Tag Archives: sleeping

Aug Goal Accountability

28 Aug

Maintenance Goals (from 2013):

-floss daily.  Cemented (at home)

If I never spent the night anywhere else this one is so great.  I could take it off, even.  But it gets spotty when we go anywhere, and Labor Lave 3-day weekend is sure to test it.  I’ll try to get this in on the road.  The dentist might happen after I get my syllabi–now that I have an income.

-drink water. Gerrrr-eat!

I may have said this before, but it’s true–4 is the milestone for this one.  Once a person can fit 4 cups of water into their day,Sutro Pool Party 011 more is easy.  I drink between 8-12 cups daily, and still somehow have room for coffee or tea sometimes.  Getting the first 4 immediately after my run, while I’m taking my vitamins is key here.  I’m currently keeping track of the amount and time I drink compared to the time I have to pee.  This sounds crazy, but nothing is worse then having to pee during class–or having to get up in the middle, walk out, miss notes, use a public restroom, walk back in.  So I’m compiling the stats to know what time I need to have 4C down before class.

-read for pleasure.  OK

I wish I read more, but it seems somethings (lots of things) have to give when you have a goal.  Application, running, school, cleaning, etc. . .  pushed this a little lower on the priority list.  Still, I read every night before sleeping when Cool isn’t home.  And when I am.  It’s slower going then I prefer, but at least it’s happening at all.

-weekly massage. Terrr’ble (I’ve been watching “Parks & Rec”)

It’s difficult to make time now that we’re out of the habit.  By the time I think of it I’m ready to sleep.  The next couple of weeks will be worse because of school starting, Labor Dave weekend, and my NEW job–which is until midnight.  Once I get used to being a night person and we settle into a new schedule we’ll work on it again.

-abstain from drinking.  Awesome

Also very easy. . .  Once all the past associations are broken.  Once you fill that time/occasion with something else I forget how I had time in the first place to drink.  Last frontier:  Labor Dave Weekend concert.  I’ll miss the canned craft beer of tailgating, the thermos cocktails, and I will NOT miss the $8 fleeting krafts of the venue.  Still, I feel like we will get more of our money’s worth seeing the show sober, and will feel so much better at the end of the night and the next morning.  Hopefully the crowds will be tolerable, because of SEATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-study habits.  I have my ON days and OFF days.

Fall finals 123Some days I’m on FIRE with my application and school prep.  Others, I’m tired, unmotivated, or lazy.  I’m glad I don’t have to work daily at 3-4AM, as I think this makes a big difference in the studiousness–I’ll have to remember this during the semester.  My essays are getting to be something real.  I have a notebook full of neuroanatomy drawings and figures.  I’m studying flashcards and feel good about brain lobes, gyri, and sulci–and phonemes obviously.  With 9 days til school starts as of tomorrow (Sat, 8/16) I am serious.  Yet, not so much that I waste my last week of a relatively free summer.  First summer without at least 27 work hours.  It would have been more “free” and relaxing if I didn’t have to get up and clean at the crack of dawn.  Or apply to jobs.  Or do the afore-mentioned work, but good enough.  And probably the last (financially feasible, stress-low $) summer of my life.

January=fitness.  Goood!

Today was 230 days (it’s 8/19) of “minimum of a mile first thing in the morning” days-in-a-row.  I was 1.6 seconds off my mile PR then 0.6 seconds off of it, so I feel like I’m right on the cusp of something.  I have also been hula hooping for my 6-pack.  AND eating salads almost every day for lunch.  Yes, they have about 3 Tbl of dressing on them, but still!  It’s a radical change.

Feb=have gratitude; say nice things.

I don’t know if I’ve said nice things exactly, but there have been times when I kept my mouth SHUT.  So at least there’s so negativity–even when it is very warranted and would feel so good to say.  That’s an improvement.  I’ll have to step up my game when school starts because we all know how the Riverpoint professors love me *sarcasm*

March=straighten out sleep.  So good!

I stopped being so anal, and things are fixed.  My body seems to have settled into a pattern where I get tired around 9PM.  On mornings I have to work, I naturally wake around 3AM and just go, instead of wasting time.  On those days, as long as I’m back in bed before 5:20AM I’m able to nap.  After that, not so much.  On days off, my body wakes around 5:30AM–it likes about 8.5 hours of sleep.  Once school or jobs come into play, this may not stay so great, but I’ll keep trying to just stop worrying and timing it and accommodate what my body wants.

April=save $$$.  Not awesome.

I knew I was going to have to spend some money in August.  Which felt terrible b/c for most of it I didn’t know when I would get paid next.  And being right before a loan disbursement, money was stretched its thinnest.  But you have to have textbooks (believe me, I did not want to buy a 2nd phonetics book), notebooks, paper, and ink to be a student.  So it had to happen.  Now that I have a job on the horizon and a disbursement was mailed today, I feel much better about the scene.

May=volunteer.  Fail.

I prioritized getting applications stuff as far along as I could, working on future school stuff, and cleaning.  I realize I have a finite amount of time before my time is no longer my own, and I felt like I had to choose.  Maybe once I get into a routine during school.  Or on a break.  Or next semester.  There’s still a little time. . .

June=Cool.  Work in progress

Bipolar combined with anxiety is a difficult thing.  It’s no joke and you have to work so much harder at everything.  But we are both making a huge effort and being mindful so hope is back.

July=my appearance.  Gearing Up

I’m really trying to gear up for the first day of school and Labor Dave.  I’ve picked out many cute outfits for those occasions,DMB Sun hair and even practiced a new hair style today.  And I’m getting it trimmed before the week is over.  My face, however, is not cooperating.  Per the usual.  It keeps breaking out.  The horrible bright red, swollen looking monstrosities.  This will not make me happy on big events.  When will puberty be over?!

Aug=Worry Less, Thank more.  Effortful

With jobs, schedules, planning, and summer coming to a close, there’s a lot to get ramped up about.  I’m trying not to.  But it’s taking a lot of deliberate effort.

Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead.  ugh

Easter 025Do I have to admit this one is a fail?  Again?  I’m lazy.  I plan almost everything else (see my drinking water, peeing time sheet statistics for proof) and this seems just one step too much.  And I’m not sure how to make it less overwhelming.  I got a mini dry white board at the grocery outlet to make and edit quick menus.  We try to shop every Sunday at 8AM when it’s not really busy.  There is always a list in progress on the fridge.  I guess what we need to do is come up with a few staple, easy go-to meals we know how to cook well and fast.  It seems we’re always trying something big, and new, and unknown when we cook.  So it turns into a big thing.  And the time taken and results are uncertain.  So we need to brainstorm, write, and prepare our easiest most successful meals and make those on a weekend.  Then we can just heat them up as needed.  I have a bad feeling this item is going to carry over to a 2015 goal 😦

Oct=don’t over-pluck.  Unintentional

Not by my own doing, I’m doing this.  I just don’t have time/forget to pester at myself, so things are not looking awesome.  I still want to try threading.  Maybe now that I have a job. . .

Nov=Increase eye contact.  Once

My interview went extremely well, and I managed it!

I’m Sick. And Grumpy.

20 Aug

Last night I started feeling worse and worse.  Normally when I feel something coming on I go to bed super-early.  But I will have to work til midnight really soon and my body is already going to be shocked.  As such, I HAD to stick it out until 9:30PM.  I felt so bad that I turned off my alarm clock (I never sleep to the alarm, but I’d be too nervous if I didn’t set it–just in case) for cleaning the vet hospital in the morning.  I try to go there every other day and had gone Monday, so was set to do it today.  But I had called Monday to make Rusty an appointment–and of course Wednesday was the first they could get me in.  And they were very explicit that I should drop off at 7:30AM.  So with the (impending) sickness, I didn’t think I should get up at 3-4AM, drop off the car, and be unable to nap.  If I get in bed after 5:20AM, I CANNOT sleep no matter how hard I try.  Anyway, so I decided I would clean work Wednesday night and still get it done on the every other day.

I slept fitfully because my body is trying to get sick and out of guilt for not cleaning–even though it’s a flexible schedule and I just have to make sure and go 3x/wk.  But I felt bad anyhow.  In the morning (the cats woke us up at 5:30AM, so I didn’t get tons of sleep), we went to drop Rusty off.  And–he had written that I called on Monday, but neglected to put me on the schedule for today.  So skipping work and dropping off was unnecessary because he put me on the very bottom of their full schedule.  Annoying.  And I felt icky so I almost said something about it.

At the track, I had intended to run a record 400m today.  I thought maybe if I warmed up slowly it could still be done.  Because I’m not completely sick, I can just tell it’s coming on.  But there is still time for preventative sleep/warmth/Zicam/vitamins/fluids.  But as soon as I started jogging I instantly felt TERRIBLE.  Everything ached, I felt tired, my muscles were stiff.  It was unpleasant.  I changed my mind about any speed work and just did a slow 2 miles practicing switching long strides and quick strides.  

When I got back to the apartment complex, the trashy-trashy, white-trash trashy lesboz that park next to us were over the line half in our spot.  So I had to squeeze in very tightly.  And when I opened the door, I was confronted with their barf-covered passenger door.  Who pukes on their car??!  Disgusting.  Cool wrote a note, but the tone was annoyed.  And I am all about feeling annoyed, but hesitated to give it to them, because, trashy people have no boundaries and who knows how they might retaliate.  But Cool put it on their barf-mobile anyway.  Fast-forward:  Next time I went to the car, theirs was gone, and the note was crumpled beside Cool’s car. . .

Rewind:  I went home and Cool made a wonderful huckleberry waffle breakfast.  I was feeling so crummy that the impossible occured and I actually was able to nap for 30 min.  But it wasn’t enough and I still felt like crud.  I get, for lack of better word, annoying sickness.  There’s no outward signs, but I feel feverish and fatigued.  Standing in the kitchen to make a frozen drink for Labor Dave about did me in, and I felt really crummy.  So I look a-OK, but feel ick-scum.  If it does come full-on (it hasn’t yet) I’ll get a fever and a head-cold.  Not cool times for public or for sitting in class.

Anyway, I didn’t get a call until 1:30PM asking permissions and pricing.  So I should have gone to work, and Rusty will not be finished today.  Which is super-annoying, because now Cool goes to work and I’ll have to clean at 3-4AM tomorrow–sacrificing more sleep when I’m (getting) sick.

That’s all.  I’ll work on my graph blogs today since standing up seems too much.  That reminds me, there are just 5 days til school starts and I have a HUGE list of things to do before then.  I’m mentally going insane, but my body won’t cooperate–it’s going to be a low productivity day when I need to kick it into high gear >:-[

July Goal Accountability

31 Jul

Maintenance Goals (from 2013):

-floss daily. A-

I was compelled to do this all the time, and feel really icky if I don’t.  The only problem arose when we were traveling.  It’s pretty hard to fit it in logistically.  But it’s not as if we go places constantly, so this should work out.  I have organized 2 showers over Labor Dave, so I make sure and floss while I’m using the bathroom.  Friday, I’ll probably do it in the morning before we go.

-drink water. A

IF I drink it early in the day, this is easily done.  But if I don’t–it’s very difficult.  And even though I’m trying to get it in, Kidron's post b-day pics 069making the choice between 8 cups and peeing all night is bad-times.  In August I’ll try to drink all 4 after I work out while I’m taking my vitamins.  That should help.

-read for pleasure. B+

I finished my WA poaching book and have started one on the Comstock and Virginia City–which is very interesting so far.  I wish I could have finished more, but I’m doing it every week night that we’re not traveling.

-weekly massage. FFF

It had been NONE.  Because the rubs were terrible.  And short.  So I didn’t even want to bother–especially if I was the only one putting in any effort.  We had a massage afternoon, and the quality was better, I’m relieved to say.  I guess Cool’s meds made her too much of a zombie to rub, but now it’s nice again.  So in August we’ll try to resume at least a weekly basis.

-abstain from drinking. D+ (didn’t, but my head was in the right place)

The German by Laurel 009I don’t want this to sound like I’m making excuses or justifying my actions, because this really wasn’t a “thing.”  When we had initially looked at Missoula, it was because of all the breweries in the area.  But when we actually visited, we were slightly disappointed, but still had a really good time and weren’t really focused on drinking.  Except on Saturday, I saw an amazing pair of Old Gringo boots that looked so stellar on me and that I would kill for!  The price tag was $100 cheaper than I’ve seen them anywhere else.  Needless to say they were still $300, and that’s too much for an unemployed person.  But I wanted them so badly!  And really had to make an extreme effort to stop myself from buying them.  So I made a deal with myself to share 1, small $5 kraft beer in lieu of spending $300 on a beautiful pair of boots.  It was a sort of naughty trade off–but a lot cheaper.  And I asked the waitress to substitute the pint of beer on the menu for something smaller, and did share it.  My portion was 5 oz.  It was good, but not the be-all end all I remembered.  And that’s it til at least January 2nd of 2015, and maybe for good, I don’t know.

-study habits. C-

Well, I have been getting things done, yes.  I read/outlined all my neuroanatomy for the semester, started drawing the figures (and completed 12?), made and even memorized some flashcards for both classes, made progress on my personal statement, almost finished my CV, and have a draft of my scholarly paper.  But I also know I’m not in the right mindset, and I’m able to accomplish even more.  I’m torn between buckling down too early and risking burning out, and finishing a lot of things before fall begins.  In August I’ll work on getting my application as complete as possible (hopefully finished in its entirety) so I don’t have to stress out about it while trying to keep the 4.0 GPA.  I’d at least like everything at the point where I could turn it in if I wanted to, so then I can optionally tinker on it–or have it ready.

January=fitness. A

Today (the 26th) was my 206th day in a row of running at least a mile.  Even with travel this month I managed to get it in.  Montana was difficult because a bear was seen walking about, and I had to do it in the hotel room.  But when we visited Cool’s mom we easily did it up her residential street.  I’m trying to RE-introduce pseudo-hula-hoop back into my routine, because it’s the BEST 6-pack maker and I want to look super-hot for Labor Dave weekend.  It’s going–slowly.  The closer we get to the event, the more I’m buckling down and doing it like I should.

Feb=have gratitude; say nice things. D

Here’s an example of why this one is difficult:  My boss writes to me telling me to take the trash outside after I scoop the litter boxes.  Which I hadn’t been because (as other stories have illustrated) the clinic isn’t in the greatest neighborhood in the off-hours.  And I’m there between 3-6AM when it’s dark and no one else is around.  So I don’t feel super-safe going out behind the clinic to the larger trash bins.  Also, it didn’t really occur to me, because the years I worked as an assistant it was a nightly duty to collect all the trash in the building and take it outside–which I did pretty much the entire tenure of my work.  So it’s not a really big deal, and I could see why she asked me, but she added, “How is your summer of leisure going?”  Not popular.  Even if she thinks I’m a lazy-ass.  She shouldn’t write it.  I’m doing productive things–and my productivity is none of her business anymore.  So it’s very hard to say nice things, be positive, and have gratitude when it’s offensive/coarse.  Fail, and now that I’m going back to Riverpoint with notoriously crabby professors, I’m going to have to work much harder on this one.

March=straighten out sleep. A-

It’s better, so, so much better!  I stopped fighting my natural inclination to wake at 3AM.  This has actually worked out better for me, b/c instead of trying to go back to sleep–or lightly sleeping for an hour.  I just go to work.  Then, I’m back home in the 5AMs when I can still nap.  Even though I go to bed at 9PM, I am not super tired or fatigued!  Though they must think I’m INSANE when they look at my time clock and it says 3AM to 5AM.  Hopefully, my safety never comes into play, as I think this is the one area of the plan that could be troublesome.

April=save $$$. F+ (+ b/c I haven’t lost my motivation/guilt)

I rarely spent money–because there isn’t any I feel comfortable spending.  But I didn’t get a job (despite a few interviews) Gorge Ampitheatre 3and didn’t offer to miss Labor Dave Weekend SEATS to house-sit, missing out on big, easy money.  Which I feel sad missing out on the opportunity, but also feel it’s the right decision.  We got those tickets in February, as a reward for not drinking, and 1 ticket was purchased by my parents for an early birthday gift.  And we look forward to it all year–but still the timing is unfortunate.  And lack of income.  August will be worse, because I HAVE to buy some school supplies and a textbook.  And of course WILL get a Labor Dave outfit–at least one article, and probably definitely merch at the show.  Hopefully, this next interview comes through so I don’t have to worry about my loan money stretching far enough.

May=volunteer. D+ (I did school-related presentations)

interactive hearing anatomy 2Fail.  At least for community.  In regards to voluntary school-related activities I did more than any other student in my program.  But I did nothing at all even to pursue wider community-type service.  And this would be cool.  I may have decided it’s not super-important to me right now though.  I am undecided, but maybe I’ll focus on finding a job, school, tutoring, school-related presentations, my application, and as an extra–observing an audiologist.  It somehow seems like a lot, though I’m unemployed.  I’ll re-evaluate once school resumes.

June=Cool. C-

My focus is on more important matters, so fail–but not.  Because I’m offering support and responsibility.  She’s off the horrible medication, and doesn’t need to go back on unless she swings up or down.  So things are much, much better and she has enough energy to act like a person rather than the zombie she had turned into.  But then she decided to go off her antidepressant as well, and as a result–she has started showing signs of depression.  It’s always something.  Which when managing medications/responsibility/crises/medication/responsibility it gets tough to stick to this goal and have any time or energy left to show affection.  Hopefully this is not always going to be the case because she’s bipolar. . .

July=my appearance. B+

I have been trying to dress cute and look cute, applied makeup, and even dyed my hair–more on that tomorrow.  I still regularly forget to wear jewelry.  I’ll really have to step my game up in August for these big, upcoming events.

Aug=Worry Less, Thank more. C-

OK, but I can do better.  I totally forgot my positivity jar–which I think is an excellent idea.  I’m going to try to remember to notice and write more for it.  And I do say things I’m thankful for immediately before going to sleep–but I’m sleeping a lot better these days, so it doesn’t last nearly as long as before.  I think I get to 2, maybe 4 things before I’m out.  And overall I am so proud of me because I worry substantially less.  And it’s really, super nice.  If I could keep it this way it would be so awesome!

Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead. F-

Terrible, absolutely horrible.  Failed so bad.  My computer app changed it up and made itself a recipe site with no more menu–which was the point.  I’m thinking maybe a white board would help me scene.  Paper lists are hard because if we get Green Bluff 101tired, run out of an ingredient, the weather is too hot, etc… it’s a pain to change things.  Making it easy as possible to write, then edit the menu as necessary would be best.  I’m great at making a grocery list, but need to get on the menu, weekly shopping, and actual preparing of things.  Total.  Fail.  Have you ever seen 2 people that can go a summer without actually cooking?  I grab whatever I can stuff in my mouth quickly (wheat thins, dried fruit. . .  OK ice cream) and don’t bother.  But it’s bad, and HAS to change!

Oct=don’t over-pluck. C

I still want to try the Indian method.  I still want to try lightening them.  For now I’m unsatisfied, but leaving them alone as much as I can make myself.

Nov=Increase eye contact. F+ (+ for lack of opportunity)

Fail.  Now it’s operation look at service people in the eye, because they are really the only ones I see at all.


11 Jul

For the last two days I’ve been very tired.  Whenever Cool gains a certain amount of weight, there’s nothing that will prevent her from snoring.  She hit that number 2-3 days ago, and I haven’t slept well since.  My tiredness is awful, because it’s enough to be unproductive, but apparently not enough to nap.  I hate that I’m not a good napper!  As such, I tried to find a draft to easily post today, but they were redundant to the ones I’ve over-posted, or need a lot of work.  And I want to do them justice.  So in the interest of posting AND being lazy, here’s a list:

-Somewhere between my 7th and 8th drafts of my personal statement, I’m finally feeling hopeful about it.  The thing isn’t polished enough, but it looks like a paper, instead of a brainstorm.

-My “scholarly paper” is not so lucky.  I think it sucks, feel discouraged and overwhelmed, and despite a lot of time, am motor neuron 3still in the nascent stages.  My SLP-focused program has had me write one group paper on a pathology affecting anatomy, but with a partner, so I can’t use it at all.  Four papers 100 words or less on aural rehab (this needs to be a technical, research paper, 8-12 pages in length).  And one hearing disorder–but I chose a complicated one–Varicella Virus.  It’s Chickenpox-turned measles, turned certain clinical signs including possible deafness, and similar to Bell’s palsy = very complex.  And I’m not confident about the info in the paper, nor on my ability to answer questions about it should it arise in an interview.  That left me to try to modify an aural rehab paper, by adding research–but now it’s just all over that place.  Hate.

-On a brighter note, I also met with a pharmacy doctoral student today to work on my CV.  It’s also coming right along!

-Cool is almost entirely off her slurr-med and it’s wonderful!  I forgot how funny she is and how much fun we were NOT import 6-17-10 117having anymore.  I’m so glad the Cool I knew is back!!!!!!!!!  Now, to find an anti-psychotic that is affordable, doesn’t cause sleepiness/irritability/weight gain = good luck/fat chance.  This partially why bipolars go off their meds.

-It’s been in the 90s outside, but due to my strategic fan placement/door opening it has stayed under 71 inside–without the expense of AC.  Our utilities made it down to $35 again-yay!

-I forgot to say I have a job interview tomorrow.  It’s for a fast food restaurant–one of the very few I will eat at.  But they’re kinda big for their britches throwing around terms like “natural” and “organic” which I find logical arguments against–Arsenic is technically natural.  It’s about marketing.  Also, you have to have a group interview, a 2nd interview, then finally a 3rd 1:1 interview–which is really excessive if you ask me.  For fast.  food. . .  I’m never pushy is new group situations, and they just ask questions in general, not round-robin, so I’m not confident I’ll look great.  And I’m not even certain if I could take the job if I get it because I don’t know if they would be willing to work with my (quickly approaching) school schedule.   But I’m memorizing factoids off their website, and I’ll give it my best shot tomorrow.

-Heat does not take away my veracious appetite as it does many people.  Though I had a literal 1260 calorie breakfast, greekI’m hungry–for ice cream.

-I thought I got a running PR on the mile today, which I only count if I’m on the track (not treadmill).  But it turns out it was my 3rd best time because in 2012 I ran a 7:39.  But it was funny, because I write all my 400m splits–and get this:  My splits for laps 2, 3, and 4 were identical to 2012 record-mile’s laps 2, 3, and 4!  If I can shave seconds off that first lap–I’ll beat my best time.  I’m feeling good for Sunday!

-Yellow is my power color.  And it chose me, not the other way around.  I now need some yellow tanks, yellow sneaks, and ideally, a yellow running skirt.  I was going to write I’d settle for one, but tried to write an item and couldn’t decide which I wanted most.  So I guess I won’t settle.

-We fell in love with (summer) Missoula.  But we’d never move there A] because we’re going to Colorado–obviously.  B] cumulous clouds11 month, harsh winters are UNcool.  C]  There are no jobs.  The jobs that are there are service-oriented.  D] My parents claim there’s a lot of rape there (jurys still out).

-I found perfect Old Gringo cowgirl embellished boots, that fit, and looked amazing.  I did not buy said boots, because even though they were $100 UNDER the lowest website price I’d ever encountered–they were $300, and I’m unemployed.  I love my schedule and the ability to have TIME as an unemployed person.  Having no income is terrifying, and I can never buy anything (at all, ever) on a whim.  But I haven’t ever been bored (I’ve actually been quite productive) and I don’t feel like a loser (because I’m getting so much accomplished).

-I have to decide if I’m going to have that ice cream and get ready for bed.  I have to clean work tomorrow and prepare/stress about my interview.

February: Upheaval for Goal Progress

28 Feb

Maintenance Goals (from 2013):

-floss daily = did it!  EVERY day of Feb.  A dental appt is out now that I have limited income though 😦  –>So in March it’s operation thorough job.

-drink water = a minimum of 4 cups daily.  And I even had 8 cups on some days.  Some of that was because of my recent sweet tooth or carbo overload.  One thing at a time.  Water is going better.  It’s my primary beverage now (I had 10 oz of coffee ALL month, and usually in 2 oz allotments!).  –>6 min in March.

coffee elephant

-read for pleasure = on school nights I did this.  AND I finally finished the hefty AIDS book I’ve been reading since school began in late August!!!  –>I’m happy to say I started a book about Native American women.  Two passions of mine.  Just in time for Women’s month of March.

-weekly massage = I think we did it.  Maybe we skipped 1 or 2?  –>Now that I get a true weekend (YAY!) I’m certain we’ll be waaay more awesome at this.

-abstain from drinking = done.  It’s been since November now, and I feel really good about this.  My new healthy attitude feels outstanding!  I LIKE being healthy–who knew?!  –>In March, let it be known that health is IN and vices (except food ones, obviously) are OUT.

-study habits = I made the BIG changes to really make this happen because it is so important to me.  This was a primary reason (out of many) that I resigned from veterinary work.  –>I plan on keeping up, doing extra, and getting ahead.  I’m giving it 110% in March!

January=fitness = Let’s see, today was day 58 of doing at least 1 mile on the treadmill first thing in the morning.  Brandi and DaveAnd this week, since now I’ll be more sedentary (and Cool always was) we added a 2nd mile.  I am sore–I feel muscular, strong, healthy, and Cool says I’m thin like “paper.”  Food is my downfall though.  I forgot to have a daily apple for much of the month, buying Labor Dave tickets meant no groceries for a week and a half, and finishing work left little time to cook what we could scrape from the back of cupboards and the bottom of the freezer.  –>Now that I don’t work, we’ll get back to adding daily produce.  But tonight–it’s ice cream for dinner to celebrate a non-Forster Friday, and my first true, non-traded weekend in a long, long time.  Life is good.

Feb=have gratitude; say nice things = In February, I worked on saying nice things to ME.  I’ve been hard on myself and as such had been berating more than supporting my efforts.  Also, being finished with work will help with this.  And lastly, as I lay awake in bed, I try to list everything I’m thankful for in an effort to sleep.  –>In March I’ll work on finding more for my positivity jar.

March=straighten out sleep =  Despite having consistent sleep and wake times, an alloted 9 hours of rest, and good sleep hygiene–this is a stubborn one.  I thought this problem would go away without work stress.  Not so.  I thought cutting off liquids at noon would help.  I wake up whether or not I have to pee.  Taking Meletonin prior to bed also does little to help.  Cool gets home at midnight at midnight, which is disruptive, but I’ll then be awake for 1, 2, or even 3 hours after she gets home.  I read maybe a certain organ (gallbladder, liver) or hormone is involved if you’re wakeful at specific times consistently.  I don’t know, but this is a major bummer.  –>Research what else I can do to remain/get back to sleep.

April=save $$$.  Fail.  I stopped working.  Yet it was time to buy Labor Dave Weekend (and Brandi Carlile!!!) seats as we had been planning for so long.  So this is not a good scene, but I can’t let fear drive me any longer.  I have to align my actions with my goals, and the finances will just have to tighten up to accommodate that.  –>Minimize expenses.  Donate plasma for $$,really hype my tutoring, and +/- sell unused items on Craigslist.

May=volunteer.  Well, I haven’t actually volunteered yet.  BUT–I signed up for one in April, have intention to do Habitat for Humanity when the weather improves, and I let my advisor know I’m available–and she signed me up for a project in mid-March.

June=Cool.  February was such a blur, I’m not sure how this went down.  I know I am super-supportive of Snowboard Emx 2014 013Cool’s treadmilling.  I always cheer her and coach her an also mention how her legs are so toned now.  As with everything else, not working (and carrying around the stress of work) will help in this area.  –>Say 3 nice things every day to Cool.

July=my appearance.  I made an effort my last weeks of work!  I got out all my favorite scrubs, matched them up really nice, and even had shoes and undershirts that went with the look of the day.  I also wore makeup and fixed my hair.  No one offered any complements, but I felt good–and it just reaffirmed I was making the right decision about leaving.  –>Try to wear a new outfit each day, things I haven’t worn in awhile, and accessories.  This will give me style and make me feel like I’ve gone on a shopping spree (without spending a cent).

last wk Frb 2014 006

Aug=Worry Less, Thank more.  After the mid-month panic and difficult decisions and talks were finished, I managed to be calm.  Even with pending exams.  Even despite financial unknowns.  Good job to me.  I knew my decision was the right one because I felt SO calm about it.  –>Now that things are more settled, resume worry max 30 min a day.

Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead.  Sucked.  This did not happen in any way.  –> But in March I have big plans to stick to this hard-core.

Oct=don’t over-pluck.  I hate this!  I didn’t really pluck, but was self-conscious about my brows every day.  I wanted to pluck in a big way.  I still don’t know how to manage these things.  –>Look up eyebrow management.

Nov=Increase eye contact.  Ummm, I don’t know actually.  I feel like I should and that I tried especially during all the big, serious work talks.  But maybe I was too nervous/emotional to actually do it.  –>Maybe just start by looking at faces.  Start slow.

last wk Frb 2014 014

So going into March it’s all relief, happiness, and hope.  I feel good about life and think I’m making a lot of progress aligning my actions and goals!

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Do I Have Anything (Meaningful) To Say?

17 Oct

I’m not sure–I guess we’re about to find out.

My week.  Has been well, not exactly horrible, but I’ve perpetually felt as if I’m behind.  And tired.  This started last Friday when I agreed to trade and work a full day.  Let me go on the record and say I will never, never trade and crab 1work a full Friday again.  12 hours in the building, friend’s pets (not getting fully charged), and a lunch-time dental that lasted 1.5 hours just makes me too tired, frustrated, and annoyed.

So I was tired Saturday, and unable to concentrate on studying like I should have.  Then, I didn’t have enough time Sunday to do all the studying, projects, reading on Sunday.  And my alarm clock broke.  Which makes me crazy.  I need a projector clock at night.  NEED.  This left me starting the week with worried, restless sleep, and fatigue on Monday–my (new) longest day.

Monday was chaotic at work, and I got home more than an hour later than usual–so then I not only didn’t have cochlea 5time to finish the previous week’s studying tasks, but couldn’t make that day’s flashcards either.  And Tuesday I woke up tired, moved slow(er) at work and didin’t get us ahead enough to counter for that crazy day.  And a high-risk anesthetic made me feel. . .  Stormy.  For lack of a better emotion/word.  After work I usually cat-nap, study, and eat, but I HAD to go to the store (which I hate) to get an alarm clock.  Also Tuesday, I usually re-write that day’s notes and make all my study aids, but didn’t finish in favor of going to bed early to set the next day up for success.  By this time I was so far behind on school that I was/am going insane!

Yesterday was better both at work and in study prepardness.  Now I’m just one day behind.  But the maine-coon-for-brains caterwalled vigorously at 3 AM this morning, so now I’m debating which would be a better use of time:  Napping or churning out school work?

Take Home Points:

-do not work all day Friday–the ramifications go on and on.  And on.

-Call the police on the unruly, rude neighbors who make obnoxious noise on the stairwell all night.

-Do the homework THAT day–even if tired, because it just keeps growing–and getting more hazy the further it’s put off.

-Have a point when writing a blog post.

I guess that’s all for now.  I’m properly motivated to make my inner ear anatomy flashcards and study sheets.


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Exam [continuation of multi-part story]

20 Sep

We just left my crazy morning frenzy.

I had to work in the morning, then my boss let me borrow her own watch for my exam–thank goodness.  And I felt extremely tired, but not nodding off or anything like that.  My professor had told us she really liked numbers.  That we ought to know all these statistics and incidence percentages and ratios and decimals she was giving us:  3-5% of at risk babies with HL; 3:1,000 well babies w/HL; 5.7 in 1000 of all babies with HL; 35% of those 65 yrs and up w/HL; 16-19 million working adults age 20-64 w/HL; etc, etc. etc. . .  She even took the (ample) time in class to have us scratch out the numbers printed on the power-point to give us the most recent data based on the newest census.  So I studied them–under protest because I think you can always look up the most current data online–no need to memorize irrelevant things.  But I did–and that still wasn’t asked on the test >-[  I wrote it in where ever I could so all that studying didn’t go to waste.

And when all was said and done, after my terrible weekend of non-studying, interrupted sleep, and awful morning–I got 103/108 on the thing.  I actually wonder what I missed–I felt like I aced it.  If intertragal notch is intra or something I could have messed that up.  Or I tend to make stupid errors–maybe my fatigue contributed to a skipped question or something. . .  I’ll have to look on Monday.

Did that seem a little anti-climactic after a 3-part intro?  Maybe it was.  I’m sorry, I’m a little tired.

You see, my problem day (everyone else’s that is) of my new schedule was today.  I was supposed to set them up for the morning and leave at 10 AM.  And I wanted everyone to see how valuable that is–even though they’re all mad about it now.  I didn’t want to leave anything undone for anyone to gripe about–and especially so my schedule doesn’t revert “because it doesn’t work.”  So it was of the utmost importance that I get to work early, clean, prep files and cages, take and type in the vitals, do the house cats–everything so that when everyone else came in all they had to do was the stuff coming in on Friday’s schedule.

Except my plan was derailed in a major way when work texted and said the power would be turned off from 5-7 AM.  That’s my go-time!  I would never get everything accomplished if I couldn’t start until 7. . .  What ever was I going to do???  I stressed out, tossed and turned, worried.  Do I go in late and not get anything done and give everyone more reason to be mad and complain about the schedule change?  Finally, I decided I would go in at the early time anyway.  I would do all the stuff. . .  By flashlight.

And that’s exactly what I did.  I got to work at 5:30 AM and cleaned the floors and both bathrooms, cleaned upstairs and medicated the house cats, took vitals on the hospitalized buddy and medicated and cleaned his kennel, restocked and watered–by flashlight and in the dark.  No one can say I’m a lazy slacker who doesn’t care enough about work, making the business suffer. . .  So needless to say it’s 7:24 PM and I’m going to bed.

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My Morning Jacket

19 Sep

Had to be a lucky one.  My new Dave Matthews Band one I got at the Gorge to be specific.

Here’s why:

I wake up at 3:50 AM very tired (that’s expected) having to pee.  It’s worse to get caught in the middle of a sleep cycle, and there’s no sense in going back to sleep for 10 min so I wake myself up.  But I wait until 4 to go to the living room to study–because any earlier is insane-o-clock.  The cats look unusually sleepy.  The microwave says 3:08.  Did the power go out during last night’s storm and mess up the setting?  VCR says 3:11.  Uh oh.  My computer confirms 3:11.  I’m up at crazy-o-clock.  I look at my bedroom alarm clock–and it does indeed say 4:13 AM.  Somehow, it is set on Mountain time, not Pacific.  Groan.  What a way to start my exam day–an unintentinal hour earlier then REALLY early.  I can’t go back to sleep now, so I go to the kitchen for lots of coffee hoping I won’t be too tired before or during my exam.

Lifting the already-made pot, I begin to pour it in my tall mag.  There are circles on the top. . .  What is. . .  *sigh* it’s mold.  Of course.  The coffee is all moldy and I’m really too tired to make a brand new batch–besides the coffee grinder would wake poor cool–at 3 AM.  This morning is really starting to suck.

I attempt to study, but feel tired.  I don’t know how I’ll get through work and make it to my exam, let along take the thing with clear mind.  Not great–especially after inadequate weekend studying.  I can never get away with anything!  One weekend of being a little unbuckled and I’m paying a big price with bad morning karma to boot.  I’m in trouble.

I shower, dress, and look for my watch.  The 6th watch purchased this year.  The only one that hasn’t broken after a week or less.  It’s not in its proper spot.  Did I leave it in my travel-caboodle?  No.  Unpacked and empty.  Is it in my toiletries?  Nope–all is neatly put in their boxes lined on the shelves.  Did it fall into my duffel during the drive home?  Nope.  Empty, unpacked, and stowed in the closet.  I’m rooting around, growing later and later for work.  Damn!  Where is my watch?!  Not only will I need it for test-pacing purposes–I need it all day at work.  I text my boss even though it’s getting close to starting time at work and ask if she saw my watch.  No answer so I’m freaking out.  I constantly have to count heart rates and respirations as well as keep an eye on what appointment is coming, or what time surgery vitals should be recorded.  I’ll be lost without my watch–not to mention have to replace another one if it truly is gone.

–>–>There it is my horrible, pre-exam night and morning!  Good luck to me on the test *sarcasm*

Final edition:  THE exam.

Rule #2 of Test-Taking: Restful Sleep [pre-exam]

18 Sep

–>In case you were wondering–I just finished all that Aural Rehab reading (+hunt-n-peck outline) I had accidentally neglected.  I am super-tired, because I thought it best to start at 3:30 AM before work.  The 166 pages I had to do took 5.5 hours, which was done in 3 sessions.  I’m reformed and paying utmost attention from here on out!

skull 1

So to resume my story of my first Hearing & Hearing Disorders Exam:

Other than preparation, a restful night’s sleep is the most important thing for an exam.  Though my weekend was a little unstructured, I went to bed at 7:45 PM Sunday in order to get back on track and wake up at 4 AM Monday to study before work.  Good intentions. . .  No, not that–I was in fact able to fall asleep and stay asleep (getting up in the 4’s is helpful in that respect).  I slept until 10 PM-ish.PSYCHOLINGUISTICS

Then, there was a noise (maybe), a door being closed (I was still between sleep & alert).  What aroused me was the bathroom light on, and bathroom door wide open.  Cool was just sitting there, acting all weird.  When I tried to find out what was going on, Cool wasn’t answering questions, but she looked a little frenetic.  Here’s my best attempt at a conversational recap:

Me:  Why do you need the light on?

Cool:  Sorry

Me:  Can’t you at least close the door–you know I have my first exam tomorrow. . .  What are you doing, anyway?

Cool:  Nothing.  Go back to sleep.

Me:  Why is the bedroom door closed–were the cats being naughty?

Cool:  Silence

Me:  Were the cats into something?

Cool:  mumble

Me:  Are they OK now, did they make some sort of noise like du-du-du-du

Cool:  *body-shutters when I make the noise*

Cool:  *running across room in hysterical tears hugging me*  You heard it too?  I thought it was in my head.

Me:  *realizing this behavior in a little impractical & excessive*  Did you take your meds?

Cool:  *ignoring my question*  It was changing my dreams!

Me:  I was half asleep–What was it?

Cool:  *scared, eyes wide, trembling*  I thought I was hallucinating–it’s out there!

Me:  *confused, & growing worried, looking at the closed door*  What?  What’s going on?!

Cool:  *crying, hysterical, in a panic*  Don’t go out there!

Me:  *summoning up my courage to face whatever is on the other side of the door*

Cool:  No–don’t!

So I open the door expecting an intruder to have climbed the tree outside and be doing crazy things in our living tommy gunroom.  In the dark, I first heard a loud roaring noise.  Then I saw that Goose was sitting there calmly looking at me.  So it couldn’t be anything too terrible.  Next, I saw Choco-Luv was sitting in front of the slider, calmly watching the crazy weather.  It took me a moment to see that the wind was blowing exceptionally hard outside (like a literal 60 mph) and the sliding glass door was open a crack.  I strode across the room and closed it–seeing a brown haze obscuring visibility of the street and river outside.  Was it hailing?  Snowing?  It looked. . .  Brown.  It was dust.

Cool initially thought the alarms were sinister and getting her.            Side-note~That’s sad and stressful to me/us, but if you don’t laugh you cry, right?  These moods and medications are something we’ll have to deal with for life, so might as well see the humor.             ~She thought she was having DMB Eugenesome sort of manic audio-hallucination and going insane. . .  We found out our new carbon monoxide detector has a non-beeping warning alarm that is set off by too much dust or humidity or something–the weather conditions outside apparently.

Anyway, Cool is resuming her double anxiety pill that she had halved, and my sleep was. . .  Let’s just say disrupted before my big exam.

Next up–exam bad, bad, bad morning, then the exam itself.

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7 Jun

The floors here where I’m house-sitting, I mean.  They make my socks black and I didn’t want to stain or wreck them, so I’m just doing bare, black feet.  The reason?  I guess pet traffic, but my feet are constantly dirty all the same.

Things I Learned While House-Sitting:

-My car will start to have problems at the worst time possible.  Rusty was fine while I was driving 8 min to work and back 4 times a week.  As soon as I needed to drive a half hour with a lot of hills, faster speeds, more traffic, and many stops and starts–problems.  Awful scraping noises when I applied the brakes–terrible hot smell under the hood.  So that was pretty much a constant worry every time I took the already wearing commute.  It also served to sort of hold me hostage wherever I was because I didn’t want to stress the car to the point of a breakdown by driving a lot.  Tuesday, as soon as I have finished the weekend of work, I MUST take Rusty to the shop!  This will also serve to spend every penny I earned house-sitting and additional funds, I am certain.  Because that is my life.

-Having a lot of things does not necessarily mean having a lot of useful or fun things.

-I miss watching Satellite TV, but I’m glad we don’t have television channels.  It’s a time-eater.  There are a billion channels, and nothing I want to see in the time slots I’m here to see it.  Crazy.  The Food Network, however is ridiculously amazing and I could watch that 24/7.  I am very sad these new competition shows are not available for streaming on Netflix.

cute outfit

-Just having nice decorations does not mean having a nice house. It’s all about how it’s grouped and arranged to maximize effect.  I get the impression a lot of these things were gifts slapped up on a wall, not chosen purchases that play up a certain “look.”

-A washer and dryer are on my major life list.  I did soooooo much laundry because I could and I absolutely miss that.  My next place MUST have in-unit washer & dryer–or at the very least hook-ups.  I can’t say it enough–laundry facilities were nice.

-Sometimes having a lot of things is a hindrance. If things are thrown randomly in cupboards, you don’t know what you have. Organization!  I paced myself and only organized one pantry.  Though I wanted to do more, I didn’t want to seem crazy.

-A lot of food can be really useless. Everyone eats differently, and one person’s abundance of ingredients is another person’s dearth.  I was hungry.  Luckily, Cool bought subs one day and pizza another.


-Don’t let animals on your counters. Especially kitchen counters. You will eat cat-butt *fill in the blank*  PS–have you ever tried to make fish when the cats are allowed up there?  Not an easy task.

-If you spend a lot of money on anything–make it a good knife.  I never, never cut a mango or an avocado though I love both, because it is literally hard.  These CutCo knives make easy work of them!  One went right up on my Amazon wish list, because it was PERFECT.

-I am not a person that wants a work commute.  I already don’t want to go to work–put it more then 20 minutes away and I hate it.  Make it on a week the vet I like is on vacation, and add in an anxiety-ridden unproductive receptionist that makes bad decisions and does little else = hostility from me.

-The one good thing about living waaay out of town?  I saw a coyote one morning and a MOOSE one afternoon.  The dog freaked and barked both times and I didn’t get good pictures.  Partially, because I didn’t bring my actual camera, so I had to depend on my phone.

bear rug

-P.S.  I forgot how much dogs drool and slurr upon you whenever possible.  The dog was very well-behaved, excellent and easy, but I was constantly covered in dog spit.  Kinda icky.

-Final note, I am a homebody.  No matter how easy the job, or good the money–I need to recharge by being at my own house.  I don’t even like my apartment, my neighborhood, or especially my dope-neighbors, but it’s MINE.  I have a place and my things and family and routine are there.  Being away made me tired and a little grumpy (majorly exacerbated by work annoyances).