2023 Greats (6.0-6.49) Ranked 6th, 5th, & 4th

2023 Scoring System:

sidenote–> I’m so glad I’m posting this today so I can look up what has happened in Ed’s life to inspire such beautiful, emotive music. I don’t allow myself to actively search out background or personal information for the rankings, lest my empathy artificially inflate the score.

The Dyatlov Pass incident- The Escaped Prisoners Theory [Part 10]

***Blanket Trigger Warning***

This is a map of Gulags that were in Soviet/Russia:

Each camp had subsets of camps.

There were far too many camps to list here, but I’ll provide as comprehensive of a list as incomplete and secret records allow:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Gulag_camps

What is The Gulag?

On the Hopelessness of Staying OR Escaping:

I [author sourced at the end] have actually visited some of the GULAGs. I traveled extensively through the Magadan region (Kolyma). I have also been to the GULAG museum in Ust Omchug. Additionally, I had the pleasure/honor of befriending a former prisoner Peyoter (last name withheld) and one of the most famous ones, having survived Butugychag. This is one of the uranium mine GULAGs. The average life expectancy at Butugychag (according to the ACTUAL records kept in Ust Omchug’s museum) was 90 days. They imported 1/3 of the population every month. [1] Butugychag could very well have been the most deadly camp. Thousands died there and it was kept secret.

Peyoter lived there for 18 months, a record. Alexander Solzhenitsyn and Peyoter corresponded after their respective releases and I have seen and handled some of the letters myself. I have been to both “Death Valleys” in the Magadan region. One was due to radiation (North of Ust Omchug by the Detrin River), the other extreme cold (around Madaun). [2][3]

Now to answer the question. Escape was EASY – just walk away. There was not even a perimeter fence at Butugychag! Where are you going to go? They didn’t bother to chase you! Where are you going to go?

Villagers received rewards for turning you in. The winter would kill you in about an hour, or even less WITH OR WITHOUT a fire! Remember Death Valley (Madaun area)? It was so named because appx. 3500 prisoners and guards froze to death on the march to Butugychag! They froze to death in front of roaring fires. It was that cold! I have personally seen -55°C (-67°F) in that area (and that was NOT the wind chill!) and it gets colder!

Summer, not a problem, right? Yeah, right! Bears. (I know that you may be thinking, “Ah, so what. No big deal.) These are big and aggressive and hungry. However, that is not all, this area has some of the largest wolf species in the world. While we were there, they killed a wolf that measured a full meter (over 3′) at the shoulder!

The biggest danger in the summer was, believe it or not, insects. The mosquitoes and black flies. You may think that I am joking, but they swarm in this area so bad that legend says that they can drain your blood. I do not believe that this could happen, but they could possibly over the course of a few days drain enough to put you into hypovolemic shock. If you have never experienced swarms of black flies and mosquitoes it may be hard to understand how bad they can get. They can literally drive you crazy. And they BOTH can bite through your clothing!

So you may escape very easily, but then what? Keep in mind that there were no “isolated farm houses” in the Magadan region. You lived in a dacha or an apartment. An escaped prisoner would HAVE to be able to live in the wilderness ALONE.

You get away easily, but would almost surely die. Peyoter said that those that left almost all simply came back. The guards didn’t even go after them, there was no point.

Footnotes

[1] Butugychag – Wikipedia

[2] Reka Detrin

[3] Madaun

https://www.quora.com/Why-was-escape-from-Stalins-gulags-virtually-impossible-Is-there-anyone-who-did-it

The Obmotki:

It seems there is but one piece of evidence for this theory–and that’s missing.

If prisoners did kill the Dyatlov tourists, they were not escaped from “The Gulag System”:

All this to say the evidence is weak for this theory. One item of clothing. There were 9 hikers who each had many layers of clothing. I’m not sure one person would be able to account for every item for every person in the group. In addition, it sounds like escapes from the forced labor camps were rare, and those people would have a grim outlook for surviving in Siberia. So it’s an interesting, albeit gruesome history, but probably likely not the explanation of the Dyatlov Mystery.

Taylor and I Wrote a Song Together!

I mean, she doesn’t know about it. But I used I’ll Bet You Think About Me as a template. Here are her pieces in purple and mine in between:

3 a.m. and I’m still awake, I’ll bet you’re just fine

Fast asleep in your city that’s better than mine

And the girl in your bed has a fine pedigree

And I’ll bet your friends tell you she’s better than me, huh

3pm and I ruminate, and you have left town

Herding trials in a field still foreknowing renown

And the dog at your feet has a fine pedigree

And I bet in your mind you are better than me, huh

Well, I tried to fit in with your upper-crust circles

Yeah, they let me sit in back when we were in love

Oh, they sit around talkin’ ’bout the meaning of life

And the book that just saved ’em that I hadn’t heard of

Well I tried to break into your competitive career

Yeah, they let me clean the shit back when we were involved

Oh, they drink and lament how no one works hard

And back in the day- they were tougher and more evolved

But now that we’re done and it’s over

I bet you couldn’t believe

When you realized I’m harder to forget, than I was to leave

And I bet you think about me

But now that we’re done and I’ve moved on

I know you didn’t foresee 

That I’m harder to replace; you’re short-staffed, now that I’m gone. Gee.

Now you regret discarding me

You grew up in a silver-spoon gated community

Glamorous, shiny, bright Beverly Hills

I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn’t a mansion

Just livin’ room dancin’ and kitchen table bills

You grew up on a ranch with your admissions advantage

Experience working with large animals

I was raised in that small town, no link to the 4H

Just goin’ to school and dancing on a team

But you know what they say, you can’t help who you fall for

And you and I fell like an early spring snow

But reality crept in, you said we’re too different

You laughed at my dreams, rolled your eyes at my jokes

But you know what they say, you can’t pick who your boss is

And you came back home and I had just one choice

But your narcissism aimed at me, I was confused

You scapegoated me and you silenced my voice

Mr. Superior-Thinkin’

Do you have all the space that you need?

I don’t have to be your shrink to know that you’ll never be happy

And I bet you think about me

I bet you think about me, yes

I bet you think about me

MNarc my former vet mentor,

Do you have all the power you want?

I don’t need a  psych degree to know you lack real empathy

You now know there’s no other me

I think you regret culling me

And nobody works like me

Ooh, block it all out

The voices so loud sayin’, “Why did you let her go?”

Does it make you feel sad

That the love that you’re lookin’ for

Is the love that you had?

Forgo all the days off

You go it alone, not able to depend or trust

Or recruit somebody

The 2nd doctor you need

Was supposed to be me

Now you’re out in the world, searchin’ for your soul

Scared not to be hip, scared to get old

Chasing make-believe status, last time you felt free

Was when none of that shit mattered ’cause you were with me

You sold your hospital and now they can’t leave

Scared your mask will slip, plebs won’t believe  

Hoarding make-believe status, your life is empty 

And I know your truth, and it would’ve gone smoother with me

But now that we’re done and it’s over

I bet it’s hard to believe

But it turned out I’m harder to forget than I was to leave

But now that I’ve gone and it’s finished

I’m sure you won’t acknowledge

I’m not so easy to replace, too bad your bets were hedged

Then, yeah, I bet you think about me

I bet you think about me, yes

I bet you think about me

Now you know there’s no better me

I hope you regret denouncing me

And nobody works like me

I bet you think about me when you’re out

At your cool indie music concerts every week

I bet you think about me in your house

With your organic shoes and your million-dollar couch

I probably crossed your mind when you were at work

Missing out on float trips and rough camping

I think you wish you kept all of my perks

Self-starting hustler, my dependability

I bet you think about me when you say

“Oh my god, she’s insane, she wrote a song about me”

I bet you think about me

I’m sure you say she’s obsessed and jealous

But you know I know what others can’t see

You were worse off without me

Is Taylor Swift who we Thought she was? [Part 1]

Considering recent events I would be remiss not to address the whole 1975 guy and Taylor “dating” so I’m just going to briefly pause the Taylor Swift’s Gay Moments series to talk about it. I have the next 2 posts all ready to go when we resume.

But before I get into that let me give you a history of my exposure to Taylor Swift:

It’s hazy (excuse the pun) when I became a fan of Taylor Swift. I just vaguely remember her being there. She sort of snuck into my life through hearing her singles at the grocery store, or on the radio on the way home from work. I wasn’t really her target audience- I was a bit older than her, just a peripheral country music fan, and I don’t like dudes.

More and more I was hitting repeat on my ipod on her songs. I especially like what I consider her red marker songs. All the ones with anger and bitterness and revenge as the main themes. I don’t know what that says about me, but my insurance only covers 3 counseling sessions per year, so I guess I’ll have to wait to find out. Anyway, I was especially moved by You’re not Sorry, Mean, and Should’ve Said no. I listened to those over and over (no literally, as the song was ending I would push that left side of the circle and play it again) in the car to and from my IVF appointments.

Sidenote: I had to drive 2.5hr from my college town to Kansas City to get paps, blood tests, and hormones as an egg donor. Each session was 3 or 4 months, and the appointments would start out every 3 weeks or something like that, but as it got closer to harvest the appointments could be as many as 3x a week. I was doing a LOT of driving! And Taylor was with me the whole time.

So I have a lot of sentimental attachment to Taylor’s songs. I did not really know anything about Taylor the person, or even marketer. I was a college student with a job so I legit didn’t have that much time to check it out. Also, I couldn’t afford like a TV package with good channels (this was before streaming was mainstream), had a purple Razor, no data (this was before iphones), and I was on Myspace (hated) Facebook, so you had to proactively search people, they didn’t just fall into your feed. Also, it was during the Limewire and Frostwire days (I wasn’t fancy enough to be able to engage with Apple except for my little ipod) so getting music was a whole ordeal.

When Taylor didn’t have Red on Spotify, I really lost track of her, except for hearing the ubiquitous songs out and about. I knew nothing of her personas, eras, fashion, friends, or concerts. I was working and studying (and poor) most of the times, OK? I sort of heard scuttle about her dating constantly, but didn’t know the specifics. Just heard the misogynous comments around school or in the media.

When I saw the rainbows, butterflies, and adorable aesthetic of the Lover era I re-engaged more than ever. That was my jam. The Me! video (not song) is SO ME. It’s everything I ever loved and I wanted EVERY interview, behind the scenes video, and easter egg decoding. I never even knew the easter eggs were a thing before that.

In searching for content I saw these Kaylor compilation videos on YouTube. Before that moment I had not heard of Kaylor, did not know who Karlie Kloss was, didn’t even know what “shipping” was and was completely oblivious of stanning and fan culture. Boy, did I get an introduction! I clicked on the video because Taylor and a model looked very pretty on the cover. As I watched I was agog. As a lesbian, I knew THE LOOK and the way these two looked at each other, the body language, the chemistry–was undeniable. Nobody told me about Kaylor, I had never read about this, but I could see it. After that I found two very interesting podcasts: Taylor Talk and TayDar. I loved the song analysis, and was very curious to find out about everything I had missed over the years (hint: everything but the popular songs). I got on Tumblr, went to Reddit, and Googled a lot of power-points. I was down the rabbit hole.

Then I became obsessed, as you’ve seen. Part 2 we’ll discuss what’s happening now.

Work: Where Do I Have Time to Give? (typical exchange)

Here’s such a typical employer/employee conversation.  Never caring about YOUR time (school doesn’t either).  No understanding of anxiety, what-so-ever.  People have put me off like this my whole life, not understanding or giving a fu(k about rumination.  “Don’t worry about it” means they’re going to put me on the worst shifts and they don’t want me to push back or complain about that.  They did, in fact, have me on for too many hours, and for Fridays which I specifically said I didn’t want.  Exactly what I had been worried about.  And I had to resign.  So then they were short TWO people. . .

Dr: Not sure.  Likely Lots though. And it will include Thursdays and Fridays likely. Short time. Not permanent. Likely have to put you on a regular schedule and have everyone clean rather than you coming in at 5:30 AM.

Me: I cant do all day Friday. I would rather meet 1:1 to discuss a compromised sched. Its tricky with my classes. yeah the cleaning and early will have to go I think. I can trade sat for tues. Wnd wed am for thurs

Dr. Ok We can talk and have a better idea

Me: My thoughts in the pic 9attached) b/c now I’m going to worry and stress till we talk

Dr:  Can’t read that at all. everyone here is stressed to so just give me times that You CANNOT WORK. Then times that you want to work and we will see.  If between you, M, and K we can fill in all the times. Then we will have to schedule light when we cant fill the time in.

Me: I cant work all day Friday I have class mw nevermind I think you’ll have to see it in writing to understand my class commitments. Not all day fri tho.

Dr. Please try and relax. I have a lot of planning to do and shuffling of people. I realize you have school and that is a have to, not a want to what I am asking for is times you have off and then we will try to give you times you want to have off if we can fit in it

Me: You cant meet? Ok class mw 9:30-11:15, t/r 11:30-1:30 3 bus hrs fri for independent study. I can give you 35% more than I already am without hurting my hard-fought 4.0 gpa

Dr: Oy vey. I will try to get this figured out by next week.

Me: I stayed up all night and worked it out and fair % of increased hr to cover rj time and it might save you a lot of time if you looked at my draft sched. Did you see the rest of my qs? can I post on cl?

Dr: If I had known you’re going to be so worried I probably wouldn’t of (SIC) brought this up to you so soon.

No about cl

No about many and no about vici mae

We wont give you any more than 35 hrs

That will be a  must and not a want?

So it is short term so get some sleep little energizer bunny

Me: I worked out the numbers: I have 12 wk left in the semester in that time exams, 13 labs and assignments, 15 observations and those papers and 36 hr ind study. Hipaa reg transcriptions.

Dr: Ok we will ask no more of you

Me: What’s that mean?

D; stop. it means you’re stressing over something that you don’t have to stress about. We will work it out.

Me: I thought you were firing me over text 😦 I just worry bc this is the type of scene that hurt my undergrad grp and got me in this position. I cant start over is all. thank you for at least talking to me

Dr: Okay that kind of made me laugh. there is no way I would fire you over a text.

That is like breaking up with someone over text. Who does that kind of shit?

Me: Well, shit-heads. I never know what to expect out of ppl tho.

Dr:  Are you calling me a potential shithead?  Ok get back to your day and we will work it all out.

me: Like my dad says can’t trust nobody but yourself. But he’s paranoid and thinks he’s funny

-There are 12 weeks left in the semester:

**6 exams

**13 audiometry labs and associated assignments left to turn in

**an intervention packet

**36 hr of language transcription

**2 physical clinic observations and associated assignments

**8 MCT observations (30-60 min each)

**5 observation sheets due

**11 textbook chapters to read (this is no longer a feasible endeavor)

Day:

I wake up at 4AM and sleep at 7:30PM

**Treadmill takes the first half hr of each day, 7 days a week

**I have 1.5-2 hours of physical class 4 days a week

**takes 1 hour 4 days a week to make study materials

Week:

**must do 3 hours of transcription/wk *13

**probably 3 total hours to complete the lab & assignment/wk

Taylor Swift’s Gay Moments: folklore ~ Mirrorball

I tried to split the lyrics into who I think Taylor is addressing: Fans in the first block and in the 2nd block her lover.

Mirrorball

I’m a mirrorball/I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight…/…Shimmering beautiful/And when I break it’s in a million pieces…/…I want you to know/I’m a mirrorball/I can change everything about me to fit in…/…And they called off the circus/Burned the disco down/When they sent home the horses/And the rodeo clowns/I’m still on that tightrope/I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/I’m still a believer but I don’t know why/I’ve never been a natural/All I do is try, try, try/I’m still on that trapeze/I’m still trying everything/To keep you looking at me/Because I’m a mirrorball/I’m a mirrorball/I’ll show you every version of yourself/Tonight

Hush/When no one is around, my dear/You’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes/Spinning in my highest heels, love/Shining just for you/Hush/I know they said the end is near/But I’m still on my tallest tiptoes/Spinning in my highest heels, love/Shining just for you…/…You are not like the regulars/The masquerade revelers/Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten

Some Little Updates to the Blog

BIG thanks to ManiK Fox and Fegliogative for the artwork and letters!

Please check out their other artwork (and my mate’s music):

http://Instagram.com/ManikFox.AI

YouTube.com/@ManikFox

http://www.Instagram.com/Fegliogative

There were some even cooler designs but WordPress is a Bit(H and nothing would fit the banner without cutting out practically everything.

930 x 198 Pixels is a @$%$# Nightmare!

While we’re talking about logistics I also changed up the topics above the header. In keeping with the animal theme, I tried to do some wordplay, but they translate to:

• Animals
• Places
• (Anti) Valentines
• School/College/Education
• Work/Career
• Sexuality/LGBTQQAA
• Music
• Exercise/Diet
• Current Events/News
• Analysis of Media/Vocabulary

Just click any of those to filter posts by category.

Also, don’t forget about the “search” function in the top right for specific posts or key words. In combination with CTRL F you can find anything you want.

The current popular posts are listed on the right.

Under that is a word cloud to look at posts with a specific tag.

Then there is a list of my few last posts under that.

And finally, there’s a calendar of what I posted by date.

Taylor Swift’s Gay Moments: Lover ~ MA&THP [Part 2 Gender Roles]

I split the songs up on the Lover album as well so we can delve into each one a bit more.

America’s Sweetheart to Miss Americana:

You know I adore you [America]/I’m crazier for you [USA]/Then I was at sixteen/Lost in a film scene [innocent, naïve, charmed]/Waving homecoming queens/Marching band playing/I’m lost in the lights [caught up in youth and fame]…/…Ripped up my prom dress/Running through rose thorns…/…No cameras catch my pageant smile…/…American stories/Burning before me…/…No cameras catch my muffled cries [Disillusioned by American politics]…/…They whisper in the hallway, “she’s a bad, bad girl” [as Taylor aged, her image became more negative]…/…You and me [Taylor’s country]/That’s my whole world/They [Patriarchal oppressors, homophobes, far right conservatives (take your pick)] whisper in the hallway, “she’s a bad, bad girl”/”She’s a bad, bad girl”

As Taylor’s competence increased with age, she was perceived as more of a threat:

But the sexism was always there, even when Taylor was viewed as America’s Sweetheart:

Rectifying Sexuality and Religion

I was inspired by this interesting research dissertation to write my own little history like the ones summarized in this paper:

Click to access levy_denise_l_200808_phd.pdf

Kit10phish is a 39yo lesbian. As a child she seldom attended church, but went 2-3 times with her parents to unknown (to her) denominations as well as the only local church, a Baptist institution. She went 2-3 times to the LDS church with a friend as a condition of Saturday sleepovers, and was amazed that none of the origin stories were similar to what she had been taught previously. In formal church Kit10phish was never present for any sermons regarding homosexuality. Despite lack of physical attendance at church, partially due to the rural setting, Kit10phish’s parents conveyed the family was Christian and passed along Bible stories, songs, and lessons of religion. Her parents, believed homosexuality was unnatural and believed in the “hate the sin, love the sinner” rhetoric. When Ellen Degeneres came out Kit10phish was no longer able to watch that sitcom, because her parents found it too “in your face” and were disgusted. Kit10phish knew at that point being gay was frowned upon and something to stay far away from.

Kit10phish did not have very much representation of LGBT people, real or in media in the 90s and early 2000s, so she never knew it was an option. She wasn’t very interested in the boys at school, believing they were the wrong type of boy, and that she was just a late bloomer. Through her job, Kit10phish met lesbians and started questioning her own feelings. Kit10phish came out to herself one month before her 19th birthday, but it was upsetting, not freeing. She was depressed and angry about being gay, sad that life would be more difficult and she would have to forgo the milestones that she/everyone expected. There was a lot of fear and anxiety and Kit10phish knew she had to hide it from her parents, school friends, and her small community.

Kit10phish moved, in part, to go somewhere more accepting. She was out to dorm-mates and coworkers, but not her (conservative) classmates in college. After 5 years Kit10phish came out to her parents. They immediately asked if she had AIDS (they believed AIDS was a punishment for homosexuality) and if her sexuality was their fault. Her dad’s memories of being (same sex) sexually abused in the Navy came up and he was diagnosed with PTSD. Kit10phish wasn’t ready to discuss, let alone educate her parents about homosexuality, but it just so happened her dad’s childhood best friend from the same small town, was gay and happily married to a man. Kit10phish’s parents could ask all their questions to this gay couple, and glean some empathy and understanding of queer life. They found acceptance after a decade or so.

The split between innate sexuality and institutionalized religious homophobia was difficult for Kit10phish to navigate. The words of the Bible seemed insurmountably damning, yet Kit10phish knew her lesbianism was from God as it was a fixed, and unchangeable aspect of her. Feminist teachings actually helped her the most in rectifying the conflict between sexuality and religion. History and the artifacts saved and passed down are from the most powerful voices (wealthy, white, cis, males) and words of minorities are not esteemed, saved, passed down in the same way. Thus, the portions of the Bible that survived and were translated (from white men’s perspectives) are the words that made the cut. Kit10phish came to see the power and capitalistic business structures of the institution as separate from the loving teachings of religion. Kit10phish sees “faith” as a sales tactic and does not condone violence for religious supremecy. She considers herself agnostic, and thinks humans aren’t meant to know, but is open to concrete evidence of all religions and spiritualities.

An aside:

Kit10phish is still cagey about who she comes out to, and even now sometimes struggles with internalized homophobia. Though she stopped actively closeting and hiding who she was at 23 years old, she never felt any pride in lesbianism–it was an impediment to overcome. It wasn’t until literally 20 years after coming out to herself that she was actually happy about not being trapped in a heteronormative box. Before she was sad a wedding would be “weird” and “untraditional” with two women so she couldn’t have a “real” wedding. Now she regards marriage as an antiquated tradition rooted in power and ownership and rejects the sentiment behind nearly all the traditions. Not to mention the predatorily capitalistic “wedding industry” with it’s focus on spending instead of love. Instead of lamenting the lost straight milestones, Kit10phish was eventually glad about not being pressured to marry a man before 25, have children before 30, and live such a prescribed life. She is free to make her own choices on her own timeline.

Valentine’s Day is Full of Microaggressions [Anti-Valentine #17]

I can’t even believe that I have been writing this yearly series on the pitfalls of Valentine’s Day for 17 years! This one is exciting to me because I finally have some better language to describe my contempt for the day. Here is what I have been trying to put into words all these years of writing my anti-Valentine’s posts!

Master-Post: Links to Every Anti-Valentine’s Post [2007-2023]

Yes, in our heteronormative society being single is a stigmatized, marginalized group.

For example: You (a single person) ask to leave work early for the day, but your married coworker always leaves early to pick up the kids.

Example 2: Equal coworkers apply for a day to care for a loved one. The married coworker gets the day because it is assumed she has more to do and greater responsibility for a family. The single coworker just has a bunch of free time if they’re not at work, and whatever relative they need to care for is not as important as a spouse or child..

1. ‘Are you still single?’

2. ‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea’ 

3. ‘At least you don’t need to waste your money’

4. ‘If you want my advice…’ 

5. ‘I have a friend that would be perfect for you!’

6. ‘Dating is a nightmare these days’

7. ‘You’re so lucky!’

8. ‘Have you heard of Tinder?’

9. ‘I can’t understand how you haven’t found someone!’

10. ‘You’ll find someone when you least expect it.’