Tag Archives: sex

WAP Grammys 2021 Performance is Not Empowerment or Feminism–It’s Misogyny

16 Mar

Visibility is imperative. Pushing norms is progress. But disguising the objectification of women for the male gaze as empowered feminism is super-problematic, and that’s what is happening here. Cardi b and Meghan Thee Stallion’s Grammys 2021 performance was supposed to push boundaries, and shock. And it did! Madonna pushed boundaries of female sexuality with her cones and simulated sex scene prior to this. But I see the Miley Cyrus/Robin Thicke twirking on all the negative YouTube videos for ‘top 10 cringe moments’, ‘celebs that are problematic’, ‘people who got cancelled’, etc, etc… And let’s not forget how Janet Jackson was ENDED over a fraction of a sec of nipple pasty action at the Superbowl. Can you say, double standard?!

Anyway, I keep seeing a lot of arguments for the merits of this song/performance because it matches what men do. Men have scantily-clad women on their videos, demean women as “bitches” (and far worse) in their lyrics, talk about sexual acts in explicit detail, and are “pimps” when they rack up the number of women they conquer. So people are arguing it’s cool that now women can do that too.

Except here’s the thing:

Feminism isn’t doing whatever you want or being as disgusting as men, it is breaking away from objectification, truly empowering the individual self and collective group of women.

Joining in on objectification of women is not empowerment!

em·pow·er·ment (N)- Authority or power given to someone to do something. “individuals are given empowerment to create their own dwellings” the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.

This performance isn’t about women owning their bodies, sexuality, or controlling the narrative. This is women selling their image in a package that men like in order to make money and gain fame in the small niche that female rap artists have carved out.

Women in this patriarchal society have to fit in a box–the Madonna/whore dichotomy. Women in music, already in that narrow box of patriarchy, have to fit into an even smaller box of being a role model to girls while having sexual appeal for the general public. The rap category is an even teenier box a couple of select women have to fit in to keep going. In the end, the box is so small and limited, there is no space left.

People online are praising the performance as visible female sexuality, black women owning their own bodies, and empowerment. Which, I agree might be present (though in this writing, I’ll argue it’s in diluted form). I felt the performance was harmful to women’s progress. What I don’t want to do is add the the terrible narrative that black women’s sexuality is wild/animalistic/scary/out of control that colonialism, racism, sexism, and patriarchy has painted it. I find the performance harmful because it is misogyny in feminist clothing, to borrow the sheep expression.

I know there’s a whole song, and the music video that goes with it. I don’t know much about either so my critiques are based solely on the following video of the 2021 Grammy performance:

My racap of the action:

-A stripper pole-references the men’s domain of the strip club where women take off clothes and dance suggestively for men’s entertainment.
-Cardi B backs up and puts her butt-crack on the pole. Side-note: Butt implants are for men. A women can die getting plastic surgery to enhance her body. Her clothes will fit differently. She will have to move differently, walk differently, lay down differently than she did before putting plastic in her butt. And she may have complications later. Leaking, autoimmune issues, cancer… This is not for a woman’s pleasure–women’s butts are not an erroneous zone, or secondary sex characteristic. A big butt is for men’s pleasure.
-In case the viewer couldn’t put it together, a giant, clear plastic stripper platform shoe flanks the stage. The type of shoe men like to look at, but women have trouble walking effectively in, and certainly running from danger is out of the question in such a shoe. It shows the power dynamic–females are weakened by such a shoe but men get pleasure from them wearing the shoe. Men are in power here. The women are just props for them to use to achieve sexual gratification.
-Other suggestive moves that drive home this is a performance to cater to men’s sexual desire: Splay legs, she grabs/rubs her puss, gyrating hips and doing suggestive humping dance moves. Cardi B elevates and licks her own leg. Countless squats split legged. Laying with legs far apart on the bed. Crawling on the bed. Split legged humping. Laying on her back with split legs. The two women crawl toward each other on bed. They scissor their legs together. [Pet-peeve] this is NOT a thing! I mean, it might technically exist in the way the pile-driver is a thing, but not used in real life, it’s only for porn. This scissoring maneuver is performative and it’s is ignorant/Lesbphobic. As a matter of fact, if two out, butch lesbians did the same move, I’ll bet the reaction would be totally different. Then to finish the show, more split legs.

Here’s the test to know

a) if this is two women owning their own bodies, displaying confidence and empowerment

OR

b) this is a sexually suggestive performance for the male gaze

In the above video and descriptive paragraph, trade out the women for men.

Have you seen men doing a similar performance before? Does it seem like the same type of performance? Would it garner the same reaction?

I’d say fail.

You do not/would not see two men: Dancing on a pole. Licking their own leg. Crawling toward another man on a giant bed. Or scissoring legs together with another man…

This is not women owning their sexuality. This is objectifying & commodifying women for the male gaze.

Research by Calogero has shown that the male gaze can have detrimental effects on women’s self-esteem and self-objectification, leading to increased body shame and a worsened mental state. The male gaze creates a power imbalance. It supports a patriarchal status quo, perpetuating women’s real-life sexual objectification.

So that’s why I don’t like it. I’m not even going to mention being role model for girls, b/c the conservatives always trot that out to shame women. But I will say it would be nice if society was better at recognizing misogyny. I can understand why it’s difficult because it’s ubiquitous and pervasive. But we need to educate ourselves a lot better, because things are still BAD for women. And I would love to see women being successful by truly own their own bodies and sexuality in an empowering way. I hope it happens.

But this was not it.

Fat-Positive is Negative

9 Jan

Yeah, I said it.  Unpopular, un-p.c. opinion–but I stand by it.

I listened to Lizzo because it’s fun, and feminist and I totally get behind that!  It’s a ‘you go girl!’ moment where I see role-model for young girls. But is she an entirely good role-model?

Lizzo001

I also watched Shrill because I think Aidy Bryant (name/sp?) is funny on SNL.  And I saw her do stand up with a pad of paper and she was hilarious.  I wanted to see what she’s doing with her talents.  But the show was kind of depressing, which is a sad commentary about how our society makes overweight people feel.  [and we should stop that].  But then her boss was made to look like a villain because he cared about the health of his employees.  And the whole fat-positive movement in the show rubbed me the wrong way.

aidy bryant

Fat-positivity is what I call enabling. 

Let me back track just a second.

Kids should not be bullied.  Not anyone, not chubby-trons.  Hefty adults should not have to tolerate back-handed complements, or taunts, or trolling.  People don’t have a right to stigmatize others.  Not for mental illness, sexuality, weight, anything, really.  Mind your business, take care of you.

People that are “other” in some way should be allowed to love themselves.  And to one extent or another all of us are a little bit “other” in some way, many ways.

So there’s that.  I’m anti-bullying.

But, people we have taken it too far on the spectrum, shunning bulling, past neutrality, into enabling behavior known as fat-positivity!  It’s gone too far.  Fat is nothing to normalize or champion.  It’s a health concern.  Really.

Some people are chubby kids, and it’s a genetic trait that they will easily put on weight.  Yes, some medications and disorders can contribute to being overweight.  Also, Americans are inundated with advertising and marketing encouraging us to consume calories.  It’s an epidemic.

And yet, calories are calories.  Nobody has it harder than anyone else calories in, calories out.  You have to balance the two–and it IS possible.  For I’d say most everyone, except in very extenuating circumstances (a small minority).  Lifestyle choices are within your control.  Yes. They. Are.  It might not be easy changes to make.  Changing your ways might be difficult to adhere to.  But it CAN be done.

Things that we do not celebrate:

Mental Illness.  It can’t be helped.  You’re born with it, genetically predisposed to it.  We shouldn’t stigmatize people who suffer with mental illness.  Yet, we also don’t throw a party about it.  Society agrees people should do whatever they can to manage it (see the psychiatrist/psychologist, take medication, use strategies to manage symptoms)

Addiction.  It’s a disease.  But it’s not useful to society, and it’s detrimental to health.  People shouldn’t be criminalized (for drugs alone) or stigmatized–they are sick.  But we do want people to go to rehab, get off substances, and help themselves make better choices.

STIs (STDs if you’re old-school).  They are common.  It can be tricky and high-maintenance to prevent getting them.  But having one can impact other individuals and society at large.  People shouldn’t be called disgusting whores or dirty johnsons if they get one (or more), but I think we can all agree we would like people to treat STIs they have, refrain from spreading them to other sexual partners through abstinence, condoms, etc, and warn others prior to engaging in sexual acts.

Those things are all health concerns that we should not bully people over, but at the same time must be dealt with or consequences occur.  If we were to have mental illness positivity and just encourage people to live as they are and embrace their bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, instead of medicating it what would happen?  Well, it’s ultimately not good for the individual as being untreated can lead to inappropriate or dangerous behaviors, possibly even death to others or themselves.  Same with addicts–“Just champion and embrace your drug use!” we’d say. Then, all the crime, and downward spiral which isn’t good for anybody.  And STIs, well we’ve seen what happens when those health concerns are ignored and it’s no good.

Also, all of these health problems lead to complications, symptoms, consequences.  When medical bills are already spiraling and health insurance is a whole big thing–shouldn’t we do everything we can to alleviate the problems we can control?

Being overweight exacerbates other health problems.  This is science.

According to the Center for Disease Control, People who have obesity, compared to those with a normal or healthy weight, are at increased risk for many serious diseases and health conditions, including the following:1,2,3

  • All-causes of death (mortality)
  • High blood pressure (Hypertension)
  • High LDL cholesterol, low HDL cholesterol, or high levels of triglycerides (Dyslipidemia)
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Coronary heart disease
  • Stroke
  • Gallbladder disease
  • Osteoarthritis (a breakdown of cartilage and bone within a joint)
  • Sleep apnea and breathing problems
  • Some cancers (endometrial, breast, colon, kidney, gallbladder, and liver)
  • Low quality of life
  • Mental illness such as clinical depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders4,5
  • Body pain and difficulty with physical functioning6
  1. https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/effects/index.html

chubby-tron

anorexic

People die earlier when they are over their BMI.  Ralphie Mae and John Candy might have lived longer if they had not been grossly obese.  And Chris Farley and Elvis Presley had drugs in the mix, but their obesity made their health status even worse.

That’s not a fate I want to get behind.  I’m not saying you have to be a size zero.  But everyone should be giving up vices, managing their health status, and aspiring to a healthy lifestyle.  For their own health and happiness.  And I refuse to be stigmatized for saying so.

Work Productivity #MeToo [Anti-Valentine’s #12]

13 Feb

I wish Valentine’s Day would always fall on a weekend, so I did not have to engage with it in any way.  When the holiday falls in the work/school week, there is no escaping it.  I will hear about what my boyfriend did or didn’t do for me, and I will see girls parading their items around to show everyone how loved, and how superior they are to other girls.

If I ignore the day, fuss about it being superficial, or say I don’t like it–someone will say/ask, “it’s because you’re single.”  Which is why I hate the day so much.  P.S. I’m not single–and *gasp I still hate the day.

Also, doing something at work to recognize the day, is at the very least a distraction.  It also gives opportunity for people to one-up each other either with the great gifts they got, or the ones they didn’t.  Aside from that, it opens a can of worms.  It makes it ok for people to give gestures or show affection.  Suddenly, susan from accounting is receiving a gift from creepy Dan in customer service.  She has to deal with this.  Unwelcome advances in the workplace are a whole big HR-ball-of-wax.  And Jennifer in the cubicle might take this once in a year opportunity to ask out James across the hall–which makes for awkward work boundary-setting.  On the other hand, if someone feels slighted by not getting the type of reaction or attention from a co-worker that they are hoping for, it can lead to larger issues. Shining a light on a blossoming romance between a manager and underling seems inappropriate as well.  And it even gives sketchy people the green light to do some grabbing, or sexual harrassing, maybe.

Some 44% of Americans say they have received unwanted sexual advances or verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature. About six-in-ten women (59%) say they have experienced this, while 27% of men say the same.

Having Valentines Day in the workplace just isn’t a good idea–it’s kind of a liability..  The workplace is not a dating agency, and shouldn’t be one.  Workplace romances can alter the dynamics between many employees, not just those involved in the romance.  These issues become bad for the individuals involved in these situations,  and in turn, bad for business.

Overall, 69% of women who say they have experienced sexual harassment say this happened in a professional or work setting

Overall, about six-in-ten men who say they have been sexually harassed (61%) say it happened in a professional or work setting

So I’d say it’s best for places of employment to let the day go by–just like Saint Patrick’s Day, which would be a drunken, sexual, brawl if sanctioned at work.  Valentines Day festivities at work create more problems then they are worth.  It could create jealously, initiate sexual harassment, and hurt work output.

Boom!  Another reason (the 14th in the series, I think) why Valentine’s Day is nonsense, and why Valentine’s Day is harmful.

 

*Green statistics taken from Pew Research Center Survey:

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2018/04/04/sexual-harassment-at-work-in-the-era-of-metoo/

Valentine’s: No More! [Anti-Valentine’s #9]

13 Feb

I have written about how I loathe V-Day many, many years in a row now.  And honestly, if I haven’t convinced you the contrived holiday is a terrible thing by now, I’m just not going to.  I have approached the problem from every angle I can think of.  And with all sincerity, I tried to find a fresh one this year.  Which is why I only started writing this post on the 11th.  I just can’t think of new reasons not to participate.  So I’ll just reiterate points I’ve probably made before.  With an emphasis on non-participation.

 

YOU CAN’T ESCAPE IT.  As you know, my dear readers, I am not a fan of Valentine’s day—to say the least.  But it’s not the kind of “holiday” that can go ignored.  It’s thrown in your face.  Advertsements for chocolate, chocolate-covered strawberries, and jewlry are suddenly inescapable.  And I don’t even have television stations or listen to radio.  Still-pervasive.  Going into the stores—forget about it!  Pink and red are poking my eyes out.  Facebook—the zoos?? Have already started contests for couples.  And the resturants are gearing up for a big income night.  Even at work, they decorated the building with hearts—one with my name on it.  And you can’t say—don’t do that without looking like a total douche-bag.  I wish I could rip my heart off the door though!  Ugh, and the talk.  Everybody will talk about the big day.  The showing off about plans already starts.  Or the sad-sacks (because that’s the camp everyone else gets lumped into) whine about not having plans.

 

I didn’t know this before, but even the boys will take desperation dates in order to take advantage of lonely, stigmatized women.  They want the easy sex-opportunity:  Information courtesy of the boys at work. . .  And you can’t just say you don’t believe in the day, or try to ignore it, because you are then lumped into the bitter at being a sad-sack group.  Which isn’t right and it isn’t accurate.

 

It’s also awkward at work, because people suddenly ask you candidly about your relationship status.  For private people, people with complicated situations, or prople trying to have discretion (read—gays in Utah) this topic is frought with danger.  It’s rude not to answer.  It’s sketchy to be vaugue.  But sharing could yield judgment or consequences.  So there’s that. . .

 

Now let me try to find some sort of statistics of people that believe in or participate in Valentine’s day to see what everyone else feels.

Valentines Day Statistics

Statistic Verification
Source: Retail Advertising and Marketing Associatio, Valentine’s Day Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey
Research Date: January 24th, 2016
Valentine’s Day Statistics Data
Average annual Valentine’s Day spending $13,290,000,000
Number of Valentine’s Day cards exchanged annually 180 Million
Average number of roses produced for Valentine’s Day 198,000,000
Percent of Valentine’s Day cards bought by women 85 %
Percent of all flowers purchased by men 73 %
Percent of women who send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day 14 %
Amount the average consumer spends on Valentine’s Day $116.21
Percent of consumers who celebrate Valentine’s Day 61.8 %
Percent of women who would end their relationship if they didn’t get something for Valentines day. 53 %
Average number of children conceived on Valentine’s day 11,000
Gifts Most Often Given on Valentines Day (Allowing for multiple gifts given) Data
Candy 47.5 %
Flowers 34.3 %
Cards 52.1 %
Jewelry 17.3 %
Dining / Eating Out 34.6 %
Clothing 14.4 %
Gift Cards 12.6 %
Other Gifts 11.2 %
Valentine Related Business Statistics
Number of locations producing chocolate and cocoa products 1,233
Number of people employed by the these establishments 38,794
Revenue of domestically cut flowers $403 Million
Number of florists nationwide 24,600
Number of people employed by florists 123,600
Number of jewelry stores in the U.S. 27,484
Annual revenue from jewelry stores $2.2 Billion
Relationship Statistics
Ratio of single men in their 20’s to single women in their 20’s 1.2 to 1
Ratio of sinlgle men 65 or older to single women 65 or older 0.33 to 1
Number of dating service establishments nationwide 904
Average number of marriages annually 2.16 million

Sex Edition [Anti-Valentine’s Day #9]

13 Feb

I think this topic may be my most consistent post.  Happy decade of annual posts to me!  TEN years in a row I have managed to address the ills of this “holiday.”  That’s exciting, and even though I’m very tired and short of time, here’s me making it happen.

I try each year to convey why Valentine’s Day is fake and ultimately negative.  See my “Valentine’s” Tag for prior topics which include feminism, environment, and capitalism among other things.  I really do hate this “holiday” and hope I won’t have to be inundated with it at work Saturday.  Hair salons are the WORST on Valentine’s day, followed by schools, but I imagine the YMCA will not be able to ignore the day, and I’m dreading that.  This year I will focus on. . .  Sex.  The inevitable conclusion of the day.  How could I have just remembered to write about THIS?!  

-the holiday emphasizes the man wining/dining and spoiling women with gifts. This emphasizes women as receivers, and passive. It also is a little prostitution-positive = You give me (women) valuable things and I’ll have sex with you (men)!

strange to see Bunny Ranch on my Facebook wall
-more prescriptions are written for Viagra around Valentine’s Day than any other time of year.  Which should tell you everyone is gearing up for the final moment.

– See more at: http://www.redhot.org/news/national-condom-day/#sthash.uRJgwOua.dpuf

Kidron's NV pics 069
-the condom industry sales increase by 20-30% around this day (it’s also national condom day–no joke)

So we can ascertain that all the Valentine’s hype DOES in fact lead to this logical conclusion:  Sex.  And as we know there are a lot of consequences of sex, and contemplating and preventing those issues is notoriously not our strong point as humans.  Here is some information about some of those–which do play a part on February 14th.

Amazing_Electron_Microscope_Photos_Mosquito_Head-1mdCU
-In their study, Grimley and her colleagues focused on 224 men — all with STD symptoms — who sought treatment in a Birmingham STD clinic. The average age was 26. In face-to-face, private interviews, each was asked the same set of questions. Among them:

How often have you used a condom in the past month?
How long have you been using condoms?
Do you have any intention of starting condom use?
Why do you use condoms?
Do you wear condoms for STD prevention or to protect your partner from pregnancy and disease?
Why don’t you use condoms?
And the results:

80% reported that most people their age did not use condoms consistently. They also said that 61% of people their age had gonorrhea.
81% acknowledged sexual contact with two or more partners during the preceding six months.
45% reported sexual relationships that overlapped.
65% said they had been diagnosed with one or more STDs in the past.
Of those men with one main sexual partner, two-thirds were not motivated to use condoms.
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/news/20040126/many-men-dont-use-condoms?page=2

http://www.companiesandmarkets.com/MarketInsight/Consumer-Goods/Global-Condom-Industry/NI8052

610

STDs are not only a social ill, but they are financially costly to everyone:

-CDC’s new [2/13/13] estimates show that there are about 20 million new infections
in the United States each year, costing the American healthcare system
nearly $16 billion in direct medical costs alone.
America’s youth shoulder a substantial burden of these infections.
CDC estimates that half of all new STIs in the country occur among
young men and women. In addition, CDC published an overall estimate of the number of prevalent STIs in the nation. Prevalence is the total number of new and existing infections at a given time. CDC’s new data suggest that there are more than 110 million total STIs among men and women across the nation.
-STIs place a significant economic strain on the U.S. healthcare system. CDC conservatively estimates that the lifetime cost of treating eight of the most common STIs contracted in just one year is $15.6 billion.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats/sti-estimates-fact-sheet-feb-2013.pdf

Is it any accident that National Adoption Month is 9 months after Valentine’s Day? Only speculation, here. . .

So that’s really icky.  Also, let’s not forget HIV/AIDS is an ever-present threat on the scene and any holiday that emphasizes that we must copulate threatens to make this scare even bigger than it already is.  How about a day in which caution is practiced?!

33621_456830357625_596627625_5259997_1855811_n
-at-home pregnancy tests also see a spike in sales in March (early at home pregnancy test month–for reals!).  It’s the highest sales month all year, as a matter-of-fact.
-Consumers spend more than $15 million on pregnancy and infertility test kits during the second, third and fourth weeks of March, with the third week of March ranking number one in sales.

Click to access Nielsen%20U.S.%20Consumers%20Sweet%20on%20Chocolate%20for%20Valentine%E2%80%99s%20Day.pdf

Another obvious conclusion to romantic nights are the pregnancies that stem from them.  Many of them unplanned, unaffordable, or at worst–unwanted.
-Currently, about half (51%) of the 6.6 million pregnancies in the United States each year (3.4 million) are unintended.  In 2008, there were 54 unintended pregnancies for every 1,000 women aged 15–44. In other words, about 5% of reproductive-age women have an unintended pregnancy each year.[6]
• By age 45, more than half of all American women will have experienced an unintended pregnancy, and three in 10 will have had an abortion.[7].
• The U.S. unintended pregnancy rate is significantly higher than the rate in many other developed countries.[8]  In 2008, two-thirds (65%) of the 1.7 million births resulting from unintended pregnancies were paid for by public insurance programs, primarily Medicaid. In comparison, 48% of births overall and 36% of births resulting from intended pregnancies were funded by these programs.[13]
• In 14 states and the District of Columbia, at least 70% of births resulting from unintended pregnancies were paid for by public programs. Mississippi was the state with the highest proportion (83%), and the District of Columbia’s proportion was 90%.[13]
• Total public expenditures for births resulting from unintended pregnancies nationwide were estimated to be $12.5 billion in 2008. Of that, $7.3 billion were federal expenditures and $5.2 billion were state expenditures.[13]
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-Unintended-Pregnancy-US.html

crabby

So though I did much cut & pasting this year (I apologize) because of my work schedule and residual tiredness, I’m sticking with my opinion, Valentine’s day is full of bad side-affects, among them STDs and pregnancy along with all the fallout that goes along with those two things.  Please reconsider supporting such a day.  And if you must celebrate, and have sex, remember to be responsible and take so many precautions.

Elements of the Homo Alphabet

12 Jan

I’m not metalloid a.k.a. transition metal for sure, BUT because I’m awesome and all-inclusive I have gifted the rest of the LGBTQQA with their more descriptive elemental stars too.  We all know the Gold-Star is limiting and self-congratulatory and a little narrow-minded, dare I say it.  For the rest of the gals in the all-inclusive homo alphabet.  Here are the star-awards:

Boron is a staple of laundry, but when combined with Nitrogen it forms a really hard diamond.  This reminds me of the questioning.  They can go either way–a stable (boring?) life of marriage to a man and 2.5 children, or an excitingly different alternative lifestyle filled with just as much happiness.  A Boron-Star for you, deciders!

Bisexuals can go either way, so I chose an element that can too.  Antimoney (Sb) is usually bolstered with the surrounding elements on the periodic table.  For example, Lead is used in bullets, but it’s too soft without the addition of Sb.  So bisexuals, however rare you are, you get the Antimoney-Star status!

Silicon is well suited for the transsexuals–since logistically they made need to incorporate this element into their new bodies.  So I give them the Silicon Star.  Too obvious?  I still found it fitting.

I give the heteroflexible, my personal favorite group of alphabet soup, the Germainium-Star.  Heteroflexible people are open-minded and non-judgemental.  They look at matters of the heart in terms of love, not gender.  And Germainium is known as being stable and common. We can only hope the heteroflexible will become more and more common too.

As little as ten one-billionths of a gram of Polonium can be fatal.  And as every 100% lesbian knows, so can even a small dose of the bicurious girls who “try it out” [lesbianism] or “experiment.” We should know they will just go back to men (just as we lesbians ran away from regrettable male hookups) breaking our hearts in the process.  And time and again lezbos are just too tempted.  Thus, the Polonium-Star bestowed upon the bi-curious.

The Tellurium-Star is being presented to the LUGs (lesbian until graduation).  This is not to be confused with questioning, bi-curious, or hasbian.  The LUGs fully embrace a lesbian title during school.  They carry their rainbow flag with pride at University, march beside us at pride, and are some of the most outspoken lesbians around.  Then, they meet their Prince (as opposed to Princess) Charming.  Obviously going from one end of the spectrum to the other is not all that common.  And neither is Tellurium the 8-9th least abundant element in Earth’s crust.  The element also has hugely contrasting characteristics.  It has a crystalline appearance, but contact with it can cause you to smell a garlic-like odor for weeks.  Take this as you will 😉

Arsnic.  One of the most known poisons.  I was going to avoid backlash, and refrain from assigning any group this one.  BUT it’s my blog and I had one element and one group left.  I give the dreaded hasbian the Arsnic-Star.  Once you’re a lesbian of any sort, how can you chose to degrade the LGBT community by denying membership in it entirely?  The hasbians treat their girl-loving days as a dirty little secret and anomaly.  They mindfully do not accept bisexual or heterofelxible as their descriptions, so I think it’s OK if us girl-loving-girls are weary toward them, just like the infamous poison Arsnic.

So much for ending on a happy note 😉

If I’m Not a Gold-Star, What Metal Does It Make Me?

10 Jan

The Gold-Star lesbian is a current and former lesbian who has never had any (sexual) relations with men.  She is said to be the purist and truest form of lesbian.  And rare.  But, what star do currently 100%-girl-loving-girls get if they (however brief or regrettably) had experiences with the opposite of sex?

I didn’t try to quantify any male experience.  More then numbers of encounters or degree of severity (dating to hand holding to kissing to oral to intercourse), proof of lesbianism is more about the FEELINGS involved when messing about with guys.  And I didn’t include Silver or Bronze because they imply a lessor status to Gold.  And non-Gold-Stars are NOT less in any way!  So here are loose (no pun intended) categories of ex-Gold-Star gals–just add star to your metal:

Thallium will kill you.  Just as you would kill anyone who told about that ONE time when you were pressured, or drunk, or on the rebound, or just seeing what it was like.  Yet Thallium is fatal without symptoms and cannot be detected in the body.  Just as your man-secret will never be detected.  And just like you would DIE before doing it again.

Bismuth spontaneously forms rainbow (yes rainbow!) crystals upon cooling.  Also it is the last of the stable elements on the periodic table–all the ones after it are volatile and highly regulated by government.  So you had limited, low severity, boy-ness for whatever reason–you know you’re a true lezbo now.  And you won’t change your mind.  Ever.

Who doesn’t love a metal named for an indigo emission spectrum?  Even if you had a few indiscretions, OR for a period tried dudes out, your heart bleeds lez-lavender.  Indium is also a super-gay metal underneath all its softness (you can change it’s physical characteristics using just hands).  I hope I didn’t bring any phallic images to mind with that tiny detail. . .

So you’re no Gold-Star.  Or Silver.  The important thing is you know what team you’re playing for now.  Aluminum is light and strong, and doesn’t rust.  It’s very versatile.  AND it was at first considered a noble metal just like gold and silver, bestowed upon royalty and such.  In a powdered form, this metal is VERY reactive and used as jet fuel.  So embrace your history as a penis-lover, it just makes you that much more of an interesting lesbian!

Tin stays shiny forever.  So even if those gold-stars say your stud-studded past tarnishes your star–you know the truth. . .

Sex Show + a comment and a link

16 Nov

I suppose I should wait just a bit longer before I post this to truly protect the innocent err not-so-innocent’s well undecided identity.  A lot of how I feel is dependent on their response/rebuttle to the slew of bad comments and those that have supported the mission of the blog, including that particular entry in it.  The whole incident–to be outlined in a moment–has made me think:  How much it it OK to complain about celebrities/politicians/bloggers?  After all, we don’t ACTUALLY know them.  I only know what they put out there for the public to see.  If they put something out in public at all is it to be commended, no matter how disagreeable or UN-P.C.?  Or by putting a piece of themselves out there–are they inherently responsible for it?

I ask, because a lot of people seem to think they should not be accountable for things they do in their personal lives, even though they are economically dependant on fans/voters.  And especially, especially on the internet.  Yes, any idiot can post any disgusting thing they please–but does that mean, I as a consumer/reader, have to simply ignore repulsive, icky things they may do or say?  After all, without MY support where would these people be in the first place?  They would just be another jerk with an opinion. . .  It should go both ways, right???

I think people need to own up to what they put out there.  Michael Jackson’s pedophilia was repulsive, and I felt it MY business not to support the man (however talented) because I found his personal morals reprehensible.  The politicians cheating/robbing/raping?  Also deserve much scrutiny.  They are supposed to be role-models.  If they fail on that front, even if they do a good job career-wise, it should at the very least be analyzed.  A sort of cost/benefit type of thing.  Scummy ethics have a way of drizzling over into multiple aspects of people’s lives, after all.  But is this me on a high horse?  Do I have a right to question/critisize public figures just because I partake in their product?

The thing that led me to think about these things are one of my staple bloggers.  I know I don’t REALLY know this person.  I have no idea what makes them tick or what their karma may be, but my perspective was shattered based on one post.  It really shattered my whole idea of what they stood for and what kind of person I was reading about every day.  It made me not like them very well–and that made me extremely sad.  They had become a fixture of my morning (or afternoon, or boredom) routine.  And now?

Is ignorance an excuse? this post I’m referring to, which I would normally credit, but won’t in this disparaging post, talked of supporting a Bankok Sex Show. Why anyone would want to view a sex show, strip club, or other sex industry performance is beyond me. The way the blogger was grossed out by the sex industry in Thailand, then turned around and supported it is gross.  And how anyone can mindfully ignore the struggle of those women is really ugly. This blogger NEVER mentioned the women.  There was mention of how the show was disgusting, but in a self-preservation way.  And there was regret at having put oneself in a perilous position where the strippers and pims tried to hustle the group for more money.  No regret for GOING to said show in the first place though.  And no mention about WHY the strippers might have to be there or need that money. . .  Upon reading the entry, I had a sort of knee-jerk wave of disgust and disdain. But really, can North Americans be judged harshly? After all, we see “harmless” exploitation of women all the time. Without thoughtful analysis, we don’t even recognize it as exploitation most times. But does naivety venerate us from responsibility?

Let me think of issues I care less about.  OK, the fact the black people in Africa are marginalized by whites.  It’s terrible.  But I don’t really think about it all that much.  And I wouldn’t take the time to investigate how I might be unknowingly supporting it.  And that could lead to a bad decision that ultimately makes me look like a mofo and hurts other people.    It’s not like I mindfully take part in the marginalization of that population, but I don’t care enough to delve into the problem deepr.  I guess I can see how a snafu abroad could happen.  But I think after seeing the exploited people face to face I might feel sorry.  For them.  Not any trouble I put my life (or pocketbook) in.  But does that makes it different?

I don’t know.  I guess there is no easy answer.  Education and awareness and taking responsibility for one’s own actions are crucial though.  I know that.  And to not put anything out in the public sphere that you might be ashamed of.  If you believe in what you’re doing, then more power to you–live your life and to hell with the haters.  But if your product is something you are unsure of or not in support of or not YOU–then you deserve all the criticism that is coming to you.

———————

Just as an aside:  I’m not sure how age is all that relevant.  These girls and/or women are disenfranchised and socially/economically forced into this ugly profession where they must commit degrading, harmful acts to (ironically) survive.  And too many locals/tourists, men/women, etc. . . knowingly or unknowingly support this so there is money to be made from their plight.  I think children, or not, this is a pretty sad affair that should be delved into by those more privileged.  It wouldn’t hurt everyone to try to learn about the sex industry and trafficking (of all ages)  that often go hand in hand with one another–AND what to do about it.  Here are some terrifying stats about human trafficking on my own blog:  http://kit10phish.wordpress.com

It Happens Here

30 Sep
This was a very informative study about sex trafficking.  
I have included just a minimum of interesting statistics from the abstract.  
I found it after being horrified by the semi-autobiographical movie, "Traffic."
http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/sex_traff_us.pdf
The Problem: 
The international women interviewed in this study were predominantly from the former Soviet
Union (13 of 15), and over half of the U.S. women were African American (13 of 25). The majority
of international (80%) and U.S. women (83%) interviewed in this study entered the sex industry
before the age of 25, many of them as children
Many of the U.S. (62%) and international (29%) women are domestically trafficked inside the
United States.
Some women were held captive and some were not free until they paid off accumulated debts.
The majority of law enforcement (76%) and social service providers, advocates and researchers
(71%) confirmed that a large number of women were not free to leave the sex industry.
Pimps controlled most of the money and many of the international (36%), and U.S. women (76%)
had money withheld from them.
Eighty-six percent of U.S. women, and 53 percent of the international women
reported being physically abused by pimps and traffickers
The vast
majority of international (87%) and U.S. (92%) women  used drugs or alcohol to cope while they
were in the sex industry. Half of the women began using drugs and alcohol after they entered the sex
industry to numb themselves to the trauma of unwanted sex.
Twenty-seven percent of the international women and 52 percent of the U.S.
women said economic necessity, drug dependencies and pimps who beat, kidnapped, and/or
threatened them or their children prevented them from leaving.
Suggested Solutions:
Trafficked women should not be treated as criminal illegal immigrants, but as victims of violence
and human rights abuses.
Specific legal measures recommended included car forfeitures/confiscations of men arrested for
soliciting, publication of buyers’ names in the newspapers, and more “johns schools” where first
offender buyers are “educated” about the harm of prostitution to the women, the neighborhood and
themselves.
There should be some way of tracking U.S. men who travel to the same or different countries, and
return to the United States with serial foreign fiancées or wives.
More funding from the Violence Against Women Act should be made available for research,
education, training and services for trafficking victims. The Crime Victims Fund should also be used
to support services and shelters for trafficked women. When assets are seized from traffickers, they
should be used for victim support.