Tag Archives: weight

The elusive (for me) 8 min mile

27 Jun

You already heard about those strange cramps in lower belly that occur when I run.  What I neglected to say was–I have stopped being lazy (momentarily) and started running consistently!  Yay me.  I started doing it because it helped Cool’s depression to exercise.  And there is no chance Cool was going to exercise if I didn’t.  So we went.  And it was is so difficult to ignore the crummy weather, get dressed, and get to the track.

But we dragged ourselves.  Once I began running, I soon had a goal (more in a second on this).  And once I had a goal–there was no stopping me.  Though it is still SO hard to get my britches out there–especially during Washington’s June-uary clouds/wind/rain.  Side-note:  Why is Spokompton the coldest place in the ENTIRE country, 2nd coldest on the continent (after Canada’s Calgary), and cooler then Siberia?????!!!!!  I feel it’s a personal affront, and it better be warm for my birthday in 11 days.  But now I’m WANTING to do the running part, and I’m actually mad if the weather interferes.

As a bonus, running makes me feel good.  It gives me good endorphin immediately afterward, makes my body feel better, and gives me a clear and (more) positive mind long-term.

It just might be the running that allows me to feel OK about my new summer work schedule.  I’ve actually been pretty upbeat about the whole thing–I think thanks to the exercise.  I always have felt better when I exercise–it’s just hard to find/make time to do so.  Especially when I’m tired and stressed.  Which is, ironically, when I need it MOST.

And my body is getting toned.  And I’m so excited I’ve been losing some weight as a result–which I will tell you about, blog posse’.  Though I’m really stoked about it, that’s the sort of thing that NO one wants to hear about.  And since I’m already petite, they might even give me a rough time about it.  I had love handles, a belly, thighs–I may have been thin, but everyone has their trouble areas.  I see nothing wrong with losing some fat–and you KNOW I still eat.  Actually, running lets me eat about 2,000 Calories a day, and still lose weight.  14 pounds since November!!!  Though I fear the majority is in my chest area, as somehow I lost 2 or 2.5 inches in my bust (we measure for Cool–she gained 35 pounds over the winter).  I have not weighed in the low hundreds I think since before my Sophomore year of high school–and maybe even before that–I can’t quite remember.  So it’s a nice side effect of trying to reach my running goals.

Back to that:  I’m going for a mile in 8 minutes.  It feels FAST.  It is so, so, so hard for me too!  I feel like I don’t have great running form.  I know my 400 meters are not nearly fast enough on their own, let alone several of them in a row.  And the major obstacle = my mental perspective.  Mental strngth seems to evade me.  This may be true in life too.  And it certainly pays to think positively and have strong mental configuration during a run–and when faced with challenges in life.  During that mile, it is all about your mind the whole time, but on lap 3, and when you’re supposed to kick it up a notch on that last lap and especially at that last 200 meters.

At any rate, that’s my scene lately:  Sleep, go to work, study some anatomy, run.  Hence my fairly boring posting as of late.  Anyone with any running/mental hints–I’d appreciate them!

The Mystery Cramp

25 Jun

Lately, I have been attempting to run an 8 minute mile–something I have never achieved (at least that I remember) in all my years of participating in track & field, PE class, and an assortment of 5 and 8 K run/walks.  I was a sprinter, then pole vaulter back then.  As such, I have been pushing myself as never before.  See, I ran a lot, and felt like I was going as fast as I could, but when I passed the end point I would recover almost immediately.  Which is a sign that I could have gone faster/farther.  So I never (OK, rarely) mindfully slacked off, but I also didn’t push myself until it hurt either.

Running is pain.  Without it, you’re just jogging.  And without the pain, you won’t get better at it.  Running is SUPPOSED to make you out of breath until your lungs scream, your core muscles burn, and your legs super-tired.  You’re not really pushing yourself if you feel 100% fine and normal after a run and the next day.

This is not to say I’m going out and pushing too hard or too fast to the point of injury.  I’m no dummy–and have the opposite problem as most people do.  I need to increase my mental endurance, because it’s the mental battle that is the most difficult thing to overcome when running.  More on that in a later post.

This post is about a weird cramp I get toward the end of my first mile or maybe after I’m finished running and am walking my cool down laps.  And before I get into detail I should mention I don’t think I have any female-type reproductive anomalies, because I JUST donated my eggs as late as 2009 and those people go over you with a fine tooth comb.  In addition, this is mere curiosity I have absolutely NO intention of seeing a doctor about this.

The description:  Sudden onset of pain in the center of my lower abdomen.  Very reminiscent of menstrual cramps–but at the wrong time in my cycle.  The pain is crippling, making my respiration increase, sweat increase, and surrounding muscles go tense–a typical response to any pain, I think.  This pain will come and go in waves, also like period cramps.  It feels sort of like a side ache, but not in the side, and sharper.  Raising my arms does not help.  Nor does any attempt to control my breaths.  It doesn’t feel like any sort of GI upset (and [TMI alert] I’ve felt like vomiting AND having diarrhea during runs before) that is common with 40-50% of marathoners.

It is not the type of pain that would prompt me to take an Ibuprofen–which I would (and do) if I even have a HINT of a headache or shinsplints or any type of menstrual cramp.  But this pain does not feel like it will stay in the same way you know a side-ache will go away soon.  The only thing that gives any sort of relief to this weird cramp is pressing on it with my fingers (very little relief) or sitting down.  Then, the pain disappears as suddenly as it came on.  I sometimes even run another mile as if nothing happened.

I looked online and saw that a lot of women have experienced this mystery pain.  I didn’t see a post by a dude, but I didn’t search every corner of the WWW either.  No diagnosis and therefore no definitive solution were ever presented.  Theories of dehydration, some sort of fiber/nutritional thing, and lack of adequate warm-up were on discussion boards. 

So I’m not sure what it is or what to do.  I’m pretty sure I’m having it every time I run because this is the first time I’m pushing myself.  And I’m still going to continue running with or without the freakish cramp.  Maybe someone out there can provide answers. . .

I Suspect the Science is There

19 Jun

Just not the priority–and the cash infusion that goes with it.  I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it is really upsetting and I think it’s worth another mention. Soda.

PS–Dear readers, I try to vary the topics of my posts so keep things interesting.  Also to keep all my followers happy–as I do not know what type of post made you click “follow” in the first place.  And I realize I’ve been posting about food/weight/and dysphagia a LOT lately.  And I do have some veterinary/work/gay/different posts in the works.  Except–they are in stages of completion.  I’m tired after being at work about 10 hours today, I have to work again tomorrow morning (and want to be functional to study and Wii in the early morning), and Cool wants to go to bed and read right now.  So yeah–here is more “complaining” about writing, I guess.  So I’m sorry if this feels redundant, but it’s the only draft semi-ready to post.  I’ll try to hustle along with the others. . .

Back to the post:

What IS soda anyway?  As far as I know it’s a syrupy base with carbonation and some salt (too much) and sugar for taste.  Plus some artificial colors and maybe fillers of some sort.  There is no nutritional value in the beverage.  Please, if I’m missing something here, let me know.

I don’t like to drink soda.  First let me preface with that.  I don’t like that the huge companies are unscrupulous in their marketing (to children and minorities).  And I don’t like that the drink contributes to the obesity epidemic.  Like we need any MORE help getting fat?  I especially dislike their lobbying tactics and the way they get around the normal (and practical!) rules.  By throwing money at government.  This impedes my sense of fairness.

Also, (even diet!) soda is bad for your teeth.  Drinking straight-sugar is obviously not a great idea, consuming an overabundance of empty calories = not smart, and ALL soda changes the pH in your mouth to promote tooth decay.  And it’s staining to the teeth.  Having had so much money invested into my mouth:  3+ years metal braces, 8+ years retainer, skin graft for receeding gum-line, 3 years Invisalign, wisdom teeth removal, lifetime Invisalign retainer, I want to protect my mouth as much as possible.

BUT  soda is available.  You can get it practically anywhere.  It is cheap.  Cheaper to buy then most every other beverage.  It comes in large quantities.  And, my number one impediment for cutting soda out of my life entirely–diet soda has ZERO calories.  Try to mix juice in a cocktail–lots of empty calories.  Drinking beer while watching your figure is impossible.  So I keep going back to Diet Pepsi as a mixer.  Though I’m ethically opposed to it.

This makes me want to know why Limeade has 60 calories/serving, yet hardly any nutritional value.  Tea–calories.  Coffee–calories.  Why can’t the other beverage people either sock that serving so full of healthful ingredients that at least it takes care of one of my nutrient requirements for the day–or even better, eliminate calories like the soda companies have done?

I think it has to do with where the research money is going–and it’s not to benefit human nutrition.  It’s to benefit large beverage corporations and their sneaky advertising.

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26 Days to Form a Habit

16 Jun

I am bothered by a lot of things.  As my blog readers, this is not Earth-shattering news to you.

One of those things, however, is NOT recording.  Maybe it soothes my OCD, I’m not really certain–it just doesn’t bother me at all.  But a lot of people find it tedious to document things.  Cool, cannot under any circumstance, remember, find the time, or be bothered to record her daily calories.  It is just never going to happen–despite my nagging.

Documenting is helpful in the fitness realm.  It’s half the battle, really.  I think a lot of people know HOW to lose or maintain weight–but just find it tedious to DO.  And I agree, making the daily good choices (when there are so many bad options assaulting you from every side, all the time) is the very hardest part of all.  But second to actually sticking with your plan–is keeping track of the plan.

I guess I’m one of very few that LIKES to input my daily calories.  I don’t find it bothersome to look up the foods or try to remember the amounts at all.  And I like the visual, quantitative representation of my calories in, calories out.  Best of all, it helps me make good decisions when I have to, and fun choices when I don’t.  It’s when I don’t keep track that things go astray–as in the case of the notoruious birthday 5 thousand plus calories.

So I challenge you–whatever the goal just stick with it for 26 days.  Attach it to an activity that you already do or like to do.  An example is when I was trying to do daily crunchies.  And there is just no time during the day I WANT to do them.  Or that fits in my schedule.  So I told myself I could not shower unless I did a certain number of crunches first.  I HAVE to shower.  Every.  Day.  There is no reason I will miss a shower–not if I can help it.  So it totally worked.  Soon, I just didn’t feel right about showering unless I did crunchies prior to entering the water.

OK, enough you’re saying–I am a couch potatoe and want to stay that way.  I hear you–I am truly an obese person on the inside.  I’ll talk about another daily habit that you readers will be interested in:  Blogging.  Even my favorite bloggers don’t usually post every day as I do.  I don’t mind writing at least a note every day, and I miss it if I don’t post for a day.  I made it my habit to post daily by (again) attaching it to something else I already do for 26 days.

I naturally arise at 4:45 AM.  So instead of just surfing the net aimlessly while I drink my coffee, I write a quick post.  Or just a draft.  Or maybe just laze out and copy and paste a link to something that will inspire a post.  Coffee = posting.  And there is no way I’m going to miss my morning caffeine.  At any rate, whatever habit you’re trying to cement just pick something and never do the two things without one another.  And no matter what, follow through for at least 26 days.

I promise, you’ll feel more out of sorts if you DON’T do it.

Can’t Take It Back Now

15 Jun

Yesterday was Cool’s birthday–a very special occasion, indeed. We drove 4+ hours to go (car) camping in the middle of the state where she grew up (for awhile). It was a good time with a river, reading Patrick F. McManus’ outdoor humor books aloud, a little bit of Frisbee, and my first (attempt at building) a campfire.  She was in a good mood, too–which was very nice.

But of course it’s the FOOD that really makes it a birthday/camping/vacation. Is anyone else that way? I ate: Pasta in the morning for breakfast. A grande frappechino for the long drive. Starbursts and Nerds to break up the tedium of the long car ride. Half a bag of Fritos that were much too salty because I was starving and it was too early to build the fire. Beef jerky–because it’s camping food. A cheese hot dog wrapped in a piece of bacon (and the bun, obviously). Maybe 4 s’mores–because it’s rare I get them, and it’s the #1 camping food.

I knew it was a bad scene.  And this morning, we hiked up a huge hill mountain to see a waterfall.  So at least there was a little exercise involved in the camping trip.  What I did not realize until I got home and tried to enter my calories was how many those foods translated to!  As I attempted to remember everything I had eaten, and in what amounts, I realized the situation was far worse than I initially imagined.  By my estimation (which you know people always under-estimate foods and over estimate exercise) I had at least. . .  And this is a literal (probably conservative guess) of calories. . .  5321 calories in ONE day.

I liked it a lot better when I had no real concept of how many calories were in the foods I was consuming so liberally.  And, really, I’m very happy that I don’t need to put a lot of effort into limiting calories, exercising, or watching my weight like a lot of women people do.  I am very blessed to have an outstanding metabolism and no weight problem.  But eating 5,321 accidentally?  It just sounds crazy!  That is horrible!  And at no time did I feel I was binging out or over-eating.  I knew my food choices were poor ones, but I had no idea how quickly those empty calories would add up.  So now I’m just sick over it–even though it was a one day thing and special occasion.  It still feels bad because I can’t UN-eat any of it.  I feel like I should go run 5 miles.

Who Says Eating Healthy Can Be Affordable?

12 Mar

I beg to differ.

Rainbow Market!

I am the hugest proponent of the Grocery Outlet.  I mean, I talk up their stellar prices so much that they should really give me commission.  Everyone I know, has heard me tout the Outlet as the best place to grocery shop.  Thanks, Dad!  He always used to buy everything he could on the grocery list there before we went anywhere “real.”  As a kid, I absolutely hated going there.  It made me feel scummy.  And poor.  But as a cheap-skate, my dad insisted it was THE place.  And now that I pay my own way–I concur.

Sure, the store is often dirty, the shelves can be bare sometimes, the employees seem a little disgruntled, and there are sketchy people in there.  Always.  BUT, BUT, BUT the prices are so low–it makes up for all of that.  We’re talking a pint of Ben & Jerries for $1!  When normally the best you can do is when the pints go on sale:  2 pints for $5.00. Grocery Outlet gets off brands, things regular stores didn’t sell during holiday seasons, and dinged cans.  I say, who cares if the products aren’t consistent or the packaging is a little banged up?  I regularly save just as much as I spend when I shop there.  My grocery bill would be double if I didn’t go there.  It’s so great that it makes Wal-Mart seem expensive.  But I shop there too.  And at the Win-Co.  And sometimes Cash & Carry.

Anyway, my point is, as soon as we started watching calories, our options at these discount stores shrank drastically.  The affordable groceries?  Canned, processed, cheese-filled, salty, soda, candy.  We started having to go to Safeway to find low-cal options, more produce, reduced-fat creamer, lean meat, or any vegetarian (ie lower calorie) options.  What a shame!  I have to choose between my health and my pocket book.  And right now–I’m choosing to save money.  Out of necessity.  But I don’t have to like it.


23 Feb

In real life I come across as someone who has her shit together.  You, my blog sees me at my worst.  Writing is an outlet for me.  I am balanced, have boundaries, and goals, and you know–am better off then most.  But still–everyone had their problems.

As YOU know, blog, I have been having a hard time lately.  It stems from my veterinary job.  And I hesitate to even write this, because I don’t want everyone to think I would not have made a good vet.  I don’t want ANY one to think that I wasn’t ALL in and I would not have made it through school or been successful in owning my own practice.  I would have.  I would have been GREAT.  My whole life was aimed toward being a veterinarian.

But because of the circumstances, I am very disenchanted with the admissions process and the profession at large.  I wanted it more then anyone–TRUE.  A lot of people say they want to be a vet because they “love” animals.  But really, I understood the career and still wanted it.  Vet school and the profession at large would have been better for accepting me.  And just because it sounds arrogant, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

But now that I am officially just another vet school reject–my priorities have changed.  I am not bitter toward vets.  But I am much more cynical about all the pit-falls of the career.  Work makes me stressed.  I think better regulation in the arena of veterinary work is warranted.  Their employment practices are down-right abusive.  No breaks.  No food at work.  Late or no lunch at all.  Get there early.  Stay late.  Get paid a paltry amount compared to the required skill level and experience required.  Working interviews, unpaid work.  It’s all normal in this category of work.  These things are all expected.  I know, as I’ve been employed with various vet hospitals, in different states, for the last 12 years, and involved via volunteering and observing for the last 18 (?  Jesus–that’s a lot of wasted time) years.

The point is–my job is stressing me the fuck out.  I want to control something in my life, when my job and my location is uncontrollable.  My mother-in-law–uncontrollable.  And I hate to even suggest it, because I think there are those with bigger problems.  I am not a good anorexic.  I have no will-power.  I love cheese.  And sweets.  And alcohol.  But Portia DeRossi’s book in combination with the Lose-It calorie counting website + the Wii-Fit + Cool’s need to lose weight served as a sort of trigger for me.  I am thinking about calories in-calories out constantly.  I am thinking about exercising all the time.  I know I wouldn’t qualify as having an actual eating disorder, because of the afore-mentioned lack of self-control, but I am having disordered thoughts for sure.

And, as always, I’m afraid of my alcohol intake.  I’m not even sure what to say about this.  Other then I drink every night.  And it makes me worry.  Heck, I think it’s obvious I’m drunk now, as I’m writing this.  And I’m only writing this because I was too sloppy to continue the Wii-Fit.  That makes me scared.  I need a change.  But what is it?  Move out of this city that I don’t really like?  Get a new job?  Get a new mate?  I guess it’s easier to get a new body then to answer these tough questions. . .

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Pseudo-Burger Comparisons

21 Feb

Cool is a hard-core burger (and cheese) lover from waaaay back.  I majored in Animal Science for God’s sake.  Needless to say, we have never tried fake meats of any kind.  Honestly, before I had any real concept of calories (and just how many I eat in a day–a LOT!) I thought phony meat was a preposterous idea.  As such, we are the perfect judges of the different brands and flavors.  I bought one package of each.  We tried to keep other variables consistent.  Here’s the low-down:

1.)  MorningStar Farms Spicy Black Bean Burger

Specs:  Serving size = 1 patty of 67 g.  Calories = 120.  Fat = 4 g, Sodium = 350 mg, sugar = 2 g.

Color was dark and black and pleasing.  Size is OK, could be thicker.  Texture was good.  Flavorful w/spicy beans.  Goes with condiments (jalapeno, fire roasted red bell pepper, and chipoltle mustard) well.  Filling- most definitely!

2.)  Boca Flame Grilled

Specs:  Serving Size = 1 burger 71 g.  Calories = 120.  Fat = 5 g, Sodium = 380 mg, sugar = 0 g.

Color is tan/beige on the verge of orangy–not that exceptional.  Size seems about the same.  Texture was a more crunchy than yesterday’s fake burger or any real beef and a little dry.  There was a faux-smokey flavor that I found contrived, but Cool liked it.  Goes with condiments (jalapeno, fire roasted red bell pepper, and chipoltle mustard) well.  Filling-  Very.

3.)  MorningStar Grillers Prime

Specs:  Serving Size = 1 patty (71 g).  Calories = 170.  Fat = 9 g.  Sodium = 360 mg.  Sugar = 0 g.

Color-very beef-like. Size-decent, Texture-like a well-done burger, crunchy and only slightly dry.  Goes with condiments (jalapeno, fire roasted red bell pepper, and chipoltle mustard) well.  Filling- Indeed.

4.)  GardenBurger-Original

Specs:  Serving Size = 1 patty (71 g).  Calories = 100.  Fat = 3 g.  Sodium = 400 mg.  Sugar = less than 1 g.

Color- seemed more like chicken then beef, Size-is about par with the rest of the veggie burgers.  Texture-is unpleasently sqishy and soggy.  Taste was earily similar to Stovetop Stuffing.  Doesn’t go as well with the condiments used throughout this experiment.  Filling -Extraordinarily so!  I was actually completely full after the first patty, but ate both to be consistent with the other buger nights.  Now we are both uncomfortably full.

5.)  Eating Right-Soy Protein Burgers

Specs:  Serving Size = 1 patty (71 g), Calories = 70, fat = 1 g.  Sodium = 410 mg and sugar = 0 g.

Color-is beefy, size-seems a little smaller in diameter.  Texture- very meat-reminicint.  It has the same phony-smokey taste of the other veggie-burger, combined with a good Worcestershire flavor.  Cool hated it and I thought it was OK.  Goes with condiments (jalapeno and chipoltle mustard) well. filling-  Yes, but not unpleasantly.

So I am not about to become a vegetarian.  I know the meat is healthy in moderation–just like everything else.  I have no qualms about the treatment of animals–livestock, farm/ranch animals either.  I know the producer’s livelihood depends on the health, well being, and comfort of those animals so they have a vested interest in treating them humanely.  BUT these veggie burgers do make a yummy addition to my regularly scheduled meat meals.  If not an expensive one–but that’s a topic for a future blog post.

Calories Count

20 Feb

I didn’t have a clue what foods had how many.  Now that I’ve joined “Lose It,” a calorie-counting website, I am pretty much horrified about how many are in my favorite foods.  And amazed by how many I burn just in a normal day.

You have to put down a weight loss goal on Lose-It and on the Wii that we just bought to replace our YMCA membership.  And, as a petite person, I didn’t really know what to put down.  My real goal is to get Cool to slim down by being supportive and changing our eating/exercising lifestyle for the better.  My secondary goal is to drink something other than coffee and alcohol.  I really do NOT.  Drink anything else.  Nope, not even/ever water.  I fail on this.  Also, I would like to sneak some produce into my diet.  So to be able to get charted and stuff, I just put the bottom number on my BMI chart.  It’s 101 pounds.

And I am obsessed with calorie-free condiments and sauces.  How is it even possible?  How can yummy food have 0 calories?  I am buying them left and right.  Also, I have discovered veggie burgers.  My blog on that will be posted tomorrow.

Anyway, I will let you know about our progress.  And yes, it sucks to be mindful of calories.  I was in a happy bubble of ignorance before.  And now that I know, well, it’s just awful to be aware!


Critique of “Unbearable Lightness”

12 Feb

I didn’t want to like this book.  I did not really know anything about Portia De Rossi (PdR) except she came out of seemingly nowhere to become Ellen Degeneres’ wife, then upon looking her up on Google, seeing she had played a few bit roles as a sorostitute-type.  I knew nothing else.  When I found out PdR had been on “Allie McBeal” and that she was one of the actresses with an evident, yet unacknowledged eating-disorder, I felt disdain for her.  That show, with it’s unattainable images of what a women is supposed to look like, did a lot of damage to impressionable females.  But many times, I’ll watch a documentary or read a biography of someone not very likeable and come away with understanding, sympathy, and sometimes even a changed opinion about them.  So I bought the book and gave PdR a chance to redeem herself.

Details are given about how PdR loses and maintains her low weight. This is problematic because it gives women ideas of how to diet, starve, binge, and purge. Also, the details devulged are talked about as if they’re completely normal line of thought and activity. There is no sense that what PdR is disordered, which normalizes the events to the reader.

This book made me disappointed in L’Oreal.  Throughout the book (through the lens of anorexia) they are seen as uncaring, unsympathetic, and uncompromising of the type of women they portray.  The company made PdR feel fat and ugly and immoral, with its horrible fitting of small gray dresses, it’s fancy meetings at the Four Seasons, and the morality clause in the contract.  PdR showed that despite their slogan of “I’m worth it” they are implicitly sending the message that only a narrow category of women (slim and straight to start with) actually ARE worth it.

I thought the L’Oreal stuff in the book should have been accompanied by details about “Allie McBeal’s” culture of eating disorders or left out all-together.  L’Oreal was villanized (rightly so it sounds like) while the issue of competition between actresses was carefully skirted.  PdR is VERY careful not to mention the other celebrities on the set with evident eating disorders that must have furthered her own eating issues.  If L’Oreal is fair game, why shouldn’t Callista Flockhart get mention?

I absolutely loved that with the doctor’s bad news of all the internal damage done by starving, pictures were shown of what she looked like at the time.  It sent the implicit message that though Hollywood, and the world at large demanded thinness, and it may be misconstrued as beautiful, it came with consequences.  It was very dramatic.  My favorite part of the book by far.

Somehow more weight (pun intended) was given to Ellen Degeneres, who barely appears in the book, then to PdR’s sexuality, though the homosexuality is said to be the root of the problem.  The fear of exposure, repression, desire of women, and her mom’s “acceptance” of her were only briefly mentioned.  I think she could have done more with those themes.  Yes, the book’s focus was the eating disorder, but I thought the lesbianism should have been dramatized more.

And I did not like the “Ellen saved my life” stuff.  Firstly, PdR doesn’t give herself credit for her recovery at all.  Can it be called recovery then?  It makes me wonder how far she’s actually come.  PdR thought of Ellen as some sort of hero throughout the book–from the time she was young.  I don’t really think their relationship could be balanced or equal because of that. Reading other reviews of the book, or even descriptions, I noticed how Ellen is mentioned in all of them.  Though she didn’t even know PdR during her seriously disordered eating phase, and really isn’t IN the book.  PdR will forever just be Ellen’s wife and submissive/passive/arm-candy.  Her third name-change says it all.  First PdR changed her name for Hollywood and this book details the fall-out of her trying to adhere to Hollywood’s idealized images of beauty.  Now she has changed her name for her wife.  Doesn’t this women know who SHE wants to be?  The end of the book just shows how the situation for PdR’s self-esteem hasn’t changed–just the focus.

And of course, I absolutely did NOT like how PdR ignorantly berates the dairy and meat industries at the end of the book.  She uses PETA-type jargon as if it’s the factual truth, saying that farm animals are treated inhumanely, and not healthy for human consumption anyway.  I wish celebrities would keep their mouths shut if they can’t share actual information.  It was an aside that wasn’t needed and was very judgmental in its pro-animal rights stance.  How hypocritical for a heavy smoker to be disdainful of the ill-effects of milk and meat!  Smoking and how she wanted to do it all the time, or was taking drags everywhere, is a large component of the book.  The restrictive diet actually reveals how she must still struggle with her food, too.  It takes a lot of discipline and effort to cut out entire food groups from your diet as she currently is being vegan(?)/vegetarian (?).

Though I had some problems with the book, and still don’t really like PdR, it WAS a riviting read.  I only half believe PdR wrote the book by herself, because the image she has cultivated for herself (or that the media has cultivated for her) is not observant, smart, wry, or perfectionist.  The language in the book was so advanced and varied–I was impressed!  Either way, I found myself putting aside my homework and tearing through the prose in just 3 days–while working nine hour days and attending class.  Well done, on such a page-turner.