Tag Archives: party

Kelsea Ballerini is Taylor’s 2nd Choice

10 Oct

Nobody can be a Karlie. But being a backup plan is tenuous and unfulfilling.

Alone, these might be considered “reaches” but compiled all together, it’s a LOT of coincidences.


[Chorus] When the sun starts falling, the girls start calling

Taylor called Karlie the sun.  Compared her to sunshine.  Used gold to denote her in songs.  Here, Kelsea says the sun starts falling, which can mean more than the obvious day to night.  A layered meaning could mean Karlie is falling out of Taylor’s life.  The sun set on Kaylor. Karlie is not considered gold anymore, but more of a veneer.  It speaks to a rift and breakup between Taylor and Karlie.  

And I think in this context, girls start calling, is just a covert way of disguising a love song into a friends partying song.  Girls plural could have easily been girl.  I think Kelsea is saying when Karlie, the sun, falls away from Taylor, that girl (Taylor) starts calling her.

The wine comes off of the shelf

Again, Taylor doesn’t own wine, but if you were alluding to her, or talking about hanging out with her, that might be the beverage you’d mention.  Taylor has mentioned wine in at least 11 lyrics (not to mention champagne):

Then the drums start to kick in and all my inhibitions

Kelsea could just be using this line to show action.  She might be bringing her going out on the town back to a subject she knows well–music.

But I looked up “drum” in Taylor’s lyrics and the two songs that contained the word were interesting:  Better than Revenge and Hoax.  In the first, Taylor is talking about a girl who “stole” a boy she liked P.S. boys cannot be stolen, they are people with their own free will and should be the recipient of anger if they choose to cheat/leave.  Anyway, Taylor says, “She had to know my pain was beating on me like a drum.” 

So stay with me.  To analyze Kelsea’s use of “drum” in this song, we need to look at Hoax, but to give context to all the pain of that song, we need to look at a happier time in Taylor’s discography, King of My Heart:  Which has a lot of clues and references to Karlie and the Kaylor relationship.

King of My Heart

I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own/I made up my mind, I’m better off bein’ alone

Taylor lives alone, and is comfortable being single.

We met a few weeks ago/Now you try on callin’ me, baby, like tryin’ on clothes

This line is hinting that the “you” in this song is a model.

The line also indicates this model is tryin’ on calling Taylor baby.  It’s a new relationship, and possibly a new sexuality too (WLW) and Karlie is feeling it out.

Salute to me, I’m your American Queen

And you move to me like I’m a Motown beat

There is this Motown dance party.

But more than that check out my last post about the music video that Karlie was in. In it she watches Motown and dances suggestively. It looks almost masturbatory, honestly. Taylor is saying in this line Karlie moves to her like that (sex).

Jesus, that’s explicit.

And we rule the kingdom inside my room

Taylor and Karlie can only be a couple when they’re hidden and protected.  They have to be together only in Taylor’s room, away from prying eyes.

‘Cause all the boys and their expensive cars/With their Range Rovers and their Jaguars/Never took me quite where you do

No matter the expensive, fancy things that the boys bring with them, no matter the ease of a relationship with a man–they could never compare to what Taylor has with Karlie.  

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for/King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa/And all at once, you’re all I want, I’ll never let you go/King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa/And all at once, I’ve been waiting, waiting/Ooh whoa, ooh whoa/And all at once, you are the one, I have been waiting, waiting/Body and soul, ooh whoa/And all at once

This is a pretty sexy interlude with all the ooh whoas and repetition of body and soul.  Taylor is saying she likes when Karlie sexes her up, but also it’s a romantic soul connection, not just a fu(k-fling.

Late in the night, the city’s asleep/Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Taylor again, emphasizes that this love is secret and she has anxiety about keeping the relationship AND the secret of the relationship.

Change my priorities/The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

Again, referencing the fact the boys have money and cars and stuff, but Taylor would forgo all those physical items for Karlie’s physical touch.

…Is this the end of all the endings?/My broken bones are mending

It’s not the last time Taylor will mention bones when she talks about the pain of this relationship:

With all these nights we’re spending/Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Taylor told us she cares more about love with Karlie than items boys can give her, and that lifestyle she could lead with men.  Now she asks Karlie to say the same:

Back to Hoax:

The second song containing the word “drum” is Hoax, possibly the most painful song in Taylor’s catalog, in my opinion. 

My only one/my kingdom come undone/my broken drum/you have beaten my heart

is a bleak, sad line.  Taylor says Karlie is the only one she ever really loved.  And Karlie going with Jo$h (picking the expensive things over love with Taylor in the private ) has burned down the kingdom inside Taylor’s room she spoke about in King of my Heart.  

Taylor could be likening her heart to a drum since they both beat.  She’s telling the subject of the song they have broken her heart.  Beaten has a few meanings:  It could be talking about a heart pumping, but in the past tense.  It could indicate winning a competition (Jo$h won the trophy or champion ring, Karlie).  It could be a physical beating (let’s hope not, but we have several knife and sword fights in Taylor’s catalog).  

So back to Kelsea, she says:

Then the drums start to kick in and all my inhibitions

So.  The drums are a signal Taylor is heartbroken and Karlie is out of her life.  When Karlie is out, that’s Kelsea’s chance to be in.  Broken drum is when Kaylor is off-again, but when that happens Taylor calls up Kelsea.  The drum hurts Taylor, but the drum brings Taylor to Kelsea. It’s a reason why Kelsea might be reluctant to go out.  This relationship is somewhat one-sided, fickle, fleeting, uneven.  But…

Are gone by a quarter to twelve

This plays into my theory about the stars and moon possibly being in Taylor’s Midnights album.  The clock.  Taylor’s clock of albums has different colors for each number.

You can easily see Red (Dianna) went from the latter part of Speak Now to the early part of the Reputation era.  Then the numbers turn gold for sunshine Karlie.  And the gold numbers match up with the albums that reference Karlie (Reputation, Lover, folklore, and Evermore).  

But look at 9 (quarter to 12).  Halfway through it goes from gold to aqua/green/blue.  Is this the time Kelsea is referring to in the song?  The sun goes down at 9 (Karlie goes away) then Taylor calls Kelsea up and that’s Kelsea’s cue to throw out her inhibitions and worries and go have fun with Taylor?  Are these green/blues for Kelsea?  Or signifying Taylor is blue/depressed/closeted/single so rebounding (with Kelsea)?

Yeah, I try to be an angel, then the whole thing goes to hell

Lord, help me, I just, I can’t help myself/(She can’t help it, thе girl can’t help it)/(She can’t help it, thе girl can’t help it)

Kelsea knows it’s not a good idea to get with someone who is back and fourth, still not over her ex, and that may take their relationship as seriously–but she can’t help it.

[Verse 2] And I could go for a walk and maybe eat a salad

Kelsea is comparing herself to Karlie, because Taylor is still not over Karlie.  Kelsea (from the midwestern/southern state of TN) said what she eats in a day and fast food was high on the list:

Karlie said what she eats in a day, and her menu was drastically different than Kelsea’s.  

Models can’t eat very much.  Their very income depends on keeping their body lean (underweight) so they notoriously eat very little.  If Kelsea is trying to be like Karlie, the former Victoria’s Secret Angel, she might try to exercise and limit calories.

I could pick up my guitar and write another ballad

Kelsea could write another song like one of these that wish Taylor were more focused on her. Or a love song of their good times. It’s something she probably finds cathartic, and it’s something she has in common with Taylor.

I could even meditate to live with less distraction

All that pick me up at eight, I’m tryna kick the habit, but

Basically, this song talks about how when Taylor is not with Karlie, she goes to Kelsea.  And Kelsea naturally compares herself to the gal that Taylor is pining over because Kelsea wants something more than to be a backup plan.  Yet, even though Kelsea knows her relationship with Taylor is problematic and unfulfilling she is trying to be like Karlie herself (eat salads meditate) so Taylor will regard her in the same way and stay.  Kelsea’s head knows it’s trouble, but her heart can’t say no and leave it alone.

[Pre-Chorus] Oh-oh, here I go again/Oh-oh, I can’t say no

I’m Sorry that You’re a Bitch

3 Sep

I’m so sorry I came when you invited me–

I didn’t realize I’d be the fourth party


And what a mistake I made going away when you didn’t want me

at your Thanksgiving dinner, you didn’t invite me to

spending the night in the break room

just sleeping in a place with a bathroom

since the one where I was living was through your dining room

But I cleaned and that’s such an infraction

you came in for chairs and saying nothing was your reaction

I’m sorry your later statement was a contrived exaggeration


I’m contrite I worked to the best of my ability–

and I apologize I came to my own work party

And I regret that you manipulated the gift giving


what a criminal using my kennel duty keys

And I’m genuinely regretful you were spying on me

I was such a thug feeding and dog walking


And what a mistake I made asking my mentor for a letter

it was very pushy and I guess I should have known better

Good thing you called the school and said, “forget (h)er”

best of 2019

4 Jan

Day of the Dead

I painted my face and wore my senorita dress and monarch butterfly wings to work.  Cool and I did an offrenda to our deceased loved ones, and I liked having a happy time to think about them and remember them.


work x-mas party

One of the supervisors really outdid herself and planned a fun party with catered food, nice decorations (including wine glasses with our work and the year etched on them as memento), a photo booth where we got copies of the pictures, cash bar, and a dj.  Cool wanted to go very badly, and even though parties are later than my bedtime and make me stressed out and anxious I agreed to go.

And once I got some wine in me, I loosened up and had fun.  The people that sat at our table were tipsy to drunk, but that made them really talkative and friendly, and it was nice to finally interact with people at work!  Some coworkers dressed up as Santa and Mrs. Claus and really put a lot of effort into the costumes, so we asked them to take a picture with us.  And it turned out really cute.  Maybe we’ll make it a future Christmas card.  And Cool and I took a picture together with a giant rose as a prop, which turned out really cute.  And it’s special because we never get pictures with both of us.  I even got up on the dance floor and did the 7 moves I know–and people were trying to keep me to come dance in the middle of the circle (I did not).  It was a success!


played Jenga at Social Hall

After we went to the zoo (also one of our favorite things to do) we stopped at Social Hall for lunch.  It turned out to be happy hour and our server was really nice and good too.  This never happens in Arizona.  We noticed when we first moved here that the service pretty much everywhere and every time of day, is bad.  Like abyssal.  But she was friendly and efficient so it was a special treat.

They have games inside and a big patio with a jumbo Jenga game made of 2×4-size wood.  Cool and I played and generally just had an unexpected fun time.


parents visit

I wanted my parents to see where we live, our cute house, our favorite spots…  So they came, but it was July when everyone is hot in AZ, and un-acclimated people want to die.  Not the optimal timing.  And I am very much conscious of utilities and we usually keep the temp no lower than 90F because in AZ you could easily spend $300+ on utilities if you let yourself be comfortable.  Anyway, so it’s not a good time of year for visitors.  But I wanted them to see and have fun, and that’s when they could come so we tried to make the best of it.

I planned a very detailed itinerary to try to accommodate everyone’s needs and desires:

zoo-because all 4 of us are animal lovers.

Sephora- to try scents and makeup and lotion.

heard museum-because it’s personal history to all of us and I knew they would all like it.  Also, it’s free the first Friday of every month.

aquarium-this was not on my itinerary, but we had time between plans so we made it happen.

movie-Cool and I are addicted to the luxiorious movie experience with the comfy seats and restaurant-food and bev brought right to your seat.  So I wanted my parents to enjoy it also.  And–it’s an AC space (AC I’ not paying for).

book store-  All 4 of us are readers and we have a local bookstore that also serves snacks, coffee, and adult beverages.

casino & buffet- to bring a little of my parent’s home to the visit.

brunch-for my birthday!  I love brunch so much!!!

WNBA-I wanted to go to a game for my birthday, and I got us 1st row tickets (closest seats of ever) to enjoy.

We really packed in the activities and they are already Cool and my favorite activities, so it was fun to share them.


color run

Not only was it a color run, it was unicorn-themed and that’s like my favorite ever.  Cool was a good sport and even dressed up in complementary-colored tutu with me.  They had all kinds of selfie stations, and threw color on us as we ran.  The location was beautiful, and the sunrise in AZ is always gorgeous.  So it was a fun time with tons of cute stuff!


tour de fat

We discovered this in 2018, and at that time I spontaneously danced in a talent show.  Which was very fun.  Except I finished the routine with crowd-pleasing splits (with zero stretching/preparation) and messed up my hamstring for the 8 following months.  But it had been a real fun time, so we went again.

This year it was much hotter, so I was drenched in sweat the whole time.  But we dressed adorable, tried new beer, and spectated some of their quirky contests and shows.  It’s always a unique and entertaining time!


pride wk at work

Since Phoenix summers are uncomfortable (an understatement) the city has Pride in April.  Which is really a terrible idea.  Because everyone else is doing Pride in June and nobody in the spring, so AZ is out of sync, and it ends up being lackluster as a result.  Also, it can still be 95-100F in April, so it’s not really even a nicer temperature to most people.  I could tell the people in the parade were hot and uncomfortable, fizzling, and spirited by the halfway mark.  They really need to find a stadium with a roof or somewhere cooler to hold the thing–in June.

So that’s why when work agreed to celebrate a Pride week in June it was like the best thing!  We dressed up and got to partake a little bit in what the rest of the nation was talking about so much.  Also, I’m really proud of my company for being inclusive, accepting, and going as far as celebrating the week.  Makes me feel safer and more welcome.


AZ fair

So in AZ, it’s less of a fair with animals and crafts and more of a carnival.  Which I guess for a city in the middle of a desert makes a lot of sense.  It was just different from what we’d experienced before.  Animals were hard to locate, and there weren’t many.  Crafts were not plentiful either.  Plant stuff was literally 12 pumpkins and the honey people–that’s it.  So that felt weird.

I found residential parking so we didn’t have to pay the $10 or fight the crowd, and that made me over-the-moon excited.  We just had to walk an extra mile, which is no problem for us.  We walk all the time.  They had all kinds of giant fair food and beverages to pick from.  There were rides, but the safety of those sketches me out so we didn’t do any of those.  But we did try our hand at a couple of the games, knowing they are rigged, but just wanting to enjoy the experience.  I did the Wack-a-Mole, and am so good at hitting those vermin that I won a prize!!!  Which never happens to me.  And it wasn’t just a little dinky thing, it was a good sized purple sparkly unicorn!  So that was super-cool.


brunch crawl

I saw it on social media and spontaneously (which I never am) bought tickets for the next day.  As you know I love a brunch!  All around town there were deals at the restaurants on pre-fix brunch stuff.  So we got to try a few different places all in one day.  And we found some new gems in town that we had gone to before and ended up being tasty and pleasant.


Halloween costume

I always think I’m going to lazy out of the costume and just wear something easy from a previous year, but then the spirit hits me.  This year I went from easy bear I already had to…fish!  I learned how to do mermaid face-paint that looks like fishnet.  Got some purple tights.  Painted my Mohawk blue.  And made a fin out of closed butterfly wings.  I looked amazing (if I do say so myself).  And I enjoy painting faces a lot, and am getting better and better at it.  And the planning phase is fun too.  Also, not gonna lie, but the accolades are fun to get as well.


my mohawk

My hair was long, just out of laziness and being cheap.  But I made the mistake of trying to save money by box dying it.  And Cool and I were actually getting really good at the process.  Even the lady who cut my hair said she has worked with professionals that didn’t do as nice a job of even coverage as we had–which I took as a major complement.  Anyway, box dye does horrible damage to hair.  I knew that before, but I didn’t realize just trimming it wasn’t going to fix it.  It was the kind of thing that I was going to have to trim and trim until all of it was cut off so I could start fresh.  And that sounded like a long plan.  But Cool suggested I get a mohawk.  And I’ve had short hair before, but nothing so dramatic or trend-specific.  But I am feisty and fun (and also thought it would be easier to just cut all the dye off at once) so I found some pictures.  The haircut went well and I felt cooler than I actually am.  I got a lot of genuine compliments at work–like people coming out of their way to tell me they loved it.  Not just the ‘I noticed a change and say nice hair’ stuff that you sometimes get with a fashion risk.  And not everyone liked it, but I was totally OK with that too.  Some people are old, gender-conforming, or conservative.  And I don’t care about any of those group’s opinions.  I thought I looked awesome and that’s what mattered!



#3:  Left Mck

I had been relieved to have a job after the terror of both my mate and I losing our jobs in the same week.  And for over a month.  I was really afraid.  But then, the job just wasn’t what I can accept.  I don’t want to be treated as dispensable.  Don’t want to be micromanaged and watched to the extent I feel like I’m living in a Big-Brother world.  I want to know ahead of time if I will be in my same team, position, or location–not told right as it’s happening.  I don’t want to constantly be training new people all the time all the time, without being in some leadership position or getting a raise or recognition for doing that.  And I sure as fuck don’t want to commute.  So I was ecstatic when I got a job close to the house and could leave all of that behind.  I just wish I hadn’t had to lose all the acquaintances/friends I was getting to know.


#2:  10 year anniversary with my mate- Nov

What a special time!  Cool and I have made it ten years and now it sounds just as substantial to others as we always felt about ourselves.  It’s really neat to be able to say ‘decade’ and also really a relief that this is it.  Love.


#1:  Got a permanent job

As much of a relief as it is not to be a precarious temp having to worry constantly about messing up and losing a job, and having to save every penny for just in case–this happened really late.  It was promised that in 90 days I would go perm.  Feet were dragged for additional months.  So when it did happen, it was less of a happy occasion and more of a what took so long?  But now life in Arizona can truly start and I’m really happy for stability.  I want 2020 to be the year of stability!