Tag Archives: television

Taylor Swift is Peter Pan

7 Aug

First a very quick lesson in (internalized) misogyny:

We live in a patriarchy, a sociopolitical and cultural system that values masculinity over femininity (Ferguson).  Misogyny is perpetuated by our surroundings even in subconscious ways, so we are saturated by the confines of gender. Since we are indoctrinated by underrepresentation & sexist representation, misogyny becomes an ingrained cultural norm.  Double standards are so embedded in our culture we often don’t recognize when we’re reinforcing them. A “boys will be boys” attitude and judging a women’s appearance more harshly than a man’s are two examples. “Even when we may be aware of the gender roles and stereotypes at play, we still can internalize some deeply-rooted misogyny from what we’ve been taught. We must make a conscious effort to reconsider these thought processes and undo the damage, ” (Gudenau).

In 2014, Taylor Swift made a conscious choice to become a feminist:

Swift told the magazine over her avoidance of the issue [of feminism] earlier in her career. “I think that when I used to say, ‘Oh, feminism’s not really on my radar,’ it was because when I was just seen as a kid, I wasn’t as threatening. I didn’t see myself being held back until I was a woman.”  She continued, “Misogyny is ingrained in people from the time they are born. So to me, feminism is probably the most important movement that you could embrace, because it’s just basically another word for equality” (https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/taylor-swift-talks-feminism-misogyny-in-maxim-38970/)

Let’s Talk “Infantilization” in the context of sociology & women, in particular:

Infantilization starts, really at the beginning of history.  We won’t go into that here, or the Greeks and their “boy love” but I suggest reading up on it, as it’s very compelling history.  For the purpose of this post, we will start at World War II (1941-1945 for U.S. involvement).  When large numbers of men were sent to fight, it became common for women to take over what were considered to be male jobs so that the economy would remain stable and production would continue. Although this was framed as a patriotic duty, many women enjoyed the autonomy and independence that employment afforded them and were disappointed when they had to give them up after the war ended. 

Having proven that they were fully capable of independence during the war years, women presented a threat to male authority and were potential competition for employment. Treating women like children strengthened and perpetuated the notion that women could not care for themselves without a man.  It was a way of reigning in independent women and infantilization was in large part a means by which men could regain control of women.  

Television at the time (which often reinforces the social norms) portrayed the acceptable station of women by telling simple stories that portray idealized families in a safe and comfortable world. These shows produce a sense of nostalgia and a certain level of enjoyment, but look deeper and feel stunned by the ways in which the female characters are treated like children by the men around them.  The Adventures of Ozzie and HarrietLeave it to Beaver, and Father Knows Best all capture this sentiment well. . .  In the case of I Love Lucy, the series’ main character was often treated like a child by her husband, which included demeaning language and, in some cases, spanking.  For Lucy, and many other women during this era, infantalization was a means of controlling women and perpetuating the myth that without men (a father figure), they were incapable of caring for themselves or exercising autonomy.

(https://study.com/academy/lesson/infantilization-of-women-definition-significance.html)

Let’s move on to the song at hand:

We discussed how we’re overwhelmed with misogyny, even subconsciously, by living in a world that values the masculine over feminine.  We have internalized those ideas, and perpetuate them, even unknowingly.  We discussed how infantilization was used in the 1950s to convince women to leave the workplace because they needed a man to survive.  And we went over how, in 2014, around the 1989 era, Taylor Swift said she had previously unaware feminism impacted her, but she felt the pressures of it more and more as she aged [and achieved more power].

My assessment is that infantilization, which still acts upon girls and women in current times, was deep-seated in Taylor’s psyche.  Just as that social tool has been internalized by most all of us, women, and men.  She wrote a song about her life at the time.  It’s a nice little story, with a sentimental bent:

Your little hand’s wrapped around my finger
And it’s so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter ’cause you’re dreamin’
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light  

Taylor emphasizes how comfortable and loved this child is.  They are tucked in and made to feel safe and peaceful.  This is a very idealized version of kids, and what it’s like to be one, with no tantrums or messes, no imperfect family life.  Only the good parts are mentioned here.  It relates to the 1950s television shows conveying a secure, comfortable home where men go to work, women keep house, and children are well-mannered.  Perfect.  

To you, everything’s funny
You got nothing to regret  

Taylor gives us examples of how children are carefree and innocent, with an obvious wistfulness.  Taylor wishes she could rewind time for herself.  These lines tell the listener that she has experienced the more serious side of life as she’s aged.  She has made mistakes she may regret.  It would be a lot more cozy and happy if she could go back to that comfy bed in the first verse.  The lines also convey that life gets more difficult as we gain awareness and make more social connections. 

I’d give all I have honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won’t let nobody hurt you
Won’t let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up  

This chorus.  It’s the most obvious example of what I’m trying to say, infantilization is at play here.  The ‘never grow ups’ relate to the Peter Pan references later written in cardigan.  In the music video, Taylor follows magical golden glitter from scene to scene. It looks just like the pixie dust Peter uses to help Wendy fly off to Neverland, and conveys how beautiful remaining a child is is both Peter’s story and Taylor’s mind. And in Miss Americana, Taylor tells the audience that there is a saying that people get frozen in the age they got famous and she felt that applied to her, confirming her choice/circumstance.  

You’re in the car on the way to the movies
And you’re mortified your mom’s droppin’ you off
At fourteen, there’s just so much you can’t do
And you can’t wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don’t make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she’s gettin’ older too  

In this verse, Taylor addresses an older child, maybe even herself as a teen.  She indicates adolescents want independence and freedom.  They begin to push away from caring parents.  But she reminds the teen that parents have feelings too, so have empathy.  She finishes the verse:


And don’t lose the way that you dance
Around in your PJs getting ready for school  

Taylor continues, to show the difference between youthful innocence and the shame that comes with being an adult.  She uses the dancing example after the ’embarrassed to get dropped off’ lines, to show that teenagers are beginning to be influenced by society’s perception of them.  They become aware of social norms and may repress their natural behavior to abide by the rules set for them.  Taylor is glorifying the freedom of childhood here just as she did in seven, “Before I learned civility/I used to scream ferociously/Any time I wanted.”  In both instances, Taylor misses the times when she was free to be herself and not have to abide by a patriarchal society’s conditioning.  

Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
It could stay this simple  

Taylor is insistent in the chorus, growing up is worse.  And the lyrics, “when you are young they assume you know nothing,” could also tie back into the Peter Pan cardigan references.  It might refer to how, although Peter Pan and the Lost Boys could never grow up or fall in love, they still knew the magic of Neverland and its fairies, talking crocodiles, pirates, and all sorts of things that adults never could.   

And no one’s ever burned you
Nothing’s ever left you scarred And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up  

These lines are drawing on personal experience.  Taylor, herself, has been burned and scarred, now that she’s older.  As a child, she was protected from the outside world, kind of like the wives and children in the 1950s shows.  Father was the one who braved the mean, outside world and the family lived in a protective (if not restrictive) cocoon.  Taylor says as she gained the freedom of adulthood, she had to pay the price of being exposed to pain.  

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother’s favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone  

This part is very sentimental.  It shows how young adults feel when they are leaving the comfort and familiarity of their childhood home and family.  It’s a very common feeling of fear of the unknown and reluctance to take the leap to independence.  This bridge is a reason many people gravitate to this song.  It’s their same experience as Seniors in high school, and Taylor captures the hesitancy perfectly.  It’s exactly these uncertainties exploited by infantilization.    

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It’s so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on  

Now, Taylor brings the song to the first person and talks about her own situation directly.  She has finally gained the independence she had been longing for as a teen, but it’s lonely, and she has to soothe and comfort herself.  Nobody is there to tuck her in.  It’s not the freedom she had imagined as a teen, and she wants to reverse her aging process to feel that comfort again. She has fully embraced patriarchy’s teachings that women need someone to care for them.    

Wish I’d never grown up
I wish I’d never grown up Oh, I don’t wanna grow up
Wish I’d never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don’t wanna grow up
Wish I’d never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won’t let nobody hurt you
Won’t let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up
Oh, oh
Don’t you ever grow up
Oh (never grow up)
Just never grow up

This song is a cautionary tale about being careful what you wish for.  Taylor took for granted how comfortable and free she was as a child when she pushed for more independence as a teen.  As she got more freedoms, Taylor was concurrently hurt like never before.  And when independence was realized it felt like a letdown, cold and empty.  The beginning of the song is warm and lovely, the end is cold and regretful.  Never grow up, she cautions, or you might feel this bad also.

Misogyny is internalized when women or men subconsciously absorb sexist beliefs through socialization.  Women, in this case, Taylor Swift, can also hold an unconscious bias toward their own gender.  Just as the 1950s television shows contributed to the belief (by both men and women themselves) that women were a generally inferior gender, this song shows aging and becoming independent is a perilous, unhappy event.  Internalized misogyny is projected onto oneself and others by all of us (Gudenau).  And I believe an overemphasis on the happiness and comfort of childhood combined with the doubt that Taylor Swift can be happy tucking herself in, is an example of another women succumbing to infantilization.  Society tells women they need a man to be comfortable and happy, thus we believe that. And knowing Taylor’s lyrical story, we know there were consequences for her getting stuck at the age that she got famous.  The line, “Peter losing Wendy,” in cardigan, evokes the song’s theme of losing someone because you can’t grow up.   Just as Peter had to lose Wendy since he couldn’t really love her, and she went to grow up without him, Taylor lost someone because she didn’t want to grow up, either.  Internalized infantilization had her stuck.

Luckily, as I have already alluded, Taylor saw the truth.  Society tries to convince women they’re more happy being taken care of as a way to reign in female power.  And now she sings The Man, a song about how her life would be different if she was treated like a man.

Little Fires Everywhere Review (Spoilers)

8 Jun

*Karen = Reece Witherspoon’s character

 

Mia’s attitude sucks.  She is rude the entire time.  The hostility boils barely beneath the surface–I wouldn’t have anything to do with her based on that demeanor alone.  The character is totally unlikable, snarling and growling her way through pretty much the entire series.

I think one of Karen’s biggest mistakes is not listening to her own gut feelings.  She shouldn’t have rented to Mia.  If I (as a white person) was looking for housing and it was a year lease, but I wanted month to month–they would tell me no.  Karen should not have felt white guilt and stuck to policy.  Also, hiring your tenant as house-help is a terrible idea–for both women.  It puts Karen in an awkward position if the renting doesn’t go well, or if the house-manager job doesn’t go well.  And it is a horrible idea for Mia to allow one person to be in charge of her housing and income.

I knew Mia would have a back-story.  I thought maybe she was raped, maybe Pearl’s dad was stalking them so they were running, or she had some sort of criminal charge she was on the lamb about.  But by the time the series finally revealed Mia’s background, it was already too late, I couldn’t overcome my dislike for the character.  The order of the episodes matters!  Maybe if her past was revealed sooner, I could have had empathy.  But as it was, the background wasn’t compelling enough to justify all her poor decisions and surly attitude.

When Mia says, “You know how to advocate for yourself.”  As if it’s not her responsibility as a parent to step in and make sure Pearl gets in the appropriate math class.

Mia wants

Mia’s professor is way out of line!  Taking coke in front of a student–offering it to the student.  Sleeping with a student.  That lack of boundaries and the power dynamic is predatory, and I didn’t care for it.

The author/screen writer didn’t make Mia’s dreams clear enough.  I thought she was having PTSD and that Pearl was a child of rape until I found out Mia was just afraid of being discovered.

Karen comes off as hyper-controlling, but it’s actually Mia who is the controlling one.  Mia controls when her and Pearl move and where they go.  She continuously says Pearl belongs to her, which never sat well with me.  She controls the length of the lease.  She takes a nonsense job she doesn’t want to control Pearl at Karen’s house.  Mia takes control of her coworker’s life, and baby search even though it’s none of her business, and they only knew each other for 3 months.  Mia controls what kind of life, and what luxuries Pearl gets–to the point she doesn’t sell art for Pearl’s life, but will sell it to pay her coworker’s lawyer fees.  Mia controls when Izzy can come by to do art.  Mia talks suggestively about fire and new beginnings to impressionable and angry Izzy–then sends her right home.  Mia is the one pulling the strings the entire series-yet she gets the better treatment of the 2 main characters.  I think Mia is a sociopath.

I didn’t understand why Pearl choose Trip over Moody.  She had a lot of fun and quality time with Moody.  He was intellectually on her level.  He treated her nice.  She tells her mom Trip is easy and dumb, so I don’t get why she threw away her relationship with Moody for his brother.  Though I did like Izzy’s point to Moody that just because he likes Pearl, and just because he’s nice to her, doesn’t mean Pearl owes him anything, and it doesn’t mean he owns her.  I liked the message, but I think the author went against Pearl’s character to set up the situation to have Izzy say that quote and to bring Moody down a  couple of notches.  It’s not really consistent writing.

Mia made the decision to steal the baby she was carrying as a surrogate.  And she didn’t even have the courage to tell the parents that she was backing out of their deal (or to give back a portion of the money).  It’s ethically, and contractually wrong, but the author never punishes her, Mia is treated like a hero.

The author actually punishes most of the mothers, which I did not like.  Karen was punished for giving up her fiance’ because he decided he wanted a travel career instead of kids.  She was punished for putting her family first and having a part-time job at a small publication, and for living her life for her kids.  The adoptive couple were treated as pretentious, insensitive and less-than, even though they wanted kids so badly, and loved the baby for the 1st year.  The surrogate family was treated as an inconvenience to Mia and Pearl’s story.  Bebe had a more sympathetic story line, but also was questioned for being poor, illegal, and single.  The author has peculiar and stringent ideals about motherhood, instead of accepting all types of mothers and situations as legitimate.

I didn’t think any character was likable, and I don’t think any one of them took accountability.  But not all of them were punished for that.

Mia and Lexie were my 2 least favorite characters.

Karen got a bad deal.  Yeah, I said it, and I stand by it.

“Criminal Minds” is a Sausage-Fest

28 Oct

The show is centered around all the males, for sure.  They get the most time, have the best story lines, the most fleshed-out background stories.  They’re the ones most physically capable, leading the chase, and that are most clever.  It’s not right.  And I can see maybe adding some realism–because a lot of those jobs are a boys’ club, but c’mon this is ridiculous.

Elle never had a chance.  She barely got lines, let alone any central role.  Her character didn’t get a personality/backstory until they were in the process of writing her out of the show.  After Elle left, the writers made an “effort” to play up JJ and Garcia’s characters.  Which meant show JJ being a head-case over small town stuff, be a high-maintenance girlfriend, and of course, start a family.  Cause that’s what women are good for.

Garcia has fared somewhat better, at least getting to DO something important and crucial on the show.  Though the writers have taken pains to show she’s always on the sidelines, out of the main action, and too sensitive to handle the tough stuff.  Also, they make her quirky so much that it takes away any seriousness from what she does.  And they make sure to have her act unprofessional just to drive home that she doesn’t really belong.

Prentice got on the show, and got to chase the bad guys, but her character was never fleshed out either.  We never knew her story, never saw her personal life, and we never really got a feeling for who she was.  Until they began writing her out of the show.

They thought they could find a random blonde to fill in for JJ and Prentice when they tried to axe them both at the same time.  PS the audience doesn’t want a random piece of eye candy–we want balance.  And they never bothered to explain why she was staying with the team.  Externship?  Scholarship?  She was only there to help with 1 case.  Then she came on for a 2nd b/c they had written her sucking so much on the 1st.  But why did she keep coming back?  We never did find out.  And in real life it would probably be against the rules and a liability–not to mention impractical with a full course load and field training.  But whatever–she was blonde, right?  And to make it totally disgusting she was always making eyes at Rossi, at least 20 years her senior–which would be a major ethical dilemma for him.  So I’m glad that storyline never came to fruition. . .  And they made her bad-ass the first 4 seconds we met her–then never showed anything like that again.  They made her a crummy agent despite the power-house 1st scene.  The blonde never added anything–except bad acting to the show.  And just as suddenly as she was brought in to the show, she was removed, with barely an explanation.

And after the audience complained loudly, they brought back JJ and Prentice for season 7.  But at the end of season 7, suddenly Prentice was all–I don’t want to buy this house, and being with you guys never felt right from the beginning.  The producers apparently think we have severe memory loss.  Prentice worked her way into the BAU through her personal connections, she was almost killed multiple times and each time she said it’s still where she belonged.  When they tried to kill her off the first time, then she came back–the group was surprised.  But she said she came back because she belonged with BAU.  So this–it never felt right business is NOT going to fly with me!

What’s really happening is the show is still trying to save money, and of course they see the women as most expendable.  Rossi actually came on last, and the audience still doesn’t connect with him, but you don’t see HIS job constantly in perile.  The producers think that because they gave Hodge a GF suddenly, that it will be enough females.  Except they are wrong.  A fringe character, dependant on the role of the central male isn’t good enough.  The audience wants to see women in central roles, just as tough, smart, and integral to the show as all the men.  And a recurring (part-time) girlfriend with hardly any lines, let alone plot lines isn’t enough.

So despite enjoying the show, I hate the way the women are portrayed and I hate even more that the producers find them expendable.  Give us an equal amount of women that challenge and even exceed (sometimes) when the men on the show are capable of.  And stop making them whiny, head-cases with fringe parts, and are first-chopped.

There’s Some Glitch?

15 Oct

What is happening with WordPress right now?  I keep trying to write a new post,and it keeps freezing and making my cursor invisible, then I can do nothing on the page.  No other tab is acting up, it’s just this site.  I reloaded the page and it did the same thing.

Anyway, I took my big exam this morning.  I studied really hard for it, and felt like I knew everything we covered in class.  I knew my big probably would be reading the questions carefully, answering all the parts of each questions, and not accidently writing a wrong term or direction or some easy error.  The test felt very easy.  I think the prof tries to make different levels of questions:  Easy, intermediate, and advanced.  Except, I feel like the easy and intermediate ones are hand-fed to us.  So that whether you studied or not you could ascertain the answer from hints given, reading other test questions, or other tactics.  And then, the advanced questions are things she wants us to extrapoloate from information given in class–read things not explicitly taught.  So I go in to the test hoping to recall everything on the notes and in the readins, so I have some wiggle room on things I’ve never encountered in my life.  And the advanced questions are fine, but I think she needs to make the medium questions harder, because it’s not right that someone who didn’t study can get the same grade as me (who put a lot of effort into the class).   I guessed wrong on a 4 point(!) hydrocephaly (never mentioned) short answer.  I said meninges were the structure, when I should have guessed ventricles.  So it’s an automatic 93%.  And after all my studying (and an EASY test), I’m not super-happy with that. . .

On a slightly different topic–well, still the brain we got tickets to the snowboard swap.  It will be most practical buying snowboards and boots here, then using them in Salt Lake, Colorado, or Tahoe ie big, expensive, world-renowned snow-sport locations.  And I’m a big believer they need to increase helmet usage here, so I guess I’m putting together a group to talk about traumatic brain injury and the importance of helmets.  I’m not sure how I because the leader on it other then we’re going and I see a need and think it’s important.  But I suppose since I’m suggesting we go, I ought to volunteer some time too.  We’ll see how it goes–I e-mailed the people putting on the event as well as my classmates.  I don’t have high-hopes for a response.  But if anyone follows up, it will be a useful thing.

I started watching “Desperate Housewives” on Netflix, just while Cool is at work–we watch “Criminal Minds” but only together.  You see, I like to watch something when I eat.  Anyway, it’s kind of a soapy, kind of a drama/comedy.  What I already don’t like is the men on the show.  Total tool-bags!  Carlos thinks he owns Gabby, and is a total Momma’s boy, always taking her side over his wife.  The poor twins’ mom who is obviously overwhelmed, was made to give up her (more successful) career, is saddled with 99% of the household/kid responsibility, and her dope-husband does things like invite over company for a formal dinner without telling her, and with only 2 days notice.  Bri’s husband doesn’t appreciate anything she does for him, is always putting her down and griping, and is cheating.  I’m not impressed with how the writers have the women treated on this show.  Like they just have to put up with all this crap, and it’s normal.  I say these capable, beautiful, smart women could do a lot better then these jerks!  Plus, I’m never a big fan of obvious eating disorders for a whole cast–when they are role models for women.

I got a flu shot last Thursday.  Which I never have before, and have always railed against.  I NEVER get the flu.  If I get sick at all (which I haven’t since 2008) I get a head-cold.  Anyway, because I’m in closed-air, close quarters with so many people, and tons of kids–cleaning, at ground zero–I decided to this year.  My school did them for free last Thursday.  The site was a little tender that night, but I used it–to sort of work it through.  By that night, it felt just fine.  And I thought I did too.  Friday I was tired.  Saturday I felt crummy.  Like muscle soreness, but deep, deep inside.  And it was exhausting to even walk to the kitchen.  I couldn’t have stood on my feet all afternoon/night, let alone complete vigorous locker room cleaning–I had to call in sick to work!  Which also rarely happens.  Maybe I had a vaccine reaction?  Because I’m so new, I don’t have any sick time accrued, but my boss let me “trade.”  So I have to make up 8 hours sometime.  Being a worrier, I want to get that done sooner, rather then later, so I’m working tonight.  I already have to go for a child abuse prevention training, so I figure I might as well.  Besides, there’s never a better time then after an exam and before we get new material.  Those are my free-est, most stress-free times.  But it does mean I will have to be at work (until midnight) 4 days in a row, which as a morning person just might kill me.

If I’m alive I’ll write after the streak is over.

I’m Focused, I’m Ready–I Can DO This!

19 Aug

OK, I wrote this 2 weeks ago, then thought it might be jinxy.  I’ve saved it since then, and a lot has changed.  I’ll add updated things (with an *) along side.

Here I go, I’m doing this!  Writing a bulleted (dashed, actually) post.

-I actually nailed my interview today.  The guy on the phone turned out to be no more than 22 years old and was a manager.  There was also a (regular?) man who was head of the division there.  I always feel like things should really fall into place and FEEL right, and somehow this didn’t.  The timing was weird, the first exchange awkward–so I didn’t have super-good feelings about it.  And since I felt like this wasn’t really meant to be I wasn’t nervous last night and this morning like I usually am.  This carried over to the pre-interview wait (usually terrible nerve-wracking) and surprisingly the interview itself.  It’s the first real  (veterinary shenanigans/work-interviews/and 1 question fast food not counted) interview that I feel great about.  The rest I either got really nervous or didn’t do a good job, or self-sabotaged b/c the job wasn’t right.  In this one I could tell both really liked me and I’m thinking I just may be offered the job.

*PS I found out 12 days later I got the job!

-Which, I know I could do a wonderful job for this organization so why wouldn’t they?  Not arrogance, but realism talking here.

*They even said so–it’s not just me.  What can I say, I’m a wonderful cleaner 😉

-I hesitate to write this in a public forum (before actually getting a firm offer), but the prospect of getting the job makes me a little nervous.  Just because I in no way want to overextend myself and lose my 4.0 GPA.  I have neuroanatomy this semester, you know.  Also, it may not leave me time to clean the vet hospital, tutoring at school, observing, or extra projects.  Which I have to decide how important any of those really are to me. . .

*The 2nd thing I did when I found out was write my boss to pick a time to meet so I could resign my cleaning position at the vet hospital.  Working til midnight, then getting up at 3-4AM, then going to school would just overextend me and I don’t want to set myself up for failure (or B’s even).

-Also, it would be evening/night hours and I am a decidedly morning person so I would have to flip-flop my whole routine.

*God, I stayed up til 9:30PM last night and I felt lie I was gonna die all day today.  And now I have the telltale sign of a sore throat that I’m trying to get sick (from lack of sleep).

-On the other hand, the organization is something I can get behind, the work is something I can readily do, it’s a national place so potential for keeping the job as I move state to state in the future is high, and the free membership would be exceptional.  Also, ability to buy things and to save money would be big perks.

-Fixing Rusty’s starter, buying my textbook, and maybe *crosses fingers* even buying a pair of boots would be really cool also.

* The FIRST thing I did when I found out was call the auto shop and make an appointment to get Rusty’s starter fixed and oil changed.  This has needed to happen since April, but I didn’t want to drop a chunk of change when I didn’t know when I would ean more.

-To alleviate my worries, I tried to make a potential schedule to see how much time I have and what my fall semester might be like.  But not knowing exactly how many hours, what days, or what blocks of time are acceptable, I quickly got stuck.  I estimated, but without the data it’s pretty meaningless.

*I asked for (and received) my hours concentrated on Friday and Saturday when I don’t have class.  This way I can recuperate before school and have time to study during the week.

-In other news, I tried to see how many steps I take in a mile.  It largely depended on my speed–faster I went, the shorter my stride length.  Which I hear is not ideal for increasing speed.  Science suggests increasing stride length and frequency of steps.  I’ll have to work on that.

*It depends on my speed.  BUT I have a post about the formula and my numbers coming up.

*My FitBit battery is so crazy/stupid that some days I want to throw the device in the river.  Even though when it works I love it.

-Oh, I almost forgot the point of telling you that last one:  I was looking of the science articles about stride length and speed, and I liked the conclusion one article came up with:  Ideally, you should both increase stride length and frequency of steps.  But most people have a hard time doing that, and favor one technique over the other.  This article said that you should know both.  Use one stride length at the beginning of your race, then when you become fatigued switch to the opposite.  What this does is work slightly different muscles–which aren’t fatigued.  This allows you to really give a kick at the end of your race.  This makes a lot of sense to me, and maybe I’ll try some things out to employ it.

-You also have to work out to increase strength (stride length), do drill work to increase neuromuscular connectivity speeds (faster turnover).  Instead of reaching forward to have a longer stride–which seems logical–push off harder with your feet, or ideally spend more time with both feet off the ground (an explosion of forward momentum).  As with everything, getting faster starts to have a lot to do with form, fitness, and physics = math.  I think to get more PRs though, I’m at this point.

-Our apartment is cheap and 4-5 on the vertical blinds broke off.  Upon close inspection the plastic hook broke into a n-shape, probably from all the heat, just dropping the blind out.  So I had to thread fishing line over the apparatus and tie it to the blinds.  I don’t think anyone will inspect them close enough to notice the difference.

*the fishing line blinds are still holding up nicely.  I think those are actually sturdier then the ones held with cheap plastic.  And I think the cheap plastic cooking in the sun is what wore the other ones out-lame.

-I went through the trouble:  1] to actually have closed blinds 2] to block heat in summer and drafts/cold in winter 3] to avoid a charge when we move out.

-It’s funny what I procrastinate about.  Making ice cream has been put off for over a week, even though I already did the difficult part and boiled the fruit into a syrup.  Painting my toe nails has been put off because I don’t want to remove the old polish.  It stinks and it requires scrubbing.  Making a new clogging dance for the talent show.  Because I can’t find a perfect song and only remember the steps I used in last year’s routine–this also needs to be a show-stopper!

*Finally, I buckled down and decided to finish the ice cream and lo and behold–when I pulled the bowl of mixture out from the freezer, the ice cream had made itself without my intervention!  Why can’t all procrastination items go this way?  I did remove the polish.  Which is creepy, and makes my teeth hurt.  And I re-painted them–but avoided glitter so it would be much easier to remove next time.

-I am getting SO excited about the Gorge!  I am looking up recipes, virgin drinks, and thinking about my setlist game, car-window paint and phrases, and a sign!  It’s gonna be a good, good time 😀

*We got car crayons and decided on slogans.  I cut up a box for a poster and we picked lyrics and made a model.  My setlist game is locked in.  Outfits picked.  I practiced one (of 2) hairstyles tonight and it worked out–though I need hairspray for those hairs I know are gray b/c og their unruliness.  We did the grocery shopping for all the snacks and bevs.  We even made banana bread (in the blender = genius!) and it’s in the freezer ready to grab.  I am super-excited.  These concerts have superseeded the first day of school, which is not right, but it’s happened.

-School–as I told my dad, I’m prepared, but not excited.  I mean who’s excited to lose their free time and begin studying every free moment?  Who’s excited to have to start to leave the house every day?  Who’s excited for stress?  I’m not insane.  But hopefully, my studying is so habitual and rehearsed by now that it will be much less of a big deal to do what I need to do.  Just one more semester here!

-My face is (still) breaking out like I’m going through puberty.  I use 2% sa. . .  chemical I forgot, not benz. . .  chemical I can’t remember, which dries out my face, but doesn’t stop the break outs.  The Sa. . .  is a little better, but I still regularly break out.  I am also on BCP for the last 4-5-6? months.  Maybe I should shower immediately after my workouts.  That might be a problem.  I’m sure my diet is also a problem, but that’s much more difficult to get motivated to change.

-I’m mad that I have to calculate my own GPA for my application.  Mad because they also make me send official transcripts–which cost money.  And I have to send them from 3 colleges, ramping up the headache (WSU already charged me twice for 1 set) and money (see previous parentheses).  I think they hire the dumbest, most belligerent people to handle the university fax machine–I always have trouble.

-I had specific questions about the GPA calculation that the school has to answer and that wasn’t on their info website.  So I e-mailed the address given on the admissions home page given to request information.  They did not address my questions at all, told me to refer to their website, and gave me a link to nowhere.  It was super-annoying, and I really had to stop myself from complaining for the lack of service–you never know who is in charge of your future.

*I had to make a phone call.  I did not like it.  All of my questions got answered and I calculated all my GPAs.

-I suppose it’s unprofessional to quit a job over Facebook, e-mail, text, or phone?  I would not be excited to go do it in person. . .  How about by letter?  I really do not want to do that–if it comes to that at all, I don’t know that it will.

*I wrote a Facebook message asking what the preferred mode of communication for the next 2 days would be.  I’m sure that gave away my intent right away.  Of course, my boss preferred a phone call.  I had to make a phone call.  I did not like it.  I resigned and the conversation was more pleasant and longer than I had anticipated.

-I have been researching textbook buy-back prices and will write a blog about when the best and worst times are.  With a graph!  Because I’m trying to hit the peak, I’m hesitant to sell my book back.  For fear it’s too early and the price will peak the next day/week/month.  As such, I still have my book that could give me a little income.  Also, the flaw in my plan is in order to find the peak, you have to see the downward progression that comes afterward–meaning I have to wait for the price to DROP again, to know (and miss) when the highest price was.

-I’m debating selling the mini fridge.  It’s really infuriating me by freezing or randomly thawing if the dial is breathed on.  It’s a royal pain to clean sticky, melty, smelly old stuff off a frozen bottom–and out from under the fridge.  Problem is, or freezer is really small and inept and doesn’t accommodate all the stuff we want.  BUT if I’m to sell/get a good price on the mini–this is the season to do it.  when all the students are setting up their dorms or wanting a kegerator.  After the decision, it’s also a labor-intensive job–which also has gone on my procrastination list.  Clean it, defrost it, write a nice ad, deal with FlakesList, and possibly help haul it out. . .

*I also stopped procrastinating and finally emptied the mini fridge.  We carried it to the balcony and let it defrost overnight.  I then bleached the $%ER out of it and washed all its contents.  While I did that I rearranged the kitchen (including 2 cupboards) to make more counter space.  Took forever and was tedious.  The fridge is in a new place getting cool as we speak.  It looks nicer in here, things make better logistical sense, and there is more space.  It was tedious. . .

-We watched the final season of the L-Word on Sunday.  I had seen the previous 5 seasons, but not this one.  So I’m a bad lesbian for not knowing who the heck killed Jenny and by being 10-12 (?) years behind the times.  I thought the season was consistent with the others.  I screamed at the immorality of the characters in the same way I always have.  The only difference I saw was before the intro song they had a scene in which each character in turn had a bad-scene with Jenny and subsequently said they wanted to kill her.  And I thought that was entertaining.  Also, despite liking the way Jenny provoked everyone and moved the plot along, I think that’s bad writing.  Every character should have at least one redeeming quality, and they didn’t leave Jenny with ANY.  But I loved to hate her anyway.

-SPOILER ALERT–the thing nobody liked was the way the network and show made “Who Killed Jenny” the central point in the entire last season–then left you in the dark at the end.  They never directly say.  I didn’t think the finale sucked though–I thought everything was as tied up as it could be.  One forum-respondant put it nicely when they said, “when acquaintances come in and out of our real lives, we don’t get updates.”  And another who said, “We are allowed an intimate view of this friend-group’s lives, yet we are not part of their inner group–the finale and secret of who, if anyone, killed Jenny is a reminder of that.”  Personally I think everyone had motive, but nobody actually did it.  I think she was always on the edge and committed suicide.

-PS–TV series writers it’s lame to leave an open ending on a finale as a segway to your next project–especially if that spin-off never comes to fruition.  Finish the one entirely–for the viewers–then move into the next thing.

-Do not watch “Don Juan.”  I thought it was horrible based on it’s treatment of women throughout.  Awful.

-I told myself to sleep in til 4AM since I had an interview at 10:45AM, but my body got up at 3:15AM anyway.  So now I’m very tired and as a result–unproductive.  Which I really hate.  I should either be able to sleep or do things I need to do.  It’s not fair of my body to be too tired to do the things, but not be able to sleep.

Is this long enough to be a decent real-time post?  I want to make up my slacking, readers!

*It is now certainly too long.  Enjoy the last 2 weeks of my life.

“Clean House” Motivation

17 Feb

Sure it’s cheesy, and it’s superficial, but why do I love it so much?

Projects I am now motivated to accomplish:

Laurel's pics 778-gather my college/LGBT/concert tees I don’t wear and have them made into quilts that I know I will use.

-rifle through all clothes/movies/books/games/computer games/chochkies and get rid of some

-organize a yard sale in Aunt Linda’s yard

-deep clean the inside and outside of Rusty and YogiRusty Rodeo 1

Make an oil and a vinagar pretty out of old alcohol bottles.

-Turn linolium in dining room upside-down

-put jackets in rubber-maid & put on closet shelf

-turn muscle shirts into something better

DisasTER-finish paintings

-go through cat stuff & organize

-get rid of shoes

-clean and organize art shelf