Self Disclosure and Taylor Swift’s Mastermind
21 JanMaybe, just maybe Taylor is feeling people out, carefully testing the waters, and making a decision to update her public persona based on the reactions she receives. I think it would be beneficial for people to relax on the “straightest woman in the world” narrative, so she doesn’t get locked in a box (gold cage?!). Even if she is straight, does it need defending? Straight, is the majority, the powerful, the mainstream. If she has an inkling to come out as queer, your angry reactions about “forcing a sexuality” onto her, might be the exact explanation for all the ambiguity.
Coming out does not just happen once. It is a process that happens over and over again because we live in a heteronormative and cisnormative society, where people are expected to be straight and cisgender.
https://www.glsen.org/activity/coming-out-resource-lgbtq-students
Self-Disclosure
Self-disclosure is the process of passing on information about yourself to someone else – whether you intend to or not!
Even then, people’s responses can be unpredictable. Their reactions may come as a pleasant surprise – or they may cause embarrassment and upset.
If self-disclosure goes badly wrong, it can do serious damage to your reputation. It can also put other people in a difficult position, if they end up knowing more about you than they’re comfortable with.
opening the curtains inside her closet to look out at the fishbowl
Common Steps in Self-Disclosure:
1. Wait and Watch- Start by watching the people around you
2. Choose Your Moment – and Your Method
3. Go Slowly- Sharing too much, too soon can be overwhelming. But, taking too long to communicate can create uncertainty or suspicion. Instead, open up gradually.
https://www.mindtools.com/agr7y2v/self-disclosure
Helpful Tips for Coming Out:
- You get to decide if coming out is right for you at this time and to this person.
- It can be helpful before thinking about sharing your own identity to have some conversations with people at school and home about their feelings around LGBTQ people and LGBTQ rights. This can serve as a useful gauge of how they might respond to you coming out.
- However, this still doesn’t mean that their feelings about LGBTQ people, in general, will be a true indication of how they will react to you if you do come out, but it may be helpful for you to get an idea of their level of support to your coming out process.
- Even if you get a sense that they have positive feelings about LGBTQ people, you may still not feel comfortable yet.
- Hiding parts of your identity can be emotionally difficult and can make you feel isolated. Try to build a community around yourself.
- And some folks choose not to come out to their families, for example, if they depend on their families for emotional and financial support, they may choose to wait until they have a solid community of friends and chosen family, and can financially support themselves.
- Friends and adults who are supporting you should respect your own timeline for coming out.
- Let people know that just because you’re out to them, doesn’t mean that you are out to everyone.
- You’re telling them about yourself because you trust them, but this does not mean it is their story to tell or share.
- Sexual orientation and gender identity are not set in stone!
- “Coming out” by sharing an identity or using certain pronouns doesn’t mean you’ll want to identify that way forever.
- People should respect your identity, no matter what it is today and know that it might change.
- You may have an entirely separate process for “coming out” or sharing about your gender identity.
https://www.glsen.org/activity/coming-out-resource-lgbtq-students
Symbolism of Being Held Hostage to an Image
20 JanImagery: Cages, doors, glass boxes, witches, chains…
Possible meanings: Trapped, inside, on display, stigmatized, restrained…
Cages:
Closets:
Witches:
On Display:
Chains:
Taylor Swift: Community I’m Not a Part of
19 JanLet’s look at this statement in the context of the entire interview
The interview begins with that line in Welcome to New York, tells of LGBT donations from Taylor, and reminds the reader about Taylor presenting a GLAAD award. Buckle up, this interview is going to be GAY. We segway to the sexy, ambiguous song, Dress, being dedicated to a lesbian theater/dance pioneer every night of the Reputation tour.
Next the interview moves on to Taylor’s political voice:
The author of the piece takes a moment to reiterate this is NOT the first pro-LGBTQ imagery/lyrics in Taylor’s career:
The following portion of the interview is where people begin to take liberties and draw conclusions that just aren’t there:
Let’s break this down (yes, we’re going to laboriously get technical, because I am TIRED of seeing this get translated into: ”I’m straight leave me alone.”
Here we go, let’s take this is pieces:
Rights are being stripped from everyone.
Rights are being stripped from everyone EXCEPT WHITE, STRAIGHT, CIS, MALES.
Rights are being stripped from (any demographic that is not white, straight, cis male).
Rights are being stripped from POC, LGB/Q, TRANS, & WOMEN (all the identities that are not white, straight, cis, males).
Taylor is not a POC, but could advocate for that community (intersectionality is important).
The rest of the letters/demographics (LBTQQIAA [sidenote: A is not really for ally (debated) it’s Asexual/Aromantic and Agender]) would be assumptions (even woman because she could be intersex or trans) and we might not know.
Anyone can advocate for the LGBTQQIAA and be considered an ally.
An ally is not necessarily straight.
The LGBTQQIAA community is a whole community (rainbow flag) but also, each letter has it’s own community, vibe, problems, issues. Think of each separate flag as its own community under the rainbow umbrella of the entire community. The LGBTQ community is not a monolith.
A closeted person can advocate for any particular special interest within the queer community Example: Start a letter-writing campaign to lobby congress to write a bill for gender-affirming surgery for the trans community.
Any letter under the queer umbrella can advocate for another letter. Example: Lesbians cared for HIV+ members of the gay community (MSM were getting hit hard) which is why the L was moved to the first position in the acronym. Example 2: A bisexual woman can advocate for asexual inclusion.
Taylor could be lesbian, bisexual, or under the queer umbrella as pan or fluid etc, etc, but not all at the same time.
So Taylor (as an ally, or lesbian, bisexual, trans, any identity under the queer umbrella) could advocate for the gay men, for example, even though she is not in their community.
Taylor could advocate for any group under the queer umbrella singularly if she identifies as an ally OR ANY OTHER LETTER IN THE QUEER ALPHABET.
In addition, many people who have an identity under the queer umbrella do not feel a part of “the community” because they’re closeted, not active in it, or self-perceived as not “enough” of their identity.
Example: bisexuals may not feel gay enough to claim membership in the LGBT Community if they’re in a straight-presenting relationship.
It’s anecdotally pretty common for every letter of the queer alphabet to not feel a part of the LGBTQQIAA community, and research backs that up :
I didn’t know I could advocate for a community [POC, LGB/Q, TRANS, & WOMEN (any demographic that is not white, straight, cis male)] that I’m not a part of.
In other words, the Vogue statement isn’t the smoking gun people make it out to be. Taylor Swift never said she was straight, and left ambiguity and plausible deniability just as she does in her songs and persona.
Taylor wants to control her image and the narrative:
Brings new meaning to:
And they would toast to me, oh
Let the players play
I’d be just like Leo
In Saint-Tropez
What’s it like to brag about
Raking in dollars
And getting bitches and models
And it’s all good if you’re bad
And it’s okay if you’re mad
So what does this mean???
Sources:
https://www.vogue.com/article/taylor-swift-cover-september-2019
Who Says a Formal Coming Out Statement is Required?
12 JanBefore we get into OUTing, let’s talk about coming out.
First of all let’s talk about the necessity of a formal coming out statement-do we need it? Who says it’s a requirement? Is this coming from within the community, or do straight people refuse to believe the obvious unless they are point-blank told? And is that avoiding “invasive speculation” or is it creating more barriers for queers to be normalized within a heterosexist society? Is putting the onus on an already burdened minority group the way to be more inclusive? For me, personally, it wasn’t/isn’t. But the queer alphabet is not a monolith and no one person can speak for all of us– including Swifties, journalists, academics, organizations, or (purported) ally Taylor Swift, herself.
I didn’t realize I was a lesbian until after I graduated from high school, which feels really late both then and now. And when I did make that self-discovery it took a long time for me to fully realize it, go through the stages of grief (I’m not joking) and feel like I wanted anyone else to know. I lived in my own closet and occasionally snuck a few chosen trusteds in there with me. And when I was ready to slip a toe outside of the closet, in the hallway, so to speak, I wanted to keep the circle of trust (and knowledge) small. I wanted to tell my new friends first (because they didn’t have any preconceived notions about me from like Kindergarten), then co-workers that I saw every day, then family.
But I was anxious about making any sort of statement to anyone. I just wanted to live openly and have people sort of catch on–or not. For me, leaving the closet was less about a proud declaration and more about NOT taking pains to hide anymore. I wasn’t going to say the words “I’m gay” [I absolutely could not say a whole a$$ 3 syllable word!] but I just stopped playing the pronoun game, stopped being silent about weekend plans because mine involved my girlfriend and would prompt endless questions, and stopped being fearful and generally cagey. And in time, that felt better.
The only people I formally came out to in a declarative statement was my parents. And I really couldn’t face doing it in person, on the phone, or directly–like at all. The thought was horrifying to me. I bought a book and wrote it in the inscription. Later fielding questions in a panicked (cringy, ignorantly homophobic) email.
That worked for me–over time. And even now I don’t tell everyone. It’s more on a trust-level, need to know basis, and IYKYK kind of thing.
Let’s here from others in the LGBTQQIAA community who share my perspective:
[I have bolded the sentiments I find particularly important to the New York Times/CNN Taylor Swift article arguments we will delve into in a future post, so pay close attention to those bolds]
It took me a long time to be able to announce, publicly and openly, that I’m queer. Even today, when coming out about one’s sexuality is viewed as far less of a big deal than it was even a decade ago, mine has always felt like a weighted secret I might let slip. When I was growing up, I had an awareness that I wasn’t straight, but it took me years to find language that fit how I felt on the inside.
Stigma and shame around one’s identity can…complicate coming out. When it comes to the pressure to come out, she’s found that it’s more than just a fear of the personal consequences. “The current political climate can make some people scared of doing so because we’re witnessing the start of a real homophobic and queerphobic backlash, among other bigotries. So in that instance, I can see why a need for more visibility, more loud and emphatic assertion of gayness and queerness, can be seen as an empowering thing. But I also see how draining and alienating that can be for people.” Sometimes the…decision…can be rooted in safety and survival: When a queer person comes out, they could be subjected to homophobic violence.
…despite all the social progress we’ve seen during the last few years, there’s this pressure—both from the straight people in my life and LGBTQ folks who’ve been out of the closet far longer than I have—to deliver some kind of formal announcement on the subject. I mean, I get it: For some, that moment is the first step toward feeling safe enough to be themselves. …a formal coming out announcement can [my emphasis] help some people more fully embrace their identity. …in its effort to create something universal within the LGBTQ experience, the whole concept of coming out can actually further alienate queer-identifying people…
…when I asked some of the other queer-identified people I knew about their experiences, a lot of them said that the decision of whether or not to formally “come out” was strongly impacted by how they thought their family or community would respond—a surprisingly traditional response, and a pressure that’s rarely discussed in mainstream queer narratives.
“It’s definitely still seen as a requirement in the mainstream narrative, I’d say, but I think that narrative is driven by cis, gay, white dudes who maybe have different concerns when it comes to being open about their sexuality,” says Rachel. “Within my own queer circles and spaces, I’d definitely say it’s more of a ‘do what works for you’ narrative, which is nice and freeing.” The reality is, if you’re queer, you have to make the decision to come out to every person you meet. Sometimes the weight of that decision is exhausting…
The process of coming out may still be expected of LGBT people, she says, but those expectations no longer represent the actual experiences of many queer people. It’s also possibly a generational thing—millennials are rewriting plenty of the scripts we have about identity.
Angelica, a 26-year-old freelance writer who identifies as bisexual, found that her coming out came in phases. “I’m still in the process of navigating coming out to my very large, very traditionally Latino family…
…for a long time, I only “came out” to the people closest to me. In some ways it still shapes the way that I interact with new people, though I find that the question of my identity emerges either casually or not at all, depending on who I’m interacting with. There’s almost never a formal declaration: “I’m queer, and this is what that means for my identity.” Instead, it comes out almost anecdotally: “Oh, that reminds me of something that my partner did the other day…”
“Coming out shaped my identity as a queer person because I came to realize that there’s no one way to do it, and no way to anticipate someone’s response,” said Rachel, a 24 year-old social media editor. “It doesn’t have to be forced, and you don’t owe anyone ‘your truth’ or whatever B.S. people like to push. Coming out organically was so much easier for me than planning it out. ”
Queer identity is layered and complicated. In truth, there is no one universal queer experience because the myriad other experiences and identities that we each carry all craft a different interpretation of what queerness looks for each of us.
Regardless of how a person chooses to come out, if we back off the pressure for people to do so we give queer people the power to create their own narratives—ones that center on their happiness and self-definitions. Because while there may not be one universal queer experience, striving for happiness comes pretty close.
[Please read the full article, without my cuts and rearrangements for the purposes of MY post]
Heteronormativity & Straight Privilege
9 JanYup, we’re going to broach the New York Times Taylor Swift Queer Coding article. Buckle up!
Heteronormativity: The assumption that heterosexual identity is the norm, which plays out in interpersonal interactions and institutional privileges that further the marginalization of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people.
Examples of Straight (passing) Privilege:
Source 1: https://queer.ucmerced.edu/sites/queer.ucmerced.edu/files/page/documents/queer_ally_homework.pdf
In everyday conversation, the language used assumes my sexual orientation (sex = heterosexual sex;
family = a man, a woman, and their children; spouse = husband or wife of another gender).
I am identified by my profession or interests rather than my sexual orientation (I am a teacher, not a gay
teacher; I am a musician, not a lesbian musician).
People do not assume that I can magically identify all other heterosexuals.
I can live every day without ever having to face, confront, engage, or cope with anything on these
pages. I can choose whether to pay attention to these privileges. I am not forced or compelled to
address heterosexism.
You don’t have to announce your heterosexuality to the world.
Very few parents are going to be surprised or angry that their child is straight. People that you’re sexually compatible with are still going to be readily available without having to confirm that you’re both straight.
And if you’re thinking, “Queer people only have to come out once! It’s just a matter of gathering up the courage and ripping off the Band-Aid!” you’re wrong. Queer people have to come out over and over again throughout their lives.
Just about every form of media is positively dripping with heterosexuality. TV shows, magazines, music, film—everywhere you look, straight people are flirting or getting it on or realizing they’re meant to be. It has taken us decades to get overt representation on screen. Diversity might be increasing, but even as queer characters start to get bona fide love stories, there are still subtle codes that reinforce the implication that we’re always a little bit less than worthy of true fulfillment. Remember that rosy coming-of-age story? Replace it with homophobic and/or religious parents, a deeply closeted lover, and a heaping helping of self-loathing. Lighthearted or nonchalant stories of sexual self-discovery are few and far between. Gay male characters tend to fall into one of two stereotypes: the effeminate outcast who’s horribly bullied or the closeted jock whose internalized homophobia underlies a temper and a violent streak. If you’re a lesbian, put simply, you’re always crying or dying. Writers have a nasty habit of killing them off as part of some half-assed, poorly executed social commentary—in subtext, of course!
Whether it’s hastily changing pronouns in stories or creating fictional significant others or just avoiding the subject of dating at all costs, queer people often have to go to meticulous lengths to avoid outing themselves. Everyone has different reasons for not wanting to be out to certain people or not wanting to be out at all. Regardless of circumstance, it can be very stressful for LGBTQIA+ folks to navigate even casual conversation with the constant fear of outing yourself to the wrong person. Imagine not being able to speak freely about the person you love or just not being able to swap silly dating misadventure stories with your friends. Straight people have the luxury to divulge as much information as they want about their personal lives without worrying about the reactions of their audience.
Source 3: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/01/29-examples-of-heterosexual-privilege/
- Receiving social acceptance by neighbors, colleagues, and good friends.
- Having role models of your gender and sexual orientation.
- Expecting to be around others of your sexuality most of the time. Not worrying about being the only one of your sexuality in a class, on a job, or in a social situation.
- Talking openly about your relationship, vacations, and family planning you and your lover/partner are doing.
- Not having to hide or lie about women/men-only social activities.
- Acting, dressing, or talking as you choose without it being a reflection on people of your sexuality.
- The ability to teach about lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals without being seen as having a bias because of your sexuality or forcing a “homosexual agenda” on students.
- Not having to “come out” (explain to people that you’re straight, as you can just assume they will assume it)
- Knowing that people aren’t going to mutter about your sexuality if you come out to them.
- Knowing that being open with your sexuality isn’t going to change how people view you.
Once someone acknowledges their privilege, they can move forward in leveraging that privilege to confront societal and institutional discrimination. Some ways a person can leverage their privilege are to have brave conversations with family and friends, advocate for folks without the same privileges, and utilize bystander intervention techniques to support someone you see being harassed because of their identity.
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Catty Remarks