Tag Archives: Texas

Un-Do It

11 Jun

I always think of Douche when I hear Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood.  This might be because these were on heavy rotation at the peak of our break-up drama.  More likely, these artists remind me of what an effing loser Douche is, and how I’m WAAAAAAY better off without her, because the singers often rant about their terrible-exes.

Carrie Underwood’s lyrics perfectly describe my feelings about Douche. Some people are glad for every experience they have–good and bad–because they learn and grow from them. Those people feel that without those bad experiences that helped shape them, they wouldn’t be who and where they are today. Screw that.  I wish I had never met Douche.  I hope she is reading this right now.

I regret, regret, REGRET every feeling sorry enough for her to give her a chance in the first place.  And even sorrier that I was very dependable/dedicated–>read dumb<–and stayed around.  Miserable.  For 2 years.  And went through games for 2-ish more post break-up.  BAD-times.  The only thing Douche taught me is that some people are avert your eyes if you hate swearing fucking sociopaths to be avoided at all costs.  And not to be so dedicated–to anyone.  I will be happy if I never see that b!t(h again–for the rest of my life.

The only problem with cutting someone completely out of your life is you know longer know where they are to better avoid them.  But I’m pretty certain I’ll never run into Douche. . .  And it is far more important to never interact with her in any capacity ever again.  As such, I have her blocked on Facebook, so I don’t have to look at her ugly face or fatness, or hear her dumb commentary on mutual friend’s pages.  And so she can’t try to interact with me or spy on me either.

But–just this morning (this post was written one or two weeks ago), she commented on a mutual friend’s page!  She had changed her facebook account name or gotten a sketchy second account.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it to see MY page–b/c I had blocked her.  So I had to go through the trouble of blocking her second Facebook account-Lame.  Then I wondered if she had already seen anything of mine.  And it made me paranoid and agitated that I hadn’t searched around to make sure she wasn’t in multiple places.  Lurking pet accounts, anyone?  But it’s taken care of for now.

Though the joke is probably on me because Douche is more then likely reading my blog RIGHT now.  Wouldn’t that just be the way?  Anyway, I don’t want that mofo anywhere near me.  Rant over.

What Genre?

20 Dec

My favorite books to read are non-fiction ones. I like feminist works of course (Egalia’s Daughters and The Beauty Myth), as well as animal facts or stories (James Harriot, Fluke), nutrition kinds of stuff (mostly Marion Nestle), and books about addiction or psychological issues (Ellen Hopkins, and Drinking:  A Love Story).


But my very, very favorite type of book is history. But that’s not quite specific enough. I don’t like just any history. War stories bore me to death, any dry, description of dates and events will not work. Instead, I like the stuff controversies and conspiracies are made of. But not hokey, weird fiction stuff that’s unsubstantiated. My favorite reads have just as many reference pages quoting original sources as they have pages of information presented in story form. That’s the problem, I’m unsure what catagory this type of writing falls under.  Oh, I don’t know if I’m making any sense. Maybe if I tell you some titles, you’ll get a better idea (bear with any misspellings or incomplete author names):

The Big Rich:  The Rise and Fall of the Greatest Texas Oil Fortunes

Dark Alliance-Gary Webb

Triangle:  The Fire That Changed America

Eight Men Out:  The Black Sox & the 1919 World Series

The Smartest Guys in the Room:  The Amazing Rise and Scandalous Fall of ENRON

The Worst Hard Time-Timothy Egan

Game of Shadows-my sidenote:  (about the BALCO steroid scandal that rocked sports)

The Jungle-Upton Sinclair

A Stolen Life-Jaycee (Lee) Dugard

Doctors From Hell:  The Horrific Account of Nazi Experiments on Humans-Spitz

The Devil in Massachusetts-Starkey

Legacy of Ashes:  History of the CIA-Tim Weiner

In Nixon’s Web-Patrick Gray III


Anyone have the genre or category that these might fit in?  If you could comment, it would really help me mention my favorite books in a halfway intelligent manner.  Is there some website where you can pick some book titles and have it generate a genre or another book that is similar?  File under:  Things I need to know!


Liquor-Liscious (Austin Finale) [3-22-07]

1 Jan

The first night we were in Texas, we explored 6th street. It is just bars lining the whole street–very cool, especially since you don’t have to drive from 1 bar to another. Since there is so much competition, bar-people (for lack of a better title) stand outside and say things like– “no cover!!!” “$1 jello shots” [I know, they’re ALWAYS a $1] “$2 wells!” blah, blah. When I am far away from home, where I don’t know anyone–I get crazy.


The Evidence:

A) The first night we were on 6th street, could barely walk down the sidewalk. It was no later than 10 pm. Teetering, swerving, and unsteadiness were had–In a big way. Wanted in a bar, but the bouncer said no–too drunk, didn’t need anymore. Proceeded to grope on him, in an attempt to gain entry into the bar. Almost falling while at this task.

B) Lunch on Friday-Saturday? (can’t remember which–it’s not important). Getting drunk at a “Mexican” restaurant called Baby Acapulco’s–which was hardly authentic Mexican, but really tasty all the same. CoMo should get one! Got drunk enough to sit at a table by self, sing out loud to the music on the radio. Randomly slurr “what is the time,” to strangers, and flirt (badly) with the waiter.

C) Friday night, at a bar on 6th street. Getting so drunk, could barely stand up. Red in the face, slurring, about to fall down. Making out (heavily) with a boy in the bar in front of everyone–despite the fact, had to hold on to him to even remain standing. Asking strangers to take a picture with said boy.

The next 3 instances were Saturday, at a restaurant–not a bar, a restaurant and at dinner time (not too late):

D) Drunk-E-Drunk (note the capital E). So much so, that couldn’t walk self to the bathroom. Had to lean on a (tipsy) friend. Had some trouble getting across the restaurant to the bathroom.

E) After leaving the bathroom, drunkenly fell on the floor. Landed not just on hands and knees, but sprawled out. Dropped purse, but was too drunk to grab it. Laid on floor for several minutes while world was spinning. Was embarrassed, but too trashed to get up quickly. Awkwardly stood up (with much effort) and re-joined table.

F) Was super-drunk at the table. Guy comes over to fill up the water, so he is offered a lap dance. Water boy gets a full-on lap dance in front of everyone at the restaurant. Much giggling is had by the table.

If you think this was me (or Sarah for that matter) you don’t know me at all. Above instances are all different Texas girls (did I fool you?!). Texas girls are lightweights. I’m not sure why. They seemed to have one (small) drink, maybe 2, and they were through. We got to Austin after 9 pm (not a lot of time for drinking) on Thursday and left at 8 am Sunday (obviously we did not drink at all). I had 6 BIG alcohol drinks–you know, the kind that when the waitress brings the jumbotron glass everyone around says, “wow that is huge!” They (for the most part) were substantial too: Long island iced tea, delicious and huge banana rum concoction, sake, big, liquor-licious key lime martini, rum & coke, and huge (limit 2 as stated on menu) cantaloupe margarita. I was never drunk-e-drunk. I did not make out with anyone random, fall down, or do anything else out of character–I can hold my liquor (unlike TX girls, apparently). . . I did have a lot of fun though, especially watching (and judging–ha ha) the other people 😛


Austin [3-29-07]

1 Jan

Penis Extenders in Tejas (Austin part 1)
Current mood: rejuvenated


I just thought I would write a mini blog about the actual road trip to Austin. The real blog is coming–as are the pictures. Prepare your body 😉  Bad driving is the norm in Texas. Yes, they all drive big trucks (penis extenders) and are VERY pushy with them. They constantly change (probably 3) lanes, sans blinker, cutting people off. They tail you incessantly and pass to the right. They use their horn liberally. I was throwing up my hostility fist to a great number of Nissans with Texas plates-barf!

During the 13-15 hour drive, we did lots of stuff to entertain ourselves. I was able to finish my quantitative chemistry lab report on the way there so I wouldn’t have to worry (and feel guilty about it) the rest of the trip. Sarah and I also listened to some of our limewire music (1701 songs!). At one point the Spice Girls (it was the 1st cassettes mix–and you know you loved it) played. We picked our respective Spice Girl names–did you do that when they were popular? I joked about being Paprika Spice, but settled on Superior Spice (inside joke: mocking of the hateful letter), while Sarah decided on Coy Spice, which is fitting for her.

When I wasn’t driving or eating my gas station food–it’s one time when it’s ok to eat beef jerky, starbursts, and fast food– I was looking at the atlas on the way home. There are 31 towns/cities with Laurel in the name. Pennsylvania has 8!!!


Get out of my way Chris Kattan! (Austin part 2)


Usually I work every 1st and 3rd weekend. That means I catch up on homework on the other weekends–not a lot of time for fun. Hardly ANY time is left to GO anywhere, even Saint Louis or Kansas City. Since I worked for people over winter break and am working for 2 people during spring break, I don’t have to work ANY weekends in March!!! I also get 2 Fridays off–happy dance. It is the first time I have had 4 weekends in a row off since December 2003. It’s been a looong time. Sarah and I decided to take advantage of the break and go to Austin Texas. We heard it was really cool and she’s looking to move.

We finally got there after a long drive (see penis extender blog). Lots of interesting things happened. I decided to write a series of blogs instead of 1 really long one, so be on the lookout for the rest of the story. Cut to Saturday night: After dinner on Saturday, we were walking from 6th street (the main road of drinking and action) to the car (far, far away due to the sxsw festivities) and there was a group of people blocking the sidewalk. FYI: sxsw is a huge festival that features movies for part of the week and music for the rest of the week–awesome, but crowded. Resume story: They blocked the ENTIRE sidewalk. They seemed to be just loitering around, and I had to step into the road to pass. I was annoyed when I had to go around this dude–he was just standing there! Sidenote: Sarah and I had been playing the “that looks like so and so” game the entire trip. When she said, “That was Chris Kattan” I thought she meant it was some guy who LOOKED like the actor. She told me it WAS him, and I definitely passed him all annoyed. . . Oh well, what movie was he in anyway?

Are you kidding me?!! I drive 15 hours away, and THE ex (I decided writing the bad nickname is far too negative for my new philosophy–but you know who I mean.) is there too? I’m just gonna die if I hear we were in the same hotel or bar or something. What are the chances? Well, I’m not positive THE ex was there, but I think so. . . If so, I think it’s a crazy coincidence! Speaking of THE ex–now that I don’t see or hear about (well, either of them) I’m ok with both of my exes. The less I hear of them, the more I like them both. Isn’t it funny how that works? Anyway, how crazy to be in the same place–across the country?

Crazy Texas birds are devious! I guess I should not be too surprised, as the PEOPLE from Texas are a whole other breed. . .

We visited a park (I think it’s where they made Hope Floats) and saw these 2 birds. I’m not sure what kind they were (maybe a pre-vet student should know this, but I guess I’m too busy studying chemistry or something) but they were white.  They also stood about 4 feet tall, taking into account their long, gangly necks.  There was a trail that was between the river and a swimming pool, which led to more of the park. They were in the middle of the path, looking towards the river, and grumbling to each other. It was humorous listening to them constantly saying mrrr, mumf, merr, ruff, etc. . .  I think they were jealous of the birds in the water. They seemed a little agitated.  When Sarah and I walked by, the birds started coming toward us in a menacing way. We quickened our step (I mean, these birds came up to my shoulder and had large beaks), and watched them from a distance when we were out of range. Other people were hesitant to go by. All of them made the fatal mistake of slowing down, which only gave the birds a chance to get close. The 2 birds would reach out, nipping at people as they ran by–funny! One of the birds would put his neck low to the ground and go for people’s legs–like a feathery snake or something.  Some guy came out of the swimming pool and tried to shoo the birds away. He went right to the birds and made a shoo-ing motion with his arms.  The birds were not deterred, they bit the guy in the crotch and on the legs as he jumped away, before walking right into the gate of the pool! I was highly entertained.

That reminds meà Upon hearing a terrible and loud shriek, I wake up at the crack of dawn. This is no easy feat, since drinking started at lunch time, and plenty of 6th street fun had been had each night of the trip.  Anyway, I am startled and curious what is going on. Is someone getting murdered? Is it a car alarm? Are missiles whistling by? Oh, it’s a fucking bird. I don’t know what kind of birds Texas has, but they are loud! It is a black crow-looking thing. Maybe it is a crow. I don’t know. All I know is I want to shoot it since it woke me up so early! This will make sense in a minute:  So Austin has a very visible homeless population. They kind of stake out where the tourists and college students go, sleeping on the sidewalk, panhandling, standing around with their dogs, or selling art. I was very surprised that kids my age where living on the streets there. I wonder how that happens.  I don’t really remember how it came about, but Sarah and I kept joking that it wasn’t birds outside our hotel making such noise, but homeless people (told you it would make sense). We thought it was hilarious–can’t you just see some homeless people climbing the hotel trees and screaming in the morning. Well, maybe you had to be there. . .

Ps-drunk blog will be coming soon!