Tag Archives: tired


2 Sep

Labor Dave Weekend + BRANDI CARLILE post coming soon.  I have to finish my homework, do some studying, go to the writing center, read the YMCA employee handbook, and edit the pics.  But then-THEN expect an epic post!  For now, here’s one I wrote last week:

coffee owl

I’m having to transition from an extreme morning person to a night owl.  And it’s not in my nature.  Nobody likes switching from their natural body inclinations to a forced schedule, and most people must go in the opposite direction.   Still, I had to work up to it.  It’s all about manipulating the bed-time, because you’re going to wake up how (and when) your body wants to–there’s little controlling that.

I started last week when I found out I got the swing shift job:  Stay awake til 9:30PM.  This was hard!  I had to keep moving, exercise, drink water, and try so much.  I stuck with 9:30 about 4 days.  Then, I went to 10PM for 2-3 days, then it got slightly easier and I was a little used to it.  This wasn’t AS difficult, but still really trying.  I still had to exercise around 8PM when I felt exhausted.  I have been going to bed between 10:30 and 11PM.  It’s still gonna hurt when I have to work until midnight, but not as much as when the latest I EVER went to sleep was 8:30PM.

At this same time, my body was still primed to wake up around 5AM.  And I was still cleaning the vet hospital at 3AM.  This threw everything off and I was tired all the time.  I finally had to go to work at night.  Which I used to hate, but now works better with my new sleep schedule.  This morning was a milestone.  My body didn’t wake up until 6:48AM–which is probably some kind of record.

Another shift that had to be made (two shifts, actually) was the sleeping and feeding schedule of the cats.  They were primed to eat at 7PM and again at 4-ish AM.  And they work up at 4AM (and woke us up) daily, and that didn’t help my sleep situation at all.  I was really tired all the time for a full week and a half.  I shifted them to eat at 8PM.  Actually, once they were awake later with me, the rest kind of took care of itself.  They also seemed really tired all the time.  The slept in, and were too tired to beg for food.  Now they eat at 8:30 (tiny snack just to keep them from being frantic and 10:30PM right before I get in bed.  Then they want to sleep in later in the morning.  And we made a policy they don’t get food until 8AM exactly–for when/if my body every DOES sleep in.

I also had to shift from summer to school.  I worked diligently on my application all summer.  And on working ahead for school.  But it’s not the same as having to attend class, keep up the rigors of projects, and studying for tests.  Having to leave the house every day, wasn’t cool.  Keeping a schedule, when you’ve made your own, was also a challenge.  Re-training my brain to study instead of goofing off is still in progress.  It’s not the productivity that’s different, but the pressure.  In the summer if I wanted a break, wanted to stop and do something fun, or wanted to skip an assignment even–I had the privilege of doing so.  Or at least knowing I could.  Now–I have to press harder.  I’m still working on lengthening my study sessions.  Next week I’ll be ready to hit it hard.

And the last shifting that has to be done is back to employment.  I’m sad to give up MY time, and scared about fitting everything in, and about the potential/inevitable tiredness.  But I’m sure I’ll get right back into it once I start.  After 2 weeks I’ll probably be settled into all my routines:  Sleep (as a night person now), cats, school, study, and work.  I just have 1 more semester HERE, and then I get one more to work, plan, and pack.  It won’t be so bad.  I’m on the down slope of the hill.  It’s been a long, long time since I could say that!

I’m Sick. And Grumpy.

20 Aug

Last night I started feeling worse and worse.  Normally when I feel something coming on I go to bed super-early.  But I will have to work til midnight really soon and my body is already going to be shocked.  As such, I HAD to stick it out until 9:30PM.  I felt so bad that I turned off my alarm clock (I never sleep to the alarm, but I’d be too nervous if I didn’t set it–just in case) for cleaning the vet hospital in the morning.  I try to go there every other day and had gone Monday, so was set to do it today.  But I had called Monday to make Rusty an appointment–and of course Wednesday was the first they could get me in.  And they were very explicit that I should drop off at 7:30AM.  So with the (impending) sickness, I didn’t think I should get up at 3-4AM, drop off the car, and be unable to nap.  If I get in bed after 5:20AM, I CANNOT sleep no matter how hard I try.  Anyway, so I decided I would clean work Wednesday night and still get it done on the every other day.

I slept fitfully because my body is trying to get sick and out of guilt for not cleaning–even though it’s a flexible schedule and I just have to make sure and go 3x/wk.  But I felt bad anyhow.  In the morning (the cats woke us up at 5:30AM, so I didn’t get tons of sleep), we went to drop Rusty off.  And–he had written that I called on Monday, but neglected to put me on the schedule for today.  So skipping work and dropping off was unnecessary because he put me on the very bottom of their full schedule.  Annoying.  And I felt icky so I almost said something about it.

At the track, I had intended to run a record 400m today.  I thought maybe if I warmed up slowly it could still be done.  Because I’m not completely sick, I can just tell it’s coming on.  But there is still time for preventative sleep/warmth/Zicam/vitamins/fluids.  But as soon as I started jogging I instantly felt TERRIBLE.  Everything ached, I felt tired, my muscles were stiff.  It was unpleasant.  I changed my mind about any speed work and just did a slow 2 miles practicing switching long strides and quick strides.  

When I got back to the apartment complex, the trashy-trashy, white-trash trashy lesboz that park next to us were over the line half in our spot.  So I had to squeeze in very tightly.  And when I opened the door, I was confronted with their barf-covered passenger door.  Who pukes on their car??!  Disgusting.  Cool wrote a note, but the tone was annoyed.  And I am all about feeling annoyed, but hesitated to give it to them, because, trashy people have no boundaries and who knows how they might retaliate.  But Cool put it on their barf-mobile anyway.  Fast-forward:  Next time I went to the car, theirs was gone, and the note was crumpled beside Cool’s car. . .

Rewind:  I went home and Cool made a wonderful huckleberry waffle breakfast.  I was feeling so crummy that the impossible occured and I actually was able to nap for 30 min.  But it wasn’t enough and I still felt like crud.  I get, for lack of better word, annoying sickness.  There’s no outward signs, but I feel feverish and fatigued.  Standing in the kitchen to make a frozen drink for Labor Dave about did me in, and I felt really crummy.  So I look a-OK, but feel ick-scum.  If it does come full-on (it hasn’t yet) I’ll get a fever and a head-cold.  Not cool times for public or for sitting in class.

Anyway, I didn’t get a call until 1:30PM asking permissions and pricing.  So I should have gone to work, and Rusty will not be finished today.  Which is super-annoying, because now Cool goes to work and I’ll have to clean at 3-4AM tomorrow–sacrificing more sleep when I’m (getting) sick.

That’s all.  I’ll work on my graph blogs today since standing up seems too much.  That reminds me, there are just 5 days til school starts and I have a HUGE list of things to do before then.  I’m mentally going insane, but my body won’t cooperate–it’s going to be a low productivity day when I need to kick it into high gear >:-[

I’m Focused, I’m Ready–I Can DO This!

19 Aug

OK, I wrote this 2 weeks ago, then thought it might be jinxy.  I’ve saved it since then, and a lot has changed.  I’ll add updated things (with an *) along side.

Here I go, I’m doing this!  Writing a bulleted (dashed, actually) post.

-I actually nailed my interview today.  The guy on the phone turned out to be no more than 22 years old and was a manager.  There was also a (regular?) man who was head of the division there.  I always feel like things should really fall into place and FEEL right, and somehow this didn’t.  The timing was weird, the first exchange awkward–so I didn’t have super-good feelings about it.  And since I felt like this wasn’t really meant to be I wasn’t nervous last night and this morning like I usually am.  This carried over to the pre-interview wait (usually terrible nerve-wracking) and surprisingly the interview itself.  It’s the first real  (veterinary shenanigans/work-interviews/and 1 question fast food not counted) interview that I feel great about.  The rest I either got really nervous or didn’t do a good job, or self-sabotaged b/c the job wasn’t right.  In this one I could tell both really liked me and I’m thinking I just may be offered the job.

*PS I found out 12 days later I got the job!

-Which, I know I could do a wonderful job for this organization so why wouldn’t they?  Not arrogance, but realism talking here.

*They even said so–it’s not just me.  What can I say, I’m a wonderful cleaner 😉

-I hesitate to write this in a public forum (before actually getting a firm offer), but the prospect of getting the job makes me a little nervous.  Just because I in no way want to overextend myself and lose my 4.0 GPA.  I have neuroanatomy this semester, you know.  Also, it may not leave me time to clean the vet hospital, tutoring at school, observing, or extra projects.  Which I have to decide how important any of those really are to me. . .

*The 2nd thing I did when I found out was write my boss to pick a time to meet so I could resign my cleaning position at the vet hospital.  Working til midnight, then getting up at 3-4AM, then going to school would just overextend me and I don’t want to set myself up for failure (or B’s even).

-Also, it would be evening/night hours and I am a decidedly morning person so I would have to flip-flop my whole routine.

*God, I stayed up til 9:30PM last night and I felt lie I was gonna die all day today.  And now I have the telltale sign of a sore throat that I’m trying to get sick (from lack of sleep).

-On the other hand, the organization is something I can get behind, the work is something I can readily do, it’s a national place so potential for keeping the job as I move state to state in the future is high, and the free membership would be exceptional.  Also, ability to buy things and to save money would be big perks.

-Fixing Rusty’s starter, buying my textbook, and maybe *crosses fingers* even buying a pair of boots would be really cool also.

* The FIRST thing I did when I found out was call the auto shop and make an appointment to get Rusty’s starter fixed and oil changed.  This has needed to happen since April, but I didn’t want to drop a chunk of change when I didn’t know when I would ean more.

-To alleviate my worries, I tried to make a potential schedule to see how much time I have and what my fall semester might be like.  But not knowing exactly how many hours, what days, or what blocks of time are acceptable, I quickly got stuck.  I estimated, but without the data it’s pretty meaningless.

*I asked for (and received) my hours concentrated on Friday and Saturday when I don’t have class.  This way I can recuperate before school and have time to study during the week.

-In other news, I tried to see how many steps I take in a mile.  It largely depended on my speed–faster I went, the shorter my stride length.  Which I hear is not ideal for increasing speed.  Science suggests increasing stride length and frequency of steps.  I’ll have to work on that.

*It depends on my speed.  BUT I have a post about the formula and my numbers coming up.

*My FitBit battery is so crazy/stupid that some days I want to throw the device in the river.  Even though when it works I love it.

-Oh, I almost forgot the point of telling you that last one:  I was looking of the science articles about stride length and speed, and I liked the conclusion one article came up with:  Ideally, you should both increase stride length and frequency of steps.  But most people have a hard time doing that, and favor one technique over the other.  This article said that you should know both.  Use one stride length at the beginning of your race, then when you become fatigued switch to the opposite.  What this does is work slightly different muscles–which aren’t fatigued.  This allows you to really give a kick at the end of your race.  This makes a lot of sense to me, and maybe I’ll try some things out to employ it.

-You also have to work out to increase strength (stride length), do drill work to increase neuromuscular connectivity speeds (faster turnover).  Instead of reaching forward to have a longer stride–which seems logical–push off harder with your feet, or ideally spend more time with both feet off the ground (an explosion of forward momentum).  As with everything, getting faster starts to have a lot to do with form, fitness, and physics = math.  I think to get more PRs though, I’m at this point.

-Our apartment is cheap and 4-5 on the vertical blinds broke off.  Upon close inspection the plastic hook broke into a n-shape, probably from all the heat, just dropping the blind out.  So I had to thread fishing line over the apparatus and tie it to the blinds.  I don’t think anyone will inspect them close enough to notice the difference.

*the fishing line blinds are still holding up nicely.  I think those are actually sturdier then the ones held with cheap plastic.  And I think the cheap plastic cooking in the sun is what wore the other ones out-lame.

-I went through the trouble:  1] to actually have closed blinds 2] to block heat in summer and drafts/cold in winter 3] to avoid a charge when we move out.

-It’s funny what I procrastinate about.  Making ice cream has been put off for over a week, even though I already did the difficult part and boiled the fruit into a syrup.  Painting my toe nails has been put off because I don’t want to remove the old polish.  It stinks and it requires scrubbing.  Making a new clogging dance for the talent show.  Because I can’t find a perfect song and only remember the steps I used in last year’s routine–this also needs to be a show-stopper!

*Finally, I buckled down and decided to finish the ice cream and lo and behold–when I pulled the bowl of mixture out from the freezer, the ice cream had made itself without my intervention!  Why can’t all procrastination items go this way?  I did remove the polish.  Which is creepy, and makes my teeth hurt.  And I re-painted them–but avoided glitter so it would be much easier to remove next time.

-I am getting SO excited about the Gorge!  I am looking up recipes, virgin drinks, and thinking about my setlist game, car-window paint and phrases, and a sign!  It’s gonna be a good, good time 😀

*We got car crayons and decided on slogans.  I cut up a box for a poster and we picked lyrics and made a model.  My setlist game is locked in.  Outfits picked.  I practiced one (of 2) hairstyles tonight and it worked out–though I need hairspray for those hairs I know are gray b/c og their unruliness.  We did the grocery shopping for all the snacks and bevs.  We even made banana bread (in the blender = genius!) and it’s in the freezer ready to grab.  I am super-excited.  These concerts have superseeded the first day of school, which is not right, but it’s happened.

-School–as I told my dad, I’m prepared, but not excited.  I mean who’s excited to lose their free time and begin studying every free moment?  Who’s excited to have to start to leave the house every day?  Who’s excited for stress?  I’m not insane.  But hopefully, my studying is so habitual and rehearsed by now that it will be much less of a big deal to do what I need to do.  Just one more semester here!

-My face is (still) breaking out like I’m going through puberty.  I use 2% sa. . .  chemical I forgot, not benz. . .  chemical I can’t remember, which dries out my face, but doesn’t stop the break outs.  The Sa. . .  is a little better, but I still regularly break out.  I am also on BCP for the last 4-5-6? months.  Maybe I should shower immediately after my workouts.  That might be a problem.  I’m sure my diet is also a problem, but that’s much more difficult to get motivated to change.

-I’m mad that I have to calculate my own GPA for my application.  Mad because they also make me send official transcripts–which cost money.  And I have to send them from 3 colleges, ramping up the headache (WSU already charged me twice for 1 set) and money (see previous parentheses).  I think they hire the dumbest, most belligerent people to handle the university fax machine–I always have trouble.

-I had specific questions about the GPA calculation that the school has to answer and that wasn’t on their info website.  So I e-mailed the address given on the admissions home page given to request information.  They did not address my questions at all, told me to refer to their website, and gave me a link to nowhere.  It was super-annoying, and I really had to stop myself from complaining for the lack of service–you never know who is in charge of your future.

*I had to make a phone call.  I did not like it.  All of my questions got answered and I calculated all my GPAs.

-I suppose it’s unprofessional to quit a job over Facebook, e-mail, text, or phone?  I would not be excited to go do it in person. . .  How about by letter?  I really do not want to do that–if it comes to that at all, I don’t know that it will.

*I wrote a Facebook message asking what the preferred mode of communication for the next 2 days would be.  I’m sure that gave away my intent right away.  Of course, my boss preferred a phone call.  I had to make a phone call.  I did not like it.  I resigned and the conversation was more pleasant and longer than I had anticipated.

-I have been researching textbook buy-back prices and will write a blog about when the best and worst times are.  With a graph!  Because I’m trying to hit the peak, I’m hesitant to sell my book back.  For fear it’s too early and the price will peak the next day/week/month.  As such, I still have my book that could give me a little income.  Also, the flaw in my plan is in order to find the peak, you have to see the downward progression that comes afterward–meaning I have to wait for the price to DROP again, to know (and miss) when the highest price was.

-I’m debating selling the mini fridge.  It’s really infuriating me by freezing or randomly thawing if the dial is breathed on.  It’s a royal pain to clean sticky, melty, smelly old stuff off a frozen bottom–and out from under the fridge.  Problem is, or freezer is really small and inept and doesn’t accommodate all the stuff we want.  BUT if I’m to sell/get a good price on the mini–this is the season to do it.  when all the students are setting up their dorms or wanting a kegerator.  After the decision, it’s also a labor-intensive job–which also has gone on my procrastination list.  Clean it, defrost it, write a nice ad, deal with FlakesList, and possibly help haul it out. . .

*I also stopped procrastinating and finally emptied the mini fridge.  We carried it to the balcony and let it defrost overnight.  I then bleached the $%ER out of it and washed all its contents.  While I did that I rearranged the kitchen (including 2 cupboards) to make more counter space.  Took forever and was tedious.  The fridge is in a new place getting cool as we speak.  It looks nicer in here, things make better logistical sense, and there is more space.  It was tedious. . .

-We watched the final season of the L-Word on Sunday.  I had seen the previous 5 seasons, but not this one.  So I’m a bad lesbian for not knowing who the heck killed Jenny and by being 10-12 (?) years behind the times.  I thought the season was consistent with the others.  I screamed at the immorality of the characters in the same way I always have.  The only difference I saw was before the intro song they had a scene in which each character in turn had a bad-scene with Jenny and subsequently said they wanted to kill her.  And I thought that was entertaining.  Also, despite liking the way Jenny provoked everyone and moved the plot along, I think that’s bad writing.  Every character should have at least one redeeming quality, and they didn’t leave Jenny with ANY.  But I loved to hate her anyway.

-SPOILER ALERT–the thing nobody liked was the way the network and show made “Who Killed Jenny” the central point in the entire last season–then left you in the dark at the end.  They never directly say.  I didn’t think the finale sucked though–I thought everything was as tied up as it could be.  One forum-respondant put it nicely when they said, “when acquaintances come in and out of our real lives, we don’t get updates.”  And another who said, “We are allowed an intimate view of this friend-group’s lives, yet we are not part of their inner group–the finale and secret of who, if anyone, killed Jenny is a reminder of that.”  Personally I think everyone had motive, but nobody actually did it.  I think she was always on the edge and committed suicide.

-PS–TV series writers it’s lame to leave an open ending on a finale as a segway to your next project–especially if that spin-off never comes to fruition.  Finish the one entirely–for the viewers–then move into the next thing.

-Do not watch “Don Juan.”  I thought it was horrible based on it’s treatment of women throughout.  Awful.

-I told myself to sleep in til 4AM since I had an interview at 10:45AM, but my body got up at 3:15AM anyway.  So now I’m very tired and as a result–unproductive.  Which I really hate.  I should either be able to sleep or do things I need to do.  It’s not fair of my body to be too tired to do the things, but not be able to sleep.

Is this long enough to be a decent real-time post?  I want to make up my slacking, readers!

*It is now certainly too long.  Enjoy the last 2 weeks of my life.


11 Jul

For the last two days I’ve been very tired.  Whenever Cool gains a certain amount of weight, there’s nothing that will prevent her from snoring.  She hit that number 2-3 days ago, and I haven’t slept well since.  My tiredness is awful, because it’s enough to be unproductive, but apparently not enough to nap.  I hate that I’m not a good napper!  As such, I tried to find a draft to easily post today, but they were redundant to the ones I’ve over-posted, or need a lot of work.  And I want to do them justice.  So in the interest of posting AND being lazy, here’s a list:

-Somewhere between my 7th and 8th drafts of my personal statement, I’m finally feeling hopeful about it.  The thing isn’t polished enough, but it looks like a paper, instead of a brainstorm.

-My “scholarly paper” is not so lucky.  I think it sucks, feel discouraged and overwhelmed, and despite a lot of time, am motor neuron 3still in the nascent stages.  My SLP-focused program has had me write one group paper on a pathology affecting anatomy, but with a partner, so I can’t use it at all.  Four papers 100 words or less on aural rehab (this needs to be a technical, research paper, 8-12 pages in length).  And one hearing disorder–but I chose a complicated one–Varicella Virus.  It’s Chickenpox-turned measles, turned certain clinical signs including possible deafness, and similar to Bell’s palsy = very complex.  And I’m not confident about the info in the paper, nor on my ability to answer questions about it should it arise in an interview.  That left me to try to modify an aural rehab paper, by adding research–but now it’s just all over that place.  Hate.

-On a brighter note, I also met with a pharmacy doctoral student today to work on my CV.  It’s also coming right along!

-Cool is almost entirely off her slurr-med and it’s wonderful!  I forgot how funny she is and how much fun we were NOT import 6-17-10 117having anymore.  I’m so glad the Cool I knew is back!!!!!!!!!  Now, to find an anti-psychotic that is affordable, doesn’t cause sleepiness/irritability/weight gain = good luck/fat chance.  This partially why bipolars go off their meds.

-It’s been in the 90s outside, but due to my strategic fan placement/door opening it has stayed under 71 inside–without the expense of AC.  Our utilities made it down to $35 again-yay!

-I forgot to say I have a job interview tomorrow.  It’s for a fast food restaurant–one of the very few I will eat at.  But they’re kinda big for their britches throwing around terms like “natural” and “organic” which I find logical arguments against–Arsenic is technically natural.  It’s about marketing.  Also, you have to have a group interview, a 2nd interview, then finally a 3rd 1:1 interview–which is really excessive if you ask me.  For fast.  food. . .  I’m never pushy is new group situations, and they just ask questions in general, not round-robin, so I’m not confident I’ll look great.  And I’m not even certain if I could take the job if I get it because I don’t know if they would be willing to work with my (quickly approaching) school schedule.   But I’m memorizing factoids off their website, and I’ll give it my best shot tomorrow.

-Heat does not take away my veracious appetite as it does many people.  Though I had a literal 1260 calorie breakfast, greekI’m hungry–for ice cream.

-I thought I got a running PR on the mile today, which I only count if I’m on the track (not treadmill).  But it turns out it was my 3rd best time because in 2012 I ran a 7:39.  But it was funny, because I write all my 400m splits–and get this:  My splits for laps 2, 3, and 4 were identical to 2012 record-mile’s laps 2, 3, and 4!  If I can shave seconds off that first lap–I’ll beat my best time.  I’m feeling good for Sunday!

-Yellow is my power color.  And it chose me, not the other way around.  I now need some yellow tanks, yellow sneaks, and ideally, a yellow running skirt.  I was going to write I’d settle for one, but tried to write an item and couldn’t decide which I wanted most.  So I guess I won’t settle.

-We fell in love with (summer) Missoula.  But we’d never move there A] because we’re going to Colorado–obviously.  B] cumulous clouds11 month, harsh winters are UNcool.  C]  There are no jobs.  The jobs that are there are service-oriented.  D] My parents claim there’s a lot of rape there (jurys still out).

-I found perfect Old Gringo cowgirl embellished boots, that fit, and looked amazing.  I did not buy said boots, because even though they were $100 UNDER the lowest website price I’d ever encountered–they were $300, and I’m unemployed.  I love my schedule and the ability to have TIME as an unemployed person.  Having no income is terrifying, and I can never buy anything (at all, ever) on a whim.  But I haven’t ever been bored (I’ve actually been quite productive) and I don’t feel like a loser (because I’m getting so much accomplished).

-I have to decide if I’m going to have that ice cream and get ready for bed.  I have to clean work tomorrow and prepare/stress about my interview.

First Essays, Now Silence?

26 Jun

What a terrible blogger I am this summer!  In order to get back on track and get a current post published I’ll go to bullet points (in no particular order):


-Today I’m tired.  I think the activity of the previous week caught up to me finally.

-I found out that my boss is going on vacation over Labor Dave Weekend (when we have SEATS for Friday and Sunday) ampitheatre 3and she found someone else to house-sit for 15 days.  I’m disproportionately disappointed about that because it is excellent money, easy work, and access to satellite TV.  I s’pose it’s better because I’ll be in school by that time and have daily class, so the commute would have been awful annoying.

-We had a really great visit with my parents.   I think they had fun too.

-If you haven’t heard of the “30 minutes to fitness” series by Kathy Coffey-Meyer–check it out.  Immediately!  I have Dad's 70th B-day visit 014never, ever watched an exercise video that didn’t annoy me.  Whether it was a catch-phrase, overall phony/annoying bubbliness, too hard-core, too repetitive, bad music, there are a lot of workout video sins.  Coffey’s vids don’t have any of that irritating stuff.  And she’s feisty and funny and motivating at the same time.  We have weights, cardio-blast, and kickboxing and I really like them.  And my mom was a real good sport and fully participated in plyometrics, which is HARD.  And she did awesome.

-At Dad’s (70th!!!) birthday dinner, our “Day’s of Our Lives,” jeans-model look-alike waiter did a magic trick that each one of us loved.  And one we couldn’t find on the web for at least an hour–a real feat in today’s technology.

-speaking of technology, I am still not convinced that Apple and smart-phones make life any easier.  If they’re off, slow, unanswered, or whatever, they’re useless.  I was no worse off without any gadgets than anyone, and they were not helped all that much.  I think it has more to do with status than anything.

-The kitties were as big and brave as they could be with frequent company on our apartment.  And Choco-Luv doesn’t EZ123 3rd snowboard 022have the herp (knock on wood)!  They are glued to my sides today though–with all the running around, I think they missed us.

-My parents gave me the most beautiful beadwork barrettes from various reservations along their route.  And my mom got beadwork from each place they stopped, which I am very envious of–and excited to inherit one day.

-I saw my former advisor in the hallway today, and she only managed to choke out a very obligatory “hello how was your summer?”  Lame.  And I’m so over that attitude from people at my school.  I am an awesome student and an asset to the program–she/they need to get a grip and grow up.  I’m not sure why she doesn’t like me, but she needs to act as a professional, because I shouldn’t even know she doesn’t. . .

-My aunt got super-sloppy at the extended family gathering, and was generally negative, complainy, passive-aggressive, and unwilling to exercise the whole duration of company.  But at least now everyone sees what I’m saying.  Maybe they thought I was exaggerating or a drama queen before???

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA-I was asked to do a presentation about the speech and hearing sciences for Native American teens ages 15-17.  It’s a group close to my heart (my people!) and I think it went well yesterday.  There had been a little snaffu in the beginning because a group member hijacked out “team” power-point, deleting/changing my every contribution and making me crazy that way.  I tried subtly conveying my feelings, and eventually had to be direct.  But everything was restored in the end and everything worked out.

-I always feel a little bit like a dud when you put me next to a bubbly, extroverted SLP student/teacher.  I am much more reserved and it really shows when I’m put up against that.  But my family said they didn’t get that impression and I looked good (and smart) so I guess it’s OK. . .

-I have another presentation on Tuesday, but I’m less excited because it’s 20 minutes long, which is almost no time at all.

-I have not worked on or even looked at my personal statement, scholarly paper, or neuroanatomy outline/drawings for 81.5-2 weeks.  Even though I’m sad my parents are gone, and think the visit was MUCH too short–I’m relieved to get to my normal routine soon.  After my next presentation, and oh–an interview.

-I have an interview.  Which was initially a real bummer because they wanted to do it on June 25th–my Dad’s milestone 70th birthday.  The birthday, my parents were going to be in town for (instead of 17 hours away).  Also the day, which this special presentation had fallen on.  And I had only agreed to do that because I think it’s important for Indians (only representing less than 1% on all health professions) are exposed to my program.  And the job is some random ticket agent, so I just told them I was out of town until the day my parents were gone.  And to my great surprise, they moved my interview day out to July 1st!  So I’m not sure what the job really entails or how many hours they want or what times, but depending on the factors I at least have a chance for a job.

-Cool went off her meds, and we all remembered that she used to have a personality.  So now she’s going to talk to her doctor and insist that whatever mood stabilizer she is put on does not have any drowsiness what-so-ever involved. Dad's 70th B-day visit 020 Bipolar meds are horrible in the fact they work by making you a complete zombie–which isn’t exactly quality-of-life.  We’ll see if this can be adjusted.  Oh and when she went off the meds, of course she vomited to the point of having to come home from work 2 days in a row = withdrawals.  So scary she has to depend on that to miss extreme highs and lows–I’m not certain which is worse.

-Despite a lot of dinners out, shopping trips, gifts, “visiting-type expenditures” I really managed to keep resigned in financially.  Partially because of my parents’ extreme generosity and partly due to sheer willpower.  I’m not nearly as behind as I thought I would be, and I even have some house-sitting money left over–which I in no way expected.

-My water consumption really suffered when my routine was thrown off.  I could stick with my exercise routine because it’s at home, first thing in the morning, but liquid availability, portability, and bathrooms make water really tough.  I have to get back into it in a hurry because my lips are always lizard-like lately.the 1 pic of both

-I have no idea what to do for my birthday.  Partially because 3-1 is anticlimactic, partly because I’m not sure if I’ll have to accommodate a job, or if I’ll even have money to do anything.  And I don’t know if this rainy Washington weather will cooperate at all–it’s rained all day today, and it rained from Cool’s birthday to the time my parents arrived a week later.  I guess I’d like to do something special–I’ll have to think on it.

My Brain is Returning to Life

14 May

schedule posterizedA mere 9 days post final.  I had seriously worked so hard on Audiometry that I really couldn’t focus on anything when the test was over.  Not for over a week = BAD.  I did, however, force myself to apply to summer jobs, but the process was very painstaking and tedious.  I had to struggle for the motivation, struggle for every word, and MAKE myself get it done.  I can’t say my whole heart was in it.  I’m actually writing right now to prove to myself that my motivation level is on the upswing.  If you can’t make it, fake it.  But I think that it actually IS on the up & up.

And I thought I would feel like cleaning after the semester, but that was also to strenuous for my brain.  I forced myself to put away my winter wardrobe.  Which didn’t exactly turn out awesome, because now I’m concerned I didn’t pack it right, and I didn’t odor lock it at all.  So my snowboard pants are likely to smell like the inside of my heavy-duty boots.  Not great.  And now I have to unpack, only to repack the winter items correctly.

But today I felt like I turned a corner.  My job applications felt easier, the words came more naturally.  I even cleaned and organized the art supplies.  I really want to start getting ahead on my big AuD application and all the components, as well as review Phonetics and study on NeuroAnatomy to help myself for the fall.  I am always glad I did some things over the summer, because fall always turns into a stressful time of a lot of studying and projects.  So I’m mentally preparing to beging some of that stuff tomorrow.  In small, manageable chunks of course.

Things to consider as First Step to Big Projects:

-study/draw/color/create brain things in a fun, relaxed way

-brainstorm the personal essay–using the school’s guidelines

-bookmark all GRE & transcript request sites

-Type a timeline for me and guideline for letter writers (rough drafts, at least)



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Objectives-Writing Mad-Libs

5 Apr

I have my 2nd “quiz” Monday.  And I’m pretty worried, because I feel very under-prepared for the thing.  We only get 2 tests in the class, so these are pretty much our entire grade.  And last week, I had to keep dressing professionally and showing up to observe my required clinical sessions–only to have people cancel.  So instead of only having to go twice.  I went three times, and all three didn’t go-through.  So I finally went to the 4th AND actually saw it.  But that wasted SO much time–which I hate.  And I couldn’t even do other studying, because you aren’t allowed to bring anything into the clinic observation rooms and you’re in your pocket-less dressy clothes.  So I couldn’t even study flashcards while I went on 4 round trips, and sat for 3 hours just waiting.  Then, the rest of the week was wasted because back in January, I had signed up to conduct hearing screenings in the community as learning/volunteer.  So that took up 7.5 more hours during the week.

And I’m just waiting for Cat’s Meow to complain that I haven’t cleaned since Wednesday morning.  I only agreed to keep cleaning if it was 3 days a week AND I got to decide the days so I had flexibility.  But I’m sure they will complain, which is going to make me INSANE.  And they just better not, because I’ll go in after I finish doing the hearing screenings this afternoon.  But I’m just waiting for that ugliness.

The point is, I’m trying to study for this thing.  Sometimes studying for exams gets (more) boring.  There’s only so many flashcards and examples you can look at before your mind rebels.  Objectives are the foundation of a session.  They are the vehicles of your main goals, their clarity dictates behavior management, organization, and skill-progression.  The performance, or target behavior is the most important part of the objective.  Because it has to be a countable action.  In order to take data.  Which let’s you write the SOAP, and also shows the treatment is evidence based practice for billing/laws/parent-justification.  To practice, I was writing objectives in pieces (performance/condition/criterion), then in an effort to get Cool to quiz me I tried to make them more interesting.  I wrote them about our little family.  Then had her pick numbers to put the pieces together and make funny final objectives toward our goals.


The characters:

1.  Choco-Luv (our little kitty)

2.  Goose (the big boy)

3.  Cool

4.  LL

Performance-measurable behaviors:

-1.  will produce

-2.  will clean

-3.  will match

-4.  will take

Condition-context in which behavior will be performed:

1.  with one reminder

2.  in the kitchen

3.  in front of others

Criterion-accuracy level of behavior:

1.  in 7 out of 8 opportunities

2.  for 90% accuracy

3.  10 times in a row

4.  on 6 out of 7 consecutive days


So if Cool picks, 2-2-3-4 the resulting objective is:

-Goose will clean, in front of others, on 6 out of 7 consecutive days.


You can make the parts as funny as you want!  Maybe I should market this as a study-tool!

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February: Upheaval for Goal Progress

28 Feb

Maintenance Goals (from 2013):

-floss daily = did it!  EVERY day of Feb.  A dental appt is out now that I have limited income though 😦  –>So in March it’s operation thorough job.

-drink water = a minimum of 4 cups daily.  And I even had 8 cups on some days.  Some of that was because of my recent sweet tooth or carbo overload.  One thing at a time.  Water is going better.  It’s my primary beverage now (I had 10 oz of coffee ALL month, and usually in 2 oz allotments!).  –>6 min in March.

coffee elephant

-read for pleasure = on school nights I did this.  AND I finally finished the hefty AIDS book I’ve been reading since school began in late August!!!  –>I’m happy to say I started a book about Native American women.  Two passions of mine.  Just in time for Women’s month of March.

-weekly massage = I think we did it.  Maybe we skipped 1 or 2?  –>Now that I get a true weekend (YAY!) I’m certain we’ll be waaay more awesome at this.

-abstain from drinking = done.  It’s been since November now, and I feel really good about this.  My new healthy attitude feels outstanding!  I LIKE being healthy–who knew?!  –>In March, let it be known that health is IN and vices (except food ones, obviously) are OUT.

-study habits = I made the BIG changes to really make this happen because it is so important to me.  This was a primary reason (out of many) that I resigned from veterinary work.  –>I plan on keeping up, doing extra, and getting ahead.  I’m giving it 110% in March!

January=fitness = Let’s see, today was day 58 of doing at least 1 mile on the treadmill first thing in the morning.  Brandi and DaveAnd this week, since now I’ll be more sedentary (and Cool always was) we added a 2nd mile.  I am sore–I feel muscular, strong, healthy, and Cool says I’m thin like “paper.”  Food is my downfall though.  I forgot to have a daily apple for much of the month, buying Labor Dave tickets meant no groceries for a week and a half, and finishing work left little time to cook what we could scrape from the back of cupboards and the bottom of the freezer.  –>Now that I don’t work, we’ll get back to adding daily produce.  But tonight–it’s ice cream for dinner to celebrate a non-Forster Friday, and my first true, non-traded weekend in a long, long time.  Life is good.

Feb=have gratitude; say nice things = In February, I worked on saying nice things to ME.  I’ve been hard on myself and as such had been berating more than supporting my efforts.  Also, being finished with work will help with this.  And lastly, as I lay awake in bed, I try to list everything I’m thankful for in an effort to sleep.  –>In March I’ll work on finding more for my positivity jar.

March=straighten out sleep =  Despite having consistent sleep and wake times, an alloted 9 hours of rest, and good sleep hygiene–this is a stubborn one.  I thought this problem would go away without work stress.  Not so.  I thought cutting off liquids at noon would help.  I wake up whether or not I have to pee.  Taking Meletonin prior to bed also does little to help.  Cool gets home at midnight at midnight, which is disruptive, but I’ll then be awake for 1, 2, or even 3 hours after she gets home.  I read maybe a certain organ (gallbladder, liver) or hormone is involved if you’re wakeful at specific times consistently.  I don’t know, but this is a major bummer.  –>Research what else I can do to remain/get back to sleep.

April=save $$$.  Fail.  I stopped working.  Yet it was time to buy Labor Dave Weekend (and Brandi Carlile!!!) seats as we had been planning for so long.  So this is not a good scene, but I can’t let fear drive me any longer.  I have to align my actions with my goals, and the finances will just have to tighten up to accommodate that.  –>Minimize expenses.  Donate plasma for $$,really hype my tutoring, and +/- sell unused items on Craigslist.

May=volunteer.  Well, I haven’t actually volunteered yet.  BUT–I signed up for one in April, have intention to do Habitat for Humanity when the weather improves, and I let my advisor know I’m available–and she signed me up for a project in mid-March.

June=Cool.  February was such a blur, I’m not sure how this went down.  I know I am super-supportive of Snowboard Emx 2014 013Cool’s treadmilling.  I always cheer her and coach her an also mention how her legs are so toned now.  As with everything else, not working (and carrying around the stress of work) will help in this area.  –>Say 3 nice things every day to Cool.

July=my appearance.  I made an effort my last weeks of work!  I got out all my favorite scrubs, matched them up really nice, and even had shoes and undershirts that went with the look of the day.  I also wore makeup and fixed my hair.  No one offered any complements, but I felt good–and it just reaffirmed I was making the right decision about leaving.  –>Try to wear a new outfit each day, things I haven’t worn in awhile, and accessories.  This will give me style and make me feel like I’ve gone on a shopping spree (without spending a cent).

last wk Frb 2014 006

Aug=Worry Less, Thank more.  After the mid-month panic and difficult decisions and talks were finished, I managed to be calm.  Even with pending exams.  Even despite financial unknowns.  Good job to me.  I knew my decision was the right one because I felt SO calm about it.  –>Now that things are more settled, resume worry max 30 min a day.

Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead.  Sucked.  This did not happen in any way.  –> But in March I have big plans to stick to this hard-core.

Oct=don’t over-pluck.  I hate this!  I didn’t really pluck, but was self-conscious about my brows every day.  I wanted to pluck in a big way.  I still don’t know how to manage these things.  –>Look up eyebrow management.

Nov=Increase eye contact.  Ummm, I don’t know actually.  I feel like I should and that I tried especially during all the big, serious work talks.  But maybe I was too nervous/emotional to actually do it.  –>Maybe just start by looking at faces.  Start slow.

last wk Frb 2014 014

So going into March it’s all relief, happiness, and hope.  I feel good about life and think I’m making a lot of progress aligning my actions and goals!

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How Did I Get into this HOLE?

11 Feb

-Taking 2 Sundays to snowboard may have contributed–and the trip to the emergency room certainly didn’t help.

-Superbowl further derailed me (just a little)

-PS–even though I’m really sad to be missing out on the entire Olympics (no cable/satellite/channels) I’m glad that’s not a factor right now too.  But I wouldn’t mind the ability to DVR it for later!

-So having somewhat of a life, for 1 day a week, only briefly really ended up killing me.  Which sucks.

-Then work stress made me focus elsewhere when I should have been doing the little bit of catch-up I needed to do.

-And sleeplessness from work stress didn’t help the next day be productive.

-Then the life-altering decision took up every last second.  Every last one.  Which is unfortunate during school–especially when it directly pertained to school = ironic.

-Then the sleeplessness from nervousness about going ahead with the plan didn’t help my studies.

-Add in unclear test material:  We skipped ahead, went backward, then started covering the NEXT exam’s material.

-So now the stress has waned somewhat, but I still don’t have a lot of time.  And the time I DO have is spent trying to figure out what I NEED to study–not actual studying.  Add to that I’m really tired.

And there you have it = I’m discouraged.  Which is no way to succeed.  Or to try to learn things.  I feel exam 1 is already lost with no hope of learning everything (or een knowing what “everything” is) by Thursday.  I guess I’ll study what I do know is on the exam super-hard and just forget about the rest and hope my reading/note-taking/previous classes can carry me through.  I’m pretty certain that I’ll have to be struggling to make up for a poor exam grade though.  And nobody likes that story.

OK abrupt ending b/c I have to sleep immediately.  So tonight–it’s operation go to bed early so I can at least wake up refreshed to give it my all tomorrow!

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Nope, I Will Not Worry About My SCHEDULE

12 Jan

I’m still persistantly tired all the time.  Even with my morning mile, increased water, daily vitamins, and some veggies added to my diet.  I think I have some sort of chronic condition?  Now, I’m going to move up my bed time.  I was going to put it at 7PM (from 8PM), but decided smaller changes might be better.  Now, I’ll get a full 9 hours of sleep each night–when 8 should be enough.

My worrying creeps up, but I am refusing to indulge it.  I rarely think about it now.  I decided it’s too time-consuming, stress inducing, and a counter-productive activity.  And I don’t have energy for the basics these days, there’s nothing to give to worry.

I did, however, feel overwhelmed about the upcoming semester after my meeting with my professor today.  He was just trying to set some general guidelines for my independent study project, which is good.  He also said, he won’t be all up in my grill micromanaging so I’ll need to be self-motivated–something I totally am.  It’s something I think he and I can both contribute to, and it’s a very loose set of standards to work with.  Despite all the good, the 3 hours of reading/practicing a week (about 45 hr during the semester) feels daunting when I think of it with my other 2 classes and work.  Expecially with this darned fatigue hanging on.

The Fang-Fairplay

So I need to get my head right, and make a rough timeline:


Work from 6:30AM-5:30PM

eat small snack prior to class

Clinical Methods 10-10:50AM

eat lunch after class

bed 7:30PM


Treadmill 4:07AM-4:25AM (at latest)

Work 6:30AM-10AM

eat lunch prior to class

Audiometry noon-1:15PM

+/- nap after class to to later then 3PM?  No, no naps.  My body just doesn’t do them right, and I waste time trying.

Do all my studying during the day while Cool sleeps

bed 7-7:30PM (depending on levels of fatigue vs. productivity)


Treadmill 4:07AM-4:25AM (at latest)

Work 6AM-9:30AM

Clinical Methods 10-10:50AM

Do all my studying during the day while Cool sleeps

bed 7-7:30PM (depending on levels of fatigue vs. productivity)


Treadmill (AM)

do some major work for independent study

Audiometry noon-1:15PM

Do all my studying during the day while Cool sleeps

bed 7:30PM


Treadmill 4:07AM-4:25AM (at latest)

Work 6AM-10AM

do min. of 1 hour of independent study

+/- Do all my studying during the day while Cool sleeps

bed at 7:30PM


Treadmill 5:07AM-5:25AM (at latest)

Work 7AM-12:30PM

bed at 8PM


Grocery Outlet


bed at 7:45PM

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