The songs on Reputation are packed with meaning, and there are many rabbit holes to go down. As such, this post would be too long if I included each song as I did with Debut, Fearless, Speak Now, Red, and 1989. Pretty much every track on Reputation has queer content. There could probably be an argument made for LWYMMD and TIWWCHNT, especially the video and live performances, but neither really have lyrics conducive to this particular analysis. All the rest of the songs are included. Here are the links to each gay Reputation moment:
…Ready For it?
Golden age of Hollywood and bearding
Heterosexual marriage with frequent same sex interactions outside of the marriage
I didn’t include End Game because having features muddies the water about who contributed what. It’s probably Taylor being gay on main again, but I can’t rule out that Ed or Future added to the lyrics.
Remember we’re looking at words in the lyrics of Question… to try to decipher who and what and when.
We’ve almost gone through the entire song, pulling lyrics containing the same words to get a sort of consensus or feeling about Taylor’s intention.
Now that we’re toward the end of Question… lyrics, we need to address the central part of the song: Kiss in a crowded room. And the kiss really brings to mind Dancing with our Hands Tied and maybe Kissgate.
We will analyze Dancing with our Hands Tied to see if it parallels Question….
Except this particular line within Dancing with our Hands Tied got a bit long because I really don’t know for sure and there was no solid direction to take the analysis. I will go into it in detail in this post so the guesses don’t overwhelm the analysis of the song as a whole.
And I’ll spell out my conclusions from this post in the full analysis of Dancing with our Hands Tied.
Then we’ll get back to the end of Question…
Was that explanation as confusing as trying to guess who Taylor’s songs are about?
And I had a bad feeling
Taylor is chronically anxious about a lot of things. Primarily, (and in her words) her house (physical embodiment of her sensibilities) is haunted (gay) (Question…[Part 6]. Taylor feels torn between her “aberrant” sexuality and being seen as the ideal woman, or at least politically correct. It’s a struggle for Taylor to be authentic to who she is, but also appeal to a wide swath of people to maintain her fame (Question… [Part 12]). She’s gay, rattled, and drunk, yet she projects hyper-femininity and confidence to be palatable to the masses. Throughout Taylor’s life her sexuality caused her to hide, panic, and scheme.
The middle of the night is a time for Taylor to ruminate and contemplate why she is in cages. Taylor is a super-star. Her every move is published for the world to judge. A primary problem is that Taylor has to retract central parts of her branding if she wants to be open about her sexuality. If she sticks to the tenants of the Taylor Swift brand, Taylor, the individual, must closet and beard (Question… [Part 6]). She has strife about this difficult choice, because Taylor worries that her sexuality will accelerate her losing everyone and everything.
But Taylor already loses her important romances. This is part of the reason why, even at the early stages of a relationship, Taylor is terrified to lose the love. She senses it’s fickle and fears it could go away at any time (Question… [Part 11]). Taylor has suffered loss and loneliness with at least Emily, Dianna, and Karlie. Emily was out of the band suddenly and Taylor felt sorry. A fake article about Swiftgron went viral and Dianna erased her blog and tattoo then Taylor was only seen with her one more time. Karlie’s timeline is complicated, but the last four albums tell us they couldn’t get on the same page about how to proceed with their relationship. For instance, Call It What You Want tells Karlie [I hear her name in the song and can’t hear anything else] they don’t have to name what they are. It speaks to Karlie being nervous about calling herself Sapphic. Taylor urges her to just go with it and don’t worry about labels–she just wants this love.
Yet, in Cruel Summer Taylor still paid a man to be her beard. Taylor’s lifelong defense mechanism is closeting so when she sees a shiny toy, this bad boy with a price, she bought it.
The night of Kissgate, Taylor went on a Kaylor-liking spree online, signaling some pre-gaming had occurred even before the 1975 concert. Taylor drinks to calm her anxiety, and anything too gay makes her especially anxious. She correlates the overwhelming feelings of Sapphic love with drunkeness. Being drunk is cathartic and freeing, allowing inhibitions to be lowered. But it can also make your head spin, cause you to go rougue, and can make you throw up (the blurple color shows she’s gay inside) on the street (Question… [Part 11]). The night Taylor is talking about in Question… she was “on something” is both liquor and the high of gay love (Question… [Part 11]).
Taylor can’t stand the heat, is constantly afraid of impending fire, and the invisible smoke hangs over her. The smoke (hint of a fire) is unrealized events that Taylor fears. The heat of the fire is every time Taylor is overtly gay and too many people notice. The (anticipated) fire is getting burned by coming out or worse, being outed. The water rushing in is damage control by Taylor’s PR team.
The rain is Taylor’s own overcorrections when things look too queer. It’s rain, a naturally occurring more passive event (vs. firefighting, a planned, aggressive action). Taylor uses rain to describe herself putting out the gay fire to show it’s compulsory and imposed when she yields to her team’s straight-washing. It makes her feel safe, yet contrite.
Taylor suffers because she loves the gal, but also knows how “out(ed)” celebrities lose their fame and die all alone.
Taylor wins the pronoun game. I’m not even going to try to untangle the speaker/recipient/changing characters in this song. It was written so convoluted that I haven’t even seen a satisfactory answer to this yet. Instead, I took lyric snippets from other songs featuring the same word, to get a feeling about Taylor’s sentiment and even subject. Don’t get overwhelmed with the length of this post. The word I’m trying to point-out from Question… lyrics is highlighted.
Out of time, she was on your mind
With some di–head guy that you saw that night
But you were on something
It was one drink after another, f—ing politics and gender-roles
Drink:
I only used “drink” and “drunk” not any specific alcohol because that would have a slightly different connotation.
Gorgeous
Delicate
London Boy
Taylor doesn’t flirt with this woman until she gets drunk. Then she conveys that she doesn’t know or care where her “boyfriend” is. Taylor says her life is ruined because this gorgeous person isn’t hers. The same pattern follows: Taylor and this person get a drink on a secretive date at the dive bar in Delicate. There is anxiety in the song, and Taylor drinks to quell it, as well as an excuse for a hang out. In the song “for Joe,” London Boy, Taylor enjoys having a drink in the afternoon in Soho–which just happens to be London’s prime gay spot.
I think in all of these instances, Taylor is leaning on drinking because she’s fretting about many things. She’s anxious about being Sapphic, she is concerned the girl won’t like her back, or that she’ll think Taylor is coming in too hot. And Taylor is afraid about how the bearding and WLW and the public perception will play out. Taylor drinks to chill.
Blank Space
Dress
Cornelia Street
In Blank Space, Taylor mocks the media’s image of her as a crazy ex-girlfriend. She simultaneously shares her bearding modus operandi. She manages to get a THIRD layer into this song by talking about getting drunk on jealousy. She doesn’t wanna share her actual lover. Dress also uses “drunk” as a double-entendre. There is a description of a secret, private intimate moment of spilling wine in the bathtub. The love her and her lover share is also making her drunk with happiness and a type of attraction she’s never felt before. Cornelia Street makes this same comparison. This new love is unfamiliar, they are starting on a fresh page and writing as they go. Even so, the love is stronger than anything they order at the bar. Being drunk can be fun, it allows inhibitions to be lowered. But it can also make your head spin, cause you to act a fool, and can make you sick. Taylor compares Sapphic love to that experience of drinking too much. And even at this early stage of new love, Taylor is terrified to lose the love. She senses it’s fickle and fears it could go away at any time.
Getaway Car
Cruel Summer
Taylor tells us listeners why she is so afraid to lose this new love: There is a third person involved. The lovers were mindlessly enjoying each other, Taylor drinking in the love and the whiskey, but the third person was pursuing them. Taylor says 3 is not a love story, it’s a circus. And that is why their love is cursed–the 3rd person ruined it.
Cruel Summer seems like the chapter after Getaway Car. Taylor explains how she was crying in the back of the car, because even though she originally agreed to a no strings attached situation, she caught real and strong feelings. She is IN love with this lover, and the subject is taken aback, possibly reluctant to enter into something serious with Taylor. We are not told if the lover isn’t into Taylor, if she doesn’t want to acknowledge she’s Sapphic, or if she feels strongly loyal to her beard… But the love isn’t flowing equally in both directions at this point in the narrative, hence the “ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” line after declaring love. Despite any misgivings, the lovers do not completely break up, Taylor and her lover sneak around. Taylor goes in through the garden gate, entering into this complex love triangle, and losing herself in the secrets and love.
End Game
King of my Heart
End Game is a persuasive essay. Taylor outlines a nice date of drinking and making out on the beach as the desirable mode for the relationship. She says she’s serious about the romance, not just playing around. And importantly, she is trying to entice her lover to pick her. King of my Heart is persuasive also, but with a tinge of anger and some assumptions mixed in. She indicates her and this love are off and on–they’re on the roof with plastic cups, spending the night together, but then there is an off period where Taylor doesn’t know if it’s the final ending. Taylor jumps to the conclusion (or sees signs?) that her lover is not picking her, because the lover wants the finer things in life. Taylor thinks the lover choses money, and asks her lover to say their love alone is enough for her.
Death by a Thousand Cuts
Cardigan
Ivy
My Tears Ricochet
Drinking and getting drunk mark Taylor’s journey of grief after the split. During the break-ups Taylor is emotionally raw. She oscillates between sadness, reminiscing, empathy, and anger.
Sadness: Death by a Thousand Cuts is how Taylor suffers during the break-up(s?). Taylor tells how their plans all fell through. She says “we” boarded up the windows. Her and her lover were not seen anymore in public, but were still together. This lover impacted every part of Taylor: emotional, physical, spiritual. Taylor gave too much of herself to her lover, and it still wasn’t enough to keep this person in her life. Now, she is lost without her lover so she just gets drunk. But Taylor makes sure to tell her lover the chandelier is still flickering in the private place with the windows boarded up–in case her lover wants to return to their private romance.
Reminiscent: Taylor fondly reminisces about many good times with her lover, and the positive impact that this person had on her life. Drunk under streetlights, kissing in cars and in bars, sleeping over on weekends. In Cardigan the lover was too friendly to Taylor’s enemies or bad people, and now the lover has run away from Taylor. Even with these transgressions, the lover marked Taylor forever. And at the end of the song Taylor repeats many times that she knew this lover would come back to her. Is this a wish or dream, or DID the lover, in fact, return to Taylor like a favorite sweater that had been misplaced under the bed?
Empathy: Ivy is Taylor’s idea (she wrote the song after all) of what Karlie might say. Taylor always reached for Karlie’s hand, but Karlie’s hand in marriage was already promised to another. That made Karlie feel loyalty about the prior promise, but also conflicted because she loves Taylor back. Karlie says, she too, looked forward to these stolen, sneaky moments, though she always knew it would be for a finite time because of her prior commitment. SHE says it’s Taylor who pushes her away, and tells her to run. And Taylor’s hand is the chilly, distant one. Karlie’s pain is in Taylor’s palm. It’s Taylor that is in control of the outcome of their relationship. Karlie lived and died for their time together and is willing to dare to see what happens if her and Taylor stay together, drinking (Karlie’s husband/beard) Jo$h’s wine.
Anger: I don’t know if Taylor is discussing the master’s heist in regards to the SBs or if Karlie is mixed in the lyrics of My Tears Ricochet too. The battleships and the waves remind me of Gold Rush, a definite Karlie song. But the cursing and killing and wishing I’d stayed seems too strong for the Kaylor situation in my opinion. It might just be anger in the stages of Taylor’s grief, or she might have thought or found out that Karlie had something to do with the masters sale to an enemy.
Mirrorball
Nothing New (TV)
Even with all the love upheaval, it always comes back to Taylor’s career. As upset as her choices pertaining to her love life make her, she still prioritizes building a legacy. Mirrorball describes how Taylor shows every different person what they want to see. She is not authentic to herself, in trying to please everyone else. She is wearing uncomfortable shoes, standing awkwardly and painfully on her tiptoes, and spinning and shining for her audience, the media, the general public… I imagine holding such an unnatural physical and metaphorical position must be tiring and sometimes torturous, but Taylor is afraid the end is near so she withstands it. She shatters and bleeds, but nobody notices, they just notice her sparkle. Taylor does not want to age out of music, and she doesn’t want her reputation to go south again. She tells us she will do anything to avoid those dire consequences.
Like Mirrorball, Nothing New (TV) goes into Taylor’s fears. She was just being a young woman and the media called her a goodie-goodie, but when she dated like any young person might, they attacked and slut-shamed her. Taylor couldn’t win. Women can’t win. She reminds us that longstanding pop stars in the industry must constantly reinvent themselves or be retired as yesterday’s news. Taylor puts on her best face, though it’s exhausting, but constantly worries a new younger, gal will usurp her. People like a young, new thing and throw away women quickly. Taylor ends the song by giving her younger self advice. But knowing that the keys to career success lead to unhappiness, emptiness, and loneliness makes older, wiser Taylor sad to give this advice. Taylor followed that very map, and as a result, is at the top of the music industry, yet she drinks herself to sleep, worrying about it being snatched away from her at any point. I think the “miss me when they drive me out” means both driving/pushing/relegating her to retirement, and also wondering if people will remember her legacy after the hearse drives away.
Here’s the lyrics from Question… since it’s been many words since you saw them:
Out of time, she was on your mind
With some di–head guy that you saw that night
But you were on something
It was one drink after another, f—ing politics and gender-roles
Question… sums up the song analysis of every use of the word “drink” or “drunk” over Taylor’s albums.
The dickhead guy is the 3rd person muddying up her relationship with her lover. This is why Taylor is always afraid her lover will not chose her, this is why Taylor tries to persuade her lover to stay. This dickhead is ruining everything because Taylor’s lover previously made a commitment to him.
“Out of time” could mean the glass closeting was finished due to this kissing in a crowded room. They would no longer be seen as “friends” in the media and to the public. “Out of time” could additionally mean that Taylor faced a decision to come out to her fans and live openly Sapphic with her lover or continue to closet and beard, but lose the lover. “Out of time” could have the third meaning that the lover’s finite time having an affair with Taylor was over because the guy demanded the full commitment she had promised.
“She was on your mind but you were on something/it was one drink after another.” We know from the drink/drunk lyrics in other songs Taylor uses alcohol to calm her anxiety. And dating a woman, being seen with her girlfriend causes her maximal anxiety. Taylor also compares Sapphic love to that experience of drinking too much. The night Taylor is talking about in Question… she was “on something” is both liquor and the high of gay love. Drinking is also used to describe stages of grief in many songs throughout Taylor’s catalog. The same goes here, this kissing event, and the choices everybody made as a result of it, have put Taylor in the stages of grief. And the final drink/drunk songs are Taylor’s fears that her career will end, and how she has to be what people want her to be for that not to happen. There is kissing in a crowded room, and same as always Taylor picked her career and image over her lover–putting her in grief and despair once more.
There are many references to mythology in The Lighthouse movie. I wouldn’t go so far as to say they’re themes of the movie, because none of them are carried out in an entire story arc.
The Lighthouse does not follow or retell the Odyssey. There are, however, many references to that text that I will highlight below:
Homer portrayed Odysseus as a man of outstanding wisdom and shrewdness, eloquence, resourcefulness, courage, and endurance. In the Odyssey Odysseus has many opportunities to display his talent for ruses and deceptions, but at the same time his courage, loyalty, and magnanimity are constantly attested (3).
Younger fancies himself hard-working and resourceful. Actually, it’s more than fancies, that’s how he sees himself (though others do not). Younger can’t take this unfair (in his mind) criticism of his work, which clashes with his own self image, and allows the logging foreman to die without intervening. Then he steals his logging foreman’s identity to get a job, which is deceptive. More central to the story, is the fact the whole premise is that Younger is deceiving himself. The fact that Younger is the only one in the lighthouse, yet the audience sees a story of two men, is the primary ruse. Younger, in an effort to evade responsibility for his murderous behavior, separates the side of himself he blames for impulsive, immoral behavior–his Id, or as the audience comes to know him–Older.
Odysseus was deeply involved in the war of Troy since he was one of the commanders of the forces. With his skills in oratory and his smart ideas, he was a critical figure in the victory of the Greeks (4).
This speaks to Younger’s mindset as well. The movie references this characteristic of oratory skills in the dialogue throughout. Older talks in a poetic manner. This is because of Younger’s dreamy, unrealistic, fanciful notions of what a lighthouse wiki is supposed to be like. Since Older is a figment of Younger’s mind, he embodies all those storybook characteristics to a T.
Bear with me on the following formatting here, the mythology description tells each stop of the journey one after another, but I want to make my comparisons to the Lighthouse film after each:
Books VI–XIII describe Odysseus’ wanderings between Troy and Ithaca:
The call-backs to the Odyssy in this movie are not a direct relation to the story, like I said, but there are little things that are similar in Homer’s story and in this film. The fact that Younger has drifted from job to job is similar to Odysseus wandering all around having adventures.
He first comes to the land of the Lotus-Eaters and only with difficulty rescues some of his companions from their lōtos-induced lethargy;
Odysseus’ first stop at the Lotus-eaters talks of lethargy. This is shown in the movie as Younger getting barked at during his logging job for going slowly, and also when he first came to the lighthouse. The bad notes in the logbook about Younger’s lazy work ethic are why he murdered the senior wiki.
Cyclops comes up in the movie with the one-eyed bird and one-eyed decapitated head–possibly a call-back to cyclops with the one eye.
Among other things Poseidon controls the sea and carries a sort of fish spear called a trident (which is an extension of God’s own power (7)). Obviously, the power of the sea is symbolized throughout the Lighthouse movie with the isolation and the waves and the storm. God or ultimate knowledge is also referenced with Older’s dominance of the lighthouse light and the ending where Younger looks into the light and whatever he sees is enthralling, but also too much to handle.
he loses 11 of his 12 ships to the cannibalistic Laistrygones and reaches the island of the enchantress Circe, where he has to rescue some of his companions whom she had turned into swine.
Older destroys the boat toward the end when Younger wants to chance getting struck across rocks in the storm sort of like Odysseus’ larger loss of ships to the cannibals. The Lighthouse does not show cannibalism, but it does show a similar, desperate rationing of food, and last resort consumption of alcohol, than pure ethanol for lack of clean drinking water.
Lastly, swine could also be pictured between Odysseus’ adventure and the Lighthouse looking at the interior condition of the lighthouse deteriorate-they are living like pigs.
Next Odysseus visits the Land of Departed Spirits, where he speaks to the spirit of Agamemnon and learns from the Theban seer Tiresias how he can expiate Poseidon’s wrath.
At first, Younger tries to escape accountability (which can be seen loosely as atonement) for his hand in killing two people. His delusional mind separates the impulsive, more animalistic, Id side of his personality. While he is acting the hypervigilant super-ego side that is overly concerned with social norms. Failing this, and with reality knocking ever louder as the movie progresses, Younger looks to the lighthouse light for divine intervention and knowledge.
The next stop of Odysseus and his crew was the island of the cyclops, Polyphemus. Polyphemus was the son of Poseidon and the nymph Thoosa. He was a one-eyed giant. In Homer’s Odyssey, Polyphemus traps the voyagers in his cave and closes the entrance with a gigantic boulder. To escape from the cave, Odysseus made his men sharpen a spike so that they could attack the cyclops in his single eye. When Polyphemus returned, Odysseus used his superb oratory skills and talked to Polyphemus for long hours while the cyclops drank wine. Polyphemus ended up drunk, and Odysseus’ men used this chance to attack his eye with the spike, thus blinding him (4).
The theme of being trapped is, throughout the movie, emphasized. The first scene showing just how far, and how endless the water is around the lighthouse let’s the audience know any people on the lighthouse are truly alone. And when their relief crew does not show up, it shows the wikis are trapped-there is no way off the island. The storm just emphasizes what we already knew–the men are stuck. Not even the small boat can help them off the island, as it would be crushed on the rocks nearly immediately.
Another similarity to Odysseus, strongly alluded to throughout the movie is the speech. Like Odysseus’ superb speaking skills, Older speaks in poetry. The language is like an old English novel, not a modern day blue collar worker.
Further similarities to this part of Odysseus’ journey are brought up in the movie. The one-eyed bird/one-eyed decapitated head references cyclops pretty directly in The Lighthouse. Some scholars theorize that the cyclopes also symbolizes the sun and solar power. The cyclops Polyphemus was the son of Zeus. And for the ancient Greeks, the sun was the eye of Zeus. Thus the cyclops embodied the power of the sun and the aspect of their god Zeus that was fire and light (9). Now we’re heating up! The Lighthouse itself with it’s bright light (an eye, maybe?) that allows people to live, or if the light goes off-die at sea. It’s very similar to the God Zeus having the power to help people live (with light and fire) or kill people off. Aside from showing the power and divinity in the light both stories are talking about divinity.
Their next stop was the island of Aeolus, the god of the winds (4). AIOLOS (Aeolus) was the divine keeper of the winds and king of the mythical, floating island of Aiolia (Aeolia). He kept the violent Storm-Winds locked safely away inside the cavernous interior of his isle, releasing them only at the command of greatest gods to wreak devastation upon the world (10). Aeolus, master of the winds, wanted to help Odysseus on his journey and gave him a bag which contained all the winds except the West Wind. In other words, only the wind he needed was allowed to blow, while all the winds that would hinder his journey were bagged up. Odysseus’ men did not know what was inside the bag and thought that the god had given Odysseus a great treasure that the king was keeping to himself. They departed the island of the god and sailed until they were in sight of Ithaca. When Odysseus was asleep, his men looked for the bag and opened it just as they were nearing Ithaca’s shores. Unfortunately, the winds were unleashed and took the ships far away from their home. With this, they arrived in the land of the Lastregonyan, a race of cannibal giants that destroyed all their ships but one and killed almost all Odysseus’ men. Only Odysseus’ ship and its crew survived this attack (4).
Aeolus, who is son of Poseidon (God of the sea), gifts Odysseus friendly wind. Due to ignorance and greed, Odysseus’ crew open the bag containing all the unfavorable winds and the ships are taken further from home instead. Then, the group faces cannibal giants that destroy their ships, condemning them to death and further time out at sea for Odysseus. Similarly, in the Lighthouse, Younger kills the senior wiki and hides him in the water tank instead of just listening to his criticisms and tightening up his work ethic. Then, checking the water tank Younger sees the dead, but his delusional mind makes it a bird, rather than the man. When another gull flies toward this scene, threatening to ruin Younger’s delusion with reality, Younger kills the bird violently. It’s an ignorant move because the truth and reality are inevitable–the drinking water is tarnished. In the movie, the same shift in winds that Odysseus and his men go through is spotlighted after an ignorant act. The arrow points North and the isolation on the lighthouse island becomes more sinister. Younger and Older will not be going home any time soon. The giant cannibal in the Lighthouse is Younger’s delusional mind itself, because he is more and more hedonistic and dangerous the longer he is out there.
Odysseus and his remaining men next stopped at the island of the enchantress Circe, who would cause more trouble for the voyagers. Circe offered a feast for the voyagers, but the food and drink she gave them had drugs and turned them into animals. Odysseus was not among the group who attended the feast, and one of the men who escaped, found him and told him what had happened (4).
This part of Odysseus’ journey is shown in the Lighthouse with the drinking, loss of food, and the ethanol. As a direct consequence of Younger’s murder, the food and beverage literally turn the situation untenable. Drinking alcohol, then ethanol turn the men at the lighthouse into animals-their behavior increasingly debaucherous.
As a sidenote, Younger’s delusion turns man into bird so Odysseus is referenced in that way also.
Odysseus then encounters the Sirens, Scylla and Charybdis, [we already talked about sirens, don’t forget] and the Cattle of the Sun. One of Tiresias’ instructions to Odysseus and his men had been to avoid eating eat the sacred cattle of Helios, the sun god. However, after spending a month in Thrinacia due to bad weather and running out of food, his men could not bear it anymore and hunted down the cattle. When the weather cleared, they left the land but Helios was angry at their actions. In revenge for killing his cattle, Helios asks Zeus to punish or he would no longer shine the sun over the world. Zeus complies and makes the ship capsize. Odysseus loses all his men, becoming the only survivor (4).
see source (8).
The Lighthouse strongly asserts the story of the sun-cattle through the plot. Running out of food because Younger didn’t listen. He didn’t listen to the logging foreman before. He didn’t listen to the senior wiki. And he didn’t listen to Older about rationing. Younger refuses to listen and change his behavior like Odysseus’ crew do not listen or mind about eating the sun cattle. And in both stories rules of honor and piety are alluded to. The Gods/divine power are displeased with the hedonistic acts, and both Younger and Odysseus’ crew are doomed afterwards. In both stories divine power takes away the sun/light as punishment. In both stories boats are lost and the sea is harsh.
After the ship capsized, the tides washed Odysseus ashore onto the island of the nymph Calypso. The nymph fell in love with Odysseus and kept him captive for seven years. She offered him immortality and eternal youth, but the king refused her because he wanted to return to Penelope in Ithaca. Years later, Calypso decided to let Odysseus go with a raft. However, the king once again suffered the wrath of Poseidon, who sent a storm that destroyed the raft and left Odysseus in the middle of the sea (4).
Women and sexuality feature strongly in The Lighthouse film. The men both hunger for sexual attention from women, and fear it’s power over them. Older speaks with sadness of a wife at home who couldn’t stand his long absences. The two masturbate, but also can’t conquer the siren/mermaid or the fishy entity around the light of the lighthouse. Even the figurine fails to get Younger off toward the end of the movie. To the men, women are desirable and chaotic, sexy but wild. In that way, women are also compared to nature, which cannot be tamed or mastered. In this setting of powerlessness over the wildness of nature (or on a smaller scale, women) Younger gives himself a type of immortality. As long as his mind separates out the scapegoat Id, he is innocent of any crimes. He may be captive on the lighthouse with his victim, but his mind walled off his action and he is free to pursue power of knowledge through mermaids and the light.
After almost nine years, Odysseus finally leaves Calypso and at last arrives in Ithaca. Odysseus proves his identity—with the aid of Athena—by accomplishing Penelope’s test of stringing and shooting with his old bow. He then, with the help of Telemachus and two slaves, slays Penelope’s suitors. Penelope still does not believe him and gives him one further test. But at last she knows it is he and accepts him as her long-lost husband and the king of Ithaca (3).
Though The Lighthouse does not mirror this plot point in Odysseus’ travels, the movie does center on identity. Through the film there are many questions that are (subliminally) brought up that need considering: Whose perspective are we viewing the plot through? What is identity? Is identity only the sum of all parts (Id + ego+ super-ego) or does each part individually hold up when separated? Is one portion of our identity fully responsible for transgressions while another is completely innocent and pure? Which part of identity has the most power? Knowledge? Divinity? What is real and what is a delusion? And does that matter to the story?
More directly, The Lighthouse has Younger assuming his boss’ identity and using that name. Older goes by a nickname. Toward the end secrets and identities are revealed, which also spells out the fact that these are actually the same person. Tommy and Thomas Wake-both are named Tom. This is the movie taking pains to show the audience what has happened. So we don’t have tests of identity per say, but the whole movie IS the test.
We looked forward to the Gorge all year, really. Last year we saw 1 of the 3 shows (Sunday) from the lawn. Sunday is a great vibe, and my favorite crowd. A lot of the out of towners start home to make it back to work. It’s also a really good crowd because travel, camping, partying, and carousing for a few days and nights prior, really does a lot to mellow everyone out. a.k.a.–the fratty and crazy people act less douchi because they’re tired and hungover. The downside to Sunday is the venue runs out of everything! Which, they know DMB is all three days of the weekend, and they’ve been doing this for over ten years so you’d think they could have some numbers expectations and a little pre-planning, but noooo. It was especially a problem for beer (in the past, when we drank) because all the good kraft beers were long gone by Sunday, and I hate fratty, cheap piss-water, and refuse to drink it. And that makes sitting back in the grass with all the obnoxious weirdos difficult. You have to have a buzz on to tolerate it at all. SO this year we wanted to do it right and get seats.
But seats are expensive. And tickets went on sale during my last week of work, when I had already quit my job, but before I had any new work (income) prospects. And my hair gets too greasy to camp for multiple nights in a row without showers. And with little sleep (camping conditions) I get crabby and Cool is completely non-functional. So we planned to take Saturday (peak fratty audience day, peak attendance) off to relax. And my parents bought me an early, early birthday present of one of the four tickets–meaning I could get closer seats, because I was only paying for half of the pair. YAY!!! And employed Cool got the others pair, which were slightly further back. But let’s face it, even the farthest back seat in the venue is still a SEAT and still better than lawn. So things worked out perfectly (for finances and sleep and showers). More on this later.
Sitting in SEATS is better for a number of reasons:
-weirdos are on the grass (I mean, they are insane: bras and no shirt, hard-core making out, drunk, screaming, smoking, generally being super-annoying)
-it’s colder and more windy on the grass
-the grass is far, far away–even the jumbo-trons look small. The (cell phone) pictures are teeny or with editing look pixelated and crummy.
-you do not have an assigned location of the grass = people get in your grill or sit/stand/dance immediately in front of you obscuring what little view you had.
-Since the bathrooms are in no way gated off, they’re inconvenient to get to, and get a lot more use a.k.a dirty–er.
What Went into SEATS at The Gorge:
We planned to have incentive/reward for no alcohol with actual seats at the Gorge in November
We saved our money to buy tickets since Christmas
We purchased our tickets in Feb
We planned our visit/shower/bed with Cool’s friend almost immediately after the tickets were purchased
We planned our food and bev all summer
We planned and made our poster all of August
We prepped everything for 2 weeks in advance
We got car chalk to feel cool during the drive and painted slogans on the windows–“Labor DAVE weekend!!!” “DMB or BUST” and “Brandi Carlile <3”
This is the first semester at Riverpoint I’ve ever had class on Friday. They used to only have courses Mon-Thurs, but last year the main campus in Pullman had issues with drinking and debauchery, so the WSU system put classes every day to break those party days up.
Which is irrelevant for our branch campus for many reasons:
-we are a medical campus (hello, hard-science students have to actually STUDY)
-being a branch campus, there are substantially less of us
-mainly older students attend Riverpoint (Juniors and up) so we’re generally not as adventurous/stupid
-there are no dorms/frats here
-the economy is $hitty = less restaurants/bars/clubs to be naughty
But they don’t care, it’s a WSU-wide thing, so I have to attend class (Neuroanatomy, unfortunately) Friday from 11-noon (late!). It’s very inconvenient for me, and in the past would NEVER have worked with my Forster-fire Fridays. Which was one of the 3 full days I worked consistently my whole duration of employment (Monday and Saturdays were the others). It would have been awful if this had started ANY sooner then it did, I would have been forced to quit Cat’s Meow sooner, because getting rid of Fridays was not an option and leaving in the middle = impossible. This year, I just had the concert to contend with, not work (thank God!). As such, I skipped class for the first time in the 6 semesters I’ve been attending school here. And normally, I would have felt guilty, worried about what I’d missed, and stress out more then it was worth–but I’m the new, relaxed version of me now. So I skipped and had fun and tailgated as planned.
pic from 2012, obviously
Speaking of Drinking–We Weren’t/Aren’t
I was a little concerned about not drinking. At a concert(S). That’s historically been a big part of the whole tradition, as well as a means to survive all the crowds, the dirty SaniHuts, and fratty D-Bags. BUT we got the seats, and we found awesome machtail recipes and spent a week making them and froze them in water bottles so they would even be cold for tailgating. And really, I didn’t miss drinking during tailgating or the concert at all. Inside the venue, the Gorge must have contracted with Bud Light because that was the only beer we saw, and believe me I was not jealous or tempted by that. Also, I had never previously realized that 99% of people at concerts are DRUNK. Like acting obnoxious, smelling strongly of alcohol, slurring, staggering, some falling. That was weird. But being sober around it didn’t ruin my time at all. And I didn’t feel inhibited about dancing or anything, because no one around us A) mattered B) was aware enough to notice us C) was going to remember it. Sobriety at concerts was just fine–a non-issue. But only from SEATS. I would have hated the shenanigans in the grass without something on board.
I was going to have a big master post, but changed my mind. I know you guys wouldn’t read an entire looooong thing. And also since I’m getting into the groove of school, work, and studying, posting multiple parts will help me give more (real) posts.
What a terrible blogger I am this summer! In order to get back on track and get a current post published I’ll go to bullet points (in no particular order):
-Today I’m tired. I think the activity of the previous week caught up to me finally.
-I found out that my boss is going on vacation over Labor Dave Weekend (when we have SEATSfor Friday and Sunday) and she found someone else to house-sit for 15 days. I’m disproportionately disappointed about that because it is excellent money, easy work, and access to satellite TV. I s’pose it’s better because I’ll be in school by that time and have daily class, so the commute would have been awful annoying.
-We had a really great visit with my parents. I think they had fun too.
-If you haven’t heard of the “30 minutes to fitness” series by Kathy Coffey-Meyer–check it out. Immediately! I have never, ever watched an exercise video that didn’t annoy me. Whether it was a catch-phrase, overall phony/annoying bubbliness, too hard-core, too repetitive, bad music, there are a lot of workout video sins. Coffey’s vids don’t have any of that irritating stuff. And she’s feisty and funny and motivating at the same time. We have weights, cardio-blast, and kickboxing and I really like them. And my mom was a real good sport and fully participated in plyometrics, which is HARD. And she did awesome.
-At Dad’s (70th!!!) birthday dinner, our “Day’s of Our Lives,” jeans-model look-alike waiter did a magic trick that each one of us loved. And one we couldn’t find on the web for at least an hour–a real feat in today’s technology.
-speaking of technology, I am still not convinced that Apple and smart-phones make life any easier. If they’re off, slow, unanswered, or whatever, they’re useless. I was no worse off without any gadgets than anyone, and they were not helped all that much. I think it has more to do with status than anything.
-The kitties were as big and brave as they could be with frequent company on our apartment. And Choco-Luv doesn’t have the herp (knock on wood)! They are glued to my sides today though–with all the running around, I think they missed us.
-My parents gave me the most beautiful beadwork barrettes from various reservations along their route. And my mom got beadwork from each place they stopped, which I am very envious of–and excited to inherit one day.
-I saw my former advisor in the hallway today, and she only managed to choke out a very obligatory “hello how was your summer?” Lame. And I’m so over that attitude from people at my school. I am an awesome student and an asset to the program–she/they need to get a grip and grow up. I’m not sure why she doesn’t like me, but she needs to act as a professional, because I shouldn’t even know she doesn’t. . .
-My aunt got super-sloppy at the extended family gathering, and was generally negative, complainy, passive-aggressive, and unwilling to exercise the whole duration of company. But at least now everyone sees what I’m saying. Maybe they thought I was exaggerating or a drama queen before???
-I was asked to do a presentation about the speech and hearing sciences for Native American teens ages 15-17. It’s a group close to my heart (my people!) and I think it went well yesterday. There had been a little snaffu in the beginning because a group member hijacked out “team” power-point, deleting/changing my every contribution and making me crazy that way. I tried subtly conveying my feelings, and eventually had to be direct. But everything was restored in the end and everything worked out.
-I always feel a little bit like a dud when you put me next to a bubbly, extroverted SLP student/teacher. I am much more reserved and it really shows when I’m put up against that. But my family said they didn’t get that impression and I looked good (and smart) so I guess it’s OK. . .
-I have another presentation on Tuesday, but I’m less excited because it’s 20 minutes long, which is almost no time at all.
-I have not worked on or even looked at my personal statement, scholarly paper, or neuroanatomy outline/drawings for 1.5-2 weeks. Even though I’m sad my parents are gone, and think the visit was MUCH too short–I’m relieved to get to my normal routine soon. After my next presentation, and oh–an interview.
-I have an interview. Which was initially a real bummer because they wanted to do it on June 25th–my Dad’s milestone 70th birthday. The birthday, my parents were going to be in town for (instead of 17 hours away). Also the day, which this special presentation had fallen on. And I had only agreed to do that because I think it’s important for Indians (only representing less than 1% on all health professions) are exposed to my program. And the job is some random ticket agent, so I just told them I was out of town until the day my parents were gone. And to my great surprise, they moved my interview day out to July 1st! So I’m not sure what the job really entails or how many hours they want or what times, but depending on the factors I at least have a chance for a job.
-Cool went off her meds, and we all remembered that she used to have a personality. So now she’s going to talk to her doctor and insist that whatever mood stabilizer she is put on does not have any drowsiness what-so-ever involved. Bipolar meds are horrible in the fact they work by making you a complete zombie–which isn’t exactly quality-of-life. We’ll see if this can be adjusted. Oh and when she went off the meds, of course she vomited to the point of having to come home from work 2 days in a row = withdrawals. So scary she has to depend on that to miss extreme highs and lows–I’m not certain which is worse.
-Despite a lot of dinners out, shopping trips, gifts, “visiting-type expenditures” I really managed to keep resigned in financially. Partially because of my parents’ extreme generosity and partly due to sheer willpower. I’m not nearly as behind as I thought I would be, and I even have some house-sitting money left over–which I in no way expected.
-My water consumption really suffered when my routine was thrown off. I could stick with my exercise routine because it’s at home, first thing in the morning, but liquid availability, portability, and bathrooms make water really tough. I have to get back into it in a hurry because my lips are always lizard-like lately.
-I have no idea what to do for my birthday. Partially because 3-1 is anticlimactic, partly because I’m not sure if I’ll have to accommodate a job, or if I’ll even have money to do anything. And I don’t know if this rainy Washington weather will cooperate at all–it’s rained all day today, and it rained from Cool’s birthday to the time my parents arrived a week later. I guess I’d like to do something special–I’ll have to think on it.
I am glad I quit drinking in November. It was inadvertently the best time I could have picked to maximize success. It was after the fall season, which features the best beers, festivals, and prior to school really gearing up. And holiday drinking really isn’t a “thing” for me, since family is far away, big parties have never happened on the big 3 holidays of the year, and studying is mostly on my mind in that time frame. But I have established firm habits now. Which apparently used to be prime drinking season.
As the weather gets warmer, I realize we used to drink during this time. As celebration for an accomplished semester. As enjoyment of the beautiful weather. As an end-goal for walking on a sunny day. And now I sort of miss it–but I have too many sober days in a row to ruin it. I will in no way allow myself to fail. Not to mention I want my actions to align with my goals–and there is no place for alcohol in that equation.
And even though I in no way want to ruin things by drinking, it’s still kind of a let-down and a bummer abstaining during this season. I still want to have a lot of fun and enjoy the weather and treat myself and let go a little during summer break, the only real time I don’t have to study so hard. So here’s some things to enjoy instead:
-celebrate a good grade/GPA with a special meal or an activity or a coveted item.
-get food and take it outside to a park, instead of enjoying a brew on a patio as before.
-don’t walk anywhere near our old standby places–this means all the greatest restaurants in Spokompton (which doesn’t have many choices in the 1st place) are off limits.
-keep busy with games, crafts, books (as well as obviously my to-do list, but we’re talking fun things right now, not punishment).
-make our own smoothies/healthy drinks and take them on walks in a thermos so we can indulge still.
-drink out of our fancy glasses at home instead of the plain ‘ol waterbottles all the time.
-floss daily. I did it EVERY night (I think) and did a really good job of it probably 25% of the time, because I was either too tired or rushing to get into bed at the appropriate time. In April I will try to increase to at least 50% thorough jobs.
-drink water. I drank six, 8oz portions of water in all but 2 days during the month. And on the day after the ones I fell short, I drank 8 glasses to make up for it. Firstly, WHO am I? Second, now if I don’t drink water I get a headache, chapped lips, and feel awful. It’s a whole new thing for me. Six wasn’t all that easy to do, so I’ll go for 7 in April.
-read for pleasure. I finished the AIDS book and got halfway through a book about Native American Women, which is really good. And I aim to do a synopsis one of these days, but I was really busy over break, and now I have a big exam, and a big project worth a full exam this next week.
-weekly massage. I’m not sure why this one is so difficult. We failed again. Cool is only home at bed time the two nights a week, and if we snowboard, watch movies, are tired–do anything else, this one doesn’t get done. Maybe if we try to do it after treadmilling? So it’s finished early in the day???
-abstain from drinking. I haven’t had a drop since November. When we visited my Aunt, I didn’t like the way she made SUCH a big deal that she couldn’t believe we would ever stop drinking. And I really didn’t like that both my Aunt and Uncle pressured us to drink. If that keeps up–I won’t be going back to their house. I like focusing on health, rather than trying to avoid things.
-study habits. I got 4 hours ahead on my independent study over break, which translates to 1 and 1/3 weeks, but still it’s something. I watched 8 hours of observation for another class the first weekend, because I didn’t want it hanging over my head. And I had intentions to get ahead in audiometry, but it’s not that kind of class. At least I don’t think I’ll be as overwhelmed. I have to finish these last 6 super-strong! And I will give my whole heart to studying for Thursday’s exam.
January=fitness.
Today (March 31) was day 89 in-a-row on the treadmill! And I have a full 6 pack for the very first time in my life. It feels good, and I hope Cool re-finds her positive attitude and motivation. I’ll stick with two miles first thingevery morning. And on day 100 (April 11) we will do something very special. We don’t know what yet, but we will think about it.
Feb=have gratitude; say nice things.
This was utter failure. I was very busy and changing my routine and didn’t see very people. I have to be mindful about this in April. I’ll try to compliment clothes next month–that seems like an easy segway.
March=straighten out sleep.
I’ve been waking up a little later (4:45AM-6AM). Which I don’t like in the morning, but I do like in the evening. It’s a trade off: Either shorter mornings, and struggle to clean before anyone gets to work OR no evening because I have to be in bed by 7PM. Which sucks. I’m not sure which I prefer and which I hate less. . . Mission April = decide what schedule I want.
April=save $$$.
This is really not all that difficult when you don’t have any. I’m drastically cutting back and only getting absolutely imperative things–which are paying bills. I’ll publish a post about how to FEEL better about this and less punished this next month.
May=volunteer.
I crafted an auction basket for a club at school (that I don’t belong to). It was really fun and I can write it on my CV–and it was a good deed. Next month, I’m all set up to do a hearing screen for volunteer, and help at parent’s weekend at school. Also, I’ll look into Habitat for Humanity, just as soon as it gets a little warmer out.
June=Cool.
She just went through a short depression where I was supportive. And I’m trying to help motivate her to keep up her fitness goals. Hopefully, next month will be better.
July=my appearance.
This last month I reached into the depths of my closet, tried to wear accessories, and even wore jewelry once or twice. It made me feel like more of a student and less like an unemployed person. Also, it makes me feel rich to use stuff I already own. In April, jewelry more often, and make-up!
Aug=Worry Less, Thank more.
I was going along for most of the month decidedly UNworried, which is very unlike me and felt awesome. Then work burst my happy-bubble, as is usually the case and griped about cleaning and tried to rope me into more days and more time. Which made me feel guilty at first, then annoyed because what right do they have? When they did not follow through with ANY of my requests?! I mean how hard is it to make a to-do list for me? Anyway, so worry entered the picture. But I am absolutely determined not to have any more power over me and if they fuss at me one more time–I’m done. With no guilt, regrets, or returning. I did manage to keep up my thanks every night before sleep, and I really like going to bed that way. Next month–put my foot down, keep thanking, and add at least ONE thing to my positivity jar. I still only have the first 5 things in there. . .
Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead.
In adjusting to the new schedule, I managed a portion of this. I have been making a list. I made a menu twice, and based the grocery list off of it. We grocery shopped about half the time. Cooking ahead has not occured yet. I just have to string these pieces together to make success of this goal. I made a manu, made the list, and grocery shopped already THIS week, so that’s a good start. In April I will put together all those parts to make the whole.
Oct=don’t over-pluck.
I still hate my eyebrows. I haven’t overplucked them, but I can’t stand looking at them either. I need to research at home bleaching or waxing kits in April.
Nov=Increase eye contact.
I think this one entails seeing people, which now I rarely do. When I do my big hearing screenings this week, I’m going to really concentrate on this and get it done.
March was a time of readjustment and reconfiguring, but I stuck with a lot of my goals. I just need to put all the little things together in April.
My citations would NOT be appropriate. OK, it may be a cut & paste job, but this is a really interesting history of an early feminist in honor of women’s history month. Anyway, it might not be my own, and it might be in a jumble, but the biography is inspiring and educational all the same. Check it out:
-Frances Willard was a radical social progressive who stood out against gender inequality and fought to give a voice to society’s disenfranchised. She exposed the inherent hypocrisies of the status quo and forever changed accepted societal norms (2).
-the alcohol problem represented the powerlessness of American women. The crusade to stop alcohol was a protest by women of their lack of civil rights. In the late nineteenth century, women could not vote. In most states, married women were considered “dead to the law,” their identity subsumed under their husband’s. Men could take their wives’ pay but not vice-versa. Married women could not own property in most states, and men could not be prosecuted for wife abuse. As late as the year 1900, in 37 states a woman had no right to custody of her children in the case of divorce. When the WCTU began its work, the state-regulated “age of consent” was as low as seven, and prosecutions for rape were rare (3).
-Women in the United States were victims. The consumption of alcohol by the men of America, coupled with the powerlessness of women, led to child and wife abuse and other oppressions of women. And liquor was truly a curse. In the late nineteenth century, there was one saloon for every 50 males over age 15 in working class sections. Most local political meetings were held in saloons from which women were excluded. The liquor trade held a disproportionate share of public offices and was involved in corruption, crime, and vote-buying. By the year 1900, one of every 116 Americans was employed in the liquor industry. Americans spent over a billion dollars on alcoholic beverages, $900 million on meat, $150 million on churches, and less than $200 million on public education (3).
-The women who fought to control liquor were opposing one of the most powerful, entrenched forces in American life. Alcoholic men spent their money on liquor and had no legal obligation to support their wives and children. In divorce, the same alcoholics were awarded the children. As the leader of the WCTU, in the forefront against the grave societal evils represented by liquor, Frances Willard became the most admired woman in America (3).
-in 1873-4: the so-called “Woman’s Crusade.” In Hillsboro, Ohio, in December of 1873, a group of Protestant church women went to hear a temperance speaker. The women became so excited by the dangers of liquor portrayed in the speech that they stormed the local saloon with prayer and non-violent protest. Across the Midwest, normally quiet housewives began to march and to accost druggists, hotel owners, and saloon keepers and demand that they refuse to sell liquor. Women dropped to their knees for pray-ins at local saloons and refused to leave until the saloon shut down. Within three months, the women had driven liquor out of 250 villages and towns. Opened casks of liquor were poured down the streets. By the end of the Woman’s Crusade, over 900 communities in 31 states and territories had experienced it. Nationwide, 750 breweries were closed. Thousands of women felt empowered by the crusade, which was the first time many of them had taken a public stand for anything (3).
-Willard recognized, developed, and implemented the use of the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU) as a political organizing force (2).
-The WCTU quickly became the largest women’s organization in the United States, with local branches in most communities. It was the first national religious organization to be organized in the South after the Civil War. Its paper, the Union Signal, by 1890 was the largest woman’s paper in the world (3).
-She became the national president of the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU) in 1879, and remained president for 19 years (wiki).
-Under her leadership, the WCTU grew to be the largest non-secular organization of women in the 19th century (2).
-In their push to expose the evils of alcohol, Willard and other temperance reformers often depicted alcohol as a substance that incited black criminality, and implicitly made the argument that this was a serious problem requiring a serious cure.[ (wiki).
-National Prohibition has been interpreted as a cultural war between Protestants who were already well-established in North American and the newer Catholic and Jewish immigrants, who typically drank alcohol beverages as part of their cultures. In addition, Protestants tended to live in rural areas and towns whereas the newer immigrants tended to settle in large cities, thus creating another division. 5 WCTU membership included women from nearly every sector of American life, but consisted largely of lower-middle and middle-class women with strong ties to evangelical Protestant churches (5).
Although the WCTU had chapters throughout the U.S. and Canada with a very large membership, for years it did not accept Catholic, Jewish or African-American women or women who had not been born in North America. This reflected the cultural division conflict. When the WCTU began accepting African-American women, they were organized into separate chapter or unions. Black members tended to be teachers or other professional (5).
The WCTU was anxious to “Americanize” new immigrants, which meant to them, to persuade them to abstain from alcohol beverages. In the first two decades of the twentieth century much of its budget was spent on its center on Ellis Island in order to begin this “Americanization” process. The WCTU was especially concerned about the immigration of Irish and Germans and what it believed was the threat they posed to abstention and the promotion of prohibition (5).
-One WCTU leader expressed strong concern over “the enormous increase of immigrant population flooding us from the old world, men and women who have brought to our shores and into our politics old world habits and ideas [favorable to alcohol]” and peppered her writing with references to this “undesirable immigration” and “these immigrant hordes.” (5).
The WCTU was not unique; the largely anti-foreign, anti-Catholic, anti-German and anti-Semitic nature of the temperance movement has been extensively documented. 7 The WCTU also supported eugenics. The Ku Klux Klan (KKK) actively promoted Prohibition and its strict enforcement and many women belonged to both the WCTU and the KKK, sometimes holding leadership positions in both organizations(5).
-Her tireless efforts for women’s suffrage and prohibition included a fifty-day speaking tour in 1874, an average of 30,000 miles of travel a year, and an average of four hundred lectures a year for a ten-year period, mostly with her longtime companion Anna Adams Gordon. (wiki).
-Willard insisted that women must forgo the notion that they were the “weaker” sex and that dependence was their nature and must join the movement to improve society, stating “Politics is the place for woman (wiki).
-The WCTU pushed for women’s rights to vote specifically so that women could vote for the prohibition of liquor. As an organization of church women, the WCTU persuaded the Protestant churches to get behind the women’s vote as a vehicle to push through temperance. Suffrage and temperance were seen as two pieces of the same issue: national prohibition was finally enacted in 1919, shortly before women received the vote (3).
-The WCTU has proposed, supported, and helped establish protection of women and children at home and work, stiffer penalties for sexual crimes against girls and women, traveler’s aid, police matrons, pure food and drug laws, legal aid, passive demonstrations, among many others (2).
-lesbian?
-“The loves of women for each other grow more numerous each day, and I have pondered much why these things were. That so little should be said about them surprises me, for they are everywhere … In these days when any capable and careful woman can honorably earn her own support, there is no village that has not its examples of ‘two hearts in counsel,’ both of which are feminine.” –Frances Willard, The Autobiography of an American Woman: Glimpses of Fifty Years, 1889 (wiki).
-To most modern historians, Willard is overtly identified as a lesbian,[17][18][19] while contemporary and slightly later accounts merely described her relationships, and her pattern of long-term domestic cohabitation with women, and allowed readers to draw their own conclusions.[20] Willard herself only ever formed long-term passionate relationships with women, and she stated as much in her autobiography.[21] (wiki).
-denounced prez candidate for Catholic religion (prohibition documentary).
-later became Catholic (prohibition documentary).
I haven’t had a drink since November. It’s an accomplishment I’m proud of–and surpringly not difficult on a daily basis like I thought it would be. Mostly, I don’t even think about it. This is an old post, and one I hesitated to put up, but I was reminded because of concert tickets. I told myself that if I didn’t drink, I would reward myself with a ticket to a 2nd show on Labor Dave Weekend. We can usually only afford one of the 3 days. But with money saved by not buying alcohol, we could get another show this year. So it was saved money AND reward simultaneously. Then, Brandi Carlile sweetened the deal by signing on for all 3 days of the show! It’s a dream come true. So since we just got those 4 tickets (Cool bought us each a tik for Friday, I bought Cool a good seat for Sunday, and my parents got ME a good seat Sunday as an early b-day gift) this Friday–here’s how much work went into getting here:
Temptation:
-surprisingly, having licquor in the house has not mattered one iota. Nor has seeing it in grocery stores.
-seeing a new beer on tap.
-seeing taps at all.
-when Cool mentions drinking, or buying alcohol (except she also quit alcohol altogether as of February).
-seeing my fave restaurants post pics/specials on Facebook.
-Going to restaurants, visitng our old favorite restaurants, SEEING the cocktail menu.
-when TV/movie characters are drinking or talking about it.
-visiting Aunt Linda.
-stressful work days (Forster Fridays especially).
-having unscheduled time with Cool (hardly happens due to opposing work schedules). And now our expectations have been re-set so this isn’t an issue at ALL any more.
-post-tests or after receiving a good grade–for celebration.
-when there is time to kill or free-time (which again, rarely happens with work schedules and perpetual studying).
-concerts/parties/functions (virtually non-existent in my life, but applicable sometime I guess).
-reading a blog/book talking about alcohol in any way.
-drinking-centric holidays like Superbowl and St. Patty’s Day–though Thanksgiving and Christmas (holidays about something) weren’t difficult at ALL.
-thinking of missing out at Labor Dave tailgating, at Fandango Champagne brunch, or when we move to CO with all the craft breweries.
Reactions:
-irritability when a normal drinking time approaches/arrives and I’m NOT.
-Anxiety/worry/stress/frustration in anticipation of work or after a bad work day (or perceived negative interaction with someone at work)
-worry and stress about studies
-obsessing over exchanges with others where I felt misunderstood/frustrated.
-Desire when I see the restaurants (marketing drinks).
-guilt at ruining a good time because of abstinence.
Side Effects:
-I don’t think I had any physical symptoms.
-In the first week, especially, I experienced irritability when drinking times approached arrived and I knew I couldn’t participate.
-In week 3+ my sleep schedule got really messed up. Mornings started feeling really early. And I was very tired though-out work, and tired in class. This may or may not be related to abstaining from drink. I wasn’t very consistent in my sleep and wake times, which might have set this one off.
-I started having energy drinks to remain functional on 9-12 hour work days. This bled over to school days. Except, drinking them gave me headaches, and barely made me functional, hardly energetic.
-Day 20-ish, I do not know if it was situational or not, but I felt overwhelmingly stressed and anxious, to the point I seriously considered dropping one of my classes. In this period I was (even more) hypersensitive, stressed, and worried.
-On day 23-ish feelings of day 20 combined with an extreme tiredness and fatigue. I could not concentrate, couldn’t focus, and felt super-tired. An example of the fatigue was that I got a hole in my right sock and took it off, but found it was far too much effort to remove the left sock, let along dig out a new pair. So I slept in the one sock.
Things I Did:
-I made my sleep schedule a priority
-I cut out caffeine (mostly)
-Cool and I have run a mile on the treadmill for 53 days in a row
-I drink 4-8 cups of water every day
-I take time for gratitude daily.
-I quit my job. Did you read long enough to catch that? My last day is tomorrow, but I didn’t want to mention it earlier because you never know who is reading. More on THIS is an upcoming series.
So overall, I’m proud of me and the strides I’ve taken to align my actions with my goals. Now that I don’t drink I live a healthier lifestyle in general, worry less, feel positive and more hopeful, and think clearly about where I want to go in my life.
Kit10Phish Explains it all __has moved! https://tinyurl.com/bdad9vdm 
Catty Remarks