Like turkey on Thanksgiving, and green beer on March 17, romantic comedies go together with Valentine’s Day.
Before we look at how popular romantic comedies are for Valentine’s Day viewing, and how much those films have made (on Valentine’s Day) check out the rest of the Valentines series:
Rom-coms remain a constant in the lives of many girls and women. Those easygoing, light-hearted stories could became a routine comfort watch in any context: Mom-and-daughter dates, Caturday Netflix and chill, “sick day” movie marathons, slumber party entertainment, girls night out to the theater, first date movie, dorm group activity, long trip boredom killers, or VALENTINE’S DAY— you name it. Romcoms have the fashion, the hot cast, and the Disney romance with happy ending.
But aside from the sentimentality and habit of it all, romcoms are comforting at an endocrine level:
We talked about how many of these movies were made and how much money they made. How romcoms are a staple in many people’s lives, and younger people, especially, are known to consume tons of these films. We went over how the movies follow a certain script and elicit an emotional response. Is knowing that romcoms are unrealistic a barrier against absorbing the messages within the films?
Example: The brain changes in structure and function to accommodate frequent input (such as learning an instrument).
The more the brain processes say, playing the violin, the more it prioritizes the structures and functions needed to play the violin. More connections, stronger connections, faster connections.
Now add neuroplasticity to general societal attitudes and positive and negative reinforcement, and you’ll see that watching romcoms IS learning. And what exactly is the viewer learning from these “chick flicks”?
When people pick out a romcom to watch, they want a happy love story. They don’t want to think or be challenged with tough history or divergent life experiences. They don’t want to have questions running through their minds while trying to relax into the film.
Add to that, the majority of Hollywood power players are white males. [Gay activists say a there’s a strong undercurrent of homophobia in the movie community that has caused many homosexual executives to remain in the closet, and actors of both sexual orientations to shun overtly gay roles for fear of hurting their careers.] Stories created by any other type of person don’t make it very far, because movie financing is tricky, and decision-makers are risk-averse. Appealing to the largest (paying) demographic is safe. Doing what has been successful before is more certain. Thus, the genre is formulaic: Man + Woman (both cis, straight, usually white, always conventionally attractive) have a series of miscommunications leading to a heteronormative romance and happily ever after (that 1950s $hit, if you will).
Other races, ethnicities, sexualities, and lifestyles are portrayed at a superficial level and stereotypical manner, if they are shown at all:
Black Women-
Example: 10 Things I Hate About You
Black Men-
The villainous stereotype will hopefully become an endangered species in Hollywood. POC have already made it quite clear that they are fed up with appearing in movies as muggers, pimps and other disreputable characters. Arab Americans say they are sick of being typecast as terrorists. And Native Americans have had it with being portrayed as brutish scalp-craving savages (played by Hispanic or brown-face actors).
Now gay activists are taking to the streets to decry the growing number of movies that, they say, are stereotyping them. Activists have successfully forced their concerns about gay images in the movies out into the open. They argue that all the onscreen mayhem is inciting real-life violence against members of their community. A five-city survey conducted by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute reports a 31% increase in gay-bashing incidents, including a jump in the number of anti-gay murders to eight, from three in 1990.
Gay Men-
With few exceptions, the homosexual characters in movies are campy caricatures like the ultra-fey wedding consultant played by Martin Short in Father of the Bride. The issue with LGBTQ+ characters in such movies is that they are rarely multi-faceted characters with well-thought-out backstories. Instead, their sole personality trait is their sexuality, and every action they take — from the outfit they wear to the discussions they engage in — mirrors and further pushes an outdated ideology about LGBTQ+ people that is ridden with harmful stereotypes. From the “Kissing Booth” and “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” series to movies such as “Prom,” which received scathing reviews for its flamboyant, stereotype-reliant characters, one thing is becoming increasingly clear: token LGBTQ+ characters that can be counted on one hand are not and will never be a stand-in for movies displaying real, authentic, joyous, and long overdue LGBTQ+ love.
Lesbians-
Rarely included. Sometimes the funny best friend. If it’s a supposedly sapphic plot, it focuses on the struggle of being WLW, and rather than a lighthearted love story we get yearning, so much yearning!
The bulk of lesbian characters are usually portrayed incorrectly, falling victim to stereotypes such as Big Boo on Orange is the New Black. That character isn’t an exception to the rule, she’s just a more fleshed out version of the same old predatorial butch stereotype. On the other side of the coin (wait that sounds like 50:50 representation, more like the other 98% of the time) lesbian characters are objectified. They are conventionally pretty, feminine with long hair, soft features and girlfriends who carry a similar aesthetic. It can feel as though they were created for the male gaze or to satisfy some kind of sexual fantasy for the audience.
Butch (actually butch) lesbians are largely still MIA. They’re treated either as the anti-sex symbol, or just like guys. Julie said, “I do think that’s the problem with butch lesbians-people see them like men so why would you give a part to a butch lesbian when you could just have a man do it?”
Bisexuals-
Portrayed as basically an edgy or quirky straight lady. Conventionally attractive, read: White, thin, but maybe brunette hair instead of blonde. She dips her toe (ha! let’s leave it at that for the purpose of this post) in sapphic waters, but the film will treat it as a confused, flaky anomaly, not a fully formed sexuality. And of course, by the end of the movie this bisexual character usually gets her $hit together, reforms [film’s vibe, not my sentiment] and ends up with a man.
Trans-
Excluded altogether, or allegorical (think Pretty Women with a shameful secret to change and hide), or worse, cross-dressing comedic relief.
Some small films are being made and released independently. But industry insiders attribute the dearth of mainstream LGBTQ films to the fact that movies with those themes don’t do well commercially. Joel Schumacher, director of Flatliners and Dying Young says, “The business doesn’t care what you do in bed, but it does care what you do at the box office.”
So you see, the comfortable storylines in romcoms are excluding and “othering” identities that do not align.
But this is WOMEN’s genre-hello, “chick flick” ! Girls and Ladies are the biggest consumers. Females star in the movie, their stories are centered, many of these characters are independent and successful, and they end up happy.
But even then, it’s not what it seems. Women are portrayed in a flat, binary way: There’s the desperate to find a man type of gal or the serious, un-fun workaholic that isn’t desirable or right for a man.
Femininity is a highly prescribed, oft deal breaking affliction. Too much is desperate, uncool, and undesirable. Too little is icy, intimidating, and ugly. The woman at the beginning of the film must change in order to secure the man. The woman at the end of the movie in more palatable and agreeable (to men). These movies are a roadmap for how real life women should act (if they want to get a guy).
Too Feminine-
Example: 10 Things I Hate About You:
[I’m really not picking on this movie specifically, it just works well for many of these points]
Not Feminine Enough-
All too often, pop culture dictates that women must choose, and that “career” is the wrong choice. Society needs to remember that these options are not mutually exclusive, and that we can have both.
Despite actresses starring in “chick flicks” the power dynamics in romcoms are still skewed toward men:
Is she really the lead?
Employment-
Example: Bridget Jones’ Diary-
Age-
And this film phenomenon absolutely translates to real life:
These movies don’t just pigeonhole race, ethnicity, sexuality, and femininity.
Masculinity is very narrowly defined as well
Women, have you ever found yourself at a point where you sit and think, “Why aren’t all guys caring, romantic, falling in love with me, deliciously attractive, and willing to do anything for my love?” Are these movies messing with our perception of love and making our standards impossible for guys?
The lead man always has those same set of physical characteristics that we talked about above. But more than that, he has to change by the end of the movie as well. Almost every romcom transforms a grim, sloppy, selfish boy/man, who is anti-marriage or doesn’t know what he wants into the ultimate Greek god and perfect partner going out of his way to dote on his woman.
Another common theme in romcoms is the expectation that men are mind readers and know what the female lead wants and needs without her communicating those feelings. In 10 Things I Hate About You, Kat and Patrick never confess their feelings for one another until the very end. Kat writes a poem in class listing all of the things she hates about Patrick after they broke their relationship off due to Patrick not telling Kat how he feels. In these movies, men don’t want to be vulnerable and confess their feelings. Well, vulnerability must take place for romance because how else can your crush convey their feelings? Communication is necessary to move on and improve our relationships.
Romantic comedies have put men on this pedestal of who should be the “romantic one” in a relationship. A crucial part of every romcom is that all men will go out of their way to gain love. Romantic gestures, intimate gifts, and flying across the states to ask you to marry him are all tactics we have seen numerous times. Although some women would like to agree that a man should make the first move to be a romantic companion, women can too.
One Psychology Today article explains: Over time, we consciously and unconsciously internalize cultural norms, evaluating ourselves and others in comparison to them. Given this, it doesn’t seem like a stretch to assume watching hours and hours of romantic comedies may somehow reset some internal switch about the power disparity between, well, everyone except cis, straight white males. And maybe even our own self-esteem, expectations as women, career ambitions, or perception of what a relationship should look like.
A team at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh studied the top 40 box office films released between 1995 and 2005, to establish common themes. The team produced a study in 2008. They asked hundreds of people to fill out a questionnaire to describe their beliefs and expectations when it came to relationships. The results showed that the fans of films such as You’ve Got Mail, The Wedding Planner, and While You Were Sleeping, frequently fail to communicate with their partners effectively. Many of them held the view that “if someone is meant for you, then they should know what you want without you needing to tell them.” Dr. Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist who led the research, told that Marriage counselor’s often meet with these people that have this mindset and also believe that sex should always be perfect. The team drew conclusions from the study suggesting that the popular media plays a role in putting these ideas in women minds.
Dr. Holmes expressed, “People feel like if their relationships are not like a Hollywood film, then it is not any good. Time and energy needs to be invested for it to work.”
RomCom Expectations can Increase Tolerance for Abuse
Consider How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, in which a big-city magazine editor gets caught up in a “love competition” with the publication’s advertising executive, who is secretly in on the bet.
or You’ve Got Mail, where a local bookshop owner gets run out of business — but ultimately winds up with the businessman whose chain bookstore replaced her own.
Or Never Been Kissed, when a shy newspaper reporter poses as a student to get a second chance at high school, but falls in love with the English teacher who thinks she is just one of his students.
You’ll notice that these relationships are not equal. Some of these situations are just plain rude. Would you seriously consider a relationship with the man who ran you out of business? Some of these plot points are based on fireable or criminal offenses on the part of the men. It’s never okay to date your student, even if it turns out she’s of age. Men carry the upper hand in these films, whether through implied financial success (advertising or business executive), authority (English teacher to someone thought to be a student), or both, it’s sometimes subtle, but it’s there.
This absolutely impacts real life
Movies watched during an impressionable period can have a huge role in the misconceptions that girls (and boys) have when it comes to relationships. If a guy treats you poorly, he likes you. If you argue a lot with another person, it means you have chemistry. “No” just means she’s playing hard to get. You can see where this is headed, and it’s worth an entire post of it’s own.
The comforting feeling of sitting down to watch a romantic tear-jerker is something viewers hold dear, and Valentine’s Day is just a real life example of romcoms playing out. This is the IRL day that everything you’ve soaked up from romcom movies can come true! Researchers believe that the influence of Hollywood films is implanting a sense of “perfect” relationship within society and providing unrealistic expectations about romance. In the same way the porn industry might dictate a man’s expectations in bed (choking, rape fantasy, the money shot) [Sidenote: I’m not here to kink-shame, but at the same time I’m not sure women are driving these trends. “see yer therapist” as Joey from ‘I Think Not’ podcast would say]. Romcoms influence what women desire and expect on the day of romance.
But it’s time to be aware. A closer look at the problematic themes and toxic couples in “chick flicks” reveals the consistent trend in how minorities, women, men, and relationships are presented under Hollywood’s spotlight. While it’s one thing to know the films are unrealistic, and maybe even transition away from this genre (trust me, every genre has it’s problems and we’ll get to that) it’s harder to rewire an internal bias or learned behavior. It’s a good idea to make a conscious effort to notice some of the lingering after-effects that may result from years of exposure to this rom-com genre, and it’s real life iteration, Valentine’s Day.
Sources:
https://www.thealinemag.com/entertainment-socialmedia/the-toxic-reality-of-rom-coms
https://womensmediacenter.com/fbomb/the-problem-with-rom-coms
https://movieweb.com/romantic-comedies-popular-why/
https://www.34st.com/article/2021/02/romantic-comedy-diversity-bipoc-hollywood-representation
https://bouqs.com/blog/valentines-day-statistics-survey
https://business.yougov.com/content/45117-how-will-americans-spend-valentines
https://today.yougov.com/entertainment/articles/45146-americans-relationship-romantic-comedies-poll
https://www.movieguide.org/news-articles/who-goes-to-the-movies-4.html
https://www.jonathanwstokes.com/blog/2015/04/18/are-romantic-comedies-profitable
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnins.2021.630829/full
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-16592-y
https://www.vice.com/en/article/3kxzpv/rom-com-queer-viewer
https://www.autostraddle.com/queering-the-canon-where-are-all-the-trans-rom-coms
https://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,975226-2,00.html
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