Tag Archives: the hairdresser


23 Feb

When I talked to my Mom on the phone this week, she was telling me Del Minor (Mary’s mom) died at the beginning of the month.  Shaun (Mary’s gossipy sister-in-law) was being all shady when my mom asked when the funeral was going to be.  Obviously, Del was a central figure in our town and my mom knew her and thus wanted to pay her respects.  But after asking Shaun a couple of times and being told noncommittal answers my parents saw in the news that the funeral had taken place—2 days prior.  So I guess our family was blacklisted, which is shitty, though they probably could have looked in the news or talked to someone else about the date and time if they had really wanted to go.  But oh well.


So that night, I looked online to read the obituary.  And there it was—they listed the survivors.  And they listed them as couples.  There was several of Mary’s older siblings, then Tom (Mary’s brother) and his wife Shaun.  Then last in oldest to youngest order:  Mary Minor and this new name- Sandra __________.  At first I thought it was some kind of typo—they put one of Del’s sibs next to her youngest child’s name accidentally.  Because the Mary I know would never have her private life broadcast.  Especially if the town of Dayton was to see it.  Plus, how in the world would she even be with anyone?!


But I looked up the gal’s name online—and sure enough, there was not only a marriage announcement of Mary and this gal-but a picture!  I still would have doubted t, just because it was so out of character for Mary.  I mean, this is the person, who when I realized I was gay at the tender age of 18, she took my in the bathroom at work, with the fan on, and asked that I not tell her secret.  No regard for what I must have been feeling, how shell-shocked I might be–just ‘don’t tell anyone that she’s gay.’  But they blog supplemented the announcement with a picture.  So I knew without a doubt it was the same Mary I knew (past tense intentional).  Also, this Tahoe wedding happened in 2013? So I’m way behind the scene.  Which is good, because thinking about Mary and the cabin-mansion makes me feel icky inside and makes me have nightmares.  I had even asked my mom not to share the gossip she gleaned from Shaun or the community, because I don’t want to think about that part of my life.  And I guess that was necessary because even though Mary saw Shaun as an enemy when I knew her, Shaun must have gotten the picture that we are not on good terms, so she stopped sharing any information with my mom–she didn’t know.  And as much as I don’t like to think about those dark times, and dark characters, part of me wished I would have known—just for curiosity’s sake.


Obviously, a lot has changed.  The Mary I knew was an absolute PILL because she was such a closet-case.  Like, Kim and her were together for 6 years or something when they moved together to Dayton, and Mary was so secretive that she wouldn’t wear their ring on her left hand.  And when they moved neighborhoods, they did it at night—to escape prying eyes.  She never acknowledged who Kim was—even though it was fairly obvious.


Also Mary was a MESS when I went back in 2009.  Her and Kim were pretty over.  Mary played the part of the Godfather.  Cold and calculating and in control of the people around her and the information exchanged.  She was cheating with the hairdresser.  She invited me there, gave me my job back, then scapegoated me–I suspect because I knew too much and I was not an adequate replacement for her dead niece Brenna.  She was such an awful person at that time that I questioned if she had ever been a good influence in my life.  Had she always had sketchy ethics and I had been too naive to see it?  All I knew is that I was disillusioned and never wanted to have her in my life again.  When she subscribed to my Facebook page (really stupid because FB notifies you) I blocked her.  Just so she doesn’t exsist anywhere in my life.  And I would be horrified if I ran into her (which is highly plausible in a small town) when visiting my parents.  So with all those feelings, and my insider knowledge at least of that time in her life, it’s hard to imagine she’s OK enough now to attract a new girlfriend—let alone someone who wants to marry her.


And the fact the marriage was posted online and done in Tahoe was completely different from the Mary I knew.  I come back to it, jst because it astounds me.  I guess she’s grown as a person, so that’s good for her.  I can’t help but wonder if she’s alright now, or just the same shit-head with a new wife to treat badly and make disappear.  Mary has a way of dominating and being Godfather that makes other disappear.  She controls those in her inner circle, hides things from those outside, and annihilates those she deems enemies–however small their perceived infraction.  I say perceived, because Mary herself knows a few of those people were only defending themselves against her attacks–they didn’t do anything to warrant her wrath.  I have to wonder-Would we have animosity or see 2009 as a bad scene for both of us?  Water under the bridge or enemies forever?  I really don’t know, but her seemingly new outlook on life makes me wonder.


Also, does Kim know?  Is she coherent enough to?  Do Mary and her talk or hate one another?  And what does Mary see their relationship as?  A mistake?  Or does she see that she choked the life out of Kim, squashed her spirit until nothing but alcoholic coping and emptiness were left?  Kim probably had a genetic predisposition, and Mary fostered those drinking ways, but in the end, I think the seclusion and control are what really did Kim in.  And nows she’s just a shell of who she used to be.  I feel sorry about that, yet I don’t talk to her either, because there’s just nothing there.


I had so many questions!  And the whole thing gave me just icky feelings of remembrance.  One thing you can count on Dayton for is gossip.  I’ll hear eventually.

Taylor Swift Tells My Life Story

13 Feb

“You with your words like knives, and swords and weapons that you use against me–you have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing.” That was Mary’s specialty–not just towards me after she turned against me, but to all her perceived enemies.  I felt like every positive aspect of my personality was quiescent.  Even though I felt my work ethic and motivation were the same, suddenly my talent and success was concealed.  Mary was a major factor in this attitude and impending depression and sloppiness I was about to undergo.

“You. . .  calling me out when I’m wounded, you picking on the weaker man.  You can take me down with just one single blow.” I was at my lowest point, just looking for someone to be there for me, when Mary could not conceal her antipathy for me anymore.  I was in a position of helplessness, and depended on Mary for housing, a job, a professional recommendation, and little did I know, basic amenities, friends, and freedom.  It was certainly no challenge to take me down.  She took full advantage of this dominance over my life and perverted it to make me look bad and live miserably.  Her outright hatred of me was not dormant at work or at social events either.  Mary made no bones about the fact she was trying to ruin me (before I could ruin her).

“You. . .  and your humiliation, you have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don’t already see them. . .  Trying to block you out, cause I never impress you, I just wanna feel ok again” All I wanted, the entire time I lived at the Cabin-Mansion was to find some peace and comfort.  Someone I could trust, who could tell me everything would work out.  I wanted a support system.  When things did not work out that way, and were in fact, the complete opposite it just crushed me.  Mary embarrassed me time and time again.  It made me feel bad when she had parties in the yard where people could see me, and I was not invited.  I felt horrible when the reticence bled over into the workplace and my coworkers would ask why Mary oscillated between ignoring me and yelling at me.   I didn’t like it when Mary offered everyone at the birthday party a shot, then yanked it back out of my hand in front of all the guests.  It sent me into a great depression that nearly immobilized me, and for a full year after I felt I could not get over that pain.  The hurt is still latent, and I still want to forget the whole thing so I can feel better.

“The cycle ends right now. . .  cause you can’t lead me down that road.” I had to decide on my own that I had awesome potential and it did not matter if anyone else saw it.  Maybe my ambition was inert when I was depressed, drinking-heavily, and in the midst of the Cabin-Mansion, but I was still the same, good person the whole time.  I decided that my behavior had been remarkably estimable while I lived at the Cabin-Mansion despite the gloomy circumstances.  It was Mary that acted less than admirable, with her cheating, and beating, and warring.  SHE is the one who should have really been suffering, not me.  The hairdresser was far from respectable, Kim and her drinking were not honorable, and my parents’ retraction of support and common sense were hardly commendable.  The veterinary school admissions dean was not creditable either with his bad advice, and trading information about me with Mary.  It’s a wonder I didn’t act more terrible looking at the unworthy people surrounding me!  I wanted to move on with my life, so I extricated myself from each of these terrible situations and influences and concentrated on living a venerable life.

“Some day I’ll be big enough. . .  and all you’ll ever be in mean.” One day, when I am a meritorious veterinarian and lauded writer, I’ll look back and laugh.  Each one of these people, especially Mary are not happy, and they are not going anywhere.  They will never truly be estimable. They may vacillate between the moral high ground and depths of unethical mores, but it doesn’t make them better than me.  Mary will always be a homophobic, over-worked big fish in a small pond.  “. . .  But nobody’s listening, washed up and ranting. . .  and all you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic and alone in life, and mean, and mean, and mean.”

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The Hairdresser

16 Jan

Depending on the audience, Kathy’s plastic personality could be molded–she was a moral, all-for-the-children type to my mom, church-going, craft-maker to Del, and heavy drinking good-time girl to Kim and Mary.  I hadn’t realized in all the 16 years that she cut my mom’s and my own hair that she was so wily and phony.  My mom stopped getting her hair cut with Kathy, but I did not know it was because she thought the hairdresser was affected–I chalked it up to more of my mom’s craziness.  I mean, my mom stopped dying her heir too!  And when I left Nevada for Missouri, all of the Greens had been hanging out with Lana, Kim, and Mary.  It didn’t seem abnormal or put-on that Kathy was a large part of Mary’s life when I returned to Nevada years later.

As I had done the entire time I lived in Nevada, I called Kathy when my hair needed a trim.  It was at a point when Mary and I were both very busy and not communicating much.  I chalked the dearth of communication between us up to two overly full schedules.  The location of the beauty shop had moved from the strip mall outside of Dayton’s first casino across the street from the strip-mall the veterinary hospital had been in to Carson City.  The name, still had Prophecy in it, but it was now the Shear Prophecy.  Little did I know with the change of location everything else was different too.  I was the first appointment of the day (9 AM?) on a Wednesday.  I worked it into my busy schedule by skipping my first class or two in Reno.

I noticed right away how thin Kathy had gotten.  This surprised me because she had been getting chubbier when I left Nevada a couple of years prior, AND usually as people age they get a little thicker.  I saw right away not only was the hairdresser thinner, but she was dressing younger.  She wore fitted jeans and probably the same type of vest Mary favors.  Even her walk seemed more artificial.  Her hair was blonder than I remember, and maybe a little taller oo-though she had never lacked on curl or body.  As Kathy washed my hair, she didn’t talk about what her three kids were up to, school, or the community of Dayton as she used to.  She insincerely name-dropped how she knew so-an-so, cut the Carson sheriff’s wife’s hair (at their house), and went on and on about her apartment in Carson City.  It was like a new person was cutting my hair!  No trace of the avid-reading, church-camp-attending mother that used to embody her at all.

As Kathy peered into my face, trying to see if my bangs were trimmed in a straight line, I could smell remnants of cigarette smoke and minty gum.  I had never know her to smoke, and was surprised at this too.  She was so phony at this point I did not to what to believe anymore.  Most strangly, during my hair cut, Kathy’s cell phone rang and she (rudely) answered it, saying, “Yes, I’m cutting her hair now.”  Not that I cared, but I knew someone who knew me, and that knew the fact I had a hair appointment was the one who called.  This suspician was confirmed when Kathy hung up and pretentiously announced Mary had called her.  While they were both supposed to be in the middle of a work day.  This struck me as weird.  Why would Mary call Kathy when they were both at work?  Also, I knew they must have talked previously about the fact I was getting my hair cut that day. . .

I was unsettled to say the least, after my trim, but worst of all was what happened upon check out.  Firstly, the price of a hair cut had gone up considerably since I had last seen Kathy.  I did not have enough cash on hand even though I had stopped by the ATM immediately before my hair cut.  I always carry my debit card so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  Except, Kathy read out the price, I handed her my card and she rang it for that exact amount.  When I got the receipt slip to sign–there was no tip-line.  I was horrified.  What kind of debit card reader, especially at a service place, doesn’t include a space for a tip?!  I stared at the slip trying to figure out a way to tip, the just gave up and told the hairdresser I hadn’t realized I needed her to run the card for the price plus my tip.  I wanted her to run the card again to include gratuity.  Anxious to get my out of there (to resume a phone call by chance?) Kathy said not to worry about it, “This one’s on me.”  I felt terrible, and embarrassed, and didn’t want to feel like I owed her anything.  But sheepishly left without tipping.

While I was gone Kathy had separated from her husband, Doug, but didn’t divorce him, giving him hope and leaving the door open so he could still lavish her with gifts, money, and his insurance benefits.  What I was slow to understand when I came back was that the gestation of Mary and Kathy’s relationship went from neighboring business owners, to cheating lovers in just three or four years.  After some contemplation, it made sense that Kathy had yoked herself to Mary.  I supposed Kathy had always been fulsome and insincere in her marriage to Doug because his family came from money and she needed capital to own her hairdressing business.  Maybe the entire reason the hairdresser married Doug was to use his family’s money to attain her dream.  After Doug’s family sold the Dayton Depot and adjoining strip mall causing Kathy lost her business, I think she became close to Mary to aggrandize her social status, and her pocketbook.  The hairdresser was excessive in her relationship with Mary, suddenly pushing into the center of Mary’s tight inner circle.

Kathy and Mary began to emulate one another:  Both had the same tall, overly blond hair, thin waistline, high-water slacks, manner of speech, and selfishness.  Artificial blond hair-dos to match their affected personalities–it was a match made for trouble.  Kathy was a pretentious social-climber who loved the bonhomie of the Cabin-Mansion, and made a huge effort to schmooze the most important people.  Kathy, I quickly found out, was not the wholesome small town hairdresser I thought she was when I was growing up, she was no neophyte at manipulating people to get what she wanted.  She was sickly sweet when she wanted something-whether that something was money, insurance benefits, or information.

I found Kathy’s transformation (or secret personalty) noisome and repulsive.  I openly glowered at Kathy when she had the nerve to come to Kim’s birthday party, and allowed (drunk) Kim to sit beside her on the bench with her arm draped over her shoulders.  Kathy must have felt awkward or ashamed at the birthday party, because she was not cloying as usual, but stayed outside, was the most reticent I’d ever seen her, and left early.

Cabin-Mansion + pics + Vocab

13 Jan

I needed to temper the bad situation that was growing larger and larger and I knew I could not win any battles against my historically martinet and erudite mother, so my best defense was to cut communication with my parents completely.  I did not want to deal with my learned mother”s maudlin tears and disingenuous pleas to see me, when I knew she was only trying to control me and save face in Dayton.  Wise Dr. Minor was a sacrosanct figure in the valley, our scholarly small town hero who was nice enough to come back and better the lives of everyone.  I thought she could help ease my burden the way she mollified the town with her mere scholastic presence.

My school career and long-term aspirations were held in abeyance until I could get accepted into veterinary school, stalling my life and making me panic.  When I was in high school, and not so jaded by life, Mary’s stories and living example of success kindled confidence in me that I could reach my dreams if only I tried, and now I was beginning to realize it might take more than just bookish desire and persistence to reach my ultimate goal.  I went to Nevada in hopes of mitigating the situation.  I arrived in Nevada at the acme of Mary’s grief over her very recently deceased father–the condolence flowers still adorned the Cabin-Mansion.  Maybe Mary invited me to assuage her pain of losing her father.  It’s possible I was meant to take Brenna’s place, or soften the loss of her 17 year old niece, at least. . .

I was stricken by how Mary’s current lavish financial situation was quite different as well since she was at the zeneith of her veterinary career rather than trying to scratch and claw her way to success as she had been during my high school days.  Also upon my return, I noted Mary and Kathy had analogous hair cuts:  Tall, flouncy curls on top of the head, which shone an unnaturally light blond considering their generous ages.  Almost a month after I arrived at the Cabin-Mansion I noticed a certain dissonance in Kim and Mary’s relationship, but could not place it, because I had never been let entirely into their personal lives before.  Wanting to get my priorities straight, I would plan to go home and study every night, but when I got there found myself satiated with food, liberal amounts of alcohol, and fun.  The constant bonomy at the Cabin-Mansion was contrary to any academic mindset, and the atmosphere lured me further from my studious endeavors and closer to the bottle.  The stentorian din of Kim’s television, which had been purchased with gambling winnings, made Mary crazy and moody.  Despite claims that she was more laid-back in her middle age, I quickly discovered Mary was far more mercurial than I remembered, using her significant brainpower to manipulate others rather than to help them.

I had never realized my long-time hairdresser was a mendacious snake who constantly gossiped and permissively manipulated everyone around her.  In an affected manner, the hairdresser told me how she had absolutely no time after caring for three houses (hers, her ex-husband’s, and her daughter’s) and her business so she would really appreciate it if I would alleviate some of her stress and take her place house-sitting for her best friend over the next week.  My perception of Kathy and Mary had changed from respectable adults, savvy business-women, loyal family-members and in Mary’s case, mentor, to meretricious and untrustworthy women both going through a pathetic mid-life-crises.

Though Mary had been adamant about how my relationship with my parents was none of her business, and how she would progressively stay out of it, she preceded to castigate me in length about her generous disappointment over it when I summoned up enough courage (and drank enough red wine) to ask her directly if she wanted me to move.  I was certain Mary’s horrible treatment of me was only meant to forestall any confessions of her private behavior to her admirers–I did nothing wrong (that she knew about).  Mary set out to annihilate and repudiate my character within her own opinion, the town of Dayton, and the veterinary community at large–she meant war.  It felt like there were a confluence of people turning against me, which only served to make me want to drink more to assuage my hurt feelings.

Living in the Cabin-Mansion was repressive because not only did Mary outlaw any drunken, bathetic scenes, she allowed no emotional responses in her presence.  My close relationship with the tolerant, Kim was one of the only things that extenuated the increasingly distressing situation, even though bounteous amounts of alcohol were almost always proximate when we were together.  After several drunken incidents, association with an open lesbian, and a lot of malicious talk from my parents, my reputation quickly became marred in the tiny, narrow-minded town.  Dayton’s quixotic perceptions of Mary caused her and her inner circle great pride. . .  And horrible feelings of inadequacy–it was impossible to live up to such high standards.  I felt my latitudinarian drinking was an ephemeral phase and right of passage, and did not take it seriously when people (with ulterior motives) accused me of being an alcoholic.  Anyone would have trouble maintaining two financial situations in two different states while working part-time and attending school full-time in a city an hour away, but having undergrad loan sharks pestering me at all hours and my landlord calling for missing rent checks made me feel even more like a mendicant and loser.  After a few months, a plethora of accusations, and some real consequences of drinking, I began to realize munificent alcohol was making me more capricious than ever before, and the sloppy behavior might not be exclusively due to Mary’s constant animosity towards me.

To palliate my growing depression and irritableness, I just had to keep reminding myself that my stay in Nevada  was evanescent and I would be going back to my cozy apartment and familiar job in Missouri soon.   Both Kim and my father tried to palliate the situation without really standing up to their ornery wives, and it made me angry and cantankerous that though the two loved me, and knew I was being unfairly victimized, they refused to take any real action.Living in the Cabin-Mansion made me constantly lament for the happy past which had been nothing like the current dysfunctional situation.  Irascible Mary liked me better as a teenager, because she saw potential in me, and I was a completely malleable candidate for her inner circle who she could groom however she saw fit.  As a whole, 2007 was so volatile because it was an important juncture in many aspects of my life, and that terrified me.

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