Tag Archives: Rusty

Moments of 2015-Bad

31 Dec

I see today (New Years Eve) as a day for reflection.  And I can’t say I’m sorry 2015 is over.  It wasn’t terrible, I’ve had much worse years.  But it wasn’t what I wanted either.  I like to know where I’m going, and in 2015 I never did.  I didn’t know if I would continue with school, and I didn’t know where my career would take me.  In the past, I’ve been severely disappointed when career objectives didn’t pan out, but this time I felt a calmness and grace about the situation.  Still, there is a dissatisfaction.  And now I’m left to really contemplate what I want in life.  But that’s a story for tomorrow, New Years Day, a day for goals and new beginnings.  Today I’ll post a few blogs about worst moments in 2015.  Which isn’t just picking the scabs of wounds, it’s thinking and it’s learning.  Seeing the worst times allows me to rearrange the circumstances to make next year better.

And again, I’m posting for the sake of time and forgoing a lot of re-writes.  I’ll edit later (maybe).

12TH WORST TIME OF 2015:  -Bob, at my new job, introducing himself as the janitor.  Trying to be funny, but offending me.  Insinuating of course he was much better than a crummy janitor.  He’s some client services administrator–big deal.  When he didn’t know that janitorial had been my very last job, and my father had been a custodian for 20 or 30 years.  What a D-bag.

11.  -Human drama at the YMCA.  Deb being all weird toward me because ???  and holding a grudge.  The churchy gal acting like a bitch and treating me like a lowly janitor.  Just coldness and unnecessary drama from people with nothing to keep their minds busy.  It was stupid, but even though I wasn’t invested in the drama, I noticed it, and had to DEAL with it.  Lame.

10.  -Rusty’s doors remaining half open in the winter.  Primarily because it rendered my remote start useless.  And obviously I NEED that.  I hate being cold.  So much so, that I had bought my own remote start and fought for them to put it in my manual–which is a liability for them and usually against the rules.  And I had always loved starting the car from inside the warm building.  But now it set off the alarm, because the doors were open just enough. . .

9.  -The unwelcoming, frosty environment at MSCL for my first 7 months working there.  NOBODY acknowledged me, talked to me, or anything.  I felt awkward and alone.  Those duds and douche-bags were the WORST!  Here’s an example:  I walk in as a brand new employee–and nobody (even my boss)  says hello.  Or I sneeze–and nobody says bless you or anything.  It was as if I was invisible.  I guess it’s because they have high turn-over, and they were change-averse.  And because it’s a lab, so people don’t have great any social skills.  But it still made me feel like it was ME.  And that brought back horrible memories of veterinary social problems that plagued my work life previously.  I had wanted new beginnings and to turn a corner in a new field–and this was not the start I’d hoped for.

8.  -Not getting into the UU AuD program, despite getting the 4.0, having extracurriculars, and working very hard on my application.  Was it the gay-themed activities I put on my application?  Bad interview answers?  Being from out-of-state?  I really don’t have any idea, and I feel like I should be in there.  Easily.  But this is toward the bottom of my disappointments (and the top of this list) because I’ve grown as a person, through my veterinary sagas.  I had to future plan, which wasn’t cool.  I still don’t know what I will do career-wise, which is scary and reeks of failure.  But I didn’t totally fall apart this time.  I took it in stride.  I do wonder how in the heck I didn’t get in that class, because I feel like I really deserved it and would have done an excellent job.  But I’m putting it on to them, not beating myself up over it.  And I’m not sure it’s what I want anyway.  I’m very disillusioned by the costs of school.  And I haven’t gotten ANY return on my undergrad investment.  And the forums scared me off of audiology a little, because they said Hearing Instrument Specialists can do almost exactly the same job, with NO school.  And they probably get paid equal or MORE than actual audiologists.  Also people talked about it being kind of a dead-end career, that’s highly redundant.  And I didn’t know if paying for 4 more years would even be worth it in the end.  But I’m still undecided, and haven’t closed the audiology door all the way.  Perhaps being 14th for a class of 12 was actually a favor to me. . .

7.  -When my parents insisted I call Dad’s chiropractor’s son about getting IN at Costco audiology–NOW, at the same time I frantically trying to complete a heavy-duty YWCA-UT job application and get ready for work at my current job.  They get overwrought and crazy and over-emotional, then there’s nothing for me to say or do to stop that crazy-train.  Unless I do what they say, when they say it, things fall apart quickly.  The whole thing just reminded me of every other time my parents tried to control me.  And how they were probably disappointed in me.  And that’s how the big horribleness of 2007 Cabin-Mansion had really kicked off the first time, so I was scared there would be a big blow up and subsequent melt-down of the relationship we had worked so hard to forge.

6.  -The meeting where work reneged on the full-time schedule, hours, and pay we had negotiated 3 days prior.  I had finagled the best schedule for my weekends, sleep, and time with Cool.  Everyone at work had left the meeting satisfied and happy.   They got coverage on a Sunday, which had been difficult to secure, I got Fridays and Saturdays off and a late-start Wednesday.  It was absolutely perfect and I commended myself for taking a chance and asking.  But 2 days later, they called me back in and told me I’d have to take the legit schedule I had applied for.  Because a girl (previously a bitch to me) who had more seniority, and was better at the job wanted to work Sunday.  And trying to please everyone, instead of defending me and the schedule they had promised me, they gave it to her.  So I felt betrayed (again) and like I had a much worse schedule.  But I also felt trapped.  What else would I do?  I needed this job, or it was back to veterinary assisting.  So I had to just accept it and deal with–while being really angry, frustrated, and un-trusting toward management–and that bitch.

5.  -When Cool picked a fight just 2 days after my good knows of getting a full-time job.  Cutting short my celebration.  Depression strikes this time.  Out of nowhere, Cool knocks the figurative wind out of me by acting like a major jerk.  It was awful, because I had just talked to my proud parents and had been super-ecstatic about my new job, and Cool knocked me down to a miserable level.  I was really sad about it, because I’m ALWAYS supporting Cool and she just didn’t have it in her to even pretend to return the favor–her depressive episode made it all about her.  Again.  I wished she could be supportive and celebrate with me, but instead her bipolar and selfishness ruined it all.  The memory of my new job is still tarnished.

4.  -Getting stuck with all the moving logistics, work, and most of the payments, because Cool went manic and in so doing abandoned me in a time of stress and need.  Which was the WORST because moving sucks anyway.  And there is so much to do and plan, and so much heavy physical work.  It wasn’t fair and I felt alone and unsupported.  Mental illness is the WORST sometimes.  It’s hard not to blame Cool, and that’s not really what I signed up for.  Cleaning the Spokompton apartment by myself was awful.  It was messy and there was so, so, so much left to do.  And it wasn’t fun, and I felt resentful that Cool had already started her job and couldn’t come do her share of the work.  Especially when I was cleaning things SHE had messed up.  Driving Rusty, alone, and wanting to come home and relax very badly, after such a tiring trip and no sleep.  Then walking into a messy house full of manic shenanigans, with a Craigslist ill-fitting futon we hadn’t talked about.  And dealing with having to clean and reconfigure everything, while dealing with a belligerent, unreasonable, manic person.  It was BAD.

3.  -Finding out I was just PRN (after they promised me something different in my interview).  I had interviewed over the phone for the job.  They said I was technically applying for a PRN job, but soon, they were posting a job with more regular hours.  That job was the same duties, but it was a year of guaranteed hours.  This PRN job, which had been posted was 25 hours a week for training, but then was substitute only.  Not stable, and not really what I wanted.  So they hired me during my phone interview, but told me they would call me when (slow) HR got around to posting the year-long job.  Then, I was to apply for that to make the paperwork legit, and that job would be mine.  I waited for the call to tell me that year-job had been posted and to complete that application.  And waited.  When I finally got the phone call from MSCL, they were wanting me to pick a start date for the as-needed job.  And pretended not to remember promising me the more stable-year long job.  I had written it down!  And the way my supervisor acted was callous–and I knew she remembered, but had just reneged.  But I had to take the lessor job, because what else was I going to do?  I needed an income after moving to a new state.  And sure enough on my first day of work, I found out they had hired a coworkers daughter for MY year-long job.  Nepotism had been at play, and as usual I got screwed at work.

2.  -The fear-phobia really, of being offered a job at a veterinary specialty hospital.  I had a sense of dread and sick feeling.  I should have never applied to veterinary hospitals, because my resume is just BUILT for them.  But I was feeling a little insecure and desperate about my guarenteed training 25 hours per week becoming true, as-needed.  I HAVE to work a minimum of 25 hours just to meet my bills, and that was soon to end.  And it’s my policy to ALWAYS interview for the practice if one is offered.  And while I know my veterinary experience is a major advantage in that field, I didn’t anticipate them loving me quite so much and being offered a full-time position on the spot.  The trouble was, it did seem like the best case scenario veterinary medicine could offer.  It was ONLY speciality referrals.  It was the BEST veterinarians in the state.  The hospital hirarchy was set up so there was a legitimate office manager and head vet tech to answer to–not the impulses of vets.  There was a true support system and everyone was on the same learning curve and truely didn’t leave you alone to fail.  And they seemed nice.  And said they didn’t yell–and I believed them.  And the technology was AWESOME.  They really had it all, not just the Idexx lab and digital x-ray.  Like ALL the toys, including MRI, and anything else spectacular.  But I had just such bad memories.  And I knew the schedules and the overwork, and the under-pay.  All the pit-falls, that really, I could no longer live with.  And it’s not what I want in life.  And the delimma was feeling like I HAD to take it, because I really had nothing else to fall back on, but feeling STRESS at the prospect of taking it.  In the end, I made the very, very difficult decision on not going backwards.  It was really hard (and brave) leaving veterinary assisting jobs in the first place, and I had done it for good reasons.  I had to keep up that bravery even when times got tough.  So I declined, but left the door open.  And they liked me so well, that they said to call any time I wanted a job.

  1.  VERY WORST 2015 MOMENT:  Thinking Goose might have thrown a clot to the leg, and worrying about his impending death, and worse, knowing there wasn’t a lot I could do to prevent it.  He randomly fell off the couch twice, and didn’t have use of his back leg.  It was too short to be a seizure (maybe) but didn’t have the pain of a thrombosis.  But my reference point was when the screaming cats had been brought to the vet.  Maybe there were precursor incidents at home that hadn’t been painful, and had gone ignored by owners–I didn’t know.  So of course, I thought the worst.  And I remembered the vets at Cats Meow preparing owners if there were any heart abnormalities.  Telling them to just make the decision to euthanize now, before emotions were involved, because once the clot was thrown, prognosis was grave.  And I remember the cats coming in-just screaming in horrible pain.  And owners saying it happened out of nowhere.  One day, the cat was fine, the next down in back and just SCREAMING.  It was awful to imagine that for my Goose.  And it’s still in the back of my mind, because he is a Maine Coon and they are notorious for heart issues.  But I’m hoping he was just being a clumsy dink, since it’s only happened twice, and the episodes were brief.

When It Rains, It Pours: April [drive, err 2nd drive]

17 Jun

Yes, yes–another hiatus.  And there will be another (for a week) because my parents are visiting and I won’t have time to do the important things either.

PS-this is my WordPress anniversary, which is cool, but not my blogging one.  I started on Myspace–and yes, I liked it better.


Anyway, let’s wrap up the moving story already.  I think the posting may be actually taking longer then the move itself. . .

So I had to drive Rusty (unknown vehicle status) a SECOND time from Spokane to Salt Lake City.  And I started out all tired.  Also, my house-sitting job wrapped up on a Saturday night, so it was awkward timing.  Because 2 days prior the lease on my apartment was up.  So I technically had no place to stay in Washington.

My boss (the owner of the house-sitting house) offered my an extra night at their place.  But I thought it would be awkward when her and her husband were home.  So I declined.  And my aunt offered me her house, but then I would be obligated to chat Saturday night, use her dirty bathroom/shower, and they would probably make me late (and CRAZY) in the morning with more obligatory chatting.

I would have to start the drive Saturday evening.  But I’ve learned trying to press on at all hours of the night, not only sucks, but is dangerous.  So I just broke down and shelled out money for a hotel.  But in Missoula–because I love that town!

pow wow and Missoula 031

So I’m driving up this steep, steep hill, pushing Rusty to do 65-70 MPH (normally 50 is my absolute max) not being sure how much Rusty could handle.  Everything is going ok–I’m in between that Idaho and Montana part that’s up, up, up, but fast speeds.  And suddenly, the hood of the car just catches my eye.  I saw it move!  While I was going 70mph!  I abruptly put on my flashers and pulled over in the “emergency stopping only” to check the scene.  Sure enough–the hood was OPEN!  I was so scared.  How long had it been open?  What if I hadn’t noticed?  What if it flew up while I was driving up hill with a lot of speedy traffic?  I could have been killed.  I imagine at that speed the hood would have broken the front window.  Not to mention obscured my vision.

So I closed that and resumed my trip, drama-free, but shaken.

I stayed at the hotel and it was lovely and uneventful as well.  Then the next morning I got an early (I am now a night person, remember) start at 5:38AM.

That drive between Montana-Idaho-Utah is boring.  Sure, the speeds are high, but there is really nothing out there.  And of course my phone doesn’t get reception.  Also making me nervous about potential car trouble.

Rusty is a 1992.  And back then, they apparently did not try to make it a quiet ride.  I could hear all the traffic loudly and the awful wind.  A random storm blackened the sky over me and caused severe wind that made it effortful to stay in my lane.  But it was so, so loud I kept thinking my doors must not be closed all the way.  So I was nervous one might open while I was driving and stuff (maybe me) would fall out in the highway.

The other thing that happened was while climbing a hill.  I was using cruise-control–that did make it a better ride then when I took the Penske.  Anyway, I’m going up hill at 75-80 MPH in a group of cars and suddenly Rusty just came out of cruise control.  Just decelerated at an alarming rate.  And because I was mid-hill I couldn’t get any speed manually either.  I had to quickly pull off.  And I didn’t know how alarmed to be.  Was Rusty done for?  Was this a sign of a bigger problem?  Would I be stuck in Idaho without a car or phone reception?  uh oh. . .


There was tons of wind and tons of bugs on the interstates of Montana and Idaho.  I was having to clean the windshield every time I filled the tank, then it would quickly become buggy again.  One time, about 5 hours into my journey, when I was tired, thirsty, had expired from car-slurr, I cleaned the windshield.  It wasn’t 5 minutes and this huge group of bugs crashed into my windshield, covering it with their rust-colored bodies.  It made me disproportionately upset and made the trip feel so loooooonnnnnnnggggg.

But I just used the bathroom, and cleaned off my windshield with vinegar–which boosted my morale substantially.  Vinegar worked better then the gas station cleaners and it was the first time I could see well!  And my car had no further issues.

The end of that trip sucks, because just when you’re the most greasy, tired, thirsty, and ready to arrive at the destination, the traffic becomes thick and the driving moronic.  You have to pay super-close attention and constantly defensively-drive!  So I’m worn out and crowded in speeding cars, having to pay acute attention.

Needless to say, when I pulled up at the apartment, I was DONE!  I was ready for a hug from Cool and a nap in a clean apartment.

But that’s not what happened.  Cool, still being manic, had bought a used futon while I was away.  Which was bigger then our living room.  I was thinking it didn’t fit.  That bed-bugs had probably been introduced.  And how did she pay for it.  Instead of the relaxation, nap, shower, and meal, I would have to fight with Cool, pack up a futon, clean the apartment (which of course she left a mess) and I might as well unpack Rusty while I was at it.

Not the best.

In the end, the futon got re-sold for a $5 profit, I cleaned the house, and Cool got a meds adjustment, and *knock on wood* has been a lot more stable.


And that’s the end of the moving story!!!  Finally.

When It Rains, It Pours: April [house–sHit]

11 Jun

When I was cleaning the OLD apartment, I was dreaming so much of the relaxation of house-sitting for waelthy people.  This was going to be just the vacation I needed after a crazy month of stress and packing and stress and driving and stress and unpacking and stress and planning logistics and.  Stress.

last house-sitting 094This was going to be the restful break, complete with amenities that would rejuvenate me before I had to drive (again) Rusty to Utah.  Ten+ more hours, but by myself.  In a third-hand car with unknown history and not enough maintenance.

Sidenote–I knew I should get Rusty’s oil changed and a tune-up before a big trip.  BUT every single time I took a trip in my Jetta, and went to a mechanic prior to that trip they would deliver some awful news of some sort.  Something was terribly wrong, it costs a lot of money, it would push back my leaving date, and if I did pay an extraordinary amount of money (NOW!) my car would probably die on the way Jetta 1there, leaving me stranded.  Every trip this happened.  And every trip’s dates would be set in stone and strapping me for cash.  So I would never be able to have time or money to fix whatever problem it was.  But I would worry the entire time.  Trips in my Jetta were always full of terror because I was always certain I was just about to break down–without a cell phone.  Or any sort of recourse.  And the problem was especially compounded when I traveled by myself (most of the trips) or worse–with pets.

The point is–NOT knowing was better then panicking the entire time, so I did not take Rusty to see anyone.  This was a gamble.  BUT this time I did have Triple A–just in case.  So I was a little worried.

But the house-sitting was going to be a lovely, easy time.

house-sitting 011

Except I forgot that the animals don’t allow sleep.  Dr. Fletcher makes anyone in the guest room (A.K.A. Dr. SLC-all moved in 004Fletcher’s room) miserable by doing power-muffins, licking, frolicking, opening then slamming the door, scratching with (previously done by another owner) declawed paws on anything, etc. . .  There is no night-sleeping.  The other 2 cats begin to meow and fuss and make a ruckus about 5AM when they usually get their breakfast.  This with the stirring dogs and thought of starving horses mandates crack-of-dawn mornings.  There is no napping, because the dogs run amok during the day, the phone rings all day, the answering machine is long and loud, and packages are frequently delivered.  There is too much going on during the day to sleep.  In the evening the dogs are hyper and need fetching until their legs fall off, and the bulk of the chores must be completed.

In short–I was even MORE tired during and after house-sitting then when I started.  I don’t think I ever slept more then 3-4 consecutive hours.

And then I had to drive from Washington to Utah.  Alone.  And for a second time in 2.5 weeks. . .

When It Rains, It Pours: April [arrange, FLY]

5 Jun

So-rry!  I know I’m in the middle of a story, but I’m getting kind of board re-hashing it.  It happened more then a month ago now.  Which–blog lesson–is why you should write things as they happen and as you are excited about them.  It gives the blogger more motivation, helps keep details fresh in the mind, and lends immediacy to the story.  I’m really going to try to be better and put blogging back in my routine.  Right now it feels like a chore, but I used to WANT to do it, and think of posting concepts all the time.

Anyway, I’m in Salt Lake.  But only for a week before I have to go baaaaack to SpoKompton.  My car is there.  The apartment hasn’t been cleaned even a little bit, and I have a house-sitting job that will pay WELL (understatement).  Cool starts work, so I am left alone to unpack and set up the apartment. I’m glad for it, because setting up the new place is the fun part about moving.

When we get to Utah, I think–it will immediately be the warm side of spring, lots hotter than Washington, and certainly less gray.  In actuality, it is still grey, 50 degrees in the morning (and sometimes longer) and pouring rain.  Big, storms that make parking-lots lakes, and last for hours to days.  In short–it’s worse!  We don’t get to explore our new city during the day–so we continue to watch “Friends” as we had in WA.

silvver hearse

So I unpack and organize and Cool works.  Then, I have to fly back to SpoKompton Sunday.  My flight leaves at 6AM–good for productivity, bad for waking up, treadmilling, showering, and driving.  TOO EARLY.  Waking up at 4AM wasn’t good enough, so we were running late.  And of course, it was raining very hard.  And the road to the airport is DARK (get some lights SLC!) so it was tretcherous.  But that didn’t stop the other cars from speeding around.  And the GPS acted up so we missed our turn.

The ride was dangerous and stressful.

I arrived at the airport 45 minutes prior to my flight and it was JUST enough time.

By the time I got through security, I was cutting it close.  I made the first leg of my flight, then had a 40 minute layover in Seattle.  I had wanted to pee (I had to go as SOON as I sat down on the plane, but refuse to use that type of bathroom) and get some caffeine.  Then the escalator to the underground tunnel to take me to my proper gate was out of order.  I had to walk through the ENTIRE airport to get to the other one.  Luckily, I am a fast walker–slow people would have missed their plane.  When I got to the gate on my ticket, it was empty.  And said L.A.  What in the world?  I knew I hadn’t missed my flight, especially by so much they had moved to the next sign.  I went to the counter and asked about it and the woman pointed across the room–my plane had probably changed so we were at a different gate.  Thanks for telling me. . .  And as I suspected, my plane has already boarded!  I gave my ticket to the agent by my new gate’s door and was told my seats changed, I had to go back to the desk to get a new ticket?!  Even though I was running late, I went baaaack to the counter and she printed my new ticket.  I was all ready to fuss about the lack of communication and all the changes, til I looked at my new ticket and I had been upgraded from seat 35 to seat 7.  I’ll take it!  But there would be no bathroom break or coffee for me–much sadness.

I was finally able to board my plane, and found they waited so long because it was a “light-load” meaning there were maybe 28 of us.  Which seemed to me that I should be paying a lot less, and they should probably be using a tiny plane to save fuel, but whatever–I was on my way back to Spokompton.

We had the slowest descent I’ve ever been a part of.  The plane literally stopped several times, poked through the fog, then poked elsewhere.  And I really, really had to pee.  But I made it.  And it was only 9AM, which was beautiful!  It was awesome having the entire day in front of me–even if it was full of obligations and cleaning.

My Aunt had agreed to pick me up at the airport.  So instead of stopping in the bathroom and dealing with luggage, I figured I would meet her first so she could watch my bags and I could go unencumbered.  Except when I greeted her and asked what time she got there she said 10 til (it was 9AM), and I clarified 10 til 9?  No, 8.  Ugh–my Aunt had been standing there for 70 minutes–so I felt I shouldn’t make her wait any longer for me to find a bathroom.  I’d have to wait til we got to her house.

She led us to the parking lot, then stood in the middle of a row, lost and confused.  Are you kidding me?!  [this in my head] She didn’t know where the eff she had parked.  I was really annoyed and had to pee, but just followed her around the many lots for 20 minutes while she looked for the car. . .  Who doesn’t have a key fob to beep these days?  My Aunt, that’s who.

We finally got in the car and were chatting on the drive out of the airport.  Then she changed lanes and so severely cut off a car in that lane that the other driver had to swerve all the way into the median–which luckily, was wide.  My Aunt’s reaction to almost having caused a car accident, “Oh I think she’s maaad at me-she flipped me off.”  She was worried she had angered the other driver–not that she could have killed us or totaled both cars.

She tried to chat with me again, and I was like, oh no–you need to concentrate on driving.  My Aunt is a very $hitty driver.  Sunday morning traffic is light so I was glad for that.  But I made a mental note never to ride with her again.  And I was VERY happy about my decision to take my car keys with me.

We finally got to her house, and I had to do the forever pee.  I wanted to leave after that to take advantage of the 3 hours of empty stores to get some Spackle and groceries.  On Sunday mornings people are either at church or hungover, so it’s one of the few times the grocery stores are bearable.  Also I wanted to take a nap and clean, but they pressed me to stay so I was forced to chat for politeness.  I hate that!

They mentioned they wanted to “move my car up” yeah sure, I thought.  I knew they would have been driving Rusty around had I left the keys.  My car was flush against the trash cans they had told me to park in front of–it was unnecessary to move it.  And they kept me til 11:30AM, so I lost my empty grocery store times >-[

Next I’ll tell about the condition of the apartment, house-sitting, and my 2nd trip to Utah.

I’m Sick. And Grumpy.

20 Aug

Last night I started feeling worse and worse.  Normally when I feel something coming on I go to bed super-early.  But I will have to work til midnight really soon and my body is already going to be shocked.  As such, I HAD to stick it out until 9:30PM.  I felt so bad that I turned off my alarm clock (I never sleep to the alarm, but I’d be too nervous if I didn’t set it–just in case) for cleaning the vet hospital in the morning.  I try to go there every other day and had gone Monday, so was set to do it today.  But I had called Monday to make Rusty an appointment–and of course Wednesday was the first they could get me in.  And they were very explicit that I should drop off at 7:30AM.  So with the (impending) sickness, I didn’t think I should get up at 3-4AM, drop off the car, and be unable to nap.  If I get in bed after 5:20AM, I CANNOT sleep no matter how hard I try.  Anyway, so I decided I would clean work Wednesday night and still get it done on the every other day.

I slept fitfully because my body is trying to get sick and out of guilt for not cleaning–even though it’s a flexible schedule and I just have to make sure and go 3x/wk.  But I felt bad anyhow.  In the morning (the cats woke us up at 5:30AM, so I didn’t get tons of sleep), we went to drop Rusty off.  And–he had written that I called on Monday, but neglected to put me on the schedule for today.  So skipping work and dropping off was unnecessary because he put me on the very bottom of their full schedule.  Annoying.  And I felt icky so I almost said something about it.

At the track, I had intended to run a record 400m today.  I thought maybe if I warmed up slowly it could still be done.  Because I’m not completely sick, I can just tell it’s coming on.  But there is still time for preventative sleep/warmth/Zicam/vitamins/fluids.  But as soon as I started jogging I instantly felt TERRIBLE.  Everything ached, I felt tired, my muscles were stiff.  It was unpleasant.  I changed my mind about any speed work and just did a slow 2 miles practicing switching long strides and quick strides.  

When I got back to the apartment complex, the trashy-trashy, white-trash trashy lesboz that park next to us were over the line half in our spot.  So I had to squeeze in very tightly.  And when I opened the door, I was confronted with their barf-covered passenger door.  Who pukes on their car??!  Disgusting.  Cool wrote a note, but the tone was annoyed.  And I am all about feeling annoyed, but hesitated to give it to them, because, trashy people have no boundaries and who knows how they might retaliate.  But Cool put it on their barf-mobile anyway.  Fast-forward:  Next time I went to the car, theirs was gone, and the note was crumpled beside Cool’s car. . .

Rewind:  I went home and Cool made a wonderful huckleberry waffle breakfast.  I was feeling so crummy that the impossible occured and I actually was able to nap for 30 min.  But it wasn’t enough and I still felt like crud.  I get, for lack of better word, annoying sickness.  There’s no outward signs, but I feel feverish and fatigued.  Standing in the kitchen to make a frozen drink for Labor Dave about did me in, and I felt really crummy.  So I look a-OK, but feel ick-scum.  If it does come full-on (it hasn’t yet) I’ll get a fever and a head-cold.  Not cool times for public or for sitting in class.

Anyway, I didn’t get a call until 1:30PM asking permissions and pricing.  So I should have gone to work, and Rusty will not be finished today.  Which is super-annoying, because now Cool goes to work and I’ll have to clean at 3-4AM tomorrow–sacrificing more sleep when I’m (getting) sick.

That’s all.  I’ll work on my graph blogs today since standing up seems too much.  That reminds me, there are just 5 days til school starts and I have a HUGE list of things to do before then.  I’m mentally going insane, but my body won’t cooperate–it’s going to be a low productivity day when I need to kick it into high gear >:-[

The BiPolar is Catching

30 Jan

I’m excited and happy and stress-free.  Then I’m anxious, stressed-out, and guilty.  That’s my scene as of late, and I’m surprised Cool hasn’t slipped me some of her meds.  Oh that would require her to remember to take them heself. . .  All joking aside, I think I got on some sort of [sleep-disruption–>caffeine–>sleepless] spiral.  You know how those two feed each other.  I have to get it straightened out!

Also, blogging every day during school is too tall of an order for me.  There is just not enough time in a day for all the things I want to accomplish.  I will be relieved when January is over so I can legit break-the-chain and have a few rest days.  Also, it’s been difficult to stick to goals/motivation/trasnsformative/resolution topics only.  I may have stepped a toe on the line a time or two, but I did it for the most part.

Maybe I’ll do another list for time’s sake:

*It has snowed a bunch in the last couple days.

*My 4×4 (the physical shifter) will no longer go into one of the 4×4 settings.  It will now only do the low-speed if I want 4×4 at all.

*This makes driving stressful–it’s either get pushed around by kamikazi-crazies annoyed I’m under the speed limit, or slide around/get stuck.

*I’m nervous about the potential cause–are we talking a few bucks for a shifter-fork-thingy or over a thousand snow(before labor) for a new transmission?!  I cannot be without my car!

*Cool can’t either.  I had to brave the evening commute reckless drivers and take her to work for the last 2 days.  Then pick her up at midnight.  Before getting up in the 4AMs to go to my own job/school.

*Sometimes I feel great about studying.  Sometimes I feel lazy/awful and extremely guilty.  It has been very hard for me to find the motivation to push through with what I feel is the appropriate amount of effort.

Fall finals 123*I’m not sure if I’m just nervous because everything has been school, study, work, sleep, repeat in the past and now I’ve added some fitness and recreation–or if I am in fact.  Slipping.

*I’m trying to study very hard but in short bursts, then be kind to myself afterwards.  Hopefully, things will balance.

*I went to my school’s writing center for help on my CV–and the dude didn’t know the story.  Didn’t know about CVs, had a 2 page personal resume, didn’t understand my program or what the standards for my applications might be–and wasn’t affiliated with my school or our partner school.

*I hate going to things where I feel my time would have been better spent elsewhere–this goes for 5 hours of no appointments at work too.  All I can think is–what a waste.

*Now, I don’t know where to turn for CV guidance.  The professors in my program would be most helpful as a resource, because they’ve written and read CVs, know what schools are looking for, and sort of know me–but I really don’t want to deal with their major meeting-aversion stuff.

*Are these bullet-points or mini-paragraphs?  Am I saving ANY time?

*Let’s see.  I intended on writing a 2013 countdown type post about the top albums put out last year.  But I DMB africawanted to post in New Year’s Eve–as is customary.  I’m not going to be able to finish it in January even–maybe next month?  Maybe why bother?

*We made tacos for lunch today.  I thought they were one of my ultimate favorites.  BUT for whatever reason Grocery Outlet never, never, never has taco seasoning, and it’s not worth going to another store for that item alone.  So we seasoned our own beef.  Who knew?  It’s the taco packet that makes or breaks that meal for me?  I was severely disappointed.

*I’m probably not supposed to say anything about this because of super-scary HIPPA laws, but I transcribe some utterances for my independent study.  And I’m excited I have one with an African-American English Dialect that is already humorous and I’m excited to begin on it.  Secondly, I think my tiny-tron of this morning has a BM at the end of the recording.  I had to transcribe all utterances and noises–I was mortified.

*I’ll write a for-real post tomorrow.  Hopefully something to see where I am on January/2014 goals and set up a plan for February’s focus.

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A Day Late: My Thanks

29 Nov

I had a sort of bad day yesterday:

-I was awake the night before fretting over this stupid, “small” paper that’s due Monday.

-I spent the majority of the day formatting my sources.

-Cool was being a turkey–as she does every time I get a full day off.

-When we went to make our Indian Tacos, I discovered we were short on flour.

-We suddenly had the kitchen of a crack-whore.  Just bare.

But at night, before going to sleep Cool and I did an exercise of everything we’re thankful for.  Here’s mine:

-First and foremost, I’m thankful about my new Friday schedule.  It’s just one day, but it changes my whole attitude and outlook.  I’m way less worried, annoyed, stressed, tired, and frustrated.  I had been dreading Fridays all week, for a long time and it was really bringing me down.  I feel SO much better now!

-Rusty.  I am very thankful to have a dependable car that I don’t have to pour a lot of money into or worry about. Rusty I’m thankful for the 4×4 so I can get to work and school as needed, the AAA so I don’t have to worry about a breakdown or be stuck when bad thigs happen.  And mostly–the remote start.  I LOVE that I don’t have to go on that cold, dark (dangerous) street and scrape my windows or sit in a freezing car.

-My family being in one state.  I’m so glad Goose can finally live with us.  And I’m also glad that it improved my relationship with my parents.  Things with them are going very well, and it feels great.  I’m also glad Choco-Luv is healthy and happy and gets along so well with Cool.  It feels good to have my own little family.

parasailing 001

-Netflix.  It saves a lot of money to be able to stream shows and movies.  And commercial-free.  Saves money in not paying for satellite, not buying DVDs, and not going out for entertainment.

-I’m also thankful for the electric throw blankets, electric blanket, goose-down comforter, and infrared light in the bathroom.  It makes life a lot easier not to be constantly cold.  Everything seems better when you’re a cozy recovering from sxtemperature.  AND those things don’t ramp up the utility bill too much.

-My new clogging shoes.  I had so much fun with the whole talent show experience.  And having the shoes makes me excited and hopeful.

-Obviously, I’m thankful for Marble and the internet.  I would be a lot less happy if I were without those!  And Spotify music which makes everything I want to listen to available so easily and free.

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19 Nov

I guess that’s the wrong word.  I mean, it’s accurate, but sets a more negative tone then I want.  My mind is in a million places:

-the talent show is tomorrow!

Talent Show Flyerfall2013-1-1 copy

I am very nervous.  I’m surprised how much, because I used to perform a lot, and really important team competitions too.  I never used to worry about a small, show for fun.  I also never, never used to worry that the music would be too quiet to hear.  I am disproportionately preoccupied about this damn music level of tomorrow.  I have only 4 counts to make sure I’ll be able to hear it over my footwork.  And I feel like the whole thing will get messed up if I can’t hear well. . .  Also, I want to practice on that stage–though I rarely, if ever, got that chance in my clogging prime.  I am getting more anxious as I age.  And I will cry if I don’t do the very best that I know I can do.  I’ve been working on this since August and I really want to do my best work.  And a prize wouldn’t hurt my feelings, but I don’t NEED one if I’ve done the dance cleanly, with smile and arm movements, and WITH the music (that I can hear).

-My lips are getting off-the-heezy chapped

This happens every winter, and I wish it could wait until after the talent show.  Of course my face broke out just for the occasion as well.  At least my fever of Friday and Saturday went away.  I have no idea why I’m getting sore throat/fever spells with such frequency this fall/winter.

-I had been dreading work this week

And I do not want to jinx it in any way, but it’s actually going very well, and I’m coming home normal to happy instead of stressed, worried, tired, disgruntled, and frustrated as I had anticipated.  Maybe my life is turning around!!!!  Maybe.

-What happened to Sheryl Crow???

It goes without saying that I’ve been a long-time fan.  In 1995, she was one of the first 12 CDs I ever owned (thanks BMG!).  And I had her poster on the ceiling of my bedroom.  She used to be brown-eyed, curly, brown hair, and folk/rock/indy.  Things have changed.  Now she’s country?  And looks like a wannabe sorostitute.  And too thin for her age.  Don’t women know that losing weight after a certain age makes you look weird and wrinkly and unhealthy?  I used to really like her, but maybe I’ve changed my mind?  I’m not certain.  I think it would be better if she was more–authentic?  Is that the word I’m looking for?

-I can’t decide if something is wrong with Rusty (my car) or if I’m just paranoid

It feels heavy sometimes.  At first, I thought my tire might be low, and it would need repairing (again).  And of course I was nervous about that since it happened twice in a month.  But it’s been a week, and no flat.  So is it in my head–or is there something else?  Now, I don’t know if there’s a problem or not.  So I need to decide if I should take it in or not. . .

-How could I not mention this!

To mark the talent show location, which is in a sort of random place, unfamiliar to many–I got balloons.  How could I not know about glow-in-the-dark balloons??!  So awesome!  I’m totally excited to use these tomorrow.  I hope they’re not terrible environmentally unfriendly, but suspect they might be.  But I am really excited to utilize them so I woun’t look that up until afterwards. . .  And of course, Cool and I will keep a couple for ourselves.  Though I don’t know what 2 homebodies will do with glowing balloons.

-I forgot why I originally opened a new post

So that’s all I’ll say.

Fireworks in my Living Room

5 Jul

Cool's Canada Pics 024In preparation for Forster Friday, I went to bed early on one of my favorite holidays–Independence Day.  At 10:15 PM, 3 hours after I’d been asleep I hear fireworks very loud and can SEE blue flashes in the bedroom, which is opposite any window in the apartment.  It sounded like the firecracker were SUPER-close.  I jumped out of bed and ran out to the living room to investigate.  Neighbors were leaning against my car Rusty and setting off their own fireworks on the sidewalk and maybe the middle of the street directly next to my car!  Cool said before I woke up they had their three year old holding a roman candle in the vicinity of my car, and the kid kept pointing the explosive TOWARD Rusty!  After much coaxing they convinced the kid to point the explosive toward the sky. . .

Cool's Canada Pics 028

Never mind fireworks are illegal in much of the state, and in our entire county for the last 28 years, these people were idiots.Cool's Canada Pics 029  Next to the sidewalk is a lot of weeds and underbrush, which leads down the treed riverbank and into the river.  On the other side of the road, aside from my CAR is rows and rows of apartment buildings, and out back of those is various landscaping:  Bushes, trees, and grass.  We are talking a lot of tinder, especially given the 90 degree weather of the past week.  I guess they not only didn’t care about fire-safety, or have common sense with children, but they must have wanted to pay the $516 fine for getting caught with fireworks in the city.

Cool's Canada Pics 034I stepped out on the balcony and shouted down, “Can you go a little further away from my car?!”  And was met with blank stares and no motion.  They didn’t feel awkward being caught propped up against my car, or by the fact I had caught them setting off illegal fireworks directly NEXT to my car (the only car parked street-side other than theirs).  Slowly, they said, “This car?”  And I was like, “Umm, yeah.”  And they meandered 2 feet in front of my car and continued on with their private display.

I was tired and really wanted to be functional for horrible Friday, which I anticipated would be very busy due to the work Cool's Canada Pics 044holiday on the 4th, but their noise and colors–and my worry continued on.  When their shannegans continued for a half hour, I tried to call the number the newspaper gave to report illegal fireworks.  And alas, it wasn’t a good number.  Thanks for nothing.  Luckily, fireworks are expensive so their private show only lasted 45 min at the most, then they just stood in the street watching the city fireworks display clearly visible from downtown.  Jerks.

What is the matter with people???????  So, in the interest of common sense and safety just a smattering of news bites and statistics regarding private citizens with explosives a.k.a. fireworks.

-The National Fire Protection Association (NFPA), coordinator of the Alliance to Stop Consumer Fireworks is marking the upcoming Fourth of July holiday by releasing its annual fireworks report (1).

-Emergency crews and police were busy Thursday with continuous fire calls throughout the day, stemming from fireworks celebrations during the Fourth of July (2).

-An estimated 17,800 reported fires were started by fireworks and 9,600 fireworks-related injuries were treated in U.S. hospital emergency rooms in 2011. On a typical Fourth of July, there are more fires than on any other day of the year, with fireworks accounting for two out of five of those fires, more than any other cause of fires (1).

Cool's Canada Pics 053

-The report outlines specific statistics regarding the use of consumer fireworks related to fire danger, including:

  • In 2011, fireworks caused an estimated 17,800 reported fires, including 1,200 structure fires, 400 vehicle fires, and 16,300 outside and other fires.
  • These fires resulted in an estimated 40 civilian injuries and $32 million in direct property damage, with no reported fire deaths.
  • Sparklers, fountains and novelties alone accounted for 34 percent of the emergency room fireworks injuries in 2011.

fireworks 3

The report showed that the risk of fireworks injury was highest for children ages 5-19 and adults 25-44, with one-quarter (26 percent) of the victims of fireworks injuries in 2011 under age 15. Children have the highest relative risk of injury; there are no adult age groups with comparable risk (1).fireworks 6

-in Seattle, someone setting off illegal fireworks inadvertently set a boat storage facility on fire, causing more than $1 million in damage (4).

– It was one year ago that firefighters were called to Autumn Place apartments for a fire that engulfed one of the buildings.  Months later Blue Springs firefighters determined fireworks caused that blaze.  Now a woman who lost everything is reminding people to be careful this holiday (3).

1.)  http://www.nfpa.org/press-room/news-releases/2013/use-of-consumer-fireworks-dramatically-increases-risk-of-fire-and-injury

2.)  http://5newsonline.com/2013/07/04/fireworks-cause-several-small-fires/

3.)  http://fox4kc.com/2013/07/04/fireworks-warning-one-year-after-apartment-fire/

4.)  http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/07/fireworks-mishaps/66861/

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7 Jun

The floors here where I’m house-sitting, I mean.  They make my socks black and I didn’t want to stain or wreck them, so I’m just doing bare, black feet.  The reason?  I guess pet traffic, but my feet are constantly dirty all the same.

Things I Learned While House-Sitting:

-My car will start to have problems at the worst time possible.  Rusty was fine while I was driving 8 min to work and back 4 times a week.  As soon as I needed to drive a half hour with a lot of hills, faster speeds, more traffic, and many stops and starts–problems.  Awful scraping noises when I applied the brakes–terrible hot smell under the hood.  So that was pretty much a constant worry every time I took the already wearing commute.  It also served to sort of hold me hostage wherever I was because I didn’t want to stress the car to the point of a breakdown by driving a lot.  Tuesday, as soon as I have finished the weekend of work, I MUST take Rusty to the shop!  This will also serve to spend every penny I earned house-sitting and additional funds, I am certain.  Because that is my life.

-Having a lot of things does not necessarily mean having a lot of useful or fun things.

-I miss watching Satellite TV, but I’m glad we don’t have television channels.  It’s a time-eater.  There are a billion channels, and nothing I want to see in the time slots I’m here to see it.  Crazy.  The Food Network, however is ridiculously amazing and I could watch that 24/7.  I am very sad these new competition shows are not available for streaming on Netflix.

cute outfit

-Just having nice decorations does not mean having a nice house. It’s all about how it’s grouped and arranged to maximize effect.  I get the impression a lot of these things were gifts slapped up on a wall, not chosen purchases that play up a certain “look.”

-A washer and dryer are on my major life list.  I did soooooo much laundry because I could and I absolutely miss that.  My next place MUST have in-unit washer & dryer–or at the very least hook-ups.  I can’t say it enough–laundry facilities were nice.

-Sometimes having a lot of things is a hindrance. If things are thrown randomly in cupboards, you don’t know what you have. Organization!  I paced myself and only organized one pantry.  Though I wanted to do more, I didn’t want to seem crazy.

-A lot of food can be really useless. Everyone eats differently, and one person’s abundance of ingredients is another person’s dearth.  I was hungry.  Luckily, Cool bought subs one day and pizza another.


-Don’t let animals on your counters. Especially kitchen counters. You will eat cat-butt *fill in the blank*  PS–have you ever tried to make fish when the cats are allowed up there?  Not an easy task.

-If you spend a lot of money on anything–make it a good knife.  I never, never cut a mango or an avocado though I love both, because it is literally hard.  These CutCo knives make easy work of them!  One went right up on my Amazon wish list, because it was PERFECT.

-I am not a person that wants a work commute.  I already don’t want to go to work–put it more then 20 minutes away and I hate it.  Make it on a week the vet I like is on vacation, and add in an anxiety-ridden unproductive receptionist that makes bad decisions and does little else = hostility from me.

-The one good thing about living waaay out of town?  I saw a coyote one morning and a MOOSE one afternoon.  The dog freaked and barked both times and I didn’t get good pictures.  Partially, because I didn’t bring my actual camera, so I had to depend on my phone.

bear rug

-P.S.  I forgot how much dogs drool and slurr upon you whenever possible.  The dog was very well-behaved, excellent and easy, but I was constantly covered in dog spit.  Kinda icky.

-Final note, I am a homebody.  No matter how easy the job, or good the money–I need to recharge by being at my own house.  I don’t even like my apartment, my neighborhood, or especially my dope-neighbors, but it’s MINE.  I have a place and my things and family and routine are there.  Being away made me tired and a little grumpy (majorly exacerbated by work annoyances).