsea are 4 years apart in age.
For example in 2003, this legislation was passed:
Since Taylor was 14 years old, a teenager, this might have made an impact on her views of sexuality [socially unacceptable to be anything other than straight]. But Kelsea would have been in elementary school so this might not have even been on her radar. During Ellen DeGeneres’ coming out, and the backlash against her, Taylor would have been around 8 and Kelsea just a tot. Fred Phelps, of “God hates fags” died in 2014 when Taylor was around 24 years old and Kelsea was just getting signed as an artist. Kelsea wasn’t exposed to a lot of things Taylor saw and experienced just that short time earlier, which could explain the different mentalities about queerness. Kelsea sees coming out as something authentic and worth doing, while Taylor sees it as apocalyptic.
Kelsea asks Taylor why do you lie when somebody’s mean, and I think she’s talking about this exact situation. Why do you closet when someone questions your sexuality?
Where do you hide?
Taylor has been indoctrinated by parents, career authorities, and society to hide her sexuality. Tolerate It talks about feeling othered.
This man (her father? The studio execs?) covered up Taylor’s rough edges [barbed wire]. They hid the “bad” [queer] parts of her to make her more acceptable for public consumption.
I wonder if the clues she didn’t see might be Taylor thinking about the gaslighting in Tolerate it— ‘it’s all in your head.’ Taylor shows she has internalized these men’s attitudes somewhat. She wonders if maybe she is interested in boys and just didn’t realize it or notice the signs. She says the narrative would be prettier if there was an invisible string tying her to a fated male soulmate.
Cuttin’ me open could be a cold assessment of Taylor’s attributes and flaws. The mistakes are PR blunders, the demons are her desires to touch women. After these men in authority scrutinize her they “heal” her. But the result isn’t good or great, it’s just fine. The corrections they made to Taylor’s image were OK, fair, tolerable to Taylor the individual…
The men in authority assessed her, saw queerness and deemed it undesirable, and “corrected” it by pushing her into relationships with men [Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve and You’re on Your own now Kid?]. These beards covered up Taylor’s sexuality, but with sharp barbed wire, and bulky chains. It’s not comfortable for her as an individual to wear. And this respectable, passable narrative of being in relationships with guys, tied her to (Joe?)
Do people assume/You’re always alright?/Been so good at smiling/Most of your life/Look damn good in the dress/Zipping up the mess/Dancing with your best foot forward
Taylor hides her pain behind a smile and pretty dress. Her audience does not notice there is deception. The veneer wears on Taylor and she fakes it til she makes it until she can no longer distinguish what is forced upon her and what is her choice. The lines between what her team portrays about her as a brand, and who Taylor the person are get blurry. She’s faked it so long, that she’s made it, and it’s (her brand image) true(?).
This is another statement showing Taylor hides her authenticity to give the people what they want. They don’t notice something is amiss.
Does it get hard/To have to play the part?/Nobody’s feeling sorry for ya
Taylor tells her audience it’s a balancing act that she’s constantly attending to, and it’s not her natural state. But she would do anything, try everything, to keep her fans looking at her.
But what if I told you the world wouldn’t end/If you started showing what’s under your skin/What if you let ’em all in on the lie?/Even the homecoming queen cries
To Kelsea coming out doesn’t seem like a catastrophe. She suggests sharing inner struggles to show everybody has issues. But as Exile says, Taylor is reluctant to come out of the closet (directly):
Hey homecoming queen/How’s things at home?/Still walking on eggshells
I think this is a technique to talk about her own childhood house, her own father, and her own life with plausible deniability. Taylor can distance herself from these statements of an angry father causing her to cry and hide her sexuality by portraying that it’s a friend’s life. Taylor learns at an early age that her dad finds her sexuality problematic so she has to keep that portion of herself hidden.
This person is someone older, who causes Taylor to regress back to a child. The person is/was gone a lot, and she waits for them to return. She says the person is wise, and she seems to trust their take on things. Tolerate it tells us that Taylor’s dad thinks her queerness is a phase or that she’s mistaken. She says she accepts him despite his indiscretions (cheating on her mom?) yet he just tolerates her love.
Because Taylor has been coerced to hide her sexuality from a young age she leads a lonely adult life. Her Dad and the authority figures from the studio taught her their love for her is not unconditional (contrasted to her mom in Sweet Nothing). Their love and acceptance hinges on her success and profitability. They think this sapphic stuff is all in her head and she’s got it wrong so if they just throw her together with a guy so her career (and their money) won’t get blown up. Taylor knows her sexuality is innate, but has to walk on eggshells to appease these men. So she closets and beards to assuage them, until she fakes it til she makes it and it’s true. Now she closets and beards because she’s afraid not to.
When that curtain’s closed
Taylor has been indoctrinated that she can only love in private. When drama ramps up and Taylor feels comforted by another woman, she has to go inside and close the windows to love out of sight.
Again, Taylor’s parents and the studio executives taught her to keep “undesirable” things private, behind closed doors. Even though Taylor is heartbroken and hurting she is still inside with boarded up windows getting drunk alone. She has to depend on her lover to come back to her, instead of chasing the lover outside where others could see. Taylor has to have a lover that agrees to remain invisible.
Did your daddy teach you/How to act tough?
Taylor learned two things from this episode: Her father could be a ruthless defender of her career and money. And if you cross her father or are no longer useful to him, he’ll wrap you in chains and throw you away.
Even as a teen, Taylor knows to hide her sadness and weak emotions. She models her conflict resolution after her dad’s example– aggression.
Or more like your mama?/Sweep it under the rug
Taylor’s mom gave her a really good day. But her solution to Taylor being bullied was taking her shopping until she forgot their names. Andrea sweeps the central issue under the rug and distracts Taylor from her problems, instead of facing them head on.
Look damn good in the dress/Zipping up the mess/Dancing with your best foot forward
Taylor combined the coping strategies of both her parents: Stuff down sad emotions and get revenge (her dad’s influence) and look pretty and go dancing to distract yourself (her mom’s way).
Did you want the crown/Or does it weigh you down
When Taylor was young, she was excited to finally realize her dreams. She got off the sidelines and went to center stage, showing off her crown to the whole town.
During Reputation era, Taylor realized how difficult the crown was to hold on to. One mistake and it was taken away. She learned people are fickle and it’s difficult to have staying power in the cut-throat entertainment industry.
Taylor also figured out the crown was only given to one person, and that person needed to represent perfection. And she talks about the homophobes with their signs, knowing that her sexuality, if revealed, could get her crown taken away.
Nobody’s feeling sorry for ya
The media used You’re not Sorry against Taylor. They turned a break-up song into a woman always playing victim narrative. [Sidenote- I am only talking about song lyrics here, not any other quotes or actions in Taylor’s wider life]. If a man wrote this would it be weaponized against him?
The big names on this list tell us that men are not held to the same lyrical standards. Men can play the victim to cunning, or gold-digging women, be openly misogynistic, and it’s written off. It’s just one song. Boys will be boys. But women are scrutinized and judged more.
What if I told you the world wouldn’t end/If you started showing what’s under your skin?/What if you let ’em all in on the lie?/Even the homecoming queen cries
Kelsea tries to convey that times have changed, and coming out is no longer career ending. But Taylor knows love is conditional. She has been programmed to hide anything negative in order to preserve her fame.
The Archer substantiates that Taylor has struggled with her sexuality long-term, and she closets to cope. “The room is on fire, invisible smoke” is talking about that struggle. The fire is the worst outcome–It’s getting burned by coming out or worse, being outed.
The kiss in a crowded room was an important, life-changing event. But it’s not the only event where Taylor was nearly or partially outed (a fire) and she panicked and shut it down to salvage her image and career. Taylor spirals into the anxious thought that her sexuality will accelerate her losing everyone and everything
Yeah, what if I told you the sky wouldn’t fall?/If you lost your composure, said to hell with it all
Kelsea thinks Taylor’s fears are a bit dramatic. She articulates the ridiculousness of the notion that the world would fall apart if Taylor was truthful in public. Kelsea believes it would be relatable for Taylor to show her more authentic self. But Taylor isn’t just embellishing her fears to convey a more dramatic story. She actually has deep-rooted panic about what would happen if she was publicly sapphic.
Not everything pretty sparkles and shines
It’s a call back to Our Song, one of Taylor’s first songs. Kelsea is also pointing out their different perspectives. Kelsea says some pretty things aren’t sparkly, shiny, and flawless. There is beauty in the imperfection. Taylor was reared on idealized love fairytales and purity. She knows to hide undesirable things away.
And even the homecoming queen cries/Oh yeah/Even the homecoming queen cries/Hey homecoming queen/Why do you lie?
Taylor lies and then cries because she has internalized the lessons from her parents and the (country) music industry. Renegade broaches the subject of Taylor’s internal homophobia. She fires off arrows and missiles because she hates her inherent queerness. Taylor’s attitudes damage herself and those in close proximity to her. The lover that sings this song says Taylor has come a long way, but gets weak and reverts to the negative thinking and closeting whenever she faces a perceived threat. The lover questions if Taylor’s extreme reluctance to open the blinds (come out) is due to anxiety or if she just doesn’t actually want a life with this person? Something is stopping Taylor from giving her lover the family she craves, and Taylor’s baggage is negatively impacting the lover’s mindset too. This girlfriend has no place carved out in Taylor’s life, but persists despite the invisibility. She begs Taylor to get her shit together so she can love her. But Taylor only squeezes the lover’s hand when the lover is about to leave.
When somebody’s mean/Where do you hide?
And to finish off the song I give you the most obvious tie-in from Kelsea’s “where do you hide” choice of wording to I Know Places, a song about the panic of being outed. Taylor’s instinct is not to come out, but to take her girlfriend and hide from curious onlookers and intrusive questions.
-my parents were out & about w/high covid risk. Won’t listen.
-mom said she thought dad didn’t love her anymore (I hope/think it’s probably his depression)
-the heating pad burned Steins tummy
-mom saying trumpy talking-points
-KDouche accused me of excessively routing & holding claims too long
He said I would need to sit side by side with our mentor so she could tell me what I was doing wrong… I told him (for at least the 7th time, between emails and verbally on phone calls) that even this phone call gives me anxiety. And I asked if I could just do the work and send the claim for her to check it. He did not listen. He did not try to work with me. He did not see any other way to accomplish the goal other than the one method he stated. Kind of annoyed I was asking for accommodation for my anxiety disorder, he said she would be side by side watching me do the claim so she could tell me what I was doing wrong in real time. I was upset bc I do have anxiety, and have emailed him at length about that, and even talked about getting an ADA for anxiety, but he would not work with me. After a long pause, where I was considering bringing up the ADA or alternate methods to achieve the goal, I just said I understood—mostly bc he never listens to me anyway, so why bother?
5/18/21: KDouche’s recap of our 1:1
I understand that your anxiety can get really bad, however, it is best for someone to sit with you on a live claim example. This way there is no confusion and they would be able to see first-hand what’s happening and possibly propose a solution. This will also aid in your questions in regards to the Xref claims.
I do mostly Zx claims all day long, and they are my favorite.
The auditors have looked them over many times, and the Zx claims passed as correct.
I do not have questions about Zx claims.
There are many correct examples of Zx claims that I complete every day and claims that have passed audit.
I couldn’t do those random 6 that came through unpaid, for the reasons I explained verbally in the 1:1, and wrote out in an email recap of the 1:1 bc I could tell KDouche wasn’t listening to me.
He is STILL under the impression I am doing them wrong even though I do them all the time.
-Jogre micromanaged me
-KDouche said “we need more”
I emailed you back regarding your email, but I think it got confused within the chain. In the email, I told you I originally provided: The claim #, pend, the auth #, how many units it was over, the problem that it’s split into a decimal, a picture of the calculator showing the days split into a decimal, and a pic of the wf tab, and wf box # I got to. Also, it wasn’t my question—it was a directive of the wf to send it to TL. And I asked what else I need to do. I really need to know what else to send to clear up future confusion, as this is a persistent problem.
I asked what else was needed, because I felt like I had sent everything, and rather than admitting he didn’t read the email chain before admonishing me, he gaslighted me and said a vague: “We need more.” And that’s all he would tell me. By the end of the call, I was literally screaming, “What else do you need????!!!!”
-We pinched Bison’s neck in his collar & he said he always hated us so he wanted to move out
-EEOC didn’t even open my documentation & got everything wrong in the 1 paragraph they wrote!
As a last resort, I went through with reporting my work harassment and retaliation to the government. I spent 3 hours on the phone telling my caseworker the specific details of what happened. Then I spent 5 hours on a weekend, trying to make all my documentation understandable to an outsider. It contained a lot of jargon and technical information. I sent a whole zip file of the documentation because it was SO much evidence. The day before the case was to be finalized, my case worker emailed asking me to call her a 2nd time. I was only able to speak to her for 10-15 min during my lunch break. And guess what? I could tell
SHE HAD NOT TAKEN ANY NOTES DURING OUR FIRST 3 HOUR CONVERSATION, AND SHE SAID SHE WAS UNABLE TO OPEN MY ZIP FILE, SO SHE HAD NOT READ A SINGLE WORD OF MY DOCUMENTATION.
I felt like it was a colossal waste of time, and hopeless. When she finally did start my case, the one paragraph was full of incorrect information, and did not identify the correct problem. #$%^@*
-dad drove recklessly and was lucky he didn’t cause an accident, and wrecked the car
-KDouche said I worked off the clock
Employee Handbook: Timekeeping Violations As a company founded on ethical behavior, we take timekeeping violations seriously. It is a violation of company policy for anyone to work off the clock, incorrectly report hours worked, or alter another employee’s time records without a legitimate reason or authorization to do so. It is also a violation to instruct, encourage, or pressure someone to engage in any of these acts. Any employee who engages in behavior that results in inaccurate timekeeping or incorrect payment is subject to discipline up to and including termination.
-dad weird sex-talk
-HR didn’t help me
-Goose has a mass in his diaphragm
Dr.,
I have been thinking of what to say, and sorry, if this is all over the place. I’m concerned with the density on x-ray too. I want everything for Goose, and want to have him (happy and comfortable) as long as possible. I was trying to imagine what it could be to foresee what the treatment could be. . .
If it was a tumor, most the time there would be some anomaly on bloodwork, is that true? And I didn’t think he was really at risk for diaphragmatic hernia at his age/activity level (I’ve heard about it in regards to very young puppies)? And if it was fluid, he would still have a “wet” sound or some respiratory symptoms? I guess I’m not actually asking for the textbook of the various possibilities.
My real question is: Out of all the possibilities your knowledge and experience can think of–what is most likely, and are any of them completely reversible for Goose, & what timelines should I prepare for? I don’t feel at his weight/age he’s a very good candidate for any surgery–do you think he would be? I wouldn’t want to lose him in trying to heal him w/sx, especially if it was uncertain to work, or only bought him a little more time. Because, honestly just knowing what it is but not having a viable/affordable/long-term treatment would be more horrible than just not knowing for some reason.
I would only want to do u/s if it would absolutely tell us what it is, if there is definitely a treatment, and if that treatment worked for Goose long-term. Which is to say, I know you’re not prescient, but you do have tons of experience. Please be candid.
In every scenario, I’d like Goose to be as comfortable as possible.
Thank you so much,
Reply:
My biggest concern/worst case scenario for that area in Goose’s x-ray would be a cancerous mass. However if surgery would not be a possibility then I agree the ultrasound would be a bit of a moot point.
As long as he is comfortable, I think it would be reasonable to do some watchful waiting for him. If his respirations change, he is not eating, has vomiting, or any other signs he is not feeling well, we could repeat x-rays and address any findings at that time.
I painted my face and wore my senorita dress and monarch butterfly wings to work. Cool and I did an offrenda to our deceased loved ones, and I liked having a happy time to think about them and remember them.
work x-mas party
One of the supervisors really outdid herself and planned a fun party with catered food, nice decorations (including wine glasses with our work and the year etched on them as memento), a photo booth where we got copies of the pictures, cash bar, and a dj. Cool wanted to go very badly, and even though parties are later than my bedtime and make me stressed out and anxious I agreed to go.
And once I got some wine in me, I loosened up and had fun. The people that sat at our table were tipsy to drunk, but that made them really talkative and friendly, and it was nice to finally interact with people at work! Some coworkers dressed up as Santa and Mrs. Claus and really put a lot of effort into the costumes, so we asked them to take a picture with us. And it turned out really cute. Maybe we’ll make it a future Christmas card. And Cool and I took a picture together with a giant rose as a prop, which turned out really cute. And it’s special because we never get pictures with both of us. I even got up on the dance floor and did the 7 moves I know–and people were trying to keep me to come dance in the middle of the circle (I did not). It was a success!
played Jenga at Social Hall
After we went to the zoo (also one of our favorite things to do) we stopped at Social Hall for lunch. It turned out to be happy hour and our server was really nice and good too. This never happens in Arizona. We noticed when we first moved here that the service pretty much everywhere and every time of day, is bad. Like abyssal. But she was friendly and efficient so it was a special treat.
They have games inside and a big patio with a jumbo Jenga game made of 2×4-size wood. Cool and I played and generally just had an unexpected fun time.
parents visit
I wanted my parents to see where we live, our cute house, our favorite spots… So they came, but it was July when everyone is hot in AZ, and un-acclimated people want to die. Not the optimal timing. And I am very much conscious of utilities and we usually keep the temp no lower than 90F because in AZ you could easily spend $300+ on utilities if you let yourself be comfortable. Anyway, so it’s not a good time of year for visitors. But I wanted them to see and have fun, and that’s when they could come so we tried to make the best of it.
I planned a very detailed itinerary to try to accommodate everyone’s needs and desires:
zoo-because all 4 of us are animal lovers.
Sephora- to try scents and makeup and lotion.
heard museum-because it’s personal history to all of us and I knew they would all like it. Also, it’s free the first Friday of every month.
aquarium-this was not on my itinerary, but we had time between plans so we made it happen.
movie-Cool and I are addicted to the luxiorious movie experience with the comfy seats and restaurant-food and bev brought right to your seat. So I wanted my parents to enjoy it also. And–it’s an AC space (AC I’ not paying for).
book store- All 4 of us are readers and we have a local bookstore that also serves snacks, coffee, and adult beverages.
casino & buffet- to bring a little of my parent’s home to the visit.
brunch-for my birthday! I love brunch so much!!!
WNBA-I wanted to go to a game for my birthday, and I got us 1st row tickets (closest seats of ever) to enjoy.
We really packed in the activities and they are already Cool and my favorite activities, so it was fun to share them.
color run
Not only was it a color run, it was unicorn-themed and that’s like my favorite ever. Cool was a good sport and even dressed up in complementary-colored tutu with me. They had all kinds of selfie stations, and threw color on us as we ran. The location was beautiful, and the sunrise in AZ is always gorgeous. So it was a fun time with tons of cute stuff!
tour de fat
We discovered this in 2018, and at that time I spontaneously danced in a talent show. Which was very fun. Except I finished the routine with crowd-pleasing splits (with zero stretching/preparation) and messed up my hamstring for the 8 following months. But it had been a real fun time, so we went again.
This year it was much hotter, so I was drenched in sweat the whole time. But we dressed adorable, tried new beer, and spectated some of their quirky contests and shows. It’s always a unique and entertaining time!
pride wk at work
Since Phoenix summers are uncomfortable (an understatement) the city has Pride in April. Which is really a terrible idea. Because everyone else is doing Pride in June and nobody in the spring, so AZ is out of sync, and it ends up being lackluster as a result. Also, it can still be 95-100F in April, so it’s not really even a nicer temperature to most people. I could tell the people in the parade were hot and uncomfortable, fizzling, and spirited by the halfway mark. They really need to find a stadium with a roof or somewhere cooler to hold the thing–in June.
So that’s why when work agreed to celebrate a Pride week in June it was like the best thing! We dressed up and got to partake a little bit in what the rest of the nation was talking about so much. Also, I’m really proud of my company for being inclusive, accepting, and going as far as celebrating the week. Makes me feel safer and more welcome.
AZ fair
So in AZ, it’s less of a fair with animals and crafts and more of a carnival. Which I guess for a city in the middle of a desert makes a lot of sense. It was just different from what we’d experienced before. Animals were hard to locate, and there weren’t many. Crafts were not plentiful either. Plant stuff was literally 12 pumpkins and the honey people–that’s it. So that felt weird.
I found residential parking so we didn’t have to pay the $10 or fight the crowd, and that made me over-the-moon excited. We just had to walk an extra mile, which is no problem for us. We walk all the time. They had all kinds of giant fair food and beverages to pick from. There were rides, but the safety of those sketches me out so we didn’t do any of those. But we did try our hand at a couple of the games, knowing they are rigged, but just wanting to enjoy the experience. I did the Wack-a-Mole, and am so good at hitting those vermin that I won a prize!!! Which never happens to me. And it wasn’t just a little dinky thing, it was a good sized purple sparkly unicorn! So that was super-cool.
brunch crawl
I saw it on social media and spontaneously (which I never am) bought tickets for the next day. As you know I love a brunch! All around town there were deals at the restaurants on pre-fix brunch stuff. So we got to try a few different places all in one day. And we found some new gems in town that we had gone to before and ended up being tasty and pleasant.
Halloween costume
I always think I’m going to lazy out of the costume and just wear something easy from a previous year, but then the spirit hits me. This year I went from easy bear I already had to…fish! I learned how to do mermaid face-paint that looks like fishnet. Got some purple tights. Painted my Mohawk blue. And made a fin out of closed butterfly wings. I looked amazing (if I do say so myself). And I enjoy painting faces a lot, and am getting better and better at it. And the planning phase is fun too. Also, not gonna lie, but the accolades are fun to get as well.
my mohawk
My hair was long, just out of laziness and being cheap. But I made the mistake of trying to save money by box dying it. And Cool and I were actually getting really good at the process. Even the lady who cut my hair said she has worked with professionals that didn’t do as nice a job of even coverage as we had–which I took as a major complement. Anyway, box dye does horrible damage to hair. I knew that before, but I didn’t realize just trimming it wasn’t going to fix it. It was the kind of thing that I was going to have to trim and trim until all of it was cut off so I could start fresh. And that sounded like a long plan. But Cool suggested I get a mohawk. And I’ve had short hair before, but nothing so dramatic or trend-specific. But I am feisty and fun (and also thought it would be easier to just cut all the dye off at once) so I found some pictures. The haircut went well and I felt cooler than I actually am. I got a lot of genuine compliments at work–like people coming out of their way to tell me they loved it. Not just the ‘I noticed a change and say nice hair’ stuff that you sometimes get with a fashion risk. And not everyone liked it, but I was totally OK with that too. Some people are old, gender-conforming, or conservative. And I don’t care about any of those group’s opinions. I thought I looked awesome and that’s what mattered!
#3: Left Mck
I had been relieved to have a job after the terror of both my mate and I losing our jobs in the same week. And for over a month. I was really afraid. But then, the job just wasn’t what I can accept. I don’t want to be treated as dispensable. Don’t want to be micromanaged and watched to the extent I feel like I’m living in a Big-Brother world. I want to know ahead of time if I will be in my same team, position, or location–not told right as it’s happening. I don’t want to constantly be training new people all the time all the time, without being in some leadership position or getting a raise or recognition for doing that. And I sure as fuck don’t want to commute. So I was ecstatic when I got a job close to the house and could leave all of that behind. I just wish I hadn’t had to lose all the acquaintances/friends I was getting to know.
#2: 10 year anniversary with my mate- Nov
What a special time! Cool and I have made it ten years and now it sounds just as substantial to others as we always felt about ourselves. It’s really neat to be able to say ‘decade’ and also really a relief that this is it. Love.
#1: Got a permanent job
As much of a relief as it is not to be a precarious temp having to worry constantly about messing up and losing a job, and having to save every penny for just in case–this happened really late. It was promised that in 90 days I would go perm. Feet were dragged for additional months. So when it did happen, it was less of a happy occasion and more of a what took so long? But now life in Arizona can truly start and I’m really happy for stability. I want 2020 to be the year of stability!
So from bad to worst here are the least pleasant times of 2019:
10. new mck program ridiculousness
At work my supervisor (more on her later) told us our jobs weren’t in danger, nothing was changing, she doesn’t want to see us taking our stuff home out of fear. I took my stuff home. Because as a temp, you have zero job security. You can always get the phone call that says you are no longer needed, don’t report to work… And sure enough that very evening I got a phone call from my temp agency–don’t report… I thought my assignment was over. Temp to hire is a carrot so they can use you when they need you. But then the lady continued–report to Scottdale (the palace). So unceremoniously, McKesson switched my program, switched my job duties, and switched my work location from one city to another–as of tomorrow (the day back in March? this occured).
And the new program was a relief–new people, better building, better seat where I could see out a window, good cube-neighbors. Easier tasks. But less tasks. So many less. I went from averaging 110 calls to doing 6 in a day. And calls were the only thing we did. Dramatically less work. And I found out even if you do the job properly, it’s not McKesson leadership’s job to be fair to employees under them–they must cater to these clients that hire McKesson as their middle-man. However stupid, disorganized, and redundant those clients are–and believe me this client was all those things. So between just uprooting me with no notice (DISLIKE) and then not supporting me even though I was doing everything outlined in the rules (you should see this email chain, it’s fucking ridiculous), I just didn’t want to do that anymore.
9. being cold in the new house
We got out of that mother-fucking horrible, tiny apartment-yay! Our new house is adorable and (nearly) perfect, but has no insulation to speak of. And AZ, which is supposed to be warm all the time, has been unseasonably cold now for 2 winters in a row. I was icy cold and uncomfortable last Jan-March, and now I’m freezing in Dec. I don’t like it. I don’t want to pay even more utilities since AZ had 96 days over 100 degrees in the summer and you have no choice but to pay 24/7 AC. And I can’t find a B-pair of cuddle-duds so these just keep getting bigger and bigger.
8. social problems at new job
So I get a new, better job where I did actually go permanent (eventually and finally!) but it’s all weird. Training is set up for extroverts so I was completely anxious, stressed, and as a result I shut-down. And my particular class had really super-fast learners, so I also felt like I didn’t want to slow anyone down with confusions or questions. And I just didn’t really interact, because I never really got to know anybody, and I was really uncomfortable the whole time. Nervous, stressed out, awkward…
Then my dink supervisor didn’t even introduce me to my new team. What?! And when I’m at my cube, I am legit trying and concentrating on the work (and still shy, awkward, uncomfortable) so I never got brave enough to introduce myself to anyone on my team. So now, it’s been a weirdly long time and it’s too late to introduce myself to my team–so I just literally don’t know most of them. Like their names or anything. And that is weird and terrible. And even though I never got to know anyone from my training class, some of them acted like we go way back, and were mad when I didn’t really engage with them (because I don’t know them either! We had never talked in training) so they seem disgruntled.
So that’s weird and unpleasant. And even at McKesson, I had some friends and some acquaintances, because they warmed up and initiated real conversations with me, then I didn’t feel uncomfortable so I felt like I could chat with them and stuff. Cause eventually I do open up to people, but only when it doesn’t feel forced or strained or superficial. But so far, no one has made any effort to really talk to me at all here, so it just keeps getting worse and worse socially… I hate it, but don’t know how to change it at this point either-I’ve been pigeonholed.
7. being fat
I lost my metabolic gift when I turned 34. And now I have to pay attention to eating and exercise in a way I never even had to think about before. So that’s a bummer. And all my size 2s are dead to me. And I put my suits in the give-away bag, and that sucked. And my Lucky jeans, which were my #1 staple jeans are a 4, and I’m out of that zone now too. And putting those in the bag, really hurt my feelings. So I don’t like anything about that.
6. parents visit fighting
My dad was shaving his face with an electric razor on my living room couch-what the fuck?! And I said, “Are you getting whiskers everywhere????” And he said, “Yeah, so.” And I went ballistic (of course! nobody wants stubble all over their living room couch and floor) and told him not to do that-go in the bathroom over the sink–probably with some curse words peppered in. And then my mom said his shaver collects the hair, it doesn’t make a mess. So why didn’t he proactively tell me that or answer no when I asked about hair? Who knows (turns out he hadn’t actually heard what I asked, but bluffed and pretended he had).
Then we went about our business. I had painstakingly created an itinerary so everyone would have fun and be comfortable and that day was casino and buffet (my dad’s favorites). And after eating, Dad went to gamble. And Cool of course had sick belly. Leaving my mom and I alone at the table. And that’s always a risk because fights can touch off pretty quickly. Cool is supposed to be my buffer… And in 1 min my mom wanted to tell me something. And I was like, “Don’t whatever it is, you’re going to make me mad.” But she just has to go there-like always. And she said whatever it was–I actually can’t remember, but I ended up storming out of the buffet, pissed off. And there was some loud family arguing on the casino floor (ghetto) and anger all around. Threats on the way home they would fly out early, and I had had enough so I was actually for it. And it generally just escalated into an ugly thing that let resentments, grudges, animosities, tiredness, control-issues, and everything negative out from just under the surface, into the open. Not optimal.
Come to find out, the shaver incident had hurt my dad’s feelings and made him mad. But instead of telling me, he whined to my mom. And she has to get in the middle of everything so she confronted me. But that’s kind of been her thing ever since I was a kid: Telling me that both of them felt this or thought that as a way to give legitimacy and weight to whatever was her gripe. Because she always felt I liked my dad more, and listened to him over her–neither of which is true. Anyway, since she had used this tactic a lot, I just made an assumption she was doing that and blew up at her. Turns out it was actually my dad this time. So the whole incident was bad. I felt bad. I was upset that my dad would do that knowing my mom and my history, and I’d say it put a major damper on their whole trip. They’ll never come back.
5. worrying about no stability as a temp
Really the worry and insecurity with this is an understatement. It really impacts your whole life and finances. Knowing you could be told not to come back at any time is terrible. Having your work location change cities with hours of notice is awful. Having to try to be perfect in performance and quality for fear of being let go is stressful. Not having any sick days, vacation, or time off is exhausting. No/bad benefits adds insult to injury. I hope I never have to live this way again.
4. felissa hating on me
I thought I was having another situation with the big boss. Things kept happening at work to make me uncomfortable, and undermine my progress and upward mobility. Pointed comments were made to groups that I was certain were directed at me. But my supervisor was kind of a dink-bimbo. So I didn’t think it was her. And I had been sent home early by the big boss when I made it known I thought he was sexist toward my work. I just assumed some sort of retaliation was happening. I was producing numbers DOUBLE of what they were asking of us. And I got FIVE 100% quality scores in a row. The quality guy loved me, because I took pride in my work and made an effort to hit every expectation on all of my calls. But I was passed up for a promotion. They picked the top 30 (I don’t remember the exact number now, I think 30) out of like 200 of us in the program for a special project/recognition. I was not chosen. But I knowI belonged in that group. And I know for a fact that my work was better than at least 2 people chosen over me. Not to sound arrogant (and the quantitative data backs this up), but I was absolutely safely in the top 5 of my whole team, and probably if not THE top performer definitely the 2nd best. But I wasn’t included in this top 30 group.
So I asked my supervisor why. And she said it wasn’t the ‘top’ people. But the big boss had said in front of all of us that it was, and I reminded her that. She said it was productivity. And I pointed to my numbers that she had just provided me of my performance–and said these are over expectation by a lot. And she mentions quality. So I reminded her mine was great. I really pressed her as to why I wasn’t in the group, because I thought I had been blacklisted by the big-boss, because I accused him of sexism (I was sure this was the reason). And she told me the people were chosen for their critical thinking skills. I asked why leadership was doubtful about my critical thinking skills–after all just that week, she had put 4 different people with me as a side-by-side to teach them the job. If they didn’t believe in me, why the fuck would they have me training people???
And then I was moved to a different program without warning. No word. But when I got to the new program a gal from my former program, that had been on my exact team was there too. But the supervisor had discussed the move with her the week before. My supervisor told 1 gal–“in a week you will go to a new program.” And that same supervisor had a team meeting and said–“I don’t wanna see you guys taking your stuff home, nothing is changing nobody is moving or getting fired.” And that day my recruiter told me–tomorrow you move to a new program/city. Bitch, please!
It had been my supervisor working against me the entire time, but because she seemed like a damn flake, I had underestimated her and didn’t even realize everything was because of her.
3. commuting from scottsdale to here
Having new people around was great, as was working in a palace of a building. But I had specifically signed a one year lease to be close to work (the former building). It was within walking distance. And now I had to drive diagonally through one entire city, and from the very south to the very north end of a 2nd city to get to and from work. I hate commuting and I know that about me. Driving through a college town with bad drivers and crazy pedestrians OR taking the freeway that gets bogged down right when I get off work = 2 bad choices. The drive was eating up a lot of my day. I was tired all the time. I started getting road rage from dealing with constant shit-driving shenanigans. Meanwhile, my new house was right next to a work building that I no longer worked at.
2nd. awkwardness at cmm
I made a pretty awesome training power point. I gave it to every leader in my program. Nothing came of it. Despite people liking it and the fact it was a useful tool, the thing went nowhere. Fine. But then a co-worker boy saw the power point. He loved it. He said it would have been super helpful if he’s had it when he was starting out. He asked why it wasn’t in use. I said I’d given it to leadership but nothing came of it. He asked if he could show it to them again. After he showed it to them, my power point was used to help train people THAT day.
I felt like it was discrimination. It was the exact same power point. Only difference was that a boy presented it. I made it known that I was unhappy about it. And the big boss called me in a private meeting. He was not happy with my accusation. He even sent me home from work midway through the day. I was convinced I wouldn’t be invited back (temp, remember). It didn’t happen that day. I became paranoid it was only a matter of time. Nobody talked to me about it, but it was the holidays so people were on vacation, and things were not running as usual. I was waiting for a meeting… No meeting occurred. But I knew the big boss was unhappy with me, so I figured he was just waiting for me to mess up, so he could site that as the reason for letting me go. So I became hyper-paranoid about not making any mistake on anything. And that’s a lot of pressure, paranoia, and fear. And it lasted for two-ish months. Every day. Miserable.
1. worst ever: thinking Goose (my beloved maine coon buddy) might die
Last winter, we moved. It was also cold. Goose lost weight, and I know that’s bad. I’ve seen it over and over, they start losing weight and that’s the beginning of the end. He was lethargic. Stopped playing. Didn’t groom C.L. like he always had. But when he stopped grooming himself I knew he was about to die. He has always taken great pride in his coat. It was so greasy, it became matted, and I had to give him a scraggle lion cut so he had less to maintain. I was so scared and sad. We went to the feline exclusive vet. They suggested a $500+ diagnostic. I love Goose, but when both you and your mate could get a call any time saying you don’t have a job tomorrow–well, you have to save every penny. $500 is a lot any time, but when it might be your cushion in unemployment–I just couldn’t spend that much. Not on anything. Also, the vet didn’t call with the in-house lab results for 6 days. Deal breaker. We went to a 2nd vet for a 2nd opinion. Except he pretty much reiterated what the first vet said. And even though we had mentioned the slow communication on lab results as the primary reason for changing vets–the 2nd vet didn’t tell us lab results for 6 days! I didn’t wanna be that client, but I know better. So we went to a 3rd vet. Which seems ridiculous. And we didn’t tell her about the other 2 vets. And she put him on blood pressure medication and arthritis injections. No expensive diagnostics–and he’s doing awesome, I’m happy to report! So false alarm, but I still felt horrible.
There was more bad times then good this year. Or more accurately, a lot of the bad points overshadowed the good. Or their were the normal good times, but the daily grind had a lot of negative. But here, I have happily remembered many of the good. From awesome to major thrill, here is my Top Moments Countdown:
Honorable mention: The Trampled by Turtles concert with Lorn Huron as opener. They put on a wonderful show (see review blog) but the venue totally ruined the whole thing.
11-Kelly Coffey circuit workouts/running on the trail in the summer
Cool has gained so much ground on this front, and it makes it fun, quality time instead of a chore. It’s really nice to do it together. And even though it was very hot (sometimes 104F) we both ran well AND had great attitudes about it. I hope to continue our fitness stuff for a very long time.
10-Balloon Races/kayak
This went from the top spot last year to 10th! But not because it was bad or anything. I packed the car to the brim, but forgot one bag. The one with all the cute outfits I had lovingly put together over the prior weeks and weeks. It was a fun trip, as always, but even though there were technically more days IN the visit, we were way more rushed. We didn’t even get to play yard games! We have to plan better next time. And some lady chastised my family when we sat down at Dawn Patrol. Even though there’s no tickets and no seating arrangement. She got ugly about it, saying “we’ve been here since 3AM.” False. They don’t open the gates until 4 AM, and shove it up your ass, lady. I had fun, and I always love the balloon races, but we were kinda running around. Plus, my mom was still recovering from her radiation/surgery. And my dad was having trouble walking around so much. We will do it better next visit!
9-Cool’s birthday in Park City
I bought Cool (and me) a massage package in Park City. So we could try out being fancy (that’s not our life). It was fun, but I just don’t think I’m a massage person. Example: They have a sign-in sheet and it asks what you don’t want in the massage. I wrote “awkwardness.” My gal was like, what do you mean you don’t want awkwardness? Long pause. What is awkwardness to you?” Umm, THIS conversation. And there was a hair treatment in the massage. But that meant either you have to walk around with straight up oil in your wet hair–or shower. So I had a weird semi-private shower, which I’m never a fan of. So the massage was good, but I just am not going to submit myself to any more of that. We did get to window shop in Park City and eat at High West, so that was nice.
8-getting the impossible raise
My worth ethic is unparalleled. And my department under-pays so there is high turnover. I ended up doing way more then my share (as I have always done) on a consistant basis. The difference was, they keep track of checklists, so I saved them and wrote everything down. Everyone in the company, everyone, everyone gets a standard 40 cent raise at their yearly review. Everyone. No exception. But I worked more so I deserved more. And I asked for it. My supervisor said no no straight away. I persisted that I worked very hard. And they couldn’t deny that. So the head of the department said he could try to ask for more, but it had only ever happened on very few rare occasions. I said we could at least try, and he said he’d talk to his boss, but don’t get my hopes up. I didn’t. But the next week, he said I got it! I got more than the standard 40 cent raise!!! One of very few–nobody in recent memory. But then, because he’s a douche and he doesn’t like me (because I caught him red-handed talking shit about me to another random employee AND went to HR about it) he ruined the moment by saying, “You got lucky.” No, you mother-fucker, I did not get lucky, I worked hard and earned it. And Cool further ruined the occasion by picking one of our biggest fights ever. So this should be higher on this list, but *sigh* other people. . . I DID buy myself a really nice fitness tracker as a gift to me. And it is hands free/cord free/phone free music. Right on my wrist–with no other device necessary.
7-Zoo Brew
Best idea ever! With or without alcohol. The zoo put on a 21 and over event, which is genius. I don’t always want to have kids pushing me, deal with screaming, and have little people running around scaring the animals and tapping on glass. As long as you look at the zoo before the adults get out of the alcohol lines, you can see the animals before the adults start to exhibit (pun intended) this behavior. It’s the first time we ever saw the palace cat out, because it was actually quiet. Love! And we went to the very first event, so nobody knew if it yet, and we pretty much had the place to ourselves. Subsequent events were fun too, but word had spread and it was more crowded. That May event–perfect!
6-my birthday:
I went extravegent for my bithday. Not because it was a milestone year (33) but more because I had a job where I can take (paid) time off. So I used it to my advantage and did bunches of things all week. I got my hair dyed special. She took the color out, then did a rinse so it was subtle, purple highlights. I loved it! And as soon as I catch up on money, I’ll get that again. On your birthday you get to eat whatever you want, even if the other person doesn’t like that kind of food. Cool is a very picky eater, so I always have to go without a lot of foods. So I chose sushi. The restaurant was cute, and had a mural and live music too. I got a whole platter, which I never do, but it was my birthday, and I had to load up from the prior year of no sushi and the next year of no sushi. And I got mussel shooters, which are fun to eat! My actual birthday we paid for Red Butte gardens ($13/person and a total rip-off) which is MUCH smaller than Spokane’s free Manito Garden. I won’t go back unless there’s a free day. We went to Red Robin’s for lunch, which I wouldn’t choose, but my blood sugar got low and we had no other recourse and Cool panicked and got irritable. Then we went to an independent theater and saw one of the films that had been at Sundance Film Festival. It was “Swiss Army Man” see my review. I liked it, and figured it out, so felt cool. Then we had a Grapefruit Ballist Point beer on a patio and it was wonderful. We had planned to go to our library’s coffee and chocolate class but some obnoxious lady sat immediately next to me, wouldn’t stop engaging me, and when she belched in my face I called it quits and walked out early. Then sent a long complain letter to the event’s organizer–who turned out to be really, really sweet. Signed us up for the next month’s (super competitive) class, gave me coupons for free coffee at the library shop, and gave me a birthday gift of 4 artisan chocolate bars! Like, really sweet and very apologetic (that’s not usually my life). Anyway, so we went to an oyster restaurant instead. I like oysters, but found the restaurant very over-priced. The day after my birthday, Cool had paid for an experience at the aviary. I got to go in a private room with a parrot and a bird trainer. The bird painted me a picture. Well, actually she went dab-dab dab with the sponge then looked for her food treat. Then saw she had to dab more to get more food, so quickly dab-dab-dabbed in order to get more treats. I got to take pictures right up next to her and took my painting by her home. It was really neat to get up close and personal and she was a cute stuff.
5-Halloween Costumes
We loved the year we were trick-or-treating, and I’ve always loved Halloween. But usually, one of us is stuck at work. This year–neither of us were, so we wanted to do something really big. A couple’s costume! So on Sundays we brainstormed and brainstormed, and researched, and planned. The best, easiest thing for us to do was “Lions Tigers and Bears–Oh my!” We bought more then we wanted, and made some cool accessories. Then, I face-paintedmy little heart out! It took forever, but we looked good. We had signed up for a fun-theme-run, so we dressed up for that. And the zombies chased us. Cool body-slammed a zombie, and outran the children. At the end, they had voting for best costume. Except, they forgot to call us up (they said if you think you’ll win just get up there anyway) so we had to push through the crowd–which Cool is never good at. There was no raised stage or anything, we were just in a parking-lot, and as short people, we were probably obscured to anyone not in the front row. And the dope-DJ who was running the thing didn’t say our name properly he called us “a lion and a tiger.” The voting was by audience cheer. We got second place, but after all the afore-mentioned factors, I think we were robbed! And I think the first place winners had stacked the crowd. So we felt we could do better. When a local restaurant announced they were having a costume contest for cash prizes ($500 Sunday night, $500 Monday night–when it had been one night the year before for $1000) we had to try! Even though it meant taking time off work. So I requested a partial day off Sunday (working corporate and having not only paid vacation, but as-needed employees to cover shifts is so nice!) to get ready and go. I did my very best face-painting work and we hung out at Gracie’s waiting for the voting. And some ten foot tall tree man took our prize! With some king and queen getting 2nd, and that Tim Burton wig head dude and his gal-friend taking 3rd. Disagree and disagree. We should have at least gotten 2nd! So we tried one more time and dressed up for work on Monday. Because their was a contest and a secret prize, and our boss encouraged everyone to dress up. He didn’t encourage us for work-spirit or anything. That douche is a nerd and his big hobby is making and dressing up in costumes–even though he’s like, 50. He has a batman, that could legit-be used for one of the movies. That’s how much time and money and effort he put into it. That is an old costume of his. This year, he was working on a Captain Sparrow costume. Which I thought was only so-so. How hard is it to get a dred-wig, a sash, and buy tall boots?! So we thought we’d at least win the work contest and beat him–cause who doesn’t love a group costume? But alas, our boss won the whole contest. And some gal painted herself silver and wore deer antlers (big deal) and beat us for 2nd place. We didn’t even place at all 😦 So we had fun, and looked good, but this didn’t rank higher because nobody knows how to properly judge a contest, and we should have won, but didn’t.
4-my thousand day in a row mile
I ran so many days-in-a-row that I made it to #1000 this summer! To commemorate the occasion, I made flyers at work, inviting people. Even though I knew those duds and douches wouldn’t show, I was excited and there was an off-chance someone might share in that excitement–plus, I could get acknowledgement of my huge accomplishment, and tie it to my resume that way. As part of the work event, I made it a coin drive fund-raiser so we could adopt a bird at the aviary. The money goes towards feeding and care and they give you free aviary passes, a plush of your bird, and a certificate. Only my supervisor came to my mile, but I really hadn’t expected anyone at all, so that was OK. I wore my running skirt and felt awesome. And I used our concert window chalk and painted my accomplishment all over Rusty. On the way from the fundraiser to work, I was stuck in traffic. I don’t use my air conditioner–ever–in order to save money, so my windows were both down. I heard a, “I promise I’m not hitting on you.” Firstly, I didn’t expect it. Secondly, I thought–that can’t be for ME. Thirdly, I was like–do I really want to engage with this? So after a long time, I turned my head, and some guy stuck in the traffic jam beside me, asked, “Did you really run so many days in a row??? That’s cool!” So that was nice. While I was at work that night, our Hispanic cleaning gal brought her whole family inside our lab. They all looked really happy, and they asked if any of us spoke Spanish–none of us do, all of us randomly speak German, if any second language at all. Her husband had his phone and somehow conveyed that they wanted to buy a car. I heard “Isuzu” and realized what happened. They saw all my window paint, but couldn’t read English. So they assumed I was selling my beautiful Rusty for $1000, and they were ready to take it that night! I was like, “No, no,no, not for sale.” And they looked very disappointed. And everyone in my lab teased me that I broke their hearts for the rest of that week. Only like 3 people at work donated to the coin drive (I TOLD you I work with duds) but 2 of them donated $20s. So we got to adopt a bird for $50. I chose a black vulture 1) because vultures are important to our world and Andy N. Condor has enlightened me to their cuteness and cause. 2) Little Chewy and Vader of Tracy Aviary didn’t have any sponsors for 2016, and that made me sad for them. 3) Our lab is SO vulture! We are the clean-up crew of the medical industry as we have to sniff out mistakes and correct them. We deal with icky samples. And–we’re all anti-social and sort of put-down upon by the hoity-toity management and the super-social client services and phlebotomists. I hung the flyer, the certificate/facts, and the vulture plush in the lab. Everybody likes it and we named out vulture plush, Culture, which is appropriate for us.
3-Brandi’s concert
Brandi always makes our list. She always puts on an exciting show that you come away from amped up. But the venue was awesome! We were right in the middle of the Deer Valley bunny area, with mountains and trees all around. And Park City is always fun–we of course snuck into their mini Arts-Fest (only for 2 min) and ate beer cheese pretzels and drank cocktails at our fave- High West. It also made it the best time because we packed our own tailgate and pic-nic. We had greek pitas, watermelon-rum slushees, salads and s’mores in (separate) mason jars. It was delicious, and topped off the day nicely. Oh, and we got the very best parking spot where we could exit the concert first, and easily, because one of the Deer Valley maintenance workers gave us a good tip.
2-Utah Arts Festival
It was bigger and better then I ever expected! There were booths where we got to see SLC’s creative side. The live music was cool, and we got to see Beats Antique–a legit band that made my countdown–at the end, right in the park. The highlight of the day was getting a sampling of foods from there different food trucks. And we came home with Rogue Bear and a beautiful pinned moth.
1.rodeo
We wanted to do something on our holiday weekend, but didn’t know what exactly. At that time, we lived right within walking of downtown, but lots of things were closed, and nothing spectacular was going on. But they do convert the whole arena each year for “Pioneer Days Rodeo.” We thought we’d go check it out and kill some time. We both wore our best cowgirl outfits and walked down. Out front we stumbled on to a signing! It was my dream at pretty much every event I’ve ever attended to have a meet and greet with the main person, but that’s not my life. And here, we were standing in the middle of a meet & greet, but we didn’t know who any of the rodeo people were. . . Still, the main guy invited us to get autographs, gave us a magazine to get signed, we had hats for them to sign. They talked, and took pictures. Everyone was really nice! And inside the rodeo we had a lot of fun and excitement watching all the events. We had no idea we would like the rodeo so much! We had SO much fun that while we were sitting in the stands, we used my phone to buy tickets for the next evening as well.
So that’s the best of 2016, and I look forward to an very very much better 2017!
kit10phish.wordpress.com 
Taylor Swift’s Gay Moments: evermore ~ tolerate it
16 Aprtolerate it
I notice everything you do or don’t do/You’re so much older and wiser, and I…/…If it’s all in my head, tell me now/Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow/I know my love should be celebrated/But you tolerate it…/…Where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?/I made you my temple, my mural, my sky/Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life/Drawing hearts in the byline/Always taking up too much space or time/You assume I’m fine, but what would you do if I/I break free and leave us in ruins?/Took this dagger in me and removed it?/Gain the weight of you then lose it
[I didn’t cite this bc it’s some homophobic church doubling-down on their intolerance, and though I think they have a point about the definition of terms, I didn’t want to give them any more traffic].
***Trigger Warning***
hate crime
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard
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