Tag Archives: gay

Mary-Married

23 Feb

When I talked to my Mom on the phone this week, she was telling me Del Minor (Mary’s mom) died at the beginning of the month.  Shaun (Mary’s gossipy sister-in-law) was being all shady when my mom asked when the funeral was going to be.  Obviously, Del was a central figure in our town and my mom knew her and thus wanted to pay her respects.  But after asking Shaun a couple of times and being told noncommittal answers my parents saw in the news that the funeral had taken place—2 days prior.  So I guess our family was blacklisted, which is shitty, though they probably could have looked in the news or talked to someone else about the date and time if they had really wanted to go.  But oh well.

 

So that night, I looked online to read the obituary.  And there it was—they listed the survivors.  And they listed them as couples.  There was several of Mary’s older siblings, then Tom (Mary’s brother) and his wife Shaun.  Then last in oldest to youngest order:  Mary Minor and this new name- Sandra __________.  At first I thought it was some kind of typo—they put one of Del’s sibs next to her youngest child’s name accidentally.  Because the Mary I know would never have her private life broadcast.  Especially if the town of Dayton was to see it.  Plus, how in the world would she even be with anyone?!

 

But I looked up the gal’s name online—and sure enough, there was not only a marriage announcement of Mary and this gal-but a picture!  I still would have doubted t, just because it was so out of character for Mary.  I mean, this is the person, who when I realized I was gay at the tender age of 18, she took my in the bathroom at work, with the fan on, and asked that I not tell her secret.  No regard for what I must have been feeling, how shell-shocked I might be–just ‘don’t tell anyone that she’s gay.’  But they blog supplemented the announcement with a picture.  So I knew without a doubt it was the same Mary I knew (past tense intentional).  Also, this Tahoe wedding happened in 2013? So I’m way behind the scene.  Which is good, because thinking about Mary and the cabin-mansion makes me feel icky inside and makes me have nightmares.  I had even asked my mom not to share the gossip she gleaned from Shaun or the community, because I don’t want to think about that part of my life.  And I guess that was necessary because even though Mary saw Shaun as an enemy when I knew her, Shaun must have gotten the picture that we are not on good terms, so she stopped sharing any information with my mom–she didn’t know.  And as much as I don’t like to think about those dark times, and dark characters, part of me wished I would have known—just for curiosity’s sake.

 

Obviously, a lot has changed.  The Mary I knew was an absolute PILL because she was such a closet-case.  Like, Kim and her were together for 6 years or something when they moved together to Dayton, and Mary was so secretive that she wouldn’t wear their ring on her left hand.  And when they moved neighborhoods, they did it at night—to escape prying eyes.  She never acknowledged who Kim was—even though it was fairly obvious.

 

Also Mary was a MESS when I went back in 2009.  Her and Kim were pretty over.  Mary played the part of the Godfather.  Cold and calculating and in control of the people around her and the information exchanged.  She was cheating with the hairdresser.  She invited me there, gave me my job back, then scapegoated me–I suspect because I knew too much and I was not an adequate replacement for her dead niece Brenna.  She was such an awful person at that time that I questioned if she had ever been a good influence in my life.  Had she always had sketchy ethics and I had been too naive to see it?  All I knew is that I was disillusioned and never wanted to have her in my life again.  When she subscribed to my Facebook page (really stupid because FB notifies you) I blocked her.  Just so she doesn’t exsist anywhere in my life.  And I would be horrified if I ran into her (which is highly plausible in a small town) when visiting my parents.  So with all those feelings, and my insider knowledge at least of that time in her life, it’s hard to imagine she’s OK enough now to attract a new girlfriend—let alone someone who wants to marry her.

 

And the fact the marriage was posted online and done in Tahoe was completely different from the Mary I knew.  I come back to it, jst because it astounds me.  I guess she’s grown as a person, so that’s good for her.  I can’t help but wonder if she’s alright now, or just the same shit-head with a new wife to treat badly and make disappear.  Mary has a way of dominating and being Godfather that makes other disappear.  She controls those in her inner circle, hides things from those outside, and annihilates those she deems enemies–however small their perceived infraction.  I say perceived, because Mary herself knows a few of those people were only defending themselves against her attacks–they didn’t do anything to warrant her wrath.  I have to wonder-Would we have animosity or see 2009 as a bad scene for both of us?  Water under the bridge or enemies forever?  I really don’t know, but her seemingly new outlook on life makes me wonder.

 

Also, does Kim know?  Is she coherent enough to?  Do Mary and her talk or hate one another?  And what does Mary see their relationship as?  A mistake?  Or does she see that she choked the life out of Kim, squashed her spirit until nothing but alcoholic coping and emptiness were left?  Kim probably had a genetic predisposition, and Mary fostered those drinking ways, but in the end, I think the seclusion and control are what really did Kim in.  And nows she’s just a shell of who she used to be.  I feel sorry about that, yet I don’t talk to her either, because there’s just nothing there.

 

I had so many questions!  And the whole thing gave me just icky feelings of remembrance.  One thing you can count on Dayton for is gossip.  I’ll hear eventually.

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Sunday: Redemption DAVE (+ forgotten details) [4 of 4]

15 Sep

See what I did there?

SUNDAY:

First thing in the morning I went for my run down River Road.  I however, did not repeat Saturday’s mistake.  I started my mile going up hill so that I could finish on a downhill and things worked out much better!  Also, it was beautiful running near a (un-poisoned) river, surrounded by forest and orchards.  Central Washington is very beautiful.  Too bad there’s no jobs.

33rd birthday camping 021

We hung out with Cool’s friend awhile longer before getting ready to go back to the Gorge.  I tried to fix my hair as I had planned and practiced, but traveling always makes my hair icky.  Maybe my travel shampoo is crummy. . .  My hair was very fly-away and I could tell I was going to have to stand there fighting with it for 40 minutes to get it to do what I wanted.  Instead, I took the easy way out and asked Cool’s friend (who owns her own hairdressing business) to do 2 french braids.  She asked if I wanted 4, and not wanting to take advantage or suck up her time, I said I thought 2 would keep my hair out of hair sundaymy face alright.

The wind was Kra-zzzy! It was reminiscent of Nevada. I wished I had asked for 2 more french braids because my hair would not stay out of my face for 0.2 seconds. I hate that!

Our tailgating was fun–Cool beat me in 3 straight rounds of Go Fish and even let me draw an eyeliner Firedancer on her forearm.  I looked at the sticker on her car window for proportions, but it’s hard–and you can’t (easily) erase errant marks when working with skin and eyeliner.  I did the best I could, and Cool looked a little skeptical of the results and said she might remove it.SEATS-the gorge 042

We continued to eat and drink our snacks, having plenty left over for the ride home, and the next week even.  It was fun and everyone was on their best behavior and getting along.  Soon, random people parked in our vicinity came over to ask about Cool’s home-made arm tat.  They exclaimed at how awesome it looked!  I was like, “Thanks for coming over–she didn’t like it!”  And the gal said she’d tried to draw one too, but it proved very difficult–even though the Firedancer looks simplistic.  The guy agreed it was a good rendition, and they walked back to their car.  After that Cool seemed proud of it.

I had to change out of my super-cute flip flops.  Because my feet were still boneless, skinless chicken from the plastic damage Friday.  And they matched my outfit and necklace PERFECTLY!  But alas, I had to put on my sensible running sneaks, and thankfully they were orange and matched my outfit.  Though They were certainly not as cool or cute.

no more flops

We went into the venue early again to check out that night’s poster and merch.  Before we went in I should mention that I checked, confirmed, and double checked with Cool whether we should bring the poster along.  It was very, VERY windy and gusting terribly, and if she wasn’t going to hold it, I didn’t want to bother around with it.  As a matter of fact, had we actually held it Friday, I wouldn’t have taken it around again, because the wind was so severe.  She said she wanted it, so I carried it around, in the wind, again.  That night’s special collector’s edition poster was a dinosaur!  So we bought it to commemorate the occasion, as well as a shirt for whoever would win the setlist game(I knew I would!)  that night.

We went looking for our seats knowing these would be further back (row 22 vs 13 on Friday) and realized that our section was much closer!  We were actually front and center, rather than skewed to stage right, and 22 rows counted the pit!!!  We were actually 7 chairs back 😀  These were amazing tickets (thanks Mom and Dad!) and this was going to be a good, good time.

They also have a (new?) viewing area we had never noticed before.  It was immediately adjacent to the stage and overlooked the gorge canyon and Columbia River.  It was a beautiful view except for 3 things:  They made you wear an alcohol arm band to get in, after checking IDs (apparently kids are not allowed to look at nice scenery), the wind was crazy on an edge, with no wind barriers, and there was so, so, so much TRASH.  People from the venue had tossed or lost their empties.  Or the wind caught it and the staff didn’t bother to pick it up.  It really marred the vibe and made me disappointed in humanity.  Such a nice spot ruined by beer cans. . .

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Dave always does this really cool thing and comes out to personally introduce the opener.  It makes the audience feel like Dave likes them so we should give them more of a chance–which is neat.  Because usually, the crowd is a little disgruntled and unaccepting of whoever is keeping them from the headliner.  Dave came out (per the usual) to warm us up to Brandi.  But I was unimpressed by what he said about her, “She’s hot.”  Instead of saying how talented she is, or how nice, he decided to objectify her.  Which I’m sure he did for the testosterone-fueled fratty staple fans, to get on to her.  After all, the dude knows his audience–but I didn’t like it all the same.  And he did this both nights we attended, adding in Sunday the twins were also hot and he’d follow the band around to look at them *gag*.

Brandi played almost the same setlist all 3 nights. Which was good, but she has a large enough catalogue that she didn’t have to. And even if she wanted to stick with covers instead of all her own material I think Johnny Cash would have gone over well. And John Denver. But no complaints here–she is always a treat to watch. I just wondered about the rationale.  But the crowd caught on big-time to her (they always do) and filled in much earlier then they had Friday.  I was glad to see Brandi had made so many new fans.  Though also unhappy because the more fans she gets, the harder it will be to meet her–and the more crowded and expensive her concerts.  She’s no longer our little secret.

Cool and I did some swaying together during her set, but the wind was outrageous, and kept blowing my hair in my face.  Which I can’t stand.  And Cool wanted to hold the poster instead of propping it under a chair as we had Friday, so she really had to work to hold it.  But we had fun together anyway.  We were out to have an exceptional time on Sunday.

We held our “Raise Hell Brandi” sign up high and since we were close and center, she actually saw it and pointed at it, Brandi with our sign 2acknowledging us!!!  What a moment!  I gave her a thumbs up, not knowing what the procedure is supposed to be when a famous person points at the sign you worked so hard on, carried through gusting wind for an afternoon, and held up with a death grip to keep from blowing away.  After that, I got cold and wanted to put on my sweatshirt–but just in case Brandi saw us later or wanted to meet these fans who made HER a sign at a DMB concert, I wanted to be sure I was wearing the same, recognizable bright tank I’d been wearing when she pointed at our poster.

I needn’t have worried, because I did not see Brandi after she left the stage.  Of course.  But the DMB fans were filtering in, and I was really hoping the crowd around us would not be pushing and smoking this night.  Dudes sat next to us.  One was asking me all kinds of questions, and I couldn’t tell if he was a friendly sort or getting his flirt on.  But then he asked me who I came with (Cool was in the bathroom at the time) and I said my mate.  Nobody understands what the Fu(k that means, but I like it.  And I absolutely HATE “partner” or worse, “lover.”  And “girlfriend” doesn’t really do us justice anymore, so “mate” it is–confusing or not.  Another drunk dude stumbled slowly down our row, and my neighbor said he was surprised when rainbow 8that dude passed us, as he thought it was my mate.  I had to explain that oh no, my mate is a short gal.  And my neighbor immediately turned to his friends–I’m pretty sure to say how unlucky he was that the chick he’s trying to scam on is gay.  But I couldn’t hear the, so maybe not.  When Cool came back, he of course made some suggestive jokes about a threesome–as ALL dudes do when confronted with lesbians.  But he was more funny than disgusting or offensive so we took it light-heartedly, and continued joking around with him throughout the night.  He didn’t come off as an aggressive creeper, and we were determined to have a better night.  And none of the people around us smoked!  Thank goodness.

I forgot to mention in the first writing that I got up to get water between acts.  The Gorge water is in some kind of milk carton.  It’s recyclable, and they can ship it flat for efficiency, and it was a huge hit in our seating area.  Everyone first wanted to know if I was drinking milk at a concert, then wanted me to read the carton’s benefits off the side for them.  When I came back to my seat, I thought somewhere along the line I might have stepped in $hit?!  I even checked the bottom of my sneakers (thank goodness no flops), but they were clean.  I looked about, thinking there must be poo about because it smelled.  I never did find it.  Maybe it was always there but the wind had been so wild it carried away the odor.  With all the people surrounding us the wind wasn’t so drastic, and I think it was settling down toward the evening.  But the smell–was awful!  Some super-drunk dude went down our row, talking as he stumbled.  When he was passed, one of our new seat buddies said his breath smelled of vomit.  He puked on the ground behind us apparently, and the venue did their best to clean it up amongst all the people, but could only do so much without chemicals and a hose.  I wondered what you have to eat for vomit to smell that bad.  It smelled like he ate $hit and vomited back out.  And that sort of lingered throughout the concert, lucky us.

Right before the show, of course, a tall, broad shouldered man stood immediately in front of us.  I’ve come to expect that, but this dude was like 6’5″ or taller, and his wife was an amazon too.  It pretty much obscured our view unless we craned around them one way or another.  Still, we were going to have fun, and going to see the stage since we got such stellar seats!

stage--gold light-blueDave came out and we held our sign up several times.  We played the setlist game and the people around us offered their inside knowledge of Saturday’s setlist and suggestions for what would get played this night.  Also, the people around us were quite excited about our sign, wanting to know what it said, encouraging us to hold it up, spotlighting it with a flashlight, and offering to get us Carter’s drumsticks if he threw one toward our poster.  It was a great vibe.

Ugh–the Lovely Ladies showed up. I can’t stand the way they change the sound of DMB, and they were a huge factor when I wasn’t an earlier fan of the band. Crash was amongst my 1st 12 CDs ever, but I hated Lovely Ladies and thought they were permanently part of the band’s sound, so strayed away from their music. I could ignore them on 2 songs, but they absolutely ruined “You and Me” which is normally one of my faves, and Cool and I were swaying to it–having a moment.

Cool and I danced, sang,  and got along famously throughout the whole show.  At one point we laughed and laughed because as Dave was singing “Squirm” the lyrics went “open your mouth and $hit comes out” which reminded us of the vomit.  And it was much better then Friday.  I had a DMB blue green lightsreally nice time at the show, and with her.

They ended the encore with “Shake me like a monkey” or as we like to call it–kick in the dick. Sorry Dave, you just can’t force a closer. If a song isn’t encore material, no amount of playing it last will make it so. Next time–“2 step.” Or just stop at “The Stone” because that would have been different and awesome.

I had to clean Cat’s Meow one last time, and thought I might try to get it done Monday.  And I thought I should do some studying the next day.  The concert ended at 11:35 PM (I just checked my FitBit step time to confirm this).  So instead of camping again (though it’s lovely) I decided to be a big-girl and drive us home that night.  What I didn’t anticipate was all the (drunk) traffic.  It took us a literal 20 minutes just to get out of our parking spot.  Then, it took another half hour to slowly wind through the dark, unmarked roads to I-90.  With normal traffic it takes about 15-20 minutes total.  So we didn’t really get going until 12:40AM (I know this because we stopped at the first rest stop to get snacks within reach and pee–and my FitBit recorded those steps).  It’s a 2.5 hour drive, but I can never fall asleep in a non-bed situation.  Cool stayed awake and talked to me the whole time, which is unusual and awesome.  Having company without nagging for it worked out a lot better!  I started getting really tired around 2:30AM, but we were IN Spokane, so we didn’t have far to go at all.  And I have to say, that drive was much better in the dark.  Between Mosis Lake and Cheney, there is nothing but dirt, so I actually felt like the time passed faster.  Maybe we’ll drive in the dark again next time we have to go through there. . .

I wasn’t as productive as I had hoped Monday, and of course I couldn’t clean work because the book-keeper was already there when I showed up.  But it was nice to be home and have a whole day to rest before school and work resumed.

Sunday panarama

So there it is–the whole Labor Dave Weekend + Brandi Carlile story of 2014.  Cool has been to the Gorge to see DMB 24 times–and saw him in CA an additional 3 times) so she’s a big fan.  And these were my 3rd and 4th shows.  I wish it could be an annual thing, but I’m afraid this might be our last year.  Next year, we’re (barring school rejections) moving to Utah, and it’ll be too far, and too expensive to go during the school year.  Maybe DMB or Brandi or both (are you guys reading this???!!!!!  Hint, hint.)  will play Red Rocks and we’ll get to go there instead. . .

Scripture is a Distance-Maker

27 Jun

Mostly it makes me sad when Dayton has ignorant, hateful, judgments.

Here is my rambling rant sadness:  And quoting verse only creates more of a divide.  When religious people dehumanize thegod hates fag idiot argument and start quoting verses, it does 2 things:  Quickly renders the more liberal or gay person quiet–as they (usually) cannot, from memory, quote opposing verses.  Squarely places the argument inside a book that does not have an equal value to each side of the argument.  The church person has placed faith into the word of the book as coming straight from God, while the other side, may think the book is inaccurate, pieced together by the most influential people of the day, interpreted in such a way as to accomplish current ends, and not scientifically proven.  No matter what the thoughts about the Bible, each side is now focusing on its contents rather than the current effects on actual human lives and relationships.

What I think church is supposed to do for people:

-Give them a safe, hopeful feeling because life, choices, death, and the after-life are in someone else’s capable hands.

*This requires faith.

-Bring people closer together.  Through common beliefs, values, and goals.

*This means pledging allegiance to the doctrine, attending group services and events, and having a common cause.

-Support those less fortunate and educate them.

*”less fortunate” is subjective, as in the case of Native Americans.  Educate means indoctrinate into the popularly held religious convictions.

rainbow 3 (2)I’m not saying these goals or the requirements to achieve them are right or wrong.  Religion can be a very positive, uplifting thing.  BUT we have to remember religion is an institution with a power structure.  And capital behind it.  So good intentions can be skewed by those at the top in order to make money ultimately.  Churches need more and increasing members to pay their bills.  They need those people to unquestioningly act for their church.  And the goals may get icky depending on the political agenda of the leaders.

So back to Dayton.  A small, conservative town, where the biggest employer is the school district.  This means most education goes as high as a Masters degree.  It also means the incomes stop in the $50,000/year mark.  If that.  And peopleVC cemetary may or may not have experienced travel and diversity.  I suspect most people have taken 1-2 big trips to other cultures and viewpoints if any.  So I’m not judging my town, but there are reasons they may have a more narrow life view.

Instead of judgement, I would like to see compassion.  Instead of heated arguments about verse, I want each side to stand in the shoes of the other party.  Really, I believe arguing with a fool–makes two.  I think the best way to handle such hateful attitudes is to be that person that lives an upstanding life.  A person that those Dayton people didn’t realize was gay.  It would show them the same person they always knew and liked, is still the same despite being gay too.  That is what really makes people change their views–knowing someone personally who doesn’t fall under the stereotypes.  Someone good, and kind, and educated.  I hope by living an upstanding life, and showing people through my actions that their hate and judgement is wrong–not the way I love, that real change can occur.

And I’m proud of my mom for having the courage and inclination to post a gay-positive sentiment on her Facebook, even if it was quickly shot down by well-intentioned, though ignorant people of Dayton.  I hope that doesn’t discourage her from changing her own mind to a more accepting viewpoint.

Suspicions Confirmed

26 Jun

A higher percentage of lesbians smoke and are overweight than straight women.  I think this, because it’s what I’ve rainbow 1encountered personally.  It’s what I’ve seen at the gay bars, at Pride, in LGBT organizations, in my friend and dating life, on the streets, on television, in movies, and per what I read about famous lesbians.  Now, research backs up my theory.

rainbow 4And it makes sense because marginalized populations are more susceptible to vices.  Anyone who faces discrimination must have a bit of self-hate to overcome.  Plus, if you’re already stigmatized for being gay, what’s the difference if you smoke as well?  Also, the gays have a larger disposable income.  And so they are targeted by advertisers.  And they have more time without kids.  And gays generally want to be around like-people (we all do) so where do you hang out?  Well, at gay bars–where smoking is commonplace.

And the weight issue?  Well, as a feminist, I do not prescribe to the strict beauty standard set by the patriarchy.  And I would guess most lesbians don’t either.  And without that constant pressure, we look–well, more portly as a group.  My guess is rainbow 8that lesbians take more stalk in a personality than physical attributes.    Also, I think a little self-esteem and boundary issues play a part.  Maybe lesbians let themselves go a little.  To prove they don’t need to please men?  To protect themselves with a physical layer of insulation?

Anyway, here are the facts from other sources that back up my claims:

-A new study from Community Marketing, Inc. provides insights about how gay men and lesbians spend their money and live their lives.  Gay men (27 percent) and lesbians (23 percent) smoke cigarettes at higher rates than the national averages for adult men (22 percent) and women (17 percent) (3).  Among rainbow 7homosexuals: 37% of women smoke; 33% of men smoke.  Among heterosexuals: 18% of women smoke; 24% of men smoke (4).

-Researchers say that lesbian women are more likely to smoke, drink and to be overweight, putting them at greater risk of health problems than other women, HealthScout reported April 17 (2).

-Roughly 56 percent of lesbians are current or former smokers, compared to 36 percent of straight women, and gay women are slightly more likely than other women to drink alcohol. Furthermore, about 28 percent of lesbians are obese, compared to 19 percent of heterosexual women (2).

-In all, 11,876 women were involved in the study. Eighty-seven percent of the women surveyed were self-defined lesbians, butterfly glitter rainbowwhile 12% considered themselves bisexual. (The researchers used the term “lesbian” to collectively refer to both groups.) (5).

-Nearly three in 10 lesbians surveyed were obese, compared with about one in five women overall; nevertheless, lesbians were less likely than average to consider themselves overweight (44% vs. 56%). Although there was no significant difference in current alcohol use between lesbians and women overall, the same was not true for problem drinking. More than 12% of lesbians reported having a history of problems with alcohol, a rate far higher than the 4% standardized estimate of women nationally who reported having five or more drinks almost every day. Lesbians were also more likely than average to rainbow 2currently use tobacco (21% vs. 16%) or to have used tobacco in the past (34% vs. 20%) (5).

-A comparison of these data with standardized estimates for all U.S. women suggests that lesbians and bisexual women are significantly more likely to be obese, smoke cigarettes and abuse alcohol (all known cancer risk factors). Furthermore, they are significantly less likely than average to have ever used oral contraceptives and to have ever been pregnant or given birth to a live infant (all shown to be protective against ovarian and endometrial cancer). Lesbians and bisexual women are also less likely than American women overall to have health insurance and to undergo cancer screenings (5).

These figures come from researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Published in the August issue of rainbow 9Tobacco Control, they’re based on a review of 42 studies about tobacco use among sexual minorities.

-The massive study was led by Elisabeth P. Gruskin, a public health researcher with Kaiser Permanente, and supported by the California Department of Public Health. Between July, 2003 and March, 2004 it dialed 187,000 telephone numbers in California, screened 31,000 households for eligibility, and completed nearly 3,000 survey interviews with adults, comparing those with the results of rainbow 5existing surveys of all Californians (1).

-Partly due to the tobacco industry’s relentless campaign to target gay men and women through bar promotions, sponsorships, andadvertisements in the queer press, LGBT adults and youth have roughly 40%-70% higher smoking rates than the general population; and bartenders and cocktail servers in LGBT oriented nightclubs are disproportionately exposed to secondhand smoke (7).

-According to the summary of an earlier report from the CDC, published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine in 2001:  Estimated smoking rates for lesbians, gays, and bisexuals ranged from 38% to 59% among youth and from 11% to rainbow tiny 150% among adults. National smoking rates during comparable periods ranged from 28% to 35% for adolescents and were approximately 28% for adults (4).

-I’ve just learned from NPR’s All Things Considered that in California, gay men and lesbians are 70 percent more likely to smoke than the general population (4).

-The 898 women participating in the survey divided fairly evenly: lesbian 34.2 percent, bisexual 29.3 percent, and women who have sex with women (WSW) 36.5 percent. The 1052 men showed stark division, with 85.4 percent identifying as gay, 7 percent as bisexual, and 7.6 percent as men who have sex with men (MSM). This gender rainbow fractaldichotomy reflects what seems to be a real difference in the way men and women experience sexual orientation (1).

-gay culture may be more accepting of lifestyle choices. Lesbians may also be less concerned about smoking and drinking because they’re less likely to have children, and more tolerant of weight (2).

-Tobacco companies also advertise heavily in gay magazines. . .  smoking is common in gay bars — often the center of lesbian social life (2).

-Likely explanations include the success of tobacco industry’s targeted marketing to gays and lesbians, as well as time spentlights in smoky social venues and stress from discrimination.” (4).

-As a matter of fact, childless households (whether gay or straight) spend, on average, 56 percent more on cigarettes and alcohol than their childbearing neighbors. (Among households where the parents have some education, the discrepancy is my x-mas 14even larger.) Nor is there anything mysterious about why. First, parents have extra reasons to live long and stay healthy, both so they can be there when their kids need them and so they can enjoy the company of their grandchildren. Second, parents have extra expenses—starting with diapers and continuing through college tuition—that leave less disposable income for cigarettes. Third, a lot of parents don’t like the idea of smoking in front of their children (6).

-Among the general population, 68 percent of women had never smoked, while in the study population those numbers were 43 percent of lesbians, 51.3 percent of bisexual women, and 21.5 percent of WSW.  Gay men were more likely to smoke than the general population (27.3 percent vs. 19.7 percent), while the smoking rates for bisexual and MSM did not differ significantly from the general population (1).sparkle-stripe

-When data from the males and females were combined, the study participants were much more likely to be heavy daily smokers than the general population (G/L 22.2 percent, bisexual 22.6 percent, same-sex partners 29.7 percent) (1).

-People 18 to 24 are more likely to smoke than those who are older (24 percent vs. 20 percent), but they are highly motivated to quit (1).

1.)  http://www.pridesource.com/article.html?article=25854

2.)  http://www.drugfree.org/join-together/drugs/lesbians-more-likely-to-smoke

3.)  http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2012/08/03/636731/new-survey-provides-unique-insights-into-gay-and-lesbian-consumer-habits/?mobile=nc

4.)  http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/07/gays-lesbians-smoking-study-.html

5.)  http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3318301.html

6.)  http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/everyday_economics/2003/08/why_do_gays_smoke_so_much.html

7.)  http://www.no-smoke.org/learnmore.php?id=461

Too Young to Die

17 Mar

Apparently cheerleading gave me a lot of negative feelings. I regularly have nightmares involving HeatherLaurel's pics 844, ring leader of the bitchy girls, also my other former catty teammates, and my mom who tried to instill rules and truly coach it as a sport.

If I were suspicious I would say it’s Heather’s way of haunting me from the grave and getting the last word in.  As a practical person, I guess it’s just unresolved issues.  But how to resolve them when the person involved is no longer with us?

Also, speaking of high school and people no longer with us–I found out this week that my prom date died.  I met him through Mary (you remember her, no doubt), my first boss.  She set me up to go to MY prom with her nephew who lived in the Reno area.  But he asked me to his prom, called me, and we went on several movie Laurel's pics 616and food dates that year.

Both proms were fun, but then I never heard from him again.  Just suddenly too, so I never knew what happened.  But I had a lot of other things going on (realizing I was gay, for one) so I didn’t think about him too much.

So the Minor family gossip told my mom who told me the news.  Which wasn’t detailed at all.  Drugs.  Don’t know exactly how.  Didn’t find out where.  It made me sad.  It seems so avoidable, and he was too young to go.  What a waste.  Drugs are horrible.  It also made me insanely curious–nobody knows what occurred -how does that happen?  I hope to hear of more details just to feel a little more settled about it.

Theodore-George-Minor__mug shot 1-26-13Teddy’s dad said he doesn’t care.  Which is definitely the Minor family way of dealing with things–acting hard-hearted and going into denial   It’s frustrating, because of COURSE a father cares if his son dies.  Even if they didn’t have a good relationship in life.  Even if the son is on drugs or acting like a monster.  Especially when the only other sibling died at 17 years old.

It was a strange thing to find out.  And both deaths of people I sort of knew at one point (at least saw frequently) made me feel bad.  I can’t call myself close to either Heather (I DIDN’T like when she was alive) or Teddy (who I guess ditched me) but they are still young lives lost.  And I wonder what goes on in the region, because that isn’t the first or even the second person I’ve known in Northern Nevada to die too young. . .

Try to Fix this LGBT Essay Using Syntactics

24 Dec

Oh forget it.  Here’s a thing I was working on prior to today, but now it’s irrelevant.  So here is the old essay I was going to use, but now can’t:

As part of the LGBT Coalition, I learned about the marginalization of the LGBT community through exposure and education phrasal coordination.

Provoked, by the newly acquired information, I made a power-point presentation, “Transcend Not Transition,” conveying how the transgendered community wished to be treated, from their own words.

It seemed like a simple concept to me, but (coordinating conjunction) I was surprised how useful Midwesterners found the guidelines.

I was asked to speak on the radio about transsexual issues, and (coordinating conjunction) the Columbia chapter of Parents and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) asked me to speak to their members throughout mid-Missouri and Kansas.
As a liaison between the LGBT and Missouri populations, I realized fostering communication and education (phrasal coordination) did a lot to strengthen tenuous relations between the two groups so politically at odds.

Wanting to take my activism a step further, I sought to address a greater variety of LGBT issues by co-organizing my own educational conference, “Rainbowlicious.”

There were several presenters on multiple topics including: Partner health concerns, opposition to the gay-marriage ban that was on the state’s ballot at the time, how tobacco companies target the gay community, and faith-based outreach.

This experience was rewarding, because (subordinating conjunction) it got unlike citizens to come together and (coordinating conjunction) I felt everyone went away with information that empowered them and (additive coordination) embraced diversity.

Gay Problems

23 Oct

In the spirit of a light-hearted gay post, I thought of things that are awkward-turtle when you’re a gay:

Dating is awkward.  Asking for the date–one of the most awful, dreaful things I can imagine   Not only, do you HAVE to make the first move, you don’t even know if your love interest is also gay.  You could get just a no, or some sort of homophobic response.

Dating is also weird, because largely, because it’s an antiquated tradition based heavily on gender roles and traditional behavior.  Which are automatically broken when 2 girls are on a date.  You don’t know who will pay.  You don’t know who will drive.  You’re not sure who should initiate the first move.  . .

Dating is horrible thirdly, because you can’t escape.  In an opposite gender dating situation, the bathroom offers a refuge for time to gather thoughts, privacy in the case of a sick belly, or a phone call/text to ask advice or have an excuse to leave.  These options are gone with another girl.  Not to mention you proceed to a level of intimacy that much faster when you hear a gal pee on the first date.

Buying clothes:  Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether I like an outfit or just how the model looks wearing it.  Once I had the hugest wish list from the Alloy catalog. And upon closer inspection, every item I had picked was using the same model.  I found the model attractive, not the clothes.

Speaking of clothes–this is a problem I don’t have, but always wanted.  I always though that dating girls would mean doubling my wardrobe!  How cool to have a second closet just open up to me?  Which I’m certain would eventually lead to the problem of borrowing clothes without asking, ruining a garment, or both wanting to wear the same thing on the same day.  Alas, all my my girlfriends wore a larger size then me, and even if they had worn clothes that fit me, their styles were vastly different from my own.

Correcting people:  When they assume “we” means your husband/boyfriend.  Do you let it go?  Do you chime in and out yourself?  Either way, it’s going to be awkward.  On the other side of this–it seems like the really “across the football field” kind of gay people (mulleted super-butch diesel-dykes, waaaaay effeminate fairies) are always the ones most careful to advertise their sexuality.  As IF they needed to verbalize, when they’re wearing a sign.

There are probably more, but they escape me right now.