First a very quick lesson in (internalized) misogyny:
We live in a patriarchy, a sociopolitical and cultural system that values masculinity over femininity (Ferguson). Misogyny is perpetuated by our surroundings even in subconscious ways, so we are saturated by the confines of gender. Since we are indoctrinated by underrepresentation & sexist representation, misogyny becomes an ingrained cultural norm. Double standards are so embedded in our culture we often don’t recognize when we’re reinforcing them. A “boys will be boys” attitude and judging a women’s appearance more harshly than a man’s are two examples. “Even when we may be aware of the gender roles and stereotypes at play, we still can internalize some deeply-rooted misogyny from what we’ve been taught. We must make a conscious effort to reconsider these thought processes and undo the damage, ” (Gudenau).
In 2014, Taylor Swift made a conscious choice to become a feminist:
Swift told the magazine over her avoidance of the issue [of feminism] earlier in her career. “I think that when I used to say, ‘Oh, feminism’s not really on my radar,’ it was because when I was just seen as a kid, I wasn’t as threatening. I didn’t see myself being held back until I was a woman.” She continued, “Misogyny is ingrained in people from the time they are born. So to me, feminism is probably the most important movement that you could embrace, because it’s just basically another word for equality” (https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/taylor-swift-talks-feminism-misogyny-in-maxim-38970/)
Let’s Talk “Infantilization” in the context of sociology & women, in particular:
Infantilization starts, really at the beginning of history. We won’t go into that here, or the Greeks and their “boy love” but I suggest reading up on it, as it’s very compelling history. For the purpose of this post, we will start at World War II (1941-1945 for U.S. involvement). When large numbers of men were sent to fight, it became common for women to take over what were considered to be male jobs so that the economy would remain stable and production would continue. Although this was framed as a patriotic duty, many women enjoyed the autonomy and independence that employment afforded them and were disappointed when they had to give them up after the war ended.
Having proven that they were fully capable of independence during the war years, women presented a threat to male authority and were potential competition for employment. Treating women like children strengthened and perpetuated the notion that women could not care for themselves without a man. It was a way of reigning in independent women and infantilization was in large part a means by which men could regain control of women.
Television at the time (which often reinforces the social norms) portrayed the acceptable station of women by telling simple stories that portray idealized families in a safe and comfortable world. These shows produce a sense of nostalgia and a certain level of enjoyment, but look deeper and feel stunned by the ways in which the female characters are treated like children by the men around them. The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, Leave it to Beaver, and Father Knows Best all capture this sentiment well. . . In the case of I Love Lucy, the series’ main character was often treated like a child by her husband, which included demeaning language and, in some cases, spanking. For Lucy, and many other women during this era, infantalization was a means of controlling women and perpetuating the myth that without men (a father figure), they were incapable of caring for themselves or exercising autonomy.
(https://study.com/academy/lesson/infantilization-of-women-definition-significance.html)
Let’s move on to the song at hand:
We discussed how we’re overwhelmed with misogyny, even subconsciously, by living in a world that values the masculine over feminine. We have internalized those ideas, and perpetuate them, even unknowingly. We discussed how infantilization was used in the 1950s to convince women to leave the workplace because they needed a man to survive. And we went over how, in 2014, around the 1989 era, Taylor Swift said she had previously unaware feminism impacted her, but she felt the pressures of it more and more as she aged [and achieved more power].
My assessment is that infantilization, which still acts upon girls and women in current times, was deep-seated in Taylor’s psyche. Just as that social tool has been internalized by most all of us, women, and men. She wrote a song about her life at the time. It’s a nice little story, with a sentimental bent:
Your little hand’s wrapped around my finger
And it’s so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter ’cause you’re dreamin’
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
Taylor emphasizes how comfortable and loved this child is. They are tucked in and made to feel safe and peaceful. This is a very idealized version of kids, and what it’s like to be one, with no tantrums or messes, no imperfect family life. Only the good parts are mentioned here. It relates to the 1950s television shows conveying a secure, comfortable home where men go to work, women keep house, and children are well-mannered. Perfect.
To you, everything’s funny
You got nothing to regret
Taylor gives us examples of how children are carefree and innocent, with an obvious wistfulness. Taylor wishes she could rewind time for herself. These lines tell the listener that she has experienced the more serious side of life as she’s aged. She has made mistakes she may regret. It would be a lot more cozy and happy if she could go back to that comfy bed in the first verse. The lines also convey that life gets more difficult as we gain awareness and make more social connections.
I’d give all I have honey
If you could stay like that
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won’t let nobody hurt you
Won’t let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up
This chorus. It’s the most obvious example of what I’m trying to say, infantilization is at play here. The ‘never grow ups’ relate to the Peter Pan references later written in cardigan. In the music video, Taylor follows magical golden glitter from scene to scene. It looks just like the pixie dust Peter uses to help Wendy fly off to Neverland, and conveys how beautiful remaining a child is is both Peter’s story and Taylor’s mind. And in Miss Americana, Taylor tells the audience that there is a saying that people get frozen in the age they got famous and she felt that applied to her, confirming her choice/circumstance.
You’re in the car on the way to the movies
And you’re mortified your mom’s droppin’ you off
At fourteen, there’s just so much you can’t do
And you can’t wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don’t make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she’s gettin’ older too
In this verse, Taylor addresses an older child, maybe even herself as a teen. She indicates adolescents want independence and freedom. They begin to push away from caring parents. But she reminds the teen that parents have feelings too, so have empathy. She finishes the verse:
And don’t lose the way that you dance
Around in your PJs getting ready for school
Taylor continues, to show the difference between youthful innocence and the shame that comes with being an adult. She uses the dancing example after the ’embarrassed to get dropped off’ lines, to show that teenagers are beginning to be influenced by society’s perception of them. They become aware of social norms and may repress their natural behavior to abide by the rules set for them. Taylor is glorifying the freedom of childhood here just as she did in seven, “Before I learned civility/I used to scream ferociously/Any time I wanted.” In both instances, Taylor misses the times when she was free to be herself and not have to abide by a patriarchal society’s conditioning.
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
Taylor is insistent in the chorus, growing up is worse. And the lyrics, “when you are young they assume you know nothing,” could also tie back into the Peter Pan cardigan references. It might refer to how, although Peter Pan and the Lost Boys could never grow up or fall in love, they still knew the magic of Neverland and its fairies, talking crocodiles, pirates, and all sorts of things that adults never could.
And no one’s ever burned you
Nothing’s ever left you scarred And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up
These lines are drawing on personal experience. Taylor, herself, has been burned and scarred, now that she’s older. As a child, she was protected from the outside world, kind of like the wives and children in the 1950s shows. Father was the one who braved the mean, outside world and the family lived in a protective (if not restrictive) cocoon. Taylor says as she gained the freedom of adulthood, she had to pay the price of being exposed to pain.
Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother’s favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone
This part is very sentimental. It shows how young adults feel when they are leaving the comfort and familiarity of their childhood home and family. It’s a very common feeling of fear of the unknown and reluctance to take the leap to independence. This bridge is a reason many people gravitate to this song. It’s their same experience as Seniors in high school, and Taylor captures the hesitancy perfectly. It’s exactly these uncertainties exploited by infantilization.
So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It’s so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on
Now, Taylor brings the song to the first person and talks about her own situation directly. She has finally gained the independence she had been longing for as a teen, but it’s lonely, and she has to soothe and comfort herself. Nobody is there to tuck her in. It’s not the freedom she had imagined as a teen, and she wants to reverse her aging process to feel that comfort again. She has fully embraced patriarchy’s teachings that women need someone to care for them.
Wish I’d never grown up
I wish I’d never grown up Oh, I don’t wanna grow up
Wish I’d never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don’t wanna grow up
Wish I’d never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won’t let nobody hurt you
Won’t let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up
Oh, oh
Don’t you ever grow up
Oh (never grow up)
Just never grow up
This song is a cautionary tale about being careful what you wish for. Taylor took for granted how comfortable and free she was as a child when she pushed for more independence as a teen. As she got more freedoms, Taylor was concurrently hurt like never before. And when independence was realized it felt like a letdown, cold and empty. The beginning of the song is warm and lovely, the end is cold and regretful. Never grow up, she cautions, or you might feel this bad also.
Misogyny is internalized when women or men subconsciously absorb sexist beliefs through socialization. Women, in this case, Taylor Swift, can also hold an unconscious bias toward their own gender. Just as the 1950s television shows contributed to the belief (by both men and women themselves) that women were a generally inferior gender, this song shows aging and becoming independent is a perilous, unhappy event. Internalized misogyny is projected onto oneself and others by all of us (Gudenau). And I believe an overemphasis on the happiness and comfort of childhood combined with the doubt that Taylor Swift can be happy tucking herself in, is an example of another women succumbing to infantilization. Society tells women they need a man to be comfortable and happy, thus we believe that. And knowing Taylor’s lyrical story, we know there were consequences for her getting stuck at the age that she got famous. The line, “Peter losing Wendy,” in cardigan, evokes the song’s theme of losing someone because you can’t grow up. Just as Peter had to lose Wendy since he couldn’t really love her, and she went to grow up without him, Taylor lost someone because she didn’t want to grow up, either. Internalized infantilization had her stuck.
Luckily, as I have already alluded, Taylor saw the truth. Society tries to convince women they’re more happy being taken care of as a way to reign in female power. And now she sings The Man, a song about how her life would be different if she was treated like a man.
Tags: employment, misogyny, moving, patriarchy, Speak Now, Taylor Swift, television
kit10phish.wordpress.com 
Catty Remarks